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RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 6:43:15 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Because I live in South Carolina.

Okay...okay.

The local community in my city is near non existant, I didnt particularly like the people or find much common ground, and everyone there was at least twice my age. Not a whole lot of mutual interest existed for being topped by me or for doing the topping, especially given how new I was. It was only a matter of time before I got tired of being treated like a child.

I was fornate enough to meet a few people who speak my language in the nearby city and I travel up there when I can. My interest is purely learning and education. I've never really had any interest in casual play partners or casual play, the things that I do being left primarily for my intimate relationships. I really just get very little joy from topping someone in a casual setting and end up feeling mostly like a service top.



< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/16/2007 6:53:01 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 6:46:19 PM   
SunnyTawse


Posts: 151
Joined: 11/17/2004
Status: offline 		I'm in Minneapolis, and we have a strong, active community. There are high numbers of poly people and high numbers of couples, but there aren't high numbers of single, genuinely available individuals.

Of course, you directed your question to submissives and I'm a Dominant, but I'll give you my two cents anyway. I draw on my local community for friends, business contacts, professional services, my social life, and a sense of camaraderie, but it is bereft of male submissives.

You make an excellent point, MasterScott, about how much easier it would be for submissives to get to know Dominants through observation and references in the local r/t scene. It's also a very fine way to get some action! I know one male submissive who had enough balls to keep coming to munches and keep talking to people not matter how uncomfortable he might have felt. He got more play in his first year in the community than 10 other male submissives combined. Why? He wasn't the most handsome nor the most fit, nor was he the ideal in many other ways... but he was THERE. The other 10 were home, hiding behind their computer screens.

Sunny Tawse
Sadien Domina
Archon of Rings
http://AthenorLodge.com

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 6:52:28 PM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		i actually *have* tried a few events when there was another local sub around that i was friends with.  She would attend with me.  Now that she has moved away and i've only met the people there on a few occasions, i find myself wanting to go back but not wanting to go back alone.  So that leaves me here, meeting people who can be anybody they want to be when they are behind a computer and someone completely different when you meet them in real time.

(in reply to SunnyTawse)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 6:53:41 PM   
Jadenight05


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/14/2007
Status: offline 		I live in BFE so there is not anything like that near me, so online is really all I have.  But I am extremely curious about attending an event and finding others with similar interests, so I use the tools that are available like CM and others like it.  I have a very full life; I don't have a lot of time to go any where any way...I like my computer chair its quite comfy--(and fun to tie my sub to!!!lol)

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 6:55:14 PM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

so first saturday of the month, every month, except December (they have a party that day instead that month)...in San Antonio....what month can i expect you for a munch?


Shockingly enough, I may end up near San Antonio in February for work, if the next job pans out like I want it to. So February, I suppose.


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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 6:55:56 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterScottAZ

A general question: why the hell don't people looking for partners go to local groups and events? My god, that's where you can meet people RT, observe them, and after you know some people, get references fairly easy. I don't understand why I see so many submissives/slaves seeking Masters/Dominants on CM, but not attending local functions.

Master Scott
(Phoenix AZ)


Well for one thing. There is not an active community in every area. It is difficult if not impossible for some people to travel sometimes 5 hours just to attend a much that is close to them. Considering many munches etc are held on week nights it's even harder even  if you are willing to travel.

Why do you automatically assume that there is a community everywhere?

I had fully planned to travel the 5 hours one way to attend functions, but things like child care, money, people I know in the area not being able to attend etc etc all played a part in me not making it as much as I'd like. Life has a tendancy to get in the way of the things we'd "like" to do.

** i haven't read all responces yet, sorry if i double posted**

< Message edited by akisha -- 9/16/2007 7:02:52 PM >

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RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 6:56:25 PM   
SunnyTawse


Posts: 151
Joined: 11/17/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I contacted a woman who runs a local group and she took me under her wing and stuck by me the whole evening and introduced me to everyone she knew. It was great.




Your fears were not unreasonable, but you found the perfect solution! People don't even need to contact those who run groups, although I think running a group *may* indicated some level of responsibility and accountability (not always, obviously). But the key, as you discovered, is to not only participate in discussions onlist but to contact people offlist and make that all-important personal connection. Then when you show up at the munch or workshop, you know someone and you can ask them to introduce you to others.

Speaking as a person who used to run about five groups, I was always happy to take a new person under my protection and introduce them around. Go ahead and ask--what's the worst they can do? Say No? Just change your name/handle and sign up for the list again.

But honestly--I don't know anyone who would say No when asked if they'd meet a new person and escort them in.

Sunny Tawse
Sadien Domina
Archon of Rings
http://AthenorLodge.com

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 7:03:08 PM   
ForcefuIHands


Posts: 47
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline 		I have recieved offers for local involvement, but to be honest the receptions I have gotten as a young Dominant has been lukewarm at best from lifestylers. I suppose I had made the assumption also that any submissives at these gatherings would be spoken for, or in the escort of their guardians, and could do without the strain of Dom on Dom drama.

I guess I should just suck it up and give it a try, eh? Thanks for the tip.

(in reply to SunnyTawse)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 7:13:32 PM   
SunNMoon


Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline 		Well I’ll answer, through I’m not a submissive/slave I’ve been moving around a lot these past 6 years. And I always hear about a local community right before I move, lol, I don’t think it’s polite to show up to one event and never again. Now I’m settling into my area (Twin Cities) and there are a lot of options it seems. But I’m still getting used to this not being in school and finding a job thing. So CM is a nice first step into actually getting out in public.

Plus adding to this is that I’m shy, not a big bar or large social gathering person…and I’ll be going in not knowing anyone. Makes it much harder to face…through I’m hoping to get myself out there sometime in the next year.

(in reply to YourShyPet)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 8:00:44 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SmokingGun82

Shockingly enough, I may end up near San Antonio in February for work, if the next job pans out like I want it to. So February, I suppose.



ok...so, seriously...drop me a line before you come down and i will give you contact info and maybe we can get together even if you can't make it to the munch (don't worry, i have back up, but they are safe...heck they are even on collarme lol)


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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 8:13:39 PM   
SolarAndViolet


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/26/2007
Status: offline 		I am, in fact, active in my local community. There's an 18-35 group for those in the area that are looking for friendly people where new attendees are watched out for without crowding so they can just converse. Topics range from kink to movies to work, etc. Interested and local to (or visiting) Chicago? www.tngc.org ... munches are weekly on Thursday in a cafe on the near north side.

There are also monthly educational meetings for that group on the first saturday of every month, another one at a local club the second saturday of every month, and yet another the 4th saturday of every month. Then there are... well, I could go on. I've met a ton of fantastic people in the local community and don't regret it for a moment. Admittedly, I don't deal with any anxiety issues, and as a Dom I didn't feel like I'd be prey. We've had a number of people come in, nervous for the first time. I remember walking in the first time myself. The warm greetings I got went a long way.

-Solar


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 8:18:54 PM   
jaxnsax


Posts: 106
Status: offline
Greetings
Local munches, events, clubs etc, are the only things that I utilize in finding a partner. My presence here, on the forum and on the other side, is only for educational purposes.
jaxon

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RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 8:19:30 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterScottAZ

A general question: why the hell don't people looking for partners go to local groups and events? My god, that's where you can meet people RT, observe them, and after you know some people, get references fairly easy. I don't understand why I see so many submissives/slaves seeking Masters/Dominants on CM, but not attending local functions.

Master Scott
(Phoenix AZ)


I've been to several munches since they're only an hour from me. Unfortunately, few unattached lifestylers attend.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 8:27:56 PM   
Daddynlilgirl777


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		The local meetings in our area are a joke.  The people are not friendly in the least.  Why would anyone subject themselves to that?

(in reply to YourShyPet)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 8:30:29 PM   
MasterScottAZ


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/8/2007
From: Phoenix AZ
Status: offline 		Lot of folks are complaining about their local groups ... so ever consider starting a new one?

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 8:44:03 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		I wish their was a bdsm group for singles only. I'm sure it's very disappointing for many to hear about how local munches are a great place to meet someone, only to go there and find all couples. I still attend because everyone is cool and fun to hang out with, but I've pretty much given up on meeting any potential partners.

_____________________________


Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.


Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to MasterScottAZ)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 9:24:13 PM   
curiouspet55


Posts: 133
Joined: 10/13/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		1) for risk of running into a sibling I know attends functions occasionally
2) fear of other people knowing that much about me - for me, my sexual and personal preferences are private
and 3) nervousness at attending alone, which I would have no matter what type of function it was

Not to say it won't happen eventually...but I'm just not ready for it yet. With a partner, maybe, by myself, probably not.

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 9:27:58 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		Fast Reply:

Because when I've gone to munches in the past they were dominated by poly/open people who all knew each other, fucked each other, did so in public, and considered it the norm.

I am not a part of that community and I have no desire to be.

(in reply to YourShyPet)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 9:35:35 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I'm happy to be on the fringe of my local group, for many of the same reasons listed.  Ironically, I'm an exhibitionist; but I dislike the almost 'swinging' attitude that is prevalent in most BDSM groups (in my experience.)  S&M interaction, for me, is really very personal and intimate.  I intensely dislike the concept that I must learn someone elses ropes, or letting them 'show' me how to use mine.... on my slave.

It stands to reason, that people who prefer to enjoy these sorts of activities would do so behind closed doors.  It might not be a bad idea to start a D/s oriented group, where play is decidedly not the focus; though it's safe to say, that there'd be fewer atendees without the Jerry Springer show element.

Stephan


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Local Community Involvement - 9/16/2007 10:05:11 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		Personal taste.  I met this man who owns me on alt 3 years ago.   We live half a mile away from each other.  We would not have found each other at an event. Neither of us attend them.  So it's one more venue.  And since I'm not that interested in the public thing, for me it is better to find someone who is also not so interested.   And why might I expect that if I were looking in a public place.

It's all good.


_____________________________

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Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

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Profile   Post #: 40
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