RE: Local Community Involvement (Full Version)

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MasterScottAZ -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 5:34:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha
Do you have any idea how hard and how much work it takes to get a regular community function going.

Yep - I founded 4 different groups - two of which are still up and going. The two that fell apart disbanded a couple of years after I left them. They do take effort and dedication, but it's not that hard. (During the first six months of the first group it was just me and 2 other guys staring across the table at each other LOL. But eventually people came and that group just celebrated its 12th anniversary.)



ownedgirlie -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 6:17:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterScottAZ
(During the first six months of the first group it was just me and 2 other guys staring across the table at each other LOL. But eventually people came and that group just celebrated its 12th anniversary.)


And you ask why people don't do this as their primary means of meeting people?!  [;)]

I wasn't looking, personally.  But I was happened upon online by someone pretty damn cool who happened to live a couple hours away from me.  I've never been to a munch, play party, or "function."  I suppose it could be interesting, but it hasn't been a priority to me.



chellekitty -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 6:26:25 PM)

i guess i am confused by the i am not going to meet someone to play with or i am not going to meet someone to be with so i am not going to socialize EVER mentality.....



ownedgirlie -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 6:27:55 PM)

Was that directed to me?  I didn't realize I had conveyed anything about not socializing ever....



chellekitty -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 6:29:26 PM)

no...it was a fast reply



akisha -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 7:33:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterScottAZ

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha
Do you have any idea how hard and how much work it takes to get a regular community function going.

Yep - I founded 4 different groups - two of which are still up and going. The two that fell apart disbanded a couple of years after I left them. They do take effort and dedication, but it's not that hard. (During the first six months of the first group it was just me and 2 other guys staring across the table at each other LOL. But eventually people came and that group just celebrated its 12th anniversary.)


Were you trying to organize them in a smallish rural area?  not all of us live near large cities.  Teh population we're pulling from here is 60K then if we're lucky we'll get people from 1 - 2 hours away coming because there is nothing closer to them.

Sorry I can't see where you are from seeing as you don't have a profile, but I'm assume you are closer to a heavier populated area.



MasterScottAZ -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/17/2007 11:12:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha
Were you trying to organize them in a smallish rural area?  not all of us live near large cities.  Teh population we're pulling from here is 60K then if we're lucky we'll get people from 1 - 2 hours away coming because there is nothing closer to them.

Sorry I can't see where you are from seeing as you don't have a profile, but I'm assume you are closer to a heavier populated area.


The first was CUFF in Charlottesville VA, the second was TALON in Greensboro NC, 3rd was a chapter of MAsT in Winston-Salem NC, and 4th was Gnosis (also in Winston-Salem NC). CUFF and Gnosis are still in operation.

At the time the populations were (approximate):
Charlottesville VA - 43,000
Greensboro, Winston-Salem, High Point NC - 430,000 (close enough to each other to count as one large metro area)

Keep in mind that Kinsey estimated 5-10% of the polulation engages in SM activities at least occasionally - that's 3,000-6,000 people in your area (although that number would include those that play with blindfolds once a year for "fun", and others that we would not really consider "lifestyle" - even so that may leave a couple hundred like-minded people.)

FYI, I moved to Phoenix AZ about a month ago (5th largest metro area in the US I understand).

Regarding Ownedgirlie's comment, "And you ask why people don't do this as their primary means of meeting people?!" - that's why I stated it takes dedication. In that case it paid off. ... And sometimes you do stuff for community not just for self.



julietsierra -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/18/2007 3:04:49 AM)

I went to munches and other events alone for about five years or thereabouts. During that time, I looked for people at the events and never really found anyone. I had many of the same complaints voiced here from time to time. I swore there was no one available at the munches that I'd ever be interested in.

One day, I stopped looking, but still went to the munches and events. Shortly after that, I asked to sit down at a table to kinda hide from yet another jerk out there. Who knew? The table I sat down at was occupied by the person who eventually became my Master. I could have sworn no one existed out there for me and that munches and other events were a waste of time when looking for someone in my life.

How wrong I was - on most of my assumptions.

People are people. Some of them will be to  your liking. Some of them won't, but the fact is, if you're having no luck online and you're complaining about the other main venue for finding like minded people, your odds of meeting someone are going down exponentially.

Groups are difficult to get into sometimes. There are established friendships. People are cautious. It's real life and in real life, not EVERYONE is waiting to embrace the new person with open arms. Honestly, they haven't been just sitting there waiting for you to come in the door. This means  you're going to have to be patient and do the work of getting to know the people there instead of waiting for them to make the approach.

I'm a terribly shy person, but nonetheless, I set aside my fears (and there were a lot of them) and went to that first munch. Alone. Not knowing a soul - even from online. It's kind of silly in retrospect, but I discovered that I DIDN'T immediately become stalker fodder or a target for the gropers out there, and amazingly, there was no big S for submissive emblazoned on my forehead.

Ultimately, I made the process work - not because I'm just oh so social, but because it was important to me to do so. Oh, and amongst the jerks out there... were people who have become friends to me and I love them dearly.

So, if you're afraid of attending a munch, as Bette Midler would say, "get off your assets and get out there."

juliet

NOT in reply to MasterScottAZ - just a comment at the end of the page.



Aileen68 -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/18/2007 4:26:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68
I am extremely uncomfortable being surrounded by people I don't know since I tend to be very shy .


not to pick on you, you just happened to be the last person to say this...please don't take it personally, i mean this to everyone who uses it as their excuse not to go to a munch

how will you ever get to know people if you never go??


I just saw this so sorry for the late reply...I've never actually wanted to go to a munch.  I view my involvement in bdsm as being very sexual and private and have never had any desire to make it public in any way.  I also don't ever go to play parties or clubs.  To me that would be the equivalent to fucking in public and that's just not one of my kinks yet.  I have no problem with munches and if they work for people than that's just great, but they're not for me and I'm sure there are others who have no interest in them also.



came4U -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/18/2007 4:38:15 AM)

I agree with the embarassment factor comments. 



Rumtiger -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/18/2007 4:42:46 AM)

there isent really much of a community here in vegas suprisingly, I know theres some kinda legal stuff or whatever else thats sorta against it, and whatever little community there is isent particularly attractive.



leatherette -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/18/2007 7:01:05 PM)

Never been to a munch. Plan to go one day.

At clubs, parties, events: single girl = fresh meat.. 

and there are a pack of drooling wolves 




lonlyrossInNeed -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/18/2007 7:06:42 PM)

I go to public and social events and Munch's and i get out ther to get to know others and hope to meet someone either on line or offline but hope they will be real
But as of recently there is a TNG Group i will not attend Munch's with because i dont respect and have lost respect for one who runs it and dont trust her since she doesn't seem to trust me for any reason that is not obviously going to be told to me but cant respect me anought to tell the truth i feel OK sorry maybe that was a bit much for here LOL



SolarAndViolet -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/18/2007 7:27:07 PM)

Go out to bars or clubs and single girls are fresh meat. It's not so much the place, it is society.

I see new people at almost every single one of the munches I go to. It's nice to see people continue to join the community. Showing up with the single intent to find a partner can lead to expectations that I just don't think are realistic. I just cannot imagine going to any social place expecting to meet 'the One' right away.

Even if you don't find anything but friends (how awful!), when you do find someone online that you want to meet, how much safer can you be than among kinky friends that want the best for you and can help at least gauge the person's sanity while you share coffee/tea/etc and chat. If things go well, hell, have a great time at dinner/club/whatever.

Are we all expecting dirty laundry about relationships? Again, some people are open about sharing, and some aren't. If you like one over the other, consort with people that feel similarly. It's a wide-ranging crowd out there with different interests and beliefs. Find some that match yours, at least for good people to chat with. There's something about face to face that's always more gratifying than forums and email, in my opinion.

I've learned a great deal from the relationships I've made at my local munch and our educational meetings, and greatly expanded my interests, experience, knowledge base, and circle of friends. I can't imagine wanting to avoid such an opportunity.

To each their own, I suppose.

-Solar



arayofsunshine55 -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/19/2007 3:49:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

i guess i am confused by the i am not going to meet someone to play with or i am not going to meet someone to be with so i am not going to socialize EVER mentality.....

This kinda assumes that bdsm socializing is the only socializing there is.   BDSM is not my recreational activity of choice.  It's not some group I want to join.  Hell I like to sing and don't join a singers club either.  Many of us do quite a bit of socializing and life which has nothing to do with the rest of the folks who share WIITWD.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/19/2007 4:15:52 AM)

for me it's a matter of choice. i choose not seek/join/attend local community groups because i enjoy my privacy ...i'm not quite out in the open as a submissive nor am i  looking for that "play first then know you later" status. and i enjoy having other interests and hobbies besides the BDSM stuff - it doesn't run my life 24/7. 

i believe there's nothing wrong trying to find someone here (i did to someone i've connected with on all levels, interests, etc like i do with Daddy). don't get your panties in a wad because you feel  how their searching isn't the "twue" way of doing it. it's all a matter of choice in how we find that yang to our yin.



OwnedShylah -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/19/2007 7:57:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterScottAZ

A general question: why the hell don't people looking for partners go to local groups and events? My god, that's where you can meet people RT, observe them, and after you know some people, get references fairly easy. I don't understand why I see so many submissives/slaves seeking Masters/Dominants on CM, but not attending local functions.

Master Scott
(Phoenix AZ)


It's simple. The people who only want online D/s or online relationships are affraid of RT.
 
They are usually inexperinced and very affraid of what other will think.
 
Online you can be anything.
 
In RT you have to actually have a personality for people to want to be around you.
 
Or they could just be looking for a kinky fasntasy and not wanting their RT partner to find out.
 
Shylah



Celeste43 -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/19/2007 8:03:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedShylah

It's simple. The people who only want online D/s or online relationships are affraid of RT.
 
They are usually inexperinced and very affraid of what other will think.
 
Online you can be anything.
 
In RT you have to actually have a personality for people to want to be around you.
 
Or they could just be looking for a kinky fasntasy and not wanting their RT partner to find out.
 
Shylah


Narrow minded much?

As I said, I'm an introvert. I'd rather stay home alone than go out to a group of people none of whom I know and have a miserable time because I don't feel comfortable in large groups, even when they're large groups of people I do know.

I have zero interest in driving an hour or more each way to get to this group of people I don't want to have to make small talk with.

I am much more comfortable connecting one on one.

And so here I am, apparently delusional because obviously - according to your system of belief - I never did really meet him, we haven't been together over four years, and I still don't know anything.

Quite honestly, if you're a sample of the kind of people who go to these munches, you have just made it abundantly clear that I was right to never go to a group.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/19/2007 8:11:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OwnedShylah

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterScottAZ

A general question: why the hell don't people looking for partners go to local groups and events? My god, that's where you can meet people RT, observe them, and after you know some people, get references fairly easy. I don't understand why I see so many submissives/slaves seeking Masters/Dominants on CM, but not attending local functions.

Master Scott
(Phoenix AZ)


It's simple. The people who only want online D/s or online relationships are affraid of RT.
 
They are usually inexperinced and very affraid of what other will think.
 
Online you can be anything.
 
In RT you have to actually have a personality for people to want to be around you.
 
Or they could just be looking for a kinky fasntasy and not wanting their RT partner to find out.
 
Shylah

i'm so glad that's your own "expert" opinion because you obviously have no respect for another person's choice. not everyone is looking for real time and not every online relationship is a fantasy.



mrh426 -> RE: Local Community Involvement (9/19/2007 8:25:56 AM)

Can I throw another thought into this arena.  I'm a member of my local group, we have great times, meet great people and have a lot of RT play.  So why am I on here??  Right now my local group is over a thousand miles away, I'm temporarily in a country where my competence of the language is very basic - and that is overstating it!  How do I find a group near my new residence and understand what is offered or rejected??  So, I'm, on here for a year or two until I get back home.
H



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