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Teaching from the bottom - 9/18/2007 5:59:16 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		I know that there some subs that are willing to teach from the bottom, but I am courious as to how many there are out there. So my question to you is, "Are you willing to teach from the bottom? Why or why not?"

Thanks in advance for answering stupid questions,
Phin

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"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin
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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/18/2007 6:08:38 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

I know that there some subs that are willing to teach from the bottom, but I am courious as to how many there are out there. So my question to you is, "Are you willing to teach from the bottom? Why or why not?"

Thanks in advance for answering stupid questions,
Phin


I've done it, a couple of times.  It's not such a big thing.  Besides, if you consider teaching someone about yourself and you are submissive, then I think you're probably teaching someone the best way to dominate you, whether he's already dominant or not.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/18/2007 6:15:08 PM   
Anguisette1


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		For the most part I would say "yes" - perfectly willing to teach from the bottom. It should go without saying that some common sense restrictions go with that. (Note I said "should"...ha) No - I won't be target practice for a whip novice. No - you can't play with the pretty flames until you have done the homework. Learning safety aspects is always a necessity. "Learning" the submissive perspective of a given situation would seem to me o be invaluable knowledge.

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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/18/2007 6:17:03 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin
"Are you willing to teach from the bottom? Why or why not?"


Not a stupid question!

I am very willing to teach from the bottom. My reasoning is simple: Why should I limit myself to the men who happen to already have a great deal of prior experience? Why should I limit my experiences and what I learn just so that I can always be less experienced and less "educated" than a possible dominant?

I like to play. I like to learn. I like to read about how other people do things and figure out what might work for me and mine. While I am by no means a mecca of information, I would consider it very silly for a dominant to ignore what I have learned. He teaches me and I teach him.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Phin)
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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/18/2007 6:30:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Some, but not too many.  Mostly you only have that happen if she REALLY is into you in general, happens to be a good teacher, and/or is very experienced herself.

And the very experienced ones are very desired in general so that thins things out even more.

But that's not your issue.  It doesn't matter how many- it only matters if the one you want a relationship with will.

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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/18/2007 7:07:04 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

But that's not your issue.  It doesn't matter how many- it only matters if the one you want a relationship with will.

very true. the reason I asked as broad as I did was to get others opinion as well.

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/18/2007 7:08:00 PM   
Dilseachd


Posts: 53
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I have helped several Ladies who were either new to the lifestyle or experianced and looking to learn something new that I had experiance with they did not.  I just see it as another way to do a service and is something I enjoy and get alot out of mentally and emotionally when I get the opportunity.   There needs to be a good repore with the person before I will usually do it, but I have done it with someone who was a friend of a mutal friend once.   I jokingly call it being a crash test dummy.    

I think its a good thing to be able to give someone the feedback they need sometimes during and certainly after a session so that they can gain the confidance and skill needed to become a better Top/Dominant.  Good bottoms often help make good Tops.
Regards,
Dils

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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/18/2007 7:54:17 PM   
murmur


Posts: 394
Joined: 9/26/2005
Status: offline 		teaching/showing can be the best way of telling your partner what it is that you desire most.  I sure am willing, it can be a profond and intimate experience, knowing that you/she/he is the first to be teaching to or to learn from. Just good things coming from it  (and i'm sure i'm preaching to the choir when i say it should be done with only respect.....and fun!!).

(in reply to Dilseachd)
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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/18/2007 11:08:08 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		No,  I would not want to teach from the bottom. If I feel I have the upper hand and  control of what the Dominant/Top-pick your term is going to do next I  feel disapointed and see them  as prey and not predator.

There is also a big diffrence in  talking with each other and learning likes/dislikes/ fears and desires. But that is not the same as  leading a scene  or setting  the pace for what will or will not happen.


denika




< Message edited by denika -- 9/18/2007 11:11:24 PM >

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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/18/2007 11:30:34 PM   
joyride


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		Sure, i'm happy to teach from the bottom, as you put it. However, i limit it to certain kinds of play. Here's my reasoning: Sure, i'll show you how to use that flogger (hell, i even learned to use one properly myself, just for this reason), or how to use a clothespin zipper, or even where to put that shiny pointy needle. i'll show you anything i know how to do, in a physical sense, because this does not require my mind/psyche/emotions to be involved and therefore i can keep a clear level head about it.

What i won't do, and really *can't* do, is teach you how to hurt me mentally/emotionally, at least not "in the moment". When it comes to things like degredation, humiliation, objectification - really anything that messes with my head rather than my body - i can't be both in the moment and teaching at the same time. The very act of telling/showing what to do stops it from being effective for me, and therefore it won't work. i think that those types of situations lend themselves best to being discussed at length ahead of time with a trusted partner, and then just having a go at it. And frankly, i don't want to know what you're going to be doing in those situations, anticipation and fear of the unknown make for half the fun.



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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/19/2007 12:09:46 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		Hell no. I shouldn't have to. yuk.

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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/19/2007 12:46:20 AM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		it seems to me as a human i have plenty to teach someone else. i dont know about bdsm techniques and toys but i know a lot of things pertinent to male/female stuff, inter-dimensionality, art, cooking and gosh all sorts of things. i would hope my input would be valued.



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Every single line means something.
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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/19/2007 3:26:28 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		i have done it with One of the Doms that i currently serve. When He first started out, prior to a play scene, we talked about different toys and the first couple of scenes i stayed very mentally up, to help if necessary, which did limit me some in the scenes. i noticed that i had a much lower pain tolerance when i was concentrating on being a help to Him if He needed it, than when i just go with the scene. He also did His own research, talked with other Doms, etc., but there is nothing like actual "hands-on", so to speak, to gain experience.

 The struggle from my perspective was after the first couple of scenes to let go and trust that He knew what He was doing now, which He does. W/we also always did a post scene analysis initially.

& Edited to add: That the teaching was not just at scene times, but also in discussions of the lifestyle, submissive perspectives, etc.

heartfelt

< Message edited by heartfeltsub -- 9/19/2007 3:33:23 AM >

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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/19/2007 3:49:52 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		My ex boyfriend is alot  younger than  me.When we first met, we had instant sexual chemistry, but he did not  know I was into BDSM, nor did I know what he was into. After a few weeks, I finally admitted it. He had never done it, but asked me to teach him.

I did and created Frankenstein's Dom. He took to it like a duck to water. He became the perfect Dom for me physically and from a fantasy fulfillment aspect. To this day, he is the only one who really got into my head, I think, because I really directed him there.  But....he was not a good boyfriend and and his immaturity and lack of instrinsic understanding of relationships in general ruined our relationship.

However, I do believe you can teach someone from the bottom; I did and boy, was it fun for 10 years, despite the fact that we cannot be together. It is a case of fatal attraction for sure.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 9/19/2007 3:52:00 AM >

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/19/2007 5:15:39 AM   
peterK50


Posts: 433
Joined: 1/12/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, I have done it. When someone has Dom/me feelings or inclinations doesn't mean they also have experience or ability. I think any slave/sub that lets an inexperienced Dom/me use them without some guidance or suggestion is asking for trouble. You can be gentle & respectful in your "teaching" & remember that your attitude may be used against you later

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Religion Is About Seeking Knowledge, Not Knowing All The Answers.

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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/19/2007 5:42:19 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		There are always things to learn in every walk in life.
As long as we are learning i dont see it matters if it is from the top or bottom

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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/19/2007 6:19:27 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

i have done it with One of the Doms that i currently serve. When He first started out, prior to a play scene, we talked about different toys and the first couple of scenes i stayed very mentally up, to help if necessary, which did limit me some in the scenes. i noticed that i had a much lower pain tolerance when i was concentrating on being a help to Him if He needed it, than when i just go with the scene.


i find it very difficult to teach within an actual scene, but otherwise i have no problem with it... i tend to research things much more aggressively than my wife does, i build a lot of my own gear, which often requires explanation, and it really doesn't bother me to be marked or hurt a little too much due to inexperience. i have a fairly high pain threshold, which helps for doing "how-to" demonstrations without being in headspace.

Now, discussing behaviors/protocols/rules can be also be difficult to do without feeling like you're topping from the bottom, but if it has to be done, it has to be done... i am not of the "Utopian Guard" (love that term), so i realize that being a Dominant does not automatically convey omniscience. Sadly

...dave

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/19/2007 6:59:06 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I believe as human beings we all have something to teach each other ...so yes of course...

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/19/2007 8:03:36 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin
"Are you willing to teach from the bottom? Why or why not?"


Not a stupid question!

I am very willing to teach from the bottom. My reasoning is simple: Why should I limit myself to the men who happen to already have a great deal of prior experience? Why should I limit my experiences and what I learn just so that I can always be less experienced and less "educated" than a possible dominant?

I like to play. I like to learn. I like to read about how other people do things and figure out what might work for me and mine. While I am by no means a mecca of information, I would consider it very silly for a dominant to ignore what I have learned. He teaches me and I teach him.


This is unfortunate problem but I would not limit it to this life but human beings on the whole can be far too often wanting instant gratification where direct experience overrides what are to me far more important things.

I have zero problems being with someone who has no, little or less experience then me and more then willing to play teacher or take the lead in communication on subjects I know to be important based on that experience. As aquaticsub wrote why should I limit myself on such temporary thing?

Compatibility has so many things that need to be there for two people that you cannot change. Why limit yourself on one factor that can change? Hey casual top/bottom play I can understand but an actual relationship, please, experience is so far down on the list it almost gives it to much credit for actually being on the list.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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RE: Teaching from the bottom - 9/19/2007 8:13:01 AM   
sulasMistress


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline 		If I did not have the caring guide that is My submissive , this very novice Domme would never have blossommed forth ... I can do all the reading and investigation on the BDSM subject .. but thats never enough is it ! So I for one am grateful for a bottom who is willing to teach ...

(in reply to breatheasone)
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