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RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 6:35:54 AM   
CDOM3


Posts: 15
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		OK. No judgements and not a poll.
In RT living in a D/s or M/s relationship, what is the number one quality that you look for and is it different then what you need?
Such as I look for intelligence, awareness of real world living and common sense. These are the qualities I seek in a slave because they will add value to comfort of My life. From there I look for a slave that needs structure, organization suppilied by Me so she can free herself of real world responsibilities and thus devote herself to serving.
It is a symbiotic relationship.
Is it realistic to seek a quality that will lend itself to a secure, solid relationship (building a relationship from the top down) vs. seeking a need (usually sensual/sexual so building from the bottom up) and trying to build a relationship from the need?
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RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 6:41:20 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		appropriateness around my UMs

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 6:54:31 AM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		I look for people I like and can be friends with. After that, I had a whole list of must haves, and also deal breakers.

They had to be devoted to their ums. Men who don't pay support, move into bachelor pads with no room for their ums, never spend time with their ums, yet complain about how horrible their exes are as mothers don't get the time of day from me.

They had to be capable of long term commitments, which doesn't mean three dozen relationships in six years but one relationship for 20 years. I couldn't care less about how well he could use a flogger. I do care about his ability to communicate and commit.

No anger problems, no drug/alcohol issues whether presently in recovery or not. No problems with someone who has mood disorders as long as they take their meds and see their therapists. No people with personality disorders, that I can't deal with plus I don't know of any who do commit to taking their meds and seeing their therapists day in and day out for their whole life.

And there were a whole lot of other things. Having this list made it easier to screen for a compatible person. I wasn't looking to be compatible with as many as possible, just with the right one.

(in reply to earthycouple)
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RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 6:57:02 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CDOM3

OK. No judgements and not a poll.
In RT living in a D/s or M/s relationship, what is the number one quality that you look for and is it different then what you need?
Such as I look for intelligence, awareness of real world living and common sense. These are the qualities I seek in a slave because they will add value to comfort of My life. From there I look for a slave that needs structure, organization suppilied by Me so she can free herself of real world responsibilities and thus devote herself to serving.
It is a symbiotic relationship.
Is it realistic to seek a quality that will lend itself to a secure, solid relationship (building a relationship from the top down) vs. seeking a need (usually sensual/sexual so building from the bottom up) and trying to build a relationship from the need?


Vanilla strengths will always trump sexual obsessions, when it comes to functionality.

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RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 7:14:03 AM   
KMsAngel


Posts: 17415
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline 		no bds or m r'ship yet, but in all my relationships, friendship first and foremost


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RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 7:47:34 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43

I look for people I like and can be friends with. After that, I had a whole list of must haves, and also deal breakers.

They had to be devoted to their ums. Men who don't pay support, move into bachelor pads with no room for their ums, never spend time with their ums, yet complain about how horrible their exes are as mothers don't get the time of day from me.

They had to be capable of long term commitments, which doesn't mean three dozen relationships in six years but one relationship for 20 years. I couldn't care less about how well he could use a flogger. I do care about his ability to communicate and commit.

No anger problems, no drug/alcohol issues whether presently in recovery or not. No problems with someone who has mood disorders as long as they take their meds and see their therapists. No people with personality disorders, that I can't deal with plus I don't know of any who do commit to taking their meds and seeing their therapists day in and day out for their whole life.

And there were a whole lot of other things. Having this list made it easier to screen for a compatible person. I wasn't looking to be compatible with as many as possible, just with the right one.


you say alot of good points. people that can not pay child support. shows lack of responsibility

(in reply to Celeste43)
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RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 8:06:55 AM   
Bearlee


Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CDOM3
..
In RT living in a D/s or M/s relationship, what is the number one quality that you look for and is it different then what you need?

Such as I look for intelligence, awareness of real world living and common sense.

Bingo!  You said exactly what I would have said! 

It is a symbiotic relationship.

I believe it IS a symbiotic relationship...  While I think both should be whole, capable individuals...I look for someone who will celebrate the relationship just as much as I would.

Is it realistic to seek a quality that will lend itself to a secure, solid relationship (building a relationship from the top down) vs. seeking a need (usually sensual/sexual so building from the bottom up) and trying to build a relationship from the need? 

For me, 'need' is a red flag.  I prefer to be with someone I WANT to be with and who WANTS to be with me.  In my book 'need' smacks of not having a decision or choice.  I think we should decide every day who it is we enjoy spending our time with and if we're not (over all) enjoying ourselves...it's time to make a change.


Beverly

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RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 8:28:50 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		I totally agree about the uncontrolled need part. Everyone I have gotten involved with in the past..who was like that............

Became a nightmare to try to relate to. And people wonder why "drama" is a hard limit for me now......

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RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 8:40:55 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I look for the usual qualities we admire in all relationships whether friends or lovers. Intelligence, personal responsibility, honesty, class (how they treat others), reality based and whether they have a positive or negative soul.

In terms of the more dominant traits I do focus on then also throw in passion, take charge attitude and some domineering into their personality.



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(in reply to CDOM3)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 9:03:49 AM   
CDOM3


Posts: 15
Joined: 2/22/2007
Status: offline 		So along with personality traits that match and blend well with ours, common interests and such, it it be accurate to also look for common shared goals?
Everybody has short and long term goals and simply being in the lifestyle doesn't change that about us a a person.
The short term goal of matching needs in BDSM does not qualify for a long term relationship in matching goals in life.

Bearlee thank you for directing Me to that post and I missed it in researching others thoughts on this.

Everyones answers has reaffirmed My belief in why I live and love the life of M/s.
I suppose it comes down to quality of mutual life goals vs. urgency of needs met. Both incorporate RT livable D/s and BDSM and we all seek those that will make us better.

(in reply to toservez)
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RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 11:00:55 AM   
SirCache


Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline 		General friendly compatibility is a must.  Without that, why even bother?

(in reply to CDOM3)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 12:34:40 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CDOM3


In RT living in a D/s or M/s relationship, what is the number one quality that you look for and is it different then what you need?


Power and yes, it's quite different from what I need. I need food, air etc.. things I must have to survive. Power allows me to thrive.. that's a perk.

quote:

Is it realistic to seek a quality that will lend itself to a secure, solid relationship (building a relationship from the top down) vs. seeking a need (usually sensual/sexual so building from the bottom up) and trying to build a relationship from the need?


I'm not quite sure I understand the question, so don't know if this answers it .. if the power isn't there first, I'm not going to be in a relationship.

Celeste

typo edit

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 9/20/2007 12:35:15 PM >

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: RT qualities sought vs needed - 9/20/2007 12:40:17 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Power and yes, it's quite different from what I need. I need food, air etc.. things I must have to survive. Power allows me to thrive.. that's a perk.


Damnit you beat me to it.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 13
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