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Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 12:51:03 PM   
pearlmoongirl


Posts: 68
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
I was reading the journal of another sub here (ProlificNeeds) and she posed an interesting question.

Are there any Doms out there who would take on a submissive to do service things (cooking, cleaning, walking the dog) in exchange for mentoring?

Don't get me wrong - the sexual stuff would be marvelous, but I have been wondering if I could/should start someplace simpler.

~pmg
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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 1:32:28 PM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		I didn't go read PolificNeeds' page, and I probably should have before posting...

First, I suggest you look for what you want.  If you enjoy cooking/cleaning etc. but not sex, look for that.  If you want to be a sex toy, but get enough cooking and cleaning already, say that.  If you want it all... blah blah blah...

Mentoring... That's an interesting term.  Mentoring doesn't imply a romantic connection as well.  What do you desire of a mentor?  Someone to give you guidelines and principles, and a bedtime?  Or perhaps someone to train you into a "classical" sub, making you ready to start a journey into a brave new world...

What do you want your mentor (dominant) to do for you?
What do you want to do for your mentor (dominant)?


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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 1:50:17 PM   
KiandPhoenix


Posts: 205
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		If the person was able to get along well with both Phoenix and I, then absolutely. We are real busy, and frequently with that one or both of us had a sub here to help out with the household chores. Then again, I kind of think that a regular dom sub relationship )in most cases) has that element already. They are doing services, and they are growing and learning. Part of my job is to teach, and to help them grow. I also get the same effect as being mentored by doing this as a dom. I am learning and growing from my experiences with the sub. As I always say, I can never learn enough. So as my mother always says, "not just yeah, but HELL yeah!".
~Ki

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 1:54:50 PM   
iammachine


Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
Status: offline 		I, personally don't barter a thing for mentoring. But then, I have a rather loose definition of a mentor. I consider anyone that I look up to and learn "stuff" from to be a mentor in some degree.

I would be suspicious of someone that wanted anything in specific in return (aside from generally being appreciative and a friend) for their "mentoring".  Mentor relationships, as I see them, are primarily educational, which implies a need for objectivity. Things get kind of tangled if someone is trying to leverage activities that are not relevant to the learning experience. Now, should you choose to negotiate some form of service with someone that happens to be a mentor figure, that's gravy, but I see that as more of an aside.

I guess my it's all a matter of perspective and context pour moi.

As for sexual stuff, there's a lot to do, and a lot to learn, that isn't implicitly sexual. Most BDSM activities are naturally a bit sexually charged - but that doesn't mean they are overtly sexual. For example, my mentor had tied me in a rather compromising position (prone lotus) as part of his bday present. There's certainly lots of things that could have gone on in that situation, but we watched cartoons and ate ginger snaps while I learned what it felt like to bottom.

< Message edited by iammachine -- 9/18/2007 2:09:28 PM >

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 2:03:38 PM   
SirCache


Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline 		I personally see no problem with it, so long as your duties and responsibilities--as well as limits--are made clear.  And I would still say that you should interview carefully so that you will receive the kinds of mentoring you desire.  Also, plan for growth.  If you are with a Dom and want to take things up a level from mere teaching, make certain you have that flexibility. 

I suppose the real question I have:  What do you want to learn, and where do you want to be in one year's time?  (Not that there is a time limit, but it's a good place to start.)




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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 2:52:20 PM   
e01n


Posts: 1472
Status: offline 		Rule number 1 of finding a mentor: A mentor is not someone you pay anything but attention.

Corollary: asking for something in exchange for your attention prevents you from being a mentor and instead makes you a consiglierie at best...

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 3:13:27 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Sounds like a perfect person to hook up with LadyHugs, perhaps he can study her CD.

People wonder why I rail against mentors who talk about being mentors...this is a bright shiny example of exactly why I rail against them.  You can have this free service as long as you suck my cock....yep, sounds like your average mentor to me!

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 3:34:33 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Sounds like a perfect person to hook up with LadyHugs, perhaps he can study her CD.

People wonder why I rail against mentors who talk about being mentors...this is a bright shiny example of exactly why I rail against them.  You can have this free service as long as you suck my cock....yep, sounds like your average mentor to me!


I'll give tips to other Tops, but would never mentor a sub.

Not unless she was someone I had explicit arrangements with to BE my sub. Trying to do this "casually" never seems to work-if you are any good-there is a tendency for them to want to latch onto you. Something I'd rather avoid in that sort of situation.

I can be ornery-but I'm not generally callous.

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 3:37:46 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear pearlmoongirl, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
As a mentor, I have never placed any soul/body in a position of 'strings attached' and they are free to come and go as they wish and experience what other mentors have to offer.
 
Mentoring, in my mind's eyes is - teaching.  It is showing you how, tricks of the trade and steps in which work and things like that.  It is a means of sharing --not a business transaction.
 
That said, there is a difference between trading services and or barter for services, e.g. teaching.  And, there is a difference between doing things from the heart--not out of guilt and or obligation.  Helping is not a demand in mentoring--but, most appreciated in most cases.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 4:05:12 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		SimplyMichael aka CrappyDom --

You are correct about individuals might find something helpful in my CD-ROM.  However, I do offer it freely and nobody has to suck anything on anybody and or anything.  People can find information in books, teaching videos, conferences, special interest groups--also known as SIG also.

And, I don't have a 'phallus' and or a faux phallus for any to suck--

Lady Hugs

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 4:17:15 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear RRafe, Ladies and Gentlemen,
 
I do agree with your post, to which at times 'submissives/slaves' can 'latch on' to a mentoring Dominant.
 
Not every case where a person approaches a mentor will be a good match.  A mentor must do what is gut right for them just as much as it is gut right for a submissive/slave.  I don't think there is anything wrong as a mentor, to put boundaries and stick to them; of what mentoring one offers. 
 
As in life--there will always will be bad apples in the basket.  However, to paint a wide brush as SimplyMichael does --is most unfair to the many good people who have mentored many individuals.  I do realize that a person who has had bad mentor(s) will have a deep bias and or hate--however, there is no justification to generalize and or to attack any one particular individual as an example of a mentor from "H..LL,"  especially when they are in another side of the map and never met.  In, addition -- what one bad mentor for one, may be excellent for another.  It is dangerous to put hateful manure out and about, with the intentions to harm reputations of others who are strangers.  Sounds more like sour grapes to me.

Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

< Message edited by LadyHugs -- 9/18/2007 4:30:14 PM >

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 7:15:00 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		 .

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 9/18/2007 8:14:36 PM >

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 7:29:58 PM   
ModeratorEleven


Posts: 2007
Joined: 8/14/2005
Status: offline 		Children, enough.

XI


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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 8:10:35 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pearlmoongirl

Are there any Doms out there who would take on a submissive to do service things (cooking, cleaning, walking the dog) in exchange for mentoring?

Don't get me wrong - the sexual stuff would be marvelous, but I have been wondering if I could/should start someplace simpler.

~pmg



Pearlmoongirl.

I would highly recommend that if you sincerely want a mentor that you ask another submissive who's been around the block instead of a dominant. In fact, several other submissives would be better than picking the brain of a single one. (The Ask a Submissive Forum is a great place to ask questions.) If you do decide to go with another submissive/s outside of things like forums, be as careful in your selections as you would in choosing a dominant partner. Use your radar and don't get into a situation where a submissive agrees to mentor you with the hopes you'll actually become the third party in an established relationship.

Best of luck to you,

Celeste

PS: Good mentors don't require any sort of payment to mentor you. Anyone who tells you different is full of shit. You just don't have to pay to learn, not with your body, your service or money. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Hope I've made myself clear.

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 8:58:54 PM   
AMaster


Posts: 814
Joined: 8/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pearlmoongirl


I was reading the journal of another sub here (ProlificNeeds) and she posed an interesting question.

Are there any Doms out there who would take on a submissive to do service things (cooking, cleaning, walking the dog) in exchange for mentoring?

Don't get me wrong - the sexual stuff would be marvelous, but I have been wondering if I could/should start someplace simpler.

~pmg




I'd consider an arrangement like that.

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 8:59:49 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Generally, I find mentor based relationships to be necessarily emotionally limited and temporary.  I agree that usually when someone is talking about mentoring, they're really talking about 'friends/submissives with benefits.'  I also think that some people genuinely desire this sort of arrangement, just as there are women who actively choose the 'perfect' guy to lose their virginity to without really wanting to be in love with him.  It's not wrong, so long as everything is clear and obvious.

Service, to me, wouldn't be something traded for whatever I might teach so much as it would be a means of learning what I can teach.  Mr. Miyagi managed to get his house painted and cars waxed and polished, while still teaching lessons.

Stephan


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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 10:18:27 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		waxes off.

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 10:50:13 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I have a number of wonderful mentors none of which have ever asked for anything from me except that I learn the lessons they are trying to teach me. Some have had to wait 4 years for what they're teaching to sink in, but once it got in it's stuck there. They've helped me through some very bad patches. They've taught me wonderful lessons about accepting myself and my slightly off kink. But I've never been asked to do service (or sex or be a practice pad) as payment for their mentorship.

Just my thoughts.........

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(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/18/2007 11:12:59 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann


Mr. Miyagi managed to get his house painted and cars waxed and polished, while still teaching lessons.

Stephan


With all due respect, Stephan, and setting aside the fact that Mr. Miyagi didn't actually exist, the character was that of a master and trainer.
 
Daniel didn't beg Mr. Miyagi to mentor him, he begged Mr. Miyagi to train him for a karate tournament. It was the trainer Mr. Miyagi who got his house painted etc and in that specific training, Daniel learned moves and skill sets and built strength that would become useful in his karate.
 
When Daniel and Miyagi spoke as student and teacher, it was completely different. Sometimes Daniel taught Miyagi and sometimes Miyagi taught Daniel.. and it was for mutual respect and friendship, not to get a car waxed or house painted.
 
 
Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Service in exchange for Mentoring? - 9/19/2007 2:42:12 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		Wanted to add a different spin on this, while i agree with the concept that anyone who is mentoring should NOT be doing so in an effort to receive any sort of payment, whether sexual, physical, etc., it seems like everyone is looking at this from a Male Dom - female sub perspective, as that is "usually" how these things play out.

However, in my current situation, i serve two Doms, One has been in the lifestyle for a number of years, while the Other is only a year in. The First is mentoring the Second, and the Second, who has worked as a carpenter and has some skill in that area is helping the First with different house projects. It was NOT "part" of a mentoring deal, it just came from a place of gratitude for all the help the First Dom has been to the Second One.

i have also seen something similar between two different submissives, where one is showing another the ropes, where the second ends up helping with different tasks as part of the learning process, which could be construed as doing works of service. Again there was no "pressure" or "expectation" as part of the deal.

heartfelt


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