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RE: Emotional Masochism - 7/27/2005 4:04:34 PM

Rover

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Caitlyn, as a "person in waiting" does the line become blurred at some point between someone "doing it to you", and you "doing it to yourself"?

I hope that question made sense.

John

(in reply to caitlyn)

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RE: Emotional Masochism - 7/27/2005 4:22:56 PM

Rover

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Is this a first, replying to one's self?

I've had my medication (double dose tonight) and realized that I might better state my quesiton as follows:

At some point does a "person in waiting" cross a line from being the victim of another's actions, to being a victim of their own self destructive behavior?

John

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RE: Emotional Masochism - 7/27/2005 8:59:48 PM

slavedesires

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Joined: 3/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: luvdragonx

This all makes sense. This particular subject leads me to contemplate how many actions/behaviors walk the line of being BDSM related/personality issues. My OP and subsequent reply was in no way an endorsement of this kind of behavior as healthy behavior. I just was curious about it in the BDSM context; how many people could relate this type of thing, and if the overall makeup of a masochist is what made emotional masochism possible.

Thank you slavedesires for the link. I recommend anyone perusing to take a look at it.

After reading it, other articles and thinking even more, I've come to my own conclusions about emotional masochism. The first is that the key difference in what I described and masochism in the BDSM world is enjoyment, not just tolerance. I don't think it's possible to enjoy emotional pain, because, once you enjoy it, how is it painful? Not to say that people don't enjoy the attention to be garnered from suffering through distress, but that's a different animal altogether.

The second thing I've concluded is that there are many many ways to take problems, disorders and flat out sicknesses, paint them with the BDSM colors and say "See? It's okay, it's just another kink!" Yes, slavedesires, it does fit right in with caitlyns 'Beyond Understanding' thread. Coming to the table as a whole person (or a least with the glue mostly dry) is the best way to avoid these kinds of confusions.

Lastly, I believe Emotional Masochism is probably a misnomer, since there is no true enjoyment to be had. Emotional Self-Injuring is probably more appropriate.

Thanks to all of you who took the time to give feedback :)

I agree on some levels...and you are most welcome.

My emotional masochism is NOT related to self injuring behaviour nor is it related to BDSM nor is it enjoyment. It is who i am because of my past. Would i change it...in a flash. But i cant. So i live with it. Deal with it and cope DAILY as i can.

I am not fatalistic about it, but realistic about it.

Emotional pain is not like unto physical pain...but those of us who are EM do tolerate amounts of physical pain to dull the emotonal pain. Well, i do and i do think i am unique in this.

i also tolerate more emotional pain in relationships than many woman do as well.

~~shy

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RE: Emotional Masochism - 7/27/2005 9:34:37 PM

IronBear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Gemeni

One definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again-and expecting different results.

It fits.

Hmmmmmm Welll yessss that is one definition, but it could also define the universal optimist who may well be insane.

One definition of genius is doing the same thing over and over again-and expecting different results and getting them.

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RE: Emotional Masochism - 7/27/2005 10:05:29 PM

luvdragonx

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quote:

My emotional masochism is NOT related to self injuring behaviour nor is it related to BDSM nor is it enjoyment. It is who i am because of my past. Would i change it...in a flash. But i cant. So i live with it. Deal with it and cope DAILY as i can.

In reading your post, I realize that my personal definition of EM is different from yours. I coined the term, having never heard it used before, to describe a habit, if you will, that I have of choosing the path of most resistance and emotional pain when I could suffer otherwise. The release I get from physical pain inflicted is similar to the release from taking on emotional pain as well. From what I understand you to say, and please correct me if I'm wrong, physical pain is an outlet to escape the emotional pain. Would you go so far as to say that emotional pain is the driving factor in seeking physical pain? I'm still quite curious as to how masochism as a whole relates to one who chooses the emotional trauma for sensation. Not necessarily for enjoyment, but as a means to an end. I use the term Self Injuring because it too pertains to inflicting pain upon oneself to escape or deal with other issues.

I'm like you - I know who I am and how I function most days. It doesn't always agree with other people, but hey, I can't please everyone all the time.

Thank you again for your words and input. Hey, we're one day farther along in the journey, and we're still here.

< Message edited by luvdragonx -- 7/27/2005 10:07:50 PM >

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RE: Emotional Masochism - 8/3/2005 9:55:50 AM

KatyLied

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Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

choosing the path of most resistance and emotional pain when I could suffer otherwise

I've always felt that I am an emotional masochist. I've been thinking about lately. For me it has to do with making decisions (choosing a difficult situation, an attraction to a difficult person) that I know will cause me pain. But a "known" pain, going in. As opposed to searching and/or experiencing the unknown, with it's unknown pain and/or unknown benefits. Why do I not break myself of these pain-causing habits? I'm not sure. I think some of it, in my case, has to do with a fear of true intimacy, a fear of rejection, and certainly low self-esteem.

I am a work in progress.

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Post #: 26