quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

I would talk more about the safe words, possibly set one up as back off of what you are doing and one as a scene stopper.

I like to use 3 as a top. yellow means that you like what is going on but it is getting too intence.
red means that what you are doing sux and it needs to end
mayday is a scene stopper

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ORIGINAL: onmykneesb4Him

i'm not sure how i feel about that. Does anyone else's Dom do this?

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I play to red with my girls on occasion.  However, playing to red doesn't empower them to stop play... it only communicates that they don't want another.  They understand clearly that only I end play when I say play is done.  It is not uncommon that I will push them to red and give a few more afterward they communicate their desire.  Is this edge play.. NO it's nothing more than a training technique that I use with my girls.  I am sure some individuals see this approach as showing the girls their place.  In actual fact, it is not the focus of who has the authority.  It is actually an approach to teach them that they can always push themselves further than their own minds limits them to.  They call red... and still they take a few more.. and play another time and they take more than the last time.  In time you end up where alandra is... you just keep pushing, you will not quit.  The important thing to realize is that this approach transfer's complete responsibility to the Top as well as a builds a lot of trust between Top and Bottom.  The Bottom gets into that mindset of not quitting... and then it falls on the Top to say when enough is enough.  The mindset that develops because of this approach can be then transferred into other situations that are not simply play.   Being able to convey to the Bottom that they learned we limit ourselves and breaking those limits can be very freeing.  They come to challenges with new energy and determination... they end up pushing themselves to greater heights as result.

quote:

To your dominant, apparently your calling the scene means something desirable, but clearly, to you, it means failure.  You might ask each other:

describe what would happen, if a scene goes great, in your mind. 
what do you feel it indicates, if the submissive has to let the dominant know that there's trouble, during a scene? 
what would constitute "trouble"?

Reasons a person won't let their dominant know, when there's a problem, can include:

- because they are flying high!  They are too ga-ga to notice there's a problem developing

- because they are in a pre-verbal state, and literally cannot put 2 + 2 together, to mentally process.  You'd be surprised how common it is for a submissive in an intense state of mind, to be unable to think of signaling, unable to remember the special safeword/signal, unable to even speak.

- because, as you've said, they see it as a failure, to cause the dominant to pause or stop or change the scene. 

Why a failure?  They may think it's a sign of weakness, they may fear that it implies the dominant made a mistake, that it might offend the dominant's ability to run the scene and take care of them, they may feel they've failed the dominant, disappointed them, they may feel they've taken over the scene...
if you ask me, it really is unhealthy for the dominant to encourage these very feelings in the submissive, as some people have stated that they do.

- the submissive may be too overwhelmed to process, in the moment.  In this case, it is more likely to be emotional and mental overwhelm.  The person is getting in over their head, but it takes them by surprise.  In such times, they may not behave with much emotion; it is usually some time after the scene, maybe even a day or two, before it sinks in, and they become very upset, in a delayed reaction.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

When we play, we do not use safewords.  We prefer to rely on direct communication with each other.

However, there are times that he will tell Alandra or I that we are going to "Play to Red".  This is something that is communicated in advance and we do not find out afterwards that this is what he was doing.  He will pick one toy (usually something that we enjoy), give us a position to be in or a signal to indicate when we are ready for another strike.  The play continues until he decides that it is over.  If we call red all it does is communicate to him that we do not want anymore, but it will not necessarily stop the play.   

The first time he did this with me I was strapped to the bondage bed and was to give a thumbs up when I was ready for another strike.  The toy he picked was the BBQ brush.  Sometimes the strike is not so hard and the thumb could stay up.  Other times the pain was so intense that all I could do was scream and fight the bondage.  However, after I worked through the pain, the thumb continued to go up.  There were also times when he would strike me before the thumb went up.  In the end he decided to end the play when he thought I had had enough.  My back, ass and legs were covered with little pinhole marks from the metal bristles when he finally finished.

Below is a portion of a previous post made by my Lord on this type of play.  It is his perspective and why he chooses to do this

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists
I play to red with my girls on occasion.  However, playing to red doesn't empower them to stop play... it only communicates that they don't want another.  They understand clearly that only I end play when I say play is done.  It is not uncommon that I will push them to red and give a few more afterward they communicate their desire.  Is this edge play.. NO it's nothing more than a training technique that I use with my girls.  I am sure some individuals see this approach as showing the girls their place.  In actual fact, it is not the focus of who has the authority.  It is actually an approach to teach them that they can always push themselves further than their own minds limits them to.  They call red... and still they take a few more.. and play another time and they take more than the last time.  In time you end up where alandra is... you just keep pushing, you will not quit.  The important thing to realize is that this approach transfer's complete responsibility to the Top as well as a builds a lot of trust between Top and Bottom.  The Bottom gets into that mindset of not quitting... and then it falls on the Top to say when enough is enough.  The mindset that develops because of this approach can be then transferred into other situations that are not simply play.   Being able to convey to the Bottom that they learned we limit ourselves and breaking those limits can be very freeing.  They come to challenges with new energy and determination... they end up pushing themselves to greater heights as result.

Knight's Kyra