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HollyBlue -> RE: Bottom vs submissive (9/23/2007 9:21:26 AM)
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My understanding is that a bottom is someone who enjoys being dominated and/or subjected to pain and/or humiliation for their own pleasure, and a submissive is someone who enjoys those same things but is a bit more focused on the pleasure of the Dominant, Master, or Top.
One example would be: My Master loves to beat my inner thighs. And although I enjoy many kinds of pain, I hate having my inner thighs beaten. I derive no intrinsic physical pleasure from it. However, I derive a ton of emotional pleasure from it, as well as sexual arousal, because I know it pleases and arouses my Master so much to do it.
I believe I am both a bottom and a submissive. If I were a bottom only, and not also submissive, I would probably negotiate scening so that my Top did not beat my inner thighs much, or might safe out at some point, or I might choose a Top who did not like to do that particular thing, or other things I don't enjoy.
Another example would be that I am very good at deep-throating, and have worked hard to get to be so. I continue to work hard to be even better. Nevertheless, I hate deep-throating. I find it unpleasant, as it requires extreme concentration to let go of the need to gag, while stimulating my Master's cock as well as I possibly can, keeping my teeth off of him as much as I possibly can, and resisting the increasing panic caused by lack of air.
Despite the fact that I hate deep-throating, though, I do it multiple times every day. I work to stay down longer and longer, because I know that it pleases my Master enormously, and his pleasure is, ultimately, at least as important, and usually more important, to me than my own.
I also think his desire to repeatedly shove his cock down my throat is also what differentiates him as a Dominant/Sadist/Top from another kind of Top. He derives pleasure intrinsically from making me do what he knows I don't want to do. He derives intrinsic pleasure from causing me pain (but not from causing me lasting or permanent harm).
Don't know if everyone would agree with these definitions, but it's how I understand it the best.
I also believe that no one thing is any better than another. There is nothing wrong with being a bottom but not a submissive, and BTW, contrary to what an earlier poster said, not all "submissives" are whiny. It sounds like most of the submissives he has encountered are brats, which is a separate issue entirely.
Anyway, I think what matters, far more than what one is, is knowing how to find one's match. A very submissive bottom will probably not be totally satisfied with a Top who does not push her limits, whereas a bottom who is not very submissive will probably struggle with and have conflict with a Top who wants to constantly push her limits. Whatever you are, find your match, and you'll be okay, IMO.
Just for fun, the other day someone posted a link to an OK Cupid test (geared toward women) to see if you are a bottom or a sub. Of course, I have no idea as to the credentials of the test's creator, or the real significance of the results, but it's still fun:
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/11747945660806295159/female-submission
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