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Advice - 9/18/2007 6:48:49 PM

PrincessKatlyn

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Joined: 9/6/2007
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I am fairly new to the lifestyle, I guess you could say and I am just kind of seeking advice, I have been lerking around the site a bit but I want is advice on how to be better with live in slaves. I havent really owned a live in slave but I have played with subs before at clubs here. any advice?

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RE: Advice - 9/18/2007 7:20:26 PM

orfunboi

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Well, if i was considering a live in slave, the first thing i would do is sit down and figure out if i could really afford it and if i was ready for this step. Taking someone in and taking charge of their life is a big responsibility. Are you going to have him work and if so how many hours do you think he could reasonably expect to put in and still have time to take care of the duties you will be having him do. Do you have a big enough house? Will he need his own room? If he is not going to work, have you looked into insurance for him? Do you have a contract in mind for him? Do you have references to show you can handle the responsibility? Just a few of the things i would work out before i started interviewing prospective slaves.

(in reply to PrincessKatlyn)

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RE: Advice - 9/18/2007 7:25:24 PM

DiurnalVampire

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Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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The jump from playing with a sub at a club to a livein is HUGE. Its like dating to married, overnight.
First and foremost, you have to make sure there is the potential for a good enough working relationship to spend that much time together. (NOTE: Relationship does not necessarily mean love) Are you ready to be in charge full time? Are they ready to be controlled full time? What sort of living arrangements would you have? Shared bedroom? Separate rooms? Who has what responsabilities? Who pays what costs of living?
There is a lot that goes into just sharing your spae with someone else, before you even consider the relationship dynamic and your compatibility. Angel does not yet live with me, we are working up to that. Had we moed in earlier, or even now, I think it would have been a disaster. You have to focus more on building the D/s relationship, and then worrying about moving in. If you have only played in clubs, you might want to start with a more serious connection with someone, and see how that goes. If that works well, then start thinking about live ins.
Small steps lead to the ultimate goal, you dont have to go all or nothing from the get go.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

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VampiresLair

(in reply to orfunboi)

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RE: Advice - 9/18/2007 8:25:10 PM

MaamJay

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Seems like You are considering a MASSIVE leap for someone so new to the lifestyle. Best advice from One who has progressed down the same path but taken several years in the process ... take Your time and learn about Dominance in general and Yours in particular, so You know what criteria by which to assess a potential live-in. No point in leaving a slew of unhappy slaves in Your wake, that won't enhance Your life or Your reputation as a Domme and will just make attracting future ones so much the harder.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

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RE: Advice - 9/18/2007 9:14:52 PM

Stephann

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From: Portland, OR
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Something I strongly recommend to all dominants: NEVER take a live in 'slave' until you are completely capable of providing for their needs. That means you are financially self-sufficiant, emotionally grounded, and prepared to face the consequences of disaster. A dominant who relies on the submissive for income (to pay rent, for example) takes on a huge risk. Suppose the submissive loses his/her job, especially due to injury? Do you boot them out the door? How do you pay YOUR rent? If the place is in their name, you could easily find yourself booted if things go sour. And what about that injury? Are you willing to tend a sick submissive for three or six months if they're in a car wreck?

These are all issues you have to consider in a regular non D/s relationship, as well. Until you're sure you want to make that step with someone (and it doesn't sound like you have 'someone' in mind) I'd stick to learning to get by on my own if I were you. When the right person comes along in your life, you won't have to ask if you're ready; you'll know you are.

Stephan

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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MaamJay)

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RE: Advice - 9/19/2007 7:06:41 AM

lacylamour

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Joined: 2/15/2006
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While I agree its very important to be sure of who you choose and that you are also ready to make that committment.I do not agree that you are the soul earner.A sub may provide household duties,but thats not all that they should provide.
They should welcome the opportunity to also provide a certain income to the household. They should have their own health insurance depending on what country they live in. It also means they can provide their own personal items as in clothes and toiletries which would not be provided for if they were living a vanilla life other than by themselves.
So why should a Dominant provide it for them either.

(in reply to Stephann)

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RE: Advice - 9/19/2007 8:44:00 AM

thetammyjo

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First realize that a live in slave is almost exactly the same as any live in partner -- the only difference is the authority dynamic. The degree to what that authority is exercised depends on the partners - -personally I recommend written negotiation and contracts with the understanding that there will be changes and developments as time goes on.

So if you can handle living with someone without a Ds relationship you might be able to handle a live in Ds partner. If you can't handle living with someone else, then I'd say don't rush into anything.

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Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to PrincessKatlyn)

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RE: Advice - 9/19/2007 8:51:40 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lacylamour

While I agree its very important to be sure of who you choose and that you are also ready to make that committment.I do not agree that you are the soul earner.A sub may provide household duties,but thats not all that they should provide.
They should welcome the opportunity to also provide a certain income to the household. They should have their own health insurance depending on what country they live in. It also means they can provide their own personal items as in clothes and toiletries which would not be provided for if they were living a vanilla life other than by themselves.
So why should a Dominant provide it for them either.

I'll agree and add that things change over time.

For example if the couple were to become married then legally there is mutual responsibility for finances otherwise it really is two individuals living together but responsible for him/herself.

Here's a vague example from my life. While I have authority because I own Fox I am often very concerned about exercising it in ways that I fear may strip him of his abilities to function like an adult. I am also wary of taking on decisions that simply increase my level of work without providing honest benefits to myself -- yeah, I'm selfish about being a slave owner. Just this weekend I had to change this approach to solve a potential problem in the future that was causing us distress now. I don't want to go into it here because I'm surprisingly private and this was a big change in how I exercise my authority. Depending on how it plays out in the course of the next year I may talk about it more.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to lacylamour)

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RE: Advice - 9/19/2007 9:00:00 AM

Stephann

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Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lacylamour

While I agree its very important to be sure of who you choose and that you are also ready to make that committment.I do not agree that you are the soul earner.A sub may provide household duties,but thats not all that they should provide.
They should welcome the opportunity to also provide a certain income to the household. They should have their own health insurance depending on what country they live in. It also means they can provide their own personal items as in clothes and toiletries which would not be provided for if they were living a vanilla life other than by themselves.
So why should a Dominant provide it for them either.

Briefly, I'm not suggesting that the dominant must be the sole earner at all times. I'm suggesting that if the dominant is unable to become the sole earner should the situation should the need arise, they should think twice about the relationship. There is a strong D/s element in providing for one's home, I think, but even in a vanilla relationship things happen. Nothing rips a family apart faster than lack of money.

My concern with the OP, is that it's not clear if she's financially self-sufficiant herself yet. This is an important element of the maturation process; if she cannot yet provide for herself fully, how is she going to handle providing for a slave? If anything, my fear is she might get wrapped up by the glamor and glitz of a sugar daddy, who wants to play slave... only to end up chucked out with the trash a few months or years later, when someone prettier and younger comes along.

I just dont' think she's looked at all of the potential risks here. If she has, and decides to go for it, then I wish her the best of luck.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to lacylamour)

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RE: Advice - 9/19/2007 10:07:58 AM

PrincessKatlyn

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Joined: 9/6/2007
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I am not looking to have a live in slave any time soon but I would like one in the future. I just wanted things to know or things to ask before I decide to have a live in slave. I have a potential slave that I am talking to now who seems to be a very nice match for me.

(in reply to Stephann)

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RE: Advice - 9/19/2007 3:30:17 PM

lacylamour

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Joined: 2/15/2006
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Then as was suggested in many replies to your original post.firstly make sure you are both able to imput financially.Take the getting to know each other process slowly before you do go to the next level.
I gather the general concensus is if you both get on well enough then he will move in with you.
My question to you is.... Is it your own property? Or are you just renting it and if so what are the rules about subletting/boarders?
Besides the financial aspect which is a very important issue there are many other things to consider before you take that step of committment as a 24/7 Domme/sub relationship.
Just like a married couple or b/friend/G/Friend relationship if it goes bad when you live together its not as easy when you don't.So take your time and don't rush into anything.
Mistress Trish

(in reply to PrincessKatlyn)

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RE: Advice - 9/19/2007 10:20:37 PM

PrincessKatlyn

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Thanks for your kind reply I am currently living at school so there really is no way I could own a slave but I will start my job in accounting after this school year so I should be stable enough. When I do find a slave I will want a place I could afford on my own.

(in reply to lacylamour)

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