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RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/17/2007 7:21:43 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		ok....so my disclaimer: i haven't read all the responses....

i have this problem lately...i have all this experience...i can tell you all these experiences i have had with these people...but what i forget is that its been x many months since i have done this and y many years since i have done that and it just doesn't compute when i am talking about experience until i am going RED cause my body can't take that amount of pain anymore because my tolerance has gone down because, honestly, in the year 2007, i have played/scened/been beaten on/done something more than body modification...4 times...thats a big drop off for me...and it sucks...big time...but...i don't remember that when i am negotiating...so when rough play has come up a month or so ago, which i am not including in those 4 times, but two of those times were after that...i had to go, holy crap, that hurts, and not in a good way...and i don't know why...calm down, process...and figure out why....because i know i have taken a lot more pain...for instance, my nipples weren't even red...i have had my nipples be black for 2 weeks with bruises...there had to be something different...there was....at the time i was into heavy nipple play...since then i have had my nipples pierced twice and no one plays with them on a regular basis and those that do don't torture them...so...yea...seems like lies....but...are they?


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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to greyarcher315)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/17/2007 7:22:49 AM   
FGB


Posts: 9
Joined: 9/15/2007
Status: offline 		Why do people lie about themselves (rather than more a more general why do people lie at all)?

A much cleverer man than Me called Erving Goffman did a lot of work on what he called "face" or impression  management. were social beings, we like to fit in and in order to fit in we need to make the right "impression" on our peers. unless your frontal cortex is a soda short of a happy meal, you can probably guess what reaction a statement or action of yours will have, therefore you "manage" your responses to acheive a desired effect in your social network (I can swear like a trooper, but I know it wont go down well at a dinner party)

so we lie about ourselves, we all do to a greater or lesser extent because we care how people view us (example, how many times when they interview a serial killers neighbours, as the heads in the freezers are being counted, do they say "oh he was such a nice quiet man" when inside he obviously was anything but?).

so, they lie about their experience to create the right impression, hoping that when it comes to the crunch they can wing it and noone will notice.....and Ill be honest here (or am I?) I had no experience as Dom the first time I tied someone up and flogged them. I had on the other hand spent a lot of time reading up on it cos lets face it, you can find how to make a nuke on t'internet, flogging advice aint that difficult to find..and I practiced on a cushion. I kept safety and respect foremost and it went off withoout a hitch (ok, perhaps a couple of clove hitches ;) ) and Ive never looked back....try to run before you can crawl and youll fall over but a slow steady pace wins the race.

And heres the crunch about impression management, online you can be anything because the things you CANT manage (looks, age, weight, hideously buck teeth etc) can all be successfully managed up to the point of meeting, so some people are more than happy to make the most of it, living a life online they simply cant have in r/t for whatever reason

Its not right, it can hurt, and its deceit...welcome to the wonderful world of people and what they hide inside behind the smiles and come to bed eyes

and thank y'all for taking the time to read My first ever ramble on here

"the measure of a man lies in what he laughs at"
Johann Wolfgan Von Goethe




(in reply to jaxnsax)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/17/2007 7:48:31 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Lies simply set you to be found out some time down the road..best for honesty, in order to avoid the pitfalls ahead...relationships are hard enough without "selling" yourself dishonestly...exaggerations are simply a lie based on a modicum of truth...Tempting


Nicely said, Tempting...

I agree.  There are some things I just don't care about...whether or not you got laid on a Friday night 10 years ago...pffffffft.  But...if you tell me you like it hard and every question I ask you regarding that qualification is answered with the descriptions of how you like it hard and then, when I start to bring up the intensity during a flogging/whipping/caning session YOU begin to scream and cry out your safeword, I am going to be left somewhat...flummoxed.  Be honest and be able to look at your past experience and put it into a perspective that helps your play partner, not hinder him/her.

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/17/2007 8:29:59 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		Funny, I saw your thread, then read a femdom's profile which stated:

If you are SELECTED for this position you will need to present the following items:
#Provide a full panel STD screen test
#HIV test
#Must be single
#Full credit report check
#Criminal background check
#Financial obligations listed with amounts of monthly payments due.

Seems the issues range beyond experience.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 9/17/2007 8:30:40 AM >

(in reply to MistressDoMe)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/17/2007 8:34:28 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		As others have said people lie. In addition, the Internet has come far but still the percentage of people who come to the cyber world just do not take what they write all that serious and throw in being able to keep yourself well hidden just breeds lying.

As to why in this life in specific:

1) We as a whole and particularly in cyber promote experience with being better, wiser, more serious, safer, more deserving, smarter, cooler and all other bunch of things. This is complete load of crap and clouds searching for a compatible person and topics discussed but the fact is people are taken a lot less serious and skeptical if they do not have any experience.

2) Experience is a cheap and lazy way to make a point. I have this experience so my words I am typing out are valid, end of the debate! Experience just makes an argument/point sound so much better to a smaller mind.



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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/17/2007 3:24:45 PM   
MistressDoMe


Posts: 295
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toservez

As others have said people lie. In addition, the Internet has come far but still the percentage of people who come to the cyber world just do not take what they write all that serious and throw in being able to keep yourself well hidden just breeds lying.

As to why in this life in specific:

1) We as a whole and particularly in cyber promote experience with being better, wiser, more serious, safer, more deserving, smarter, cooler and all other bunch of things. This is complete load of crap and clouds searching for a compatible person and topics discussed but the fact is people are taken a lot less serious and skeptical if they do not have any experience.

2) Experience is a cheap and lazy way to make a point. I have this experience so my words I am typing out are valid, end of the debate! Experience just makes an argument/point sound so much better to a smaller mind.




toservez, you have made some very accurate points.
Many feel that by lying about their experiences, they are going to
be taken a lot more seriously. 
As if lying, or having experience is going to make you stand out in the crowd.
In reality, I am looking at you as a person, having or not having experience will
not make much of a difference.
They don't realize I am always thinking this, "If you have so much experience, and you are so wonderful, why are you single
and not collared?"

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Why do so many in this lifestyle lie about their ex... - 9/17/2007 7:10:02 PM   
greyarcher315


Posts: 99
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline 		 There is the saying that goes something like "wisdom is realizing how little you really know".  i guess not a lot of wise people out there....

(in reply to MistressDoMe)
Profile   Post #: 47
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