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First Go - 9/21/2007 7:58:30 AM

norarc

Posts: 72
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline

I'm still quite amazed at how quickly I jumped into giving BDSM a try -- after fifteen years suffering from (untreated) clinical depression (now treated, thankfully), I didn't think of myself as having much in the way of confidence. Certainly not enough to even look sideways at BDSM. It honestly never occurred to me that this scene might fulfill something lacking in me.

It happened mostly through chat (yes, I know this is about real-life experiences -- I'll get to that part momentarily); I ran into a pair of Dommes through an RPG site, and somehow they both just twigged to something in my responses and smartass comments. I'm still not entirely sure what they saw -- I suppose that's a question I'll have to answer myself. Things progressed until we were cybering back and forth, and I found myself genuinely craving their attention. A very strange thing -- if you'd contacted me a year ago inquiring about online BDSM sexual chat, I'd've told you... well, the words would likely have been profane, and used unflatteringly. How things change...

So, after about a month of this (and no previous BDSM experience, mind), I had an absolutely unexpected fit of confidence, and after building my courage a bit, off I went to visit one of them (which necessitated a trip to the U.S.), continuously telling myself that "I just want to see if this is for real, or just some strange temporary glitch in my brain." Well, yes, it's for real. I stayed with Intolerant for four days, and got my first taste of submission and a whole lot of information about BDSM. And yes, I did very much enjoy myself! Still, after consultation with her, and some deep thought, I was forced to concede that there's every possibility that I'm a switch, hence my profile designation. She's already commented that my confidence seems to have increased several thousand percent, which is quite gratifying. So thanks, Intolerant, and Steph too (Steph's not on Collarme, incidentally), for introducing me to this, and being perceptive enough to sense that I might enjoy myself here.

Of course, now I have to learn about being a switch, and see if I can make those fantasies of domination I've had swirling around my mind reality. Any suggestions or advice?

Thanks for reading!

Norarc
Apudne te vel me?

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RE: First Go - 9/21/2007 9:29:23 AM

mmb1

Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline

You sound Dom to me! Do not ever adjust what you "are" for anyone! That is all I can say. I have been called a domme/switch, but I don't listen to anyone but me, I am a submissive and am confident that I am, so if you feel you must change for someone else, they are not right for you! Good luck to you.

(in reply to norarc)

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RE: First Go - 9/21/2007 2:29:36 PM

norarc

Posts: 72
Joined: 8/21/2007
Status: offline

Thanks for the advice and encouragement! I'll admit that the Dom side of things does have my attention at the moment; I've perused some of the female submissive and slave profiles, looking to see what they're like as opposed to Dommes, and I must say... my... oh, my... I see cold showers in my future. And ice. Lots of ice.

But staying true to oneself is good advice... well, always, pretty much. A lot of the cognitive therapy I went through for the depression focused on ridding oneself of negative or distracting thoughts and dealing more directly with reality, so in that spirit, I guess I'll stick with the "switch" identifier for now, though perhaps I ought to modify it to state Dom/switch. I did enjoy my submissive experience, but now I do think I'm ready to see what it's like to be the one in the driver's seat, as it were. Of course, I'll have to locate some method of learning, whether from a more experienced Dominant or perhaps with the help of a submissive or another switch -- heck, are there any books you'd like to recommend?

Thanks for the kind message!