samboct
Posts: 1817
Joined: 1/17/2007
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To the OP
I wonder if those polls are similar to the polls that suggested that Carter would be reelected- but then Reagan won. There's a world of difference in between what people say to a poll taker, and what they actually do in real life.
As a guy who's worked for women (my thesis advisor was female) and having dated women who were wealthier, and less wealthy than me- my response is that women generally get what they want. Where I suspect the issue causes trouble is when the women's desires an ambitious, supportive spouse who wants to help rear the children, cook, clean, and get ahead at the office, while helping her do the same. In practical terms, highly paid executives are far more likely to have a supportive spouse because they cannot contribute to the household chores on top of the job. This means that one persons ambition has to be secondary to the primary "breadwinner". Two high powered executive or other professional households seem to be a rarity. I've seen the desire for an ambitious supportive spouse first hand- it's an unreasonable set of wishes.
The article touched on the issue of conflicted desires, but it does make the dating scene confusing. In general, I've noticed that I'm expected to pick up the check on a date, even if the women I'm out with are more successful financially than me. This isn't hard and fast, some of the women I've gone on dates with are clearly well heeled, and are happy picking up a check, but then I'm not dating them seriously, so maybe it is a problem, and I'm just glossing over it. I'm not sweating it- the social mores around dating are taking longer to change than women's rates of climbing the corporate ladder. From my perspective, I try to be honest with the person I'm out with, and consequently, I do expect similar honesty. Women who are "dumbing down" their achievements are being dishonest with their dates, and I suspect it boomerangs sooner or later- hence the number of women that say that they can't find a guy. They have unreasonable search criteria, but hey, that's the reason that most relationships founder anyway.
One suggestion I came up with when hanging out with a friend who was doing much better financially than me. Call it a friendship with romantic overtones, a not uncommon state of affairs. What we did was recognize that my friend liked snazzy restaurants that I couldn't afford, so we came up with a compromise. We alternated who paid for dinner- basically I got the ones under $50 and she got the ones over $50. While she contributed more $$ to our times together, the "feel" was one of a shared responsibility. Or if somebody got dinner, I'd get the movie. While this won't work for women who want to feel catered to, it will work for women who actually like equality. It also works for friendships without romantic overtones such as between guys, but that's generally less problematic.
Sam
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RE: Men afraid of successful women? - 
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