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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 4:37:56 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Over the years I have found that many of the people in the lifestyle have had some disturbed or diffcult, or just plain crappy childhoods. I think there is probably some truth to the idea that our definition of sexuality formed in a varied way because of it. Although most mental health professionals would probably say we are all unhealthy, and I have seen my share of many in the lifestyle that truly are, I don't believe we have to recreate the past in our relationships. I do believe you can have a loving, caring, committed d/s relationship, and benefit is of course, mind blowing sex :P. We are what we are, what we do with it is important.
l

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 5:47:22 PM

NefertariReborn

Posts: 381
Status: offline

Also had the absence of the biological dad. His choice though. He lived 2 blocks away. Didn't make Me submissive or dominant in My opinion. What it did do was make Me distrust male affection. I am still to this day suspicious, and trust comes extremely hard. Doesn't help that mom lived far away either. Double dose of the abandonment thing. I make sure My UMs don't feel that way. I have a few idiosyncracies that grew out of My childhood that the sub I'm interested in doesn't understand. But that's another story

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 5:54:15 PM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
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Whatever you want to count or counted for you growing up is acceptable for you :) The one's that never go through it, have IMO what I call in one ear and out the other syndrome, you have to go through it to know what you experience, and there is no "normal".

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 7:10:19 PM

ThinkingKitten

Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
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But really, what the heck is a "normal" upbringing. Most everyone I talk to has some kind of "dysfunctionality" existent in their family structure as they were growing up.

I never really knew my father. He caused a lot of turmoil with my elder siblings, and my mother attempted suicide as a result of his treatment of her - after that episode, and the divorce, she brought me up to be independent of men, to scorn them. And yet, here I am, submissive in nature (with the right guy). The typical BDSM Daddy/daughter dynamic is one that I cannot stand however, and yet I think some folks should argue that I'd "regress" to that because it was missing from my formative year. It isn't though. Go figure.

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If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 7:56:04 PM

valkyriesdaughte

Posts: 38
Joined: 6/10/2007
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Normal childhood here- bio parents, sisters, doggie, horse, 4-H, band, church; all the average all-American stuff. Can't blame them; I'm just "different".

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 8:00:33 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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Angel grew up with both parents, and 2 siblings. Aside from a severe case of middle child syndrome, and a mother who was never satisfied with him becasue she had wanted a girl... he was pretty much normal.
I am Mommy now, we arent recreating his past, we are filling in the gaps.
It works beautifully for us

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

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VampiresLair

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/15/2007 10:37:05 PM

carly2day

Posts: 10
Joined: 7/20/2007
Status: offline

I was raised from age eight by my mom and stepsister.I only saw him twice until my twenties.It had a great impact on my submissive upbring and current intrest in bdsm.

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/16/2007 7:07:09 PM

xoel

Posts: 28
Joined: 11/7/2006
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I grew up without my bio-dad as well, though i was adopted by my father. i struggled with low self esteem, etc. for many years. adolescence was extremely difficult, and i carried a ton of self doubt into my 30's. It took me a long time to accept that he was an ass, and that he was only a sperm donor, and that essentially it had nothing to do with me.
i am lucky though, my mother chose a wonderful father for me, and i have 4 younger siblings and we are all very close.

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/18/2007 11:21:25 AM

ProlificNeeds

Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
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Never miss what I never had. He was gone before I was born, didn't even know my mom had a child by him until I was over a year old. Met him a couple times as a kid briefly, had no idea who he was until I was in my teens. By then I didn't care.
I had no male figure, raised by my mother and grandmother, I was very timid around male adults for a long time, my first male teacher was... grade 4, and I recall clearly, my teacher writing home within a couple weeks to my mother being very concerned with how scared I was of him in class.

Other than that, I don't think it made much of an impact on me in my adult life.

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RE: How many submissives like me... - 9/18/2007 11:55:06 AM

ShatteredUtopia

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Joined: 9/16/2007
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I would say that my father has always been in my life except temporarily during the divorce from my mother. Although he has always physically been there, emotionally he was not. Since I was 6 my mother was almost never present in my life except over the phone. At 12 she committed suicide and to a degree I think this affected my personal choices in both of my lifestyle choices (bdsm and lesbian).

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