quote:

ORIGINAL: DivaDuchess

Friendship is an earned thing.  This is earned through respect and trust.  If there is neither, there is no friendship.  The same applies towards ALL relationships.  If you feel perhaps that these 'possible' friends have misinterpreted something you said or did, pull them aside and ask.  However, don't expect them to just give it with the friendship if you have indeed done something to cause mistrust in your actions, both future and present.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DivaDuchess

Friendship is an earned thing.  This is earned through respect and trust.  If there is neither, there is no friendship.  The same applies towards ALL relationships.  If you feel perhaps that these 'possible' friends have misinterpreted something you said or did, pull them aside and ask.  However, don't expect them to just give it with the friendship if you have indeed done something to cause mistrust in your actions, both future and present.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

I'm struggling to understand this thread as the OP wasn't overly coherent. But I want to ask whether the OP can recall acting inappropriately at any function ... has done anything that might have got this person thinking this way? It might only have been a small thing but she could be afraid that it would escalate into something uncontrollable and in a public place, that could reflect negatively on the whole group.

I'll cite an example: In a previous group which met regularly for munches as well as play parties, one sub had a very loud and strident personality, which was mostly tolerated. However at a munch at a pub that serves great "all you can eat meals" at very good prices, an attempt was made by this sub (who had arrived a bit late but there was still plenty of food available) to eat without paying full price. None of the rest of the group were particularly happy about it but also not wanting to challenge it and cause a scene. When management spotted it and tried to deal with it, there was a scene which wasn't at all edifying. Those who booked the function apologised to management later and they were OK ... but none of us felt comfortable about returning to that pub for nearly a year! That person is no longer welcome, venues of parties changed later anyway ... and no one is likely to tell that person where they've moved to! I think it could and should have been dealt with more openly ... but I was one of the ones who bailed out from doing so at the time as other group leaders weren't there! 

Now I stress that this was behaviour oriented ... any underlying medical/mental problems weren't the issue ... but the outward manifestation in a public scenario was. It was too risky to the rest of the group. I think the OP needs to think long and hard about his prior behaviour and see what triggered this response. It may not be his bipolarism as such ... but perhaps how he has allowed this to be manifested. I am certainly not anti people who are bipolar ... at one time I had 9 such people as close friends and jokingly referred to Myself as a "bipolar magnet" (lovely pun for a science teacher). However, they were careful to keep their behaviour in public within reasonable bounds and kept to themselves or with a few close and trusted friends when they were unable to control themselves.

Hope this has helped shed some light.
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

quote:

ORIGINAL: xoxi

MaamJay,

That's the exact same thing I was thinking.  Saying "I don't know if it's a good idea because you're bipolar" is probably the nicest way of saying "Fuck no, you've already alienated half the guest list."

Ross, I'm not saying that *is* the case, but either 1. you don't know this person really well and they heard about you being 'bipolar' through the grapevine, in which case there's not much of a friendship and they were simply trying to maintain a polite acquaintenceship, or 2. you do know this person fairly well and they have either seen manifestations of your 'bipolarity' in action or heard about it through anecdotes or stories you have told.  Even if I never see another person act out, if they have told me about a bunch of scenes they caused in public where they were so adamant about being in the right they didn't stop to think how it would sound to me, I would be hesitant to invite them to anything important to me.

That being said, I like what Stephann said.  Friendship is not something you owe someone.  If you don't feel a person is a friend to you, you certainly don't have to be one to them.  You can still be polite and say hello when you see them, ask how they've been, but you don't have to be their friend.

Good luck with this.  It's always hard to feel like your friends don't care...sometimes THEY are the ones who don't realize they're being insensitive.  It might not hurt to ask in detail why...not in an accusing way, or attempting to change their mind, but just to listen and find out why.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

If you're being disinvited from places and losing friends, then what you need to do now if focus on getting your illness under control. Because if you had it under control, then this wouldn't be happening.

My adult child is bipolar and she's had times when she has lost friends permanently because of uncontrollable episodes. Quite honestly, everyone has a point where they will say enough, they simply don't get enough good from the relationship to balance out the bad. I know of parents who finally have had to say enough to an adult bipolar child and get a restraining order against them.

Go back to your doctor, discuss medication dosages, see your therapist. This isn't a time to be focusing on wiitwd, it's a time to be focusing on you.

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ORIGINAL: toservez

quote:

ORIGINAL: DivaDuchess


As far as the specific reaction to them knowing that the OP is bipolar. If you are on top of it and manage it well that has never been an issue with this life and they are just acting out of a negative stigmatism and plain ignorance then by all means screw them life is too short. If they are coming from a place of seeing specific things they found troubling then that is for you to ask about and/or decide if they have merit and go from there.

_____________________________

To know what pain is hurts the most
pain is not just a wound in your flesh
pain is a dagger in your heart

(in reply to toservez)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonlyrossInNeed
well no i never did anything in a public or private function to cause mistrusts or anyting like that

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: lonlyrossInNeed
well no i never did anything in a public or private function to cause mistrusts or anyting like that

ross, I think that you need to take an honest look at your behaviors and make changes if you don't want this to continue to happen.