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RE: How to "educate" a vanilla woman. - 9/25/2007 8:23:18 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: joshslave111

Silverdawn

Thanks and I am very active in the local scene. I'm a member of both TES and MAST and go to a large number of DomSubFriends meetings.

The problem isn't finding a dominant woman, the problem is finding a dominant woman I'm attracted to, have something in common with and is looking for more than just casual play.

Hence, why I've expanded my search to the vanilla world.

Having been in the NYC scene for 5 years I can relate. It wasn't until I left the City and came back to the midwest that I found more serious slaves.

However I did meet amazing people at the munch, the Applemunch I mean, so I recommend you find that and starting going. A munch is kinky folks sure but usually what is talked about is more everyday mundane stuff. We made a lot of friends whom we never did kink with at the munch -- fellow gamers, sci fi geeks, any interest you can imagine was there.

I did meet some play partners there to and some became more serious but given that I was in grad school and they tended to be in college I knew it probably wasn't going to last for years and years since I had no plan to stay in NYC.

If you do plan to be in NYC for longer you will be freer to let those relationships get more serious. But a munch is a great way to connect on non-kinky levels I think. Unless the Applemunch has really changed it's tone.

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RE: How to "educate" a vanilla woman. - 9/26/2007 7:25:14 PM

subexploring

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quote:

ORIGINAL: joyinslavery

'Vanilla' is the way to go brother.

Assuming of course you're comfortable with and can move easily within the 'vanilla' dating scene. I think most here can't.

Best of luck!

Ha! Bingo, I think you got it.

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RE: How to "educate" a vanilla woman. - 9/27/2007 2:53:02 AM

joyinslavery

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Yup.

If you're looking for 'girlfriend material', there isn't much of that here.

If you (and she) can deal, 'vanilla' can work quite well.

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Mainstream...The New Alternative

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RE: How to "educate" a vanilla woman. - 9/27/2007 4:14:21 AM

LaMistressa

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I don't date vanilla anymore (vanilla guys and girls can't hold my interest long enough), but when I did I found the book "When Someone You Love is Kinky" to be helpful. I do wish they had a version of it for dating, along the lines of "When Someone You Like", vs. the other "L" word.

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RE: How to "educate" a vanilla woman. - 9/27/2007 4:39:56 AM

joyinslavery

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Yes, and don't forget that the 'lifestyle' continues to be absorbed into the mainstream.

You only have to go so far as whatshisname Timberlake and the now famous 'spank dance'.

It's ALL going porno so just give it time. It's coming.

Edited because I'm bitter.

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 9/27/2007 4:44:58 AM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

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RE: How to "educate" a vanilla woman. - 9/27/2007 5:24:53 AM

MHOO314

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quote:

ORIGINAL: james2Jay

for me, the best advice is proactive. Find a sub girl into pleasing you.

change yer profile to "Dom" and train a sub girl to top service you. They listen better than the dom ladies.

OMG Ron, did I not know you so well, I would not realize this was delivered tongue in cheek, I hope---for far too many male Dominants these days are submissive boys in disguise, hoping against hope for a Domina---

You may well find a Dominant female in the "vanilla" world, heavens knows there are gizillions of them in business--however do not mistake dominant for domineering--huge disappointing difference--and you need to evaluate the manifestations of the relationship you seek--A woman may be dominant but the thought of torturing your balls is vile----

We too often force fit a square peg in a round hole---because we are impatient-we don't want to do the work to look, find seek, develop--we use this life as a veil hoping that it bring us what we need---yet it is after all a veil ---does one simply snap their fingers and a vanilla relationship happens? NO, what makes one think this venue is any better--trial and error, trial and error, there is no formula for success--as in life--some do, some don't--some hit it, some won't--only you can determine your level of patience, your level of commitment and the true depth you know yourself.

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RE: How to "educate" a vanilla woman. - 9/27/2007 9:04:46 AM

ededwards

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Dear Joshslave

I had an interesting experience with eharmony. After I came to terms with my desire for submission I started to go to direct communication immediatly with a short essay based on my profile essay. I recieved more responses. Some were, "yes I am dominate but I am seeking more balance in my relationships." Others were " wow,it seems like you are being completely honest about who you are that is interesting to me." I am thinking that the screening process that they use works. The jury is still out and I let my eharmony membership go this month. I am thinking about trying it again with me eggagerating my sumissive trait answers and cranking up the dominate preferences for my mate. I bet it would work. As a whole i would not recommend that service or any of them for that matter. We have to hit the streets and get out there.Good luck.

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RE: How to "educate" a vanilla woman. - 9/27/2007 9:31:10 AM

Donnalee

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Josh,
There is a hilarious spoof article about this in The Onion http://www.theonion.com/content/news/description_of_sexual_fantasy ..it takes it from the other side, but it really shows how you have to communicate very clearly with the one you're hoping will go for it.

I think it would probably be easier for a dominant guy to find a sub via vanilla dating, but I suggest you really looking for clues of dominant traits in the first round of dating, and then quickly start the hints and then go for it straight out. It's probably not good to use our language, but rather bridge to her in vanilla terms...."I love to worship my lover"....."I like to treat my date like a queen"......."I like a woman who knows her mind and isn't afraid to ask for what she wants"......"I like a lot of direction when it comes to sex." "Strong women make me melt..I just love to witness the power of a woman."

Good luck!

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RE: How to "educate" a vanilla woman. - 9/27/2007 10:08:19 AM

ricar00

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"It's probably not good to use our language, but rather bridge to her in vanilla terms...."
About 30 years ago, i was in a modern class with a woman and she casually told me she wanted a slave. i got it, but never followed up. Still kicking myself for that one.
Damn
richie

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RE: How to "educate" a vanilla woman. - 9/27/2007 1:11:57 PM

FullfigRIMaam

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quote:

There are more Dominant women out there than people know. The trouble is our backwards society has brainwashed them into thinking that its not a good thing. Nothing could be further from the truth

This is so very true. If one simply watched couples who fight often, onw would quickly notice an undercurrent of struggles for leadership position within the relationship, but damned if you will find many women admitting to actually being the dominant partner.

quote:

If your going to try to introduce a vanilla woman into the wonderful world of Femdom, the best way to do it is to find someone who is open minded, assertive and wants to be pleased by a man. Also she has to have some interest in BDSM or some form of kinky sex, if she doesn't then your barking up the wrong tree.

This is the best advice in my opinion, and one which would have very easily worked with someone like myself before I discovered wiitwd. Defintely the key is to find a dominant personality who is comfortable with herself, and is open minded enough to want to try kinky things with you. M

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