RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it rebellion?)

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RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 5:54:55 AM

ProlificNeeds

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The lovely flowery moments of "I submit because it's all nice and lovey ect." are great but, for me, that's not really accurate all the time. Sometimes you treat it like a commitment, which it is, or like work, which it also is. Relationships have their times of eye rolling and deep breathing, and times when you just suck it up, and do what you have promised to do. If it helps you any, think about -why- you do it. Having a daily ritual can help keep you feeling the dynamic more, but, ultimately, you just have to out-logic any emotional oddities that pop up. Examine why you do or feel the way you feel. Maybe something else is provoking these off-beat moments.

If you can't find a direct cause for them, maybe, the relationship dynamic isn't quite tuned to fit your orientation, perhaps it's a bit too severe, or not constant enough so your head space swings back and forth from 'independant' to 'submissive' and that swing isn't always an easy gear change. Best course, talk it over with the Dom, letting him know you're aware of the issue, and want to try and smooth it over, will no doubt be a relief to him as well, and he should be more than happy to help you figure out what you need.

(in reply to Celeste43)

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RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 12:04:32 PM

behindmirrors

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quote:

ORIGINAL: devotedsylph

How do other subs/slaves deal with these periods when you just don't feel very submissive?

I'm going through this right now, but for different reasons (I'm not dealing with the anger part, I'm dealing with the "I haven't been able to for physical reasons and it bothers me). When I am having an "off" day, I often just tell my Master and ask him for his advice on how to proceed. He usually tells me not to worry so much or push myself too hard, and I take a step back, just do what I can, and after that, I stop.

Sometimes I think that I try too hard to feel "submissive" at all times. There are times that is not going to be the case, and I have often had to separate out why I've been aiming for an unreachable "perfect". Very frequently I just remind myself that just because I don't feel like doing my tasks for the day is not a legitimate reason to not do them (this house, by some tremendous oversight, is not self-cleaning, unfortunately!)- and that even more frequently, if I just do what is expected of me without really "feeling it" at the time, when I have completed what was asked of me I often feel more submissive than when I began.

Talk to your Master when it is appropriate to do so and let him know of your feelings. Often seeing things from an outside perspective can be helpful, but also do your own "thinking through" and try to figure out what you can on your own. I'm not sure about your Master, but mine likes to see that I have muddled through what I can before I bring something to him for advice.

I hope this helps, and good luck-
behindmirrors.

(in reply to devotedsylph)

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RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 12:44:00 PM

BoundDragon

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See this is the point I should be deciding to keep my mouth shut instead of saying what I'm about to say.... so guys please dont scald me too much

I am a handful... I have not had a real time dom before so despite the training I have put myself through I still sometimes find myself 'pushing my luck', seeing what I can get away with.... to me its like testing the ropes that bind you... to feel them pull tight.

It is a trait I am not proud of & I'm sure with a little bit of training with him I will learn... the truth is I've yearned to embrace my submissiveness for so long that I'm ashamed I sometimes 'play up'

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RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 5:57:28 PM

devotedsylph

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tallguy1

Hi, I am a male DOM and I have found this with a couple of my female subs over the years. I believe it is all to do with a woman's female cycle mainly it happens a few days before they get pmt. It goes when they reach the pmt stage but they still have the changing mood swings etc. A good master should accept this as it is just part of the female chemisty and no matter how good a slave/sub they are they cannot avoid it. Remember a good MASTER is an understanding master. Yours tallguy1

I have to say that that is really a typical answer from a man. If a woman feels crappy it MUST be PMS.

I also did say that I don't get PMS - or my cycle - anymore, due to the birth control that I am on, so that's not it.

sylph

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RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 6:29:32 PM

mmb1

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I never feel unsubmissive, I just believe that yes situations like PMS, and other circumstances can cause you to rebel and be moody, but I never feel less submissive. It is one of those joys of being a woman lol.

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RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 6:53:27 PM

breatheasone

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I hate it when i get pissy...it kills me to know how moody i can get...but i too do not feel less submitted....just like i'm being an asshat...

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RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 7:27:18 PM

devotedsylph

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Maybe it's because I'm more of a 'switch' than a 'true sub'.

sylph

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RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 7:48:01 PM

feastie

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Honestly, does there HAVE to be a specific reason for it? It just is. Period. As pointed out by myself and many others previously ...

you
are
human

just like the rest of us.

I'm not a switch but I still have moments when I just don't feel submissive.

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Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

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RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 10:02:09 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundDragon
It is a trait I am not proud of & I'm sure with a little bit of training with him I will learn... the truth is I've yearned to embrace my submissiveness for so long that I'm ashamed I sometimes 'play up'

Don't worry. As long as you're being honest and mature about it, I've found that time and security handles this fine.

It's ok to need a leash tug every now and then- just have to learn to beg for it first rather than trying to manipulate it.

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RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/19/2007 10:56:36 PM

BoundDragon

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: BoundDragon
It is a trait I am not proud of & I'm sure with a little bit of training with him I will learn... the truth is I've yearned to embrace my submissiveness for so long that I'm ashamed I sometimes 'play up'

Don't worry. As long as you're being honest and mature about it, I've found that time and security handles this fine.

It's ok to need a leash tug every now and then- just have to learn to beg for it first rather than trying to manipulate it.

Thank you LA... that is a really good way of looking at it.

He is currently putting me through my first lessons of obedience & I'm not finding it easy.... but I'm determined to please him so I persevere

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RE: On days when you don't feel submissive (or is it re... - 9/20/2007 11:41:39 AM

junecleaver

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I handle this by reminding myself that being his submissive isn't a feeling. If being submissive were about feeling submissive, then I guess you could call me a wanker. Sometimes I get frustrated and angry. I wake up thinking, 'Why am I putting myself through this again?' My relationship is fufilling, but like any other relationship it takes work to maintain. Some days I don't feel like working, but I do anyways because in the end it's worth it.

When I'm angry, I just say, "I feel really angry right now. I don't know why, but can we talk about it some?" He reacts differently depending on the situation. Sometimes, he just listens. Other times, he gets all domly and rough with me and uses physical stuff to put me back in the right mindset.

It's normal to have off days in every facet of life. Sometimes, you're on fire at the job. Sometimes, you miss the mark a little. It's just life.

Good luck.

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