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On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it rebell... - 9/18/2007 6:25:38 PM   
devotedsylph


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline 		Hello, everyone.

To begin, I know that I am not a 'perfect' slavegirl.  I am generally submissive and obedient to my Master - in joy, rage, or tears.  Sometimes I feel off and just don't feel very submissive.  Don't get me wrong - when I feel that way, I still do my best to obey well and pleasantly.  How do other subs/slaves deal with these periods when you just don't feel very submissive?  It almost feels like rebellion, but it's not a regular feeling that I have.  I don't think it's rebellion because I don't think "Who are you to tell me what to do" but rather I just feel very angry.  It's hard to explain - hopefully others have been in my position and can relate.

If there are any Masters/Mistresses/Doms/Dommes/Other People In Charge - how do you deal with these feelings in your sub/slave?  Do you encourage openess in that they speak up about it? Do you have 'rituals' that you engage in to help set things back on track?

- sylph
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 6:32:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		You obey.

Feeling submission isn't important.  Holding to your commitment is what's important.

Sometimes rituals help, sometimes mantras help, sometimes crying helps, sometimes just faking it helps.  Sometimes they don't.

If your "phase" lasts a long time, then I might begin to be concerned.  But simply having an off day every now and then is not a big deal at all- in fact it's almost universal.

You didn't commit to FEELING submissive all the time, you committed to BEING submissive all the time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to devotedsylph)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 6:36:42 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Angel has many times he doesnt feel submissive.  It happens.  However, whether he feels it or not, he is still obedient. We may not play that day if he isnt into it.  He has the right to say so. However, there is a difference between not beig in the mood to play and not wanting to do as you are told.  As my submissive, his place is to serve. Even if he does question the request, he doesnt consider NOT complying.
You will learn, as you grow as a sub, that you will not always want to be what you truly are. Just like at work where you dont always want to do your job, but you do it since it is your duty. I just accept it as a mood, and we move on. It has never, for us at leat, been a mjor problem. A day or so, depending on his stress level, and things are back to normal. Or, at least our version of.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 6:39:57 PM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedsylph

Hello, everyone.

To begin, I know that I am not a 'perfect' slavegirl.  I am generally submissive and obedient to my Master - in joy, rage, or tears.  Sometimes I feel off and just don't feel very submissive.  Don't get me wrong - when I feel that way, I still do my best to obey well and pleasantly.  How do other subs/slaves deal with these periods when you just don't feel very submissive?  It almost feels like rebellion, but it's not a regular feeling that I have.  I don't think it's rebellion because I don't think "Who are you to tell me what to do" but rather I just feel very angry.  It's hard to explain - hopefully others have been in my position and can relate.

If there are any Masters/Mistresses/Doms/Dommes/Other People In Charge - how do you deal with these feelings in your sub/slave?  Do you encourage openess in that they speak up about it? Do you have 'rituals' that you engage in to help set things back on track?

- sylph


Slaves are human too.  They're just as prone to feeling angry, and unsubmissive as the next person.  Take care though, that you don't let this feeling get out of hand.  Discuss it with your Master.  He may not be able to make you feel all better again, but he can certainly listen and tailor his demands of you accordingly or whatever he feels is appropriate.  There are days, most likely, when he isn't feeling so dominant either. 

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to devotedsylph)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 6:46:36 PM   
lighthearted


Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline 		realizing that it is part of a cycle - not necessarily a bad one - helps.  I know it will pass, and when it does, I'll be ready to be that super-submissive-type gal that I am.

I agree with LA, too - the best thing to do when you feel that way is to obey anyway.  if you can. 

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to devotedsylph)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 7:39:34 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Well your human and I don't feel submissive 24/7. Just remember your commitments some have  said and remember we all have off days.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to devotedsylph)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 7:41:07 PM   
devotedsylph


Posts: 56
Joined: 8/8/2007
Status: offline 		I do still obey to the best of my ability when I feel that way.

I just don't know how to help the things going on inside of me until it passes.  It never lasts more than a day or so.  I don't like walking around feeling enraged and unhappy and discontent.  I'm not even all too sure on how to ask for help from my Master, because I don't know what would help!  It's very frustrating, but thankfully doesn't happen often.

And no, it's not PMS-related.  I switched to that Seasonique birth control and I no longer have a period or PMS.

sylph

(in reply to lighthearted)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 7:43:32 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I have to agree with what LA said..however..I have often wondered if when such feelings crop up if they are a manifestation of an inner struggle that one may experience as a relationship develops and grows.?..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to devotedsylph)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 7:50:35 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Sometimes that's exactly what they are.

Sometimes they have no meaning so far as I can tell except that it's an "off day" and there's no helping but letting time do it's thing.

And maybe that's the lesson we need to learn- to just accept what IS, learn that feelings do not control actions, and to let time work its own will and go with it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 8:06:28 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
You didn't commit to FEELING submissive all the time, you committed to BEING submissive all the time.

...Amen to that........luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 8:09:07 PM   
LaMspeach


Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline 		Often when i am not feeling my submssive self is when other stressful things are happening in my life. I find the best way for me to work though these types of feelings is to talk to Master about it or another submissive that understand.

During these times i often beat myself up and find it just makes it worse ( for me). So be gentle with yourself find some quite time to think about what is troubling you.

Tempting... I agree, during these times, i often find that in the end i have grown in some way or became aware of a change with in me.

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"



(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 9:19:46 PM   
cautiousiasub


Posts: 199
Joined: 10/17/2005
Status: offline 		If it's just an occasional day, I fake it until it passes...that is, I continue to be obedient even when I don't feel submissive. If for some reason I get into a rut and it lasts longer than a day or two, I tell him what is going on. Sometimes I'm not sure what the problem is, and the best I can come up with is "I'm feeling bitchy." Communication helps a lot in this situation and he can often help me see where the moodiness is coming from. It can be anything from stress (work, school, kids) to pms to something bothering me and just not realizing what it is.

(in reply to LaMspeach)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 9:20:15 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		This hasn't happened to me in a very long while.  As I was discovering my submission with him, and as he developed it along, there would be times I would feel somwhat standoffish about an order or even just down right not want to do it (I still did it, however).  I have always been required to talk to him about any such feeling, so that he knows where my head is and can help put it back on track.  Resentment is a cancer that can destroy a relationship, and has no place in ours.  If I ever even come close to feeling resentful, it is addressed and corrected immediately.  Again, this hasn't happened in a very long time.

I found that when I would feel that way, it usually had something to do with an inner struggle I had, about giving over more control.  It's scary to keep giving more and more of yourself, particularly if you haven't done it before (in my case, I had not - not so much, anyway), and not uncommon to feel a sense of resistance to what is going on, especially if the giving over of self is happening quickly, or if the slave's faith in the Master is not yet solidified.

My Master set some rituals for me which helped to keep me focused.  I also journal to him daily - at least once a day, sometimes more. I am to report all my thoughts and  feelings to him - about myself, about him, about our relationship, about life in general, etc. He also slowed down my training when it would feel overwhelming, and checked with me regularly to see where my head was.  He emphasized the importance of my focus being on him, and of communicating to him, and of knowing and understanding who and what I am.  Over time, these struggles became less and less frequent until they ultimately dissolved.

(in reply to devotedsylph)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 9:33:09 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline
i'm certainly not a 'perfect' slavegirl, either.  For that matter, i'm not a perfect anything.  But, as i have sat here trying to remember the last time i didn't feel submissive, nothing comes to my mind.  i don't know if there has ever been a time that i haven't felt totally submissive to the person i was intimately involved with.   Of course, i don't feel submissive to everyone but, to my Master, to every Dom i have ever had relationships with, to every boyfriend i ever been with, to my former husband, i have no recollection of ever feeling anything less than completely submissive to them.  The notion of not feeling submissive seems totally foreign to me and i can't even imagine myself in a hypothetical situation where i didn't feel submissive.  i can't explain it and maybe i'm just weird that way but, i just can't think of myself feeling non-submissive. slave joyOwned property of Master David________________________________________________________________"Grow beyond your circumstances and realize your greatest possibilities."
quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedsylph

Hello, everyone.

To begin, I know that I am not a 'perfect' slavegirl.  I am generally submissive and obedient to my Master - in joy, rage, or tears.  Sometimes I feel off and just don't feel very submissive.  Don't get me wrong - when I feel that way, I still do my best to obey well and pleasantly.  How do other subs/slaves deal with these periods when you just don't feel very submissive?  It almost feels like rebellion, but it's not a regular feeling that I have.  I don't think it's rebellion because I don't think "Who are you to tell me what to do" but rather I just feel very angry.  It's hard to explain - hopefully others have been in my position and can relate.

If there are any Masters/Mistresses/Doms/Dommes/Other People In Charge - how do you deal with these feelings in your sub/slave?  Do you encourage openess in that they speak up about it? Do you have 'rituals' that you engage in to help set things back on track?

- sylph

(in reply to devotedsylph)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 9:33:53 PM   
slaverosebeauty


Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline 		Since MJ an I don't live together or close, I am in a different boat; when we are around eachother I feel submissive towards Him, He exudes this 'power' and 'control' even when we are on the phone, so I have a tendancy to slip into the mode naturally. When I don't feel so submissive with Him, He knows, after this long, its kinda a given, lol. What do we do, we shift the focus of what we are talking about or He will say something in a tone or about something that He KNOWS will bring me 'back.' We don't put much effort into that sorta thing; its just how our relationship works; I am submissive to MJ by choice, I can change my mind, yet, I don't see that occuring, I'm spirited, so being submissive 100% is NOT gonna happen.
 
Robots and doormats are submissive 24/7/366, 110%; its not unusual to go trough periods where you don't feel so submissive, you ARE human afterall. A caring, understanding partner will know and understand that and do their best to deal with the sitiation. Talk with your partner.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 10:31:47 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		You could simply say MAster, I am walking around enraged and discontent and unhappy, and I have no idea why, so I have no idea how to solve it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedsylph

I do still obey to the best of my ability when I feel that way.

I just don't know how to help the things going on inside of me until it passes.  It never lasts more than a day or so.  I don't like walking around feeling enraged and unhappy and discontent.  I'm not even all too sure on how to ask for help from my Master, because I don't know what would help!  It's very frustrating, but thankfully doesn't happen often.

And no, it's not PMS-related.  I switched to that Seasonique birth control and I no longer have a period or PMS.

sylph

(in reply to devotedsylph)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/18/2007 11:40:11 PM   
Twice


Posts: 179
Joined: 9/15/2005
From: Gainesville, Florida
Status: offline 		While you do have a committment to be submissve, your Dom/me also has a committment to you- to protect your well-being and realize when it's going too far.  So far, there's only been once when I was so physically ill/emotionally distressed/exhausted/distracted and I just plain out told me Dom this and he said he wanted to push me a little to make sure I was okay but not too far.  And He didn't and after that we were just lying down, cuddling, being vanilla because He knew I just couldn't take it.  So, like every other post here says... trust and communication!

_____________________________

-K

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 1:26:51 AM   
tallguy1


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		Hi,  I am a male DOM and I have found this with a couple of my female subs over the years. I believe it is all to do with a woman's female cycle mainly it happens a few days before they get pmt.  It goes when they reach the pmt stage but they still have the changing mood swings etc.  A good master should accept this as it is just part of the female chemisty and no matter how good a slave/sub they are they cannot avoid it. Remember a good MASTER is an understanding master.  Yours tallguy1

(in reply to devotedsylph)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 2:34:23 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		When my male sub has these feelings I tell him to sit down and think about them. Discover the cause and then we either sit down and talk about them or I have him write them out and then we discuss them. Either way he is not to ignore his feelings as that builds up over time into resentment. We discuss what is going on with him at length and work together to find a solution.
It isn't  a matter of submission, it is a matter of human emotion and need. As far as I am concerned he has the right to speak his mind as long as he does it respectfully. As his Dominant I want to know his thoughts and feelings as they do effect our relationship.

Good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to devotedsylph)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 4:19:04 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I talk to him about it. Obedience doesn't matter so much to him in comparison to emotional transparency. So I tell him how I feel and he helps me figure out where it's coming from.

If it's because I've had a really rough day then he wants to know that. At a time like that he's more likely to say "don't cook, we'll just get a pizza" and have me lie down with my head in his lap while he rubs my neck.

If it's because we've been feeling disconnected due to his work schedule, we might go for a walk. If it turns out to me feeling restless, he'll tie me up or spank me (or both).

But what I'm always supposed to do is open up and ask him for help.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 20
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