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difference - 9/15/2007 8:17:14 PM   
murmur


Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		a Dom pointed me out that because i've had little experience with D/s, that i would confuse it with bdsm, only refering to it as sexual and physical activities. That because i never find myself *into* it, i couldnt *get* it.

I must admit...i got a little hurt by it.

I personnally understand the difference, not because i lived it, but because i've talked to so many people that i cannot *not* know the difference. After three years of exploring, i think i should know a little bit...but then, it could be my ego talking.

In general, what do you think? Could vanilla grasps the concepts? Or are they eternally doomed to stay out of comprehension?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: difference - 9/15/2007 8:23:14 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		there are many "knowitall" self-important people in the lifestyle, ignore them and move on.
l

(in reply to murmur)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: difference - 9/15/2007 8:29:56 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i think so, because i meet alot of vanillia spouses that allow thier partners to play.....if they did not get it i doubt they would.

i also think the guy who said that was trying to score points with you by being a pompas ass...i dont know why so many folks thinks that works...*sigh*

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: difference - 9/15/2007 8:35:45 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline 		Personally, I have come to quite detest the term "vanilla"--too often I see it used as an unjustified perjorative.

A person who does not desire a power exchange dynamic (D/s) in their relationship can easily grasp the concept of power exchange.  I have a number of friends who do not desire TPE in their personal relationships, but who understand that it is the relationship structure that works for me.  To imply that lack of experience equals lack of conceptual understanding  is an uwarranted and arrogant assumption.

Now, people who do not have TPE in their personal relationships, or who have not experienced TPE in their personal relationships, very likely will not grasp the deeper nuances of the dynamic.  However, that is the nature of any personal relationship, and any dynamic.   To acknowledge the limitations imposed by lack of personal experience is merely acknowledging one dimension of reality.


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RE: difference - 9/15/2007 8:37:51 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Well it is a difficult concept to grasp at first. It is so foreign to traditional thinking. It took me quite a while to get my head around it.

That doesn't mean you can't get the idea just because you haven't participated.  As others have pointed out, that's his arrogance talking.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: difference - 9/15/2007 8:42:31 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		i like the term vanillia....partly because its cute, and does the job of differntiating....

but also because to make all ice cream you start out with the same core ingrediants, sugar, cream, ect....and then its the flavorings that make people like one thing or the other...it just a flavoring....just a preffernace, and i think that goes a long way to helping vanillias understand us better.



_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: difference - 9/15/2007 8:54:46 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		i have absolutely no idea how electricity works, but it doesn't keep me from using the lamp or using my computer..lol.   Sounds like this guy was just trying to impress You with his own "knowledge". 

cheers,
jimini

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: difference - 9/15/2007 9:41:06 PM   
InkedMaster


Posts: 342
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: murmur

a Dom pointed me out that because i've had little experience with D/s, that i would confuse it with bdsm, only refering to it as sexual and physical activities. 


Damn! and all these years I thought the DS in BDSM was really about D/s, who'd of thunk it only meant sex and kink! Can I get my money back?

_____________________________

TOURETTE SYNDROME: It's no mother f*cking joke, you God d*mn c*ck sucking f*ck!

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head." - John F. Kennedy

-Owner of eyesopened- and damn PROUD of her!


(in reply to murmur)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: difference - 9/15/2007 9:57:55 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		Huh? I thought D/s was an aspect of BDSM. Hmm....

Anyway, there are a lot of things that people can understand without first hand, hands on experience. They won't have the same depth of understanding as people that have practical experience, but it doesn't mean they don't "get" it.


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I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to murmur)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: difference - 9/16/2007 12:14:55 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Joke em, and they don't get a fuck?

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I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to iammachine)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: difference - 9/16/2007 1:24:17 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		HA! Where does he think "BDSMers" come from? Ask him that. Also ask him if he was born weilding a whip, or what?

His statement is only testimony to his own stupidity - because IMO, even if some are "born this way" (and that is certainly open to debate) - at some point, BDSMers still would have to learn how to do BDSM activity, to gain experience. So that means at some point everyone who is a BDSMer lacked any experience whatsoever in BDSM.    Including himself

I'd be curious to hear his answer, if you ask him the first question I asked in this post. (what an Idiot he sounds like).

Ask him if he is "one of those wankers you've heard so much about, who aren't really interested in a real D/s relationship - but only interested in kinky sex. Say if he is one of those guys, that you are glad you now know that, "Because you're looking for something deeper than only that". 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/16/2007 1:33:26 AM >

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"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: difference - 9/16/2007 1:28:13 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I agree, idiot......in addition to learning a healthy sense of sorting through the complete bull**** people try to feed you in the lifestyle, one must also learn the art of witty comeback, nothing is more satisfying (well ok not nothing) than giving some self important Domass a quick retort that usually gets you a response of "you are a shitty sub".

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: difference - 9/16/2007 5:27:51 AM   
SirDraco7


Posts: 108
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: murmur

I personnally understand the difference, not because i lived it, but because i've talked to so many people that i cannot *not* know the difference. After three years of exploring, i think i should know a little bit...but then, it could be my ego talking.

In general, what do you think? Could vanilla grasps the concepts? Or are they eternally doomed to stay out of comprehension?


Yes, I believe that in fact many 'vanillas' could understand the concept if it was explained to them logically.  Many of them just have never had the door opened for them, never looked into or was introduced to the lifestyle.
Should that be done I'm sure Many would understand it.  And a good deal more might be interested enough to try and explore it.
It's the close minded groups and people who wouldn't.  Those who are set on their path and refuse to deviate, even if it means walking off a cliff with all the other lemmings. 

::smiles and shrugs::

(in reply to murmur)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: difference - 9/16/2007 5:35:23 AM   
murmur


Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		celticlord : thank you, i understand what you mean. He put the etiquette *vanilla* (sorry for the word) on me by viewing my profile and assumed immediately all sort of things in his mind i guess. As i've never had the mental exchange known in a D/s relationship, he assumed i couldnt have some vague idea...but i can learn!
The fact that my partner is vanilla doesnt help though.

TNstepsout : i think understanding the theorical is easy, but what's really involved may be obscur if you have never participated in other then the physical... and i'm learning to be okay with it.

crouchingtigress : i'll have some walnuts and chocolate chunks in mine

krikkets : i think so too. all Doms doesnt own the Answer.

InkedMaster : a Dom pointed me out that because i've had little experience with D/s, that i would confuse it with bdsm, only refering to it as sexual and physical activities.  *to it* = D/s, the pyshological part of it. using pronouns when it's not your first language can be hard sometimes...

iammamachine : exactly.

SusanofO : somehow his profile disappeared , but from now on, i'll know better then to get hurt by some know-it-all who isnt open-minded.

laurell3 : fun fun fun! i was too frustrated to remember to do this! hehehe that's a next-time-must-do thing

thanks folks, you made my day

*hugs*

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: difference - 9/16/2007 5:40:25 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Domination and submission are everyday occurances within the natural world so that in my opinion the only people who could never understand the concepts are those people who simply don't want to.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to murmur)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: difference - 9/16/2007 7:39:26 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		He was condescending as all hell. Ignore him.

I can grasp the concept of how to change a tire on the car. I still don't have the physical strength required to do so. Damned undersized wrench and damn all mechanics who put tires on with air tools. Plus I'm not interested in buying whatever is required to plug a hole, or take the old tire off the wheel and replace it with the new one. If you showed me the tool required I would understand it, but I still wouldn't want to do it. I much prefer taking it to the local garage and chatting with the receptionist for 20 minutes while the mechanic does the dirty work.

Desire to do so is a lot different from lacking understanding.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: difference - 9/16/2007 8:04:28 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		murmur, the guy is a dolt.  Don't sweat him.  A lot of "vanilla" people actually engage in a power exchange relationship, they just don't KNOW that's what they're doing.  Not many relationships are true 50/50's.  Someone generally has a liiiiiiiittle more power than the other.  So, yeah...you definitely can understand the concept, even if you've yet to live it. 

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Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: difference - 9/16/2007 8:06:53 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		And murmur?

Reading and doing really are different. You will find the truth of it when you go to the meat world.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to feastie)
Profile   Post #: 18
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