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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 11:58:14 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I think one of the more amusing things is this.

Subs  often require a "Dom with lots of experience." Then they find out how many partners he  or she had to GET that experience-and go "ewwwwww....."

Just another cognitive dissonance I guess. I mean really-what did they expect?


They expect you to have tried allllllll those different things on one or only a few submissives.  When you tell them that you could not find a partner that liked all those things to the degree you do or that while one may have liked anal, fisting, whipping, and caning there was no way she was going to let you perform water sports on her or be with another girl or do knife play and so you moved on, they understand at first.  Then you tell them that while the next one may have let you do anal, fisting, whipping, caning, knife play and watersports, there was no way she was going to be with another girl and they still understand but a bit less.  Then you tell them about finding that third one who would let you do wax play and whipping and caning and anal and fisting and she would be with another girl but she wouldn't let you do knife play or watersports so you had to move on and they arch a brow.  Then you tell them about finding that fourth girl who did do all of the above and was happy you had the experiences but two years into the situation, she decided she needed more (or less) and moved on.  Now, those you speak of look at you and say, "And you don't know why?"  Hmmmmmmmm....Then you are still in the hunt for your next submissive and you run into those simlilar to those you speak of, only they ask..."You've done WHAT with HOW MANY?".

BUT...To be fair, there are plenty of dominants out there who seem to want submissives who magically know how to do all this stuff...the BDSM and the D/s...but without ever having been with more than one other dominant.  Two at the outside.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 9/18/2007 12:08:21 PM >

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 12:11:54 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		LOL CreativeDominant - in that case for me the "You did WHAT????" will greatly overweigh the "how many"

Although the 'how many' does sort of matter...because it means the guy was actively searching it out rather than he just ended up with one kinky ass bitch and thought "hell I'll only get the chance once, why not?"

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 12:15:30 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I agree.  The question itself is ridiculous.  What I did with whom before I met X is my business.  I wouldn't lie.  I'd just smile and ask what possible difference it could make.

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 12:18:20 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I think one of the more amusing things is this.

Subs  often require a "Dom with lots of experience." Then they find out how many partners he  or she had to GET that experience-and go "ewwwwww....."

Just another cognitive dissonance I guess. I mean really-what did they expect?


They expect you to have tried allllllll those different things on one or only a few submissives.  When you tell them that you could not find a partner that liked all those things to the degree you do or that while one may have liked anal, fisting, whipping, and caning there was no way she was going to let you perform water sports on her or be with another girl or do knife play and so you moved on, they understand at first.  Then you tell them that while the next one may have let you do anal, fisting, whipping, caning, knife play and watersports, there was no way she was going to be with another girl and they still understand but a bit less.  Then you tell them about finding that third one who would let you do wax play and whipping and caning and anal and fisting and she would be with another girl but she wouldn't let you do knife play or watersports so you had to move on and they arch a brow.  Then you tell them about finding that fourth girl who did do all of the above and was happy you had the experiences but two years into the situation, she decided she needed more (or less) and moved on.  Now, those you speak of look at you and say, "And you don't know why?"  Hmmmmmmmm....Then you are still in the hunt for your next submissive and you run into those simlilar to those you speak of, only they ask..."You've done WHAT with HOW MANY?".

BUT...To be fair, there are plenty of dominants out there who seem to want submissives who magically know how to do all this stuff...the BDSM and the D/s...but without ever having been with more than one other dominant.  Two at the outside.


Well, this is why I think sluts are sort of cool. They get to do all of the same things that the Slut doms do-and you need not worry about..well..........feeling ashamed of having a good time. I think they may worry a bit about not being special,or just another toy in a long string. But defintely-when you find the one that does it all-you have already gone through enough hassles to REALLY appreciate someone experienced.

Rather than yet another-that you have to lead through all of that stuff-all over again. (for an unsure outcome)That's worth making an effort for.

_____________________________

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(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 12:33:44 PM   
susie


Posts: 1699
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		Same answer as on the other thread. Why start a relationship, or possible relationship with a lie.

I have no regrets regarding my past. Everything that has happened has taught me something and made me the person I am. Why lie about something like that?

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 12:38:07 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		Like I said, I've never lied about this, and I'm not going to lie anymore about the other thing.

But is it really so hard to believe someone might not be proud of their past?  Yes it "made me who I am today" but sometimes you just want the person to judge you for who you are today, not know all the icky details about what led up to it.  I've made some horrible decisions in the past.  For the longest time I avoided pursuing relationships because I just wanted time to get over certain things, and now that I'm no longer doing stupid things, but still feeling the after effects of them, I really don't want to confess every horrible thing I've done along the way.

It's like eating a hot dog.  They taste good.  But if you look at the process of what went into a hot dog you would be repulsed by it.  It does'nt mean it doesn't taste good, though, why not just be happy with the final product?

(in reply to susie)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 12:48:46 PM   
ChicagoSwitchMal


Posts: 417
Joined: 9/9/2007
Status: offline 		Hum I guess I would say I fail to disclose the entire truth right off. But all of my relationships have started off vanilla and the better ones turned kinky. There's not a woman I have dated who would accept pissing in their ass and cutting them as my idea of a good time. Certain things I just keep to myself until the trime is right.

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 12:52:59 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

But is it really so hard to believe someone might not be proud of their past?  Yes it "made me who I am today" but sometimes you just want the person to judge you for who you are today, not know all the icky details about what led up to it.  I've made some horrible decisions in the past.  For the longest time I avoided pursuing relationships because I just wanted time to get over certain things, and now that I'm no longer doing stupid things, but still feeling the after effects of them, I really don't want to confess every horrible thing I've done along the way.

It's like eating a hot dog.  They taste good.  But if you look at the process of what went into a hot dog you would be repulsed by it.  It does'nt mean it doesn't taste good, though, why not just be happy with the final product?



I'm not proud of all of my history. There are some things that I am ashamed of. There are some things that I don't tell just anybody and I will tell people that it is none of their business. Just because something tastes good doesn't mean it should be eaten, figuratively speaking. If the hot dog maker lies to me about what went into that hot dog, I gotta wonder why and if there is anything else I should be concerned about.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 9/18/2007 12:53:34 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to xoxi)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 12:59:34 PM   
xoxi


Posts: 1066
Status: offline 		True, I'm not saying lie about it.  But everyone is just so gung ho like "everything in my past is fine, it made me who I am" like they never made a bad or stupid decision that went beyond mixing plaids and stripes or drinking so much they *oops* threw up.

I know that my past did affect me as a person and no amount of closing my eyes and wishing on a star will make it go away, but I can't say I don't regret it.  And it's hard for me to open up to people about things...especially things I grew out of.  I obviously tell someone, if I'm considering pursuing a relationship with them, because otherwise the place I'm at in life right now will make absolutely no sense.  I just wish I didn't have to.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 1:32:12 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		As I said in the other thread, I have no inclination to lie, period. 

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(in reply to teamnoir)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 3:17:35 PM   
bipolarber


Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not sure about this one... is witholding parts of your history considered lying? I ask this, seriously, because I've been in the scene now for 20+ years, and I've found (paradoxically) that telling people about a my experiences seems to intimidate them more than make them feel at ease. This is especially true if a potential partner is fairly new. For some reason, they think they might be a disappointment to me, in comparison to things that happened years ago. It's all nonsense, of course. (You don't hate eating at a friend's BBQ cookout, just because you went to a steak house last year.)

Still, when I've given a fairly accurate rundown of my history, it seems to put people off. So, I occasionally withold info, simply because I want to get closer to them, rather than run them off. Luckily, these days, I'm in a relationship with a Domme who seems to be more intrigued than intimidated. One thing I won't ever withold, or lie about (if it is lying) is my medical history. Any potential partner should have full access to that information, so they can make an informed risk assessment before playing with me. I'm perfectly clean, but like anyone who's been sexually active for a couple of decades, you're bound to pick something up once in a while. (In my case, I once picked up some tiny livestock, and another time contracted Hep B, but that was 15 years ago. I've long since kicked that infection and can now even give blood again, if I want to.)

(in reply to Ponyboy7)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 3:26:37 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		I think this is an interesting question.
 
Now that I think hard about it, I have had less than 5 long
term relationships in my life!
Can you say, eye opener?


_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to teamnoir)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 5:00:58 PM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Out of curiousity, why all the parallel posts? It only bumps down other interesting conversation in a sensationalist fashion.

I'm picking on you Noir, because it's a growing trend (I think.) We saw it with the age thing, the submission thing, and now this?

Honestly now, if your question is interesting enough to answer, why not just put it on the thread where obviously nine pages of discussion indicate it's quite lively?


This probably doesn't belong in this category, but I post it here because the previous thread appeared dead.

Appeared dead because it had been several days since anything was posted there, which means that the thread is now buried by the UI and unlikely to be seen by anyone again.

Appeared dead because it was longer than a couple pages. The UI here is sadly and pathetically limited. There's no way to tell whether there are unread messages in a thread or which those messages might be. Threads that get longer than a couple of pages are just unwieldy except to the one or two people who are still participating in them.

Now if we were using email or usenet, I would probably simply have changed the title and kept going. On tribe or livejournal, hijacks like this one merit fresh topics/threads. Here, it seems to me as though short threads are the direction to go.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 5:07:31 PM   
teamnoir


Posts: 226
Joined: 4/5/2005
From: San Francisco Bay Area California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I don't lie-few lasted more than a year. Then again, I wasn't seeking anything long term or comitted. I do find it rather odd at how many people think how long is all it's about. I have friends who have hung on to truly horrible relationships for decades. Is being dissatisfied for a long time somehow "successful"?


Not in my opinion.

However, being satisfied for 10 years so far is a different thing from only ever having been satisfied for 3 months - depending on age, of course.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 5:51:40 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: teamnoir

Earlier, (http://www.collarchat.com/m_1279945/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm), we were asked how many people lie about their number of sexual partners when asked.

It seems to me that number of partners speaks to a certain breadth of experience. Another interesting question would be to depth of experience which might comparably be gauged by asking how long was someone's longest long term relationship.

Just out of curiosity, I'm wondering, how many people would lie about the length of their longest term relationship? And are you the same folks or different folks than the ones who'd lie about numbers of partners?



What are you doing, writing a paper?  Using the people on the boards as your personal research pool?

_____________________________

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to teamnoir)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 6:09:52 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think I'm a bit shy about it- I'm about to celebrate my second year anniversary with my partner and it's the longest relationship in my life so far.  According to most standards, at 27, I'm definitely starting to fall behind on the social scale of marriage, kids and all that stuff. 

Longest relationships is definitely a question worth asking and an answer worth examining.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Ponyboy7)
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RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 6:10:44 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: teamnoir

Earlier, (http://www.collarchat.com/m_1279945/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm), we were asked how many people lie about their number of sexual partners when asked.

It seems to me that number of partners speaks to a certain breadth of experience. Another interesting question would be to depth of experience which might comparably be gauged by asking how long was someone's longest long term relationship.

Just out of curiosity, I'm wondering, how many people would lie about the length of their longest term relationship? And are you the same folks or different folks than the ones who'd lie about numbers of partners?



This may come as a suprise to some who think I have too much baggage to handle a long term relationship.
 
My first long term relationship began when I was 12 and lasted till I was 17. My second long term relationship lead to marriage and lasted 2 years. My third long term relationship lasted for 8 years. My first relationship ended when the man met someone else. I ended the the other two, one because he lied about his sexual orientation and the other because he was abusive.

_____________________________


Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.


Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to teamnoir)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 6:16:19 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think the fact that you think that history of the type of men you attract and type of relationships you get into is going to LESSEN the perception that you have bad judgement and issues with men and sex is in itself very telling.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 6:22:12 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: teamnoir

Earlier, (http://www.collarchat.com/m_1279945/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm), we were asked how many people lie about their number of sexual partners when asked.

It seems to me that number of partners speaks to a certain breadth of experience. Another interesting question would be to depth of experience which might comparably be gauged by asking how long was someone's longest long term relationship.

Just out of curiosity, I'm wondering, how many people would lie about the length of their longest term relationship? And are you the same folks or different folks than the ones who'd lie about numbers of partners?



This may come as a suprise to some who think I have too much baggage to handle a long term relationship.
 
My first long term relationship began when I was 12 and lasted till I was 17. My second long term relationship lead to marriage and lasted 2 years. My third long term relationship lasted for 8 years. My first relationship ended when the man met someone else. I ended the the other two, one because he lied about his sexual orientation and the other because he was abusive.


How did that make you feel to turn a straight man gay?

_____________________________



(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Are you honest about your sexual past? (Part 2) - 9/18/2007 6:28:41 PM   
arayofsunshine55


Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
Status: offline 		I see no reason to lie abt the number of sexual partners or the length of my relationships.  I am in a 3 year relationship with a  man whose shortest relationship was 8 years, and who is in a 35+ year relationship with his wife and a 12+ relationship with another switch.   And he is well aware of my history.  What purpose does lying serve?  I don't get it.  I'm really very OK with being me.  And with finding someone who is OK with me being me.



_____________________________

Sunshine

Is it not most transformative, most earthshaking, to pierce the veils of self-deception and illusion, and crack the eggshell of ignorance, to most intimately encounter oneself? Lama Surya Das

(in reply to teamnoir)
Profile   Post #: 40
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