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RE: Can someone become dominant? - 9/20/2007 8:15:44 PM

QueensWay

Posts: 22
Joined: 7/17/2007
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Well, I do think anyone can become dominant. I just love life done my way. I'm not a total control freak, but there are certain things in my own life that I don't want to have to compromise or negotiate on. I enjoy being in control of my life and the men in it. I like being capable of keeping a man happy and satisfied, being capable of understanding him well enough to do so. There's something about knowing somebody that well that I enjoy. I really don't know why. Honestly, I don't care why all that much. It's just part of who I am and who I became, and something I'm glad to finally understand about myself.

(in reply to footslaveinct)

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RE: Can someone become dominant? - 9/21/2007 4:08:16 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kimveri
A person may have characteristics of a more outgoing personality, or a more laid-back personality & still behave in a dominant fashion in certain situations. I've found that it's more a matter of an apt collection of stimuli to prompt a dominant response, all a natural (& often subconscious) effort to establish a comfortable balance in the interaction.

The more submissive behavior you exhibit the more she will likely seek to balance that with dominant behavior

I think almost everyone has some capacity to be dominant and whether or not they can feel dominant depends on who is at the other end. For instance, imagine a woman who does not exhibit dominant behavior in her romantic relationships but easily does so when overseeing a child or commanding a pet, or with a timid subordinate at work. So I agree that submissive behavior from you might encourage more dominant behavior from her. That said, her natural disposition will strongly influence how easily or not she can enjoy this role.

I think the bigger question is how will she feel about being dominant and you being submissive, and whether it will alter the way she sees you or otherwise cause her to lose interest. Still, this question might be interesting to you for sake of determining long term compatibility.

As for her efforts to explore dominance, I think small steps are good. And I think helping her overcome societal conditioning would help.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 9/21/2007 4:14:09 AM >

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RE: Can someone become dominant? - 9/21/2007 12:30:00 PM

ricar00

Posts: 45
Joined: 2/11/2006
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Hi EternalInferno,
Thank you for responding back. I guess i thought you had read my original post (because i saw respond to ricar00), but on thinking about it, i realized that you can post by hitting the reply button. duh. So your reply was to the original post and not mine.And you know what, i totally agree with you (at least based on my own experience). And i think we are talking about the D/s dynamic, not just whether one is controllin in some aspect or her life.. My wife likes what she likes and i do serve her in a way, but you get anywhere near D/s, kinky, and whoa, NOPE, don't you dare. That is my situation. I also think that trying to change one's personality is almost impossible. You can play at being dominant, but that doesn't mean you are dominant and i am not sure that will last in the long run.
Thank you again Eternal Inferno.
richie

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RE: Can someone become dominant? - 9/25/2007 12:47:07 PM

MistressScarlot

Posts: 51
Joined: 12/7/2006
Status: offline

I think anything can be learned if there is desire and motivation. But I think for her to have desire and motivation to learn, there'd have to be a seed of dominance in there to be nurtured.

From what you're saying, at this point the desire and motivation do not exist.

For me, my path of self awareness led me to my dominance. For a long time, I wasn't aware that I was dominant, I wasn't aware that I prefer being in control in relationships (and of boys ; ). Like many people, I was trying to have relationships like every other person out there with those same role models in mind. It was only through becoming more aware of my self, my needs, wants and desires that I discovered I am Dominant. It was a discovery...just because you don't see it in her NOW doesn't mean it's not there.

Doesn't mean it is, either.

For many women, uncovering their Dominance /is/ a process. We still live in a world where stereotypes are engrained--it was just two generations ago that women were expected to be homemakers and housewives. It
hasn't been that long since marriage implied ownership of a woman by her husband. We're taught to be "pleasers", not so much that we're allowed to have needs and that we have a right to have them be fulfilled. Submissive boys don't have it easy, either...with the expectation of knowing what you're doing, being in control at all times, being the leader, stuffing down feelings, being a "man". I think it takes courage to be submissive to a woman.

My point is, just because it's not visible in her now does not mean there isn't a seed of it somewhere in her...that could be nurtured. Serve her well....and she might like it. ;)

(in reply to EternalInferno)

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