Please help me understand

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Please help me understand

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> Please help me understand

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 1:02:22 AM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

What does it mean when a Dominate says the sub is "not ready" for a collar? What qualifies as "ready"?

Thank you

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 1:04:26 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

not trying to be difficult, but honestly the answer is, whatever He wants.
l

(in reply to girlygurl)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 1:16:27 AM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

not trying to be difficult, but honestly the answer is, whatever He wants.
l

Well yes, that's obvious! But I'm really curious on what it is that Doms/Masters view as "ready"

_____________________________

i see You

happily forever one

(in reply to laurell3)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 1:32:05 AM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

did you ask HIM this question? what did he say?
l

(in reply to girlygurl)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 2:54:41 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Ask him. Maybe he wants you to know all the Gorean slave positions first. Maybe he has a rule that he doesn't collar anyone who he hasn't been in a relationship with for over a year. And maybe he just isn't that into you, but wants to keep you around while he looks for something he wants more.

(in reply to laurell3)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 3:52:05 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

What does it mean when a Dominate says the sub is "not ready" for a collar? What qualifies as "ready"?

Thank you

"dominant", not "dominate"

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to girlygurl)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 5:35:27 AM

SirCache

Posts: 159
Joined: 3/26/2005
Status: offline

Unfortunately, this question is about as open-ended as asking 'What is your favorite food' in NYC. It could be anything and everything under the sun--the only way to determine why he thinks you're not ready is to ask him yourself.

(in reply to girlygurl)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 5:42:51 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

In NYC, my favorite food is corned beef and cabbage.

Hope this helps,
Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to SirCache)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 5:44:14 AM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

In NYC, my favorite food is corned beef and cabbage.

Hope this helps,
Ron

I know I feel better.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 6:35:48 AM

MrDiscipline44

Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

For me it would depend on the girl in question. I see women individually and set criteria based on what I see. Some have more then others. Some I would never collar but I would at least tell them if that is the case

_____________________________

If you love somebody, you have to be willing to break them.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.

Have you slapped your slave today?

(in reply to girlygurl)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 6:59:42 AM

MissHarlet

Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline

Being ready for a collar is different to every Dominant. It totally depends on what he or she seeks in a submissive/slave and what they see in you.

For me a collar is as serious as a vanilla marriage and I would want the submissive/slave to give it equal importance .. and if I didnt think they did .. I would say they are not " ready" ....

_____________________________

Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to MrDiscipline44)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 7:52:20 AM

Redandtreasure

Posts: 26
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline

There is no time limit as when to collar a slave/sub at least there isnt for me. For a lot of Doms That collar is just a powerfull and means just as much as a wedding ring. So when and if you do talk to your Top about it take a step back and ask you self are you ready to get married? You might be pushing for that and not even realise it. Have fun and play safe

(in reply to MissHarlet)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 7:53:44 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

In NYC, my favorite food is corned beef and cabbage.

Hope this helps,
Ron

Hot Pastrami on Rye

With a pickle

_____________________________

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 7:57:33 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

In NYC, my favorite food is corned beef and cabbage.

Hope this helps,
Ron

Hot Pastrami on Rye

With a pickle

But what does it all mean, then?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to celticlord2112)

Profile

Post #: 14

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 8:21:41 AM

MstrSkyWoIf

Posts: 238
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline

In my eyes a collar is as serious as a vanilla marriage and is saying I want you for the rest of my life as mine..... I would want the submissive/slave to give it equal importance and understand it is a life commitment to me. If I did not feel or if she could not make the type of commitment to me then I would not offer her a collar and would tell her she was not ready for that reason. But as others have said it can be for many reasons. you should ask the dominant in question his reasons.

_____________________________

this is just my opinion, I do not claim to be an expert on life. I am just Me, Love me or Hate me I really don't care. I am the culmination of my life's experiences. I am an ever changing block of clay molded by life's experiences on a daily basis.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 15

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 8:27:24 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Like others have said it depends on the person definition and value to the collar. For some it can mean an agreed upon level of power exchanged and nothing more, to some it can be equivalent to a wedding ring and others everywhere in between.

Ask your person what he means because he is the only one that can truly answer that. My one .02 advice/caution that probably is not relevant though is if he is holding this above your head for you to jump through hoops and this is a serious relationship I would be concerned. Relationships grow with two people together and not one climbing to the level of the other.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to MstrSkyWoIf)

Profile

Post #: 16

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 8:57:48 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

In NYC, my favorite food is corned beef and cabbage.

Hope this helps,
Ron

Hot Pastrami on Rye

With a pickle

But what does it all mean, then?

Cabbage or collars...to each his own.

_____________________________

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 17

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 9:31:10 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: girlygurl

What does it mean when a Dominate says the sub is "not ready" for a collar? What qualifies as "ready"?

Thank you

That's such a subjective question and there are many possible answers, but the first which springs to my mind is that the dominant holds a collar as a very valuable symbol and he won't give one to someone just so they have it. He's looking for a level of service or submission which has as much value and meaning to him as the collar does. It's a committment and he's in it for the long haul and he wants to make sure the submissive is as well.

I had to earn Michael's collar and it took two years to do so. By making me earn it, instead of just handing it to me, it's as precious to me as it is to him. One of the things he wanted to make sure of, is that I wanted to belong to him as much as he wanted me to belong to him. Those two years solidified in my mind that I did, in fact, want to belong to him.. not just for play, or for a while, but for always. We both look at a collar as the symbol of something which we hope will be a lifetime committment to one another.

YMMV

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to girlygurl)

Profile

Post #: 18

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 10:30:46 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

In NYC, my favorite food is corned beef and cabbage.

Hope this helps,
Ron

Hot Pastrami on Rye

With a pickle

But what does it all mean, then?

Gas usually.

Hope this helps.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 19

RE: Please help me understand - 9/25/2007 10:50:42 AM

VaWolf

Posts: 30
Joined: 8/15/2005
Status: offline

When a Dom tells a sub that she is not ready for his collar, it means exactly that. Only he can determine what he wants to pull out of you, what he expects, and what he hopes you are, what potential he sees in you. Trust your Dom that when he thinks you are ready for it, then he will give it to you. And remember sometimes the journey is in everyway more important than the destination.

(in reply to Lashra)

Profile

Post #: 20