RE: Local Community Involvement

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sublizzie -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/16/2007 10:05:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SunNMoon Plus adding to this is that I’m shy, not a big bar or large social gathering person…and I’ll be going in not knowing anyone. Makes it much harder to face…through I’m hoping to get myself out there sometime in the next year. I'm not much for bars or large social gatherings either. I'd suggest signing up for one of the local email lists to find out what's going on and showing up at some of the stuff. You can email me for suggestions on the other side if you want. I tend to be rather shy myself and definitely reserved. Was scared spitless the first few times I went to a TIES munch. Luckily I'd met some people from the community beforehand and they helped me navigate through my first few munches. One of the nice things about the Twin Cities is that we have so many groups! There's a group for almost any kink or persuasion. I do know that it's easier to find single Dominants by going to munches and parties. None have worked out for me...yet. I'm practicing patience. Just my thoughts........

Archer -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/16/2007 10:15:22 PM)
I'm a big advocate of using ALL AVAILABLE RESOURCES to find a suitable match. That means Online sites, RT meeting groups and blending the two resources. Use online to A. Screen folks to meet RT B. Network with other folks to meet people who are not nessisarily on the site/sites you are on C Discover the events, educational opportunities, munches, parties within your area Use RT events to A. Screen folks for ptotential relationships B. Safe meeting stratagy for online meet ups C. Networking possibilities ofr folks who go to other meetings or who other folks know from Online If you are not using all resources available to you then you are only limiting yourself.

RRafe -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/16/2007 10:18:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterScottAZ A general question: why the hell don't people looking for partners go to local groups and events? My god, that's where you can meet people RT, observe them, and after you know some people, get references fairly easy. I don't understand why I see so many submissives/slaves seeking Masters/Dominants on CM, but not attending local functions. Master Scott (Phoenix AZ) Sometimes it more pleasureable to stay out of politics.

MistressMelissa -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/16/2007 10:58:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Archer Use RT events to A. Screen folks for potential relationships B. Safe meeting strategy for on-line meet ups C. Networking possibilities of folks who go to other meetings or who other folks know from on-line These are very valid points. What safer place for a first contact than to be surrounded by fellow lifestylers? Well said! I've been involved in Munches on and off for 6 years or so now. They are what they are. I've been an officer on three different groups, one of which we are just starting. Not every group is going to meet every persons need, but they are a gate way to this lifestyle. What do I mean by a gate way? Munches are a screen. They allow people to see, observe and size you up. There will always be someone at a Munch that I don't care for, but there is always the possibility that I will meet someone who challenges me to think or helps me to grow in another way. I meet my girl through a Munch 5 years ago. She hated the Munch experience but she's glad she went because it allowed us to meet. Honestly folks, you can only do SM101 so many times before you go mad. But a Munch is a gate way to introduce new people to who and what we are. Once you have show yourself, others will invite you into other circles that will help you grow beyond SM101. As a stranger your not going to be invited to a private weekend party or some other private dinner/discussion. That invitation to that private world of what we do is where you will probably find what you are seeking. When someone new comes to a Munch that I am hosting I will often invite them to sit with me and my house. I will then ensure that they receive all the proper introductions. After someone has made a couple of visits they may be invited for a "house dinner" which is often about 10 people. If they have demonstrated some level of discretion they maybe invited for one of the play parties I host. But just showing up to a Munch and saying "here I am, gotta love me" will not get you these invitations. Likewise, sitting in the corner and with you arms crossed will probably not lead to many conversations. We have members who don't play in public and others who play every chance they get. It's a personal choice that is respected. We had a woman come into our Munch a few years back. Did not really care for the Munch in general but she met this couple and would visit this couple on the weekends to learn about the lifestyle and be friends, no kink. They introduced her to a friend of theirs. About a month ago he collared her and asked her to be his wife all in a very special ceremony. My point is, doors open to other doors and your local Munch is just the first of many doors you will have to open to find what you seek. Personally, my local Munch opened a door to several friends and opportunities about 1.5 hours to the west. It opened another door to the community 2 hours south of me and almost 5 years ago it connected me with my girl. Two years ago it connected me with the poly couple I mentor and who have become part of my leather family or "house". For me I've had a pretty good return. Yes, there are times I ask myself why I deal with some of the people in my local area, but in the end, I now have opportunities I never would have had staying behind a key board. You reap what you sow. Melissa Mistress of Ds Haven www.dshaven.com www.summitcitymunch.com

curvyslavegirl -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/16/2007 11:18:13 PM)
I've never been grabbed nor followed home from a message board, but I have had plenty of scary experiences at munch like events. Yes, I know, every munch advocate claims that "if that happened at my event I'd throw them out" but the reality is that by the time it happens, the damage is done. I will not be putting myself through that again. The whole "whose flogger is bigger" mentality of clubs is even less attractive to me. It is way easier to screen people online and then move forward over time. It allows me to maintain safe boundaries while also being open & communicating what I'm hoping for in a relationship. I get involved in activism related events that have nothing to do with finding partners up close, but I don't enjoy the D/s pickup scene in the Bay Area at all. This method of interacting followed by meeting a very select few in person when I feel that the connection is there works much better for me. I know alot of local people but there are very few of them that I would consider potential partners. I tend to be more attracted to the independant lone wolf types who aren't particularly scene social.

Aileen68 -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 3:59:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterScottAZ A general question: why the hell don't people looking for partners go to local groups and events? My god, that's where you can meet people RT, observe them, and after you know some people, get references fairly easy. I don't understand why I see so many submissives/slaves seeking Masters/Dominants on CM, but not attending local functions. Master Scott (Phoenix AZ) I have no desire to sit, eat and make small talk with a bunch of strangers just because we share a kinky common interest. I am extremely uncomfortable being surrounded by people I don't know since I tend to be very shy . Plus....I've never had a problem meeting people from online in real life.

chellekitty -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 5:54:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen68 I am extremely uncomfortable being surrounded by people I don't know since I tend to be very shy . not to pick on you, you just happened to be the last person to say this...please don't take it personally, i mean this to everyone who uses it as their excuse not to go to a munch how will you ever get to know people if you never go?? is the potential of meeting the greatest friend you've ever had not worth being extremely uncomfortable for 1 or 2 hours once a month? not even bringing into it the possibility of a relationship.... and as for those people with the my toy bag is bigger than your toy bag...let them talk...they show their true colors and the people that flock to them, you didn't want around you in the first place... i totally get that you can only sit through SM101 so many times...thats what they have a smoking section for even if you don't smoke...it lets you go outside, or wherever, and mingle and talk and not disrupt the discussion...trust me, someone else is jonesing and waiting for someone else to make the first move to start the migration.... i have rarely seen a munch or party in a bar...i have seen events in leather bars, but they are not munches or parties...they are other things.....what i don't know...nights out or whatever...but....you really don't have to worry about a bar atmosphere....sooo... here's the good news...suck it up, put your big girl/boy panties/underoos on...stop hiding behind your computer, and go...or don't....whatever...just don't complain about where are all the real people when you can't find them from behind your computer...(not that anyone on this thread did) chelle...savior...or...something...experiment 626....

sublizzie -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 7:33:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curvyslavegirl I've never been grabbed nor followed home from a message board, but I have had plenty of scary experiences at munch like events. You are lucky then. I've never been assaulted by someone I met at a munch but HAVE been by someone I met through Collar Me. I find real-time to be much safer than on-line. I've met some wonderful people on-line but I've also had my worst experiences with people I've met on-line. I'd rather take my chances at a munch where other people know me and will listen to me if I tell them someone I've met through the munch was unsafe. Just my thoughts.....

KatyLied -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 7:42:11 AM)
In my two experiences at two different munches I was left wishing that people had behaved in a more civilized manner. At one the members were comfortable talking about whom had been with who and it was obvious that they were an intimate group into playing with each other and making pairings from within a select group. Thanks for getting me up-to-date on your conquests and relationship trees. At the second, guests were expected to pay a sub $1.00 for the privilege of getting to watch her reveal her breasts and sit, during dinner topless, oh she also walked around the room so everyone could get a good look. This munch was held in the basement of a restaurant, and one person did sit guard, wary for any vanillas who may try to walk in. I couldn't wait to get out of there. A few people commented "sorry, this really isn't normal behavior for our group..." As if I was going to believe that. I completely understand when people do not want to be part of a local group.

mmb1 -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 7:52:29 AM)
I am attending my first munch after 14 months in the lifestyle on Oct 6th, but I am not going with any intention of meeting a Dom, I am going to see what it is like. I think all should at least experience it once, to decide for themselves.

toservez -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 8:15:31 AM)
I think most of the reasons have been already mentioned. Personally I do believe that someone new to this life would benefit greatly from becoming active in their local community as I believe it helps expose this life from a fantasy mindset that Internet only can often perpetuate. I also believe that we are not a cookie cutter people looking for the same thing. There are many different types of submissives and many types of dominants and for those who know what they are compatible with a local community might offer too few possibilities. For those who truly know what they are looking for then cyber can just flat out if done right offer up a bigger group of potential people who fit them. Personally I grew to dislike local communities for many reasons, but that does not mean they do not have their advantages. When I went looking to limit myself to the dominant I am drawn to by trying the local community first or only I would have done myself a disservice. I think people should try local communities but not limit themselves to them.

KatyLied -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 8:19:22 AM)
quote: I am not going with any intention of meeting a Dom, I am going to see what it is like. I think all should at least experience it once, to decide for themselves. Oh I was not going with the intention of finding a partner. I was curious and people had been telling me to see what it was like. One good thing is that people will give references and gossip about each other, so from that standpoint you can get information on people, but you also have to consider the source. I was warned off one dom whom I wasn't even interested in. I received a ton of alarming information without even asking about him.

RRafe -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 8:22:31 AM)
I've never found a single play partner in the scene in real life. I met every damned one of them online, and then gone to rl. Most of the really fun girls you will find in public scenes are already attached. It's the pity party screw ups that are available-not my thing. Do whatever works for you-but thr rl scene is a better market for selling toys to me-than anything else.

mmb1 -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 8:25:37 AM)
Yes, I believe we all need to experience it for ourselves, so I can't say whether I will like it or not, but it has to beat online lol.

Celeste43 -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 8:38:22 AM)
Local for me is one munch about one hour drive away, and then stuff two or two and a half hours away. Not my idea of local. So getting a sitter to drive an hour, spend two hours then drive an hour back at night with deer on all the roads, isn't my idea of a relaxing evening. Plus I don't know anyone there so I'd have to walk into a room full of strangers and make insincere small talk while everyone who had friends were busy with them and the only people available to talk to would be men trolling or people with significant enough social issues that they didn't have any friends in the group. Besides all that, I'm a private person so seeking someone who was interested in public play parties would be foolish as I wouldn't be compatible with someone like that. Online I don't have to deal with men pushing or worry about being attacked in the parking lot, or him writing down my license number and contacting me when I didn't want him to. Online I can go as slowly as I need to, and trust me, when it comes to this sort of stuff I moved as slow as a snail.

akisha -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 12:24:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterScottAZ Lot of folks are complaining about their local groups ... so ever consider starting a new one? Do you have any idea how hard and how much work it takes to get a regular community function going. We've been trying where I am almost 3 years if not more. Just after I moved here a group started but with in 3 months the bitching and back biting destroyed the group. Then this spring another lady tried to start one up. First two meetings went well then no one showed up after that. A great couple are now trying again, the first meeting is this weekend, and we'll see how that goes. But really, you need people that have the time, energy and devotion to try and keep a community together. And it doesn't help if the memebers are severly hit and miss when it comes to attending, helping out etc. It's not like you can go, well geez you pissed me off so I'm going to start my own group. Well I guess you can but then you get a splinter effect and no one is going to anything. You may as well be going out for coffee with a couple freinds cause that's all it amounts to in the end.

SirEbonyPhoenix -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 12:39:34 PM)
For me, I've been involved in a real time local munch group for over two years and have yet to find my one, but even though it hasn't happened yet, I've met some interesting lifestylers. And in some respects, that may be the basis for finding a prospective D/s partner, but as I am also learning, it takes patience. And that is what you must learn to do also: to be patient. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day. Lol

toservez -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 12:51:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: akisha quote: ORIGINAL: MasterScottAZ Lot of folks are complaining about their local groups ... so ever consider starting a new one? Do you have any idea how hard and how much work it takes to get a regular community function going. We've been trying where I am almost 3 years if not more. Just after I moved here a group started but with in 3 months the bitching and back biting destroyed the group. Then this spring another lady tried to start one up. First two meetings went well then no one showed up after that. A great couple are now trying again, the first meeting is this weekend, and we'll see how that goes. But really, you need people that have the time, energy and devotion to try and keep a community together. And it doesn't help if the memebers are severly hit and miss when it comes to attending, helping out etc. It's not like you can go, well geez you pissed me off so I'm going to start my own group. Well I guess you can but then you get a splinter effect and no one is going to anything. You may as well be going out for coffee with a couple freinds cause that's all it amounts to in the end. This is one of my problems with local communities that are no one’s fault. The fact is for many this is a way of life is different with different interests that the common thread that might tie other groups together is just not always present with a local community of our ways. The truth is this life has a fairly large net of different types and levels. Then add the differences of people besides our life. I think the problem where groups have smaller bases to pull like minded people together is that it is often trying to get people together on the basis of similar life and not similar specific interest. It can be like getting a bunch of people from a particular occupational field and expecting them to all enjoy each other’s company and do things together. One does not equal two.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 4:11:36 PM)
Speaking as someone who is extremely active and known in the local scene, I would never recommend someone go to events to look for partners. That's just a mess waiting to happen. However, I highly recommend people go to at least a few events so they can really see what's going on, how things work there, and meet people.

chellekitty -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 4:38:40 PM)
yes....yes you are known....i have asked about you...lol....

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