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RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:16:09 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		fast reply ... though prolly not wise after 4 pages of posting

I have been "online" for about two years now .. i have met and even dated a couple of people i have met online, but not settled down with any of them, so no i dont hate men, but i wouldn't say i have found one good enough to keep hold of.

I am daily sent with emails from idiots, pretenders and attention seekers, and also a great number of genuine, heartfelt Dominants looking to start a relationship. I always reply to polite emails, and often even to the rude ones

I am being picky, and dammit that is my right. Just becaue it has a penis, is Dominant and can tell one end of a crop from another does not mean i am bound to submit to it. Being submissive does not mean being a pushover, or being easy. Quite frankly the sooner people stop bitching about submissives not replying to messages or rejecting Dominants on seemingly minor grounds (and submissives stop complaining about evil Doms as well) the sooner everyone can put a little more care and time into say .. reading a profile and making a sensible evaluation if that person is actually a match for you. instead of either not reading it or reading it and firing off an email without really thinking about if you are right for that person.

That said we should all approach things with an open mind and not be dismissive towards someone who ahs taken care and effort to contact you in a polite and meaningful way. I am as guilty as the next person of occassionally being overly short with some who contact me and perhaps i should give those people more of a chance.

Think of it this way ... when you walk into a crowded bar .. especially when meeting someone is on your mind. Your eye runs over the people gathered there and your subconscious evaluates and either dismisses them or selects them as a possibility, you might then approach someone knowing full well you may get knocked back.but it is a risk you are happy to take for the potential pay off

If you were in the bar and you didn't get hit on would you turn down the music, stand on a table and shout your disagreement to the room  - one would hope not and if you did .. your chances of being chatted up would be rather slim after the event dont you think?

So why are you living in the belief it would be any different online?

nowehere is it written that everybody must like everybody else ... and nowhere is it written we MUST be attracted to people who are - in the most general terms - compatible with us

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:16:35 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WillowRain

Dear Bobkgin,
I've read some of your posts on the board and you seem a rational sort. However, many here are not of the rational sort. My profile clearly states that I am not looking right now, does this even slow some people down a second? nope. Lots don't even read profiles and will send out one or even two canned messages. Sometimes I get things that are flat out insensative, sometimes rude, sometimes clueless, sometimes unreadable.

There are real men here, I know some of them. They are in my life, and in my community. I spent time with two of them this past  weekend. I've known one for a year and a half and the other for about three years, both I first met at public events, not online. They are trusted by me, and they are my friends. Why am I not in service if I know so many great people? Because I am taking some time to balance my life. There isn't any need to rush. I would say that there are lots of folks on here, D type, s type, and switch type, who just arn't in a rush. Some folks are just here for the community and won't look ever for a partner through an online medium.

I wouldn't take the boy comment personally. You haven't forced naked pictures on us yet, and you can write complete sentances, sadly that brings you up into the top 25%.

I wish it was different. :)



Only the top 25%?



Tough crowd.



Thanks for the insights. All good and valid reasons.



_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to WillowRain)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:17:39 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Does his good points balance out his bad? At what point does the scale tip from "Yay" to "Nay"?


When his bad points out number his good points is when the relationship is over.


_____________________________

He who laughs last didn't get the joke


We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

(in reply to BondageTopJere)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:18:28 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Oh, and to answer the question, what are men missing? Try being a submissive female for one day and reading the emails we get, here and elsewhere. Walk a day in our high heels, Bob, and you will clearly see what is missing.


You know, that is a very interesting challenge.

It would make for a very interesting thread.


I don't know, Bob, somehow I cannot see you in heels, but I appreciate that you find my suggestion worthwhile.


Actually, a lady very dear to me long ago told me that I have the kind of legs women would kill to have.

But I was thinking more in line with "Black Like Me".

It -is- a good suggestion. Don't be surprised if I take you up on it.

"A Day in the Life of a Faux Submissive"


That's already been done, but under a slightly different context.  The male dom couldn't understand why female subs didn't answer emails...said it was rude and there was no excuse.  I told him to put up a fake female submissive profile with a picture.  Needless to say...he now understands why female subs don't answer every email.  You should do it Bob.  It'll be a real eye opener for you.  Then you won't ask questions like this.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:19:32 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

I can see how a dominant would want to mold a submissive to his liking. But if that's the case, why is he with her in the first place? Because he settled? Because he's too lazy to actually find a person he likes as they are? Because he's too desperate, and will take just anyone?


I gotta say... that tends to be how I view it. I know it works for other people, but if you don't like me the way I am, don't waste my time.

*Grins* It's just another reason why finding the right dominant for any given submissive is not easy. Some of us really want to be molded to suit the dominant's pleasure. Some of us think if you need to mold us, you don't actually want us and you should go find a girl who is what you want.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:27:28 PM   
Blaakmaan


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline 		There are more submissives on CM than Dominants?

Really?

Who knew...???

(in reply to Bearlee)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:27:45 PM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Because of my past, older men do not apply to me in anyway, though there are other females out there that like an older man and that's perfectly ok. But not for me. When i look for a Dom, i ask myself two important questions: Will i be able to relate to him in a vanilla lifestyle as well? And can i see this guy as being my Dom to spend the rest of my life with, as far as chatting a lot online goes. i just prefer someone my age or close to it, location is very important to me as well. It doesn't have a lot to do with what's in their profile and what's not. If he's willing to talk about what he likes and dislikes in and out of this lifestyle than i'm all for it.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:30:06 PM   
MidMichCowboy


Posts: 665
Joined: 3/23/2007
Status: offline 		I love the answer ... me Dom / you sub ... kneel ... only for idiots.  :)

That is so good. I'm looking for more than a cute ass to play with or somewhere to stick it. I want some intelligence, independence, kinks that match most of mine, mutual physicial attraction, philosophies that are similar (a little spice is nice), wants and needs that match mine (no .. its more than sex), brains (yep very important), hopefully we love some of the same kinds of music, for me, someone that doesn't need to scene or do groups, etc..

To put it simple .... someone (not just anyone) for ME.


_____________________________

I want to capture your mind, your spirit, your soul, your body, your devotion and your love. Then, will I give you my heart.

(in reply to amelliagrace)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:31:38 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

quote:

There are others who wish to be molded to fit, like clay.


Agreed, but like Aquatic said, most of them aren't dominants.

I can see how a dominant would want to mold a submissive to his liking. But if that's the case, why is he with her in the first place? Because he settled? Because he's too lazy to actually find a person he likes as they are? Because he's too desperate, and will take just anyone?

And on the flip side. Why would a submissive be ok with being changed into something she wasn't originally?



We are all being changed into something we were not originally. That's called "Life".

My experience with those who wish to be molded is that they wish to turn over their entire life to their master. But you must bear in mind that they are to some degree selective, as they do not give themselves to the first "dom" to come along. So they have some idea of which way their life will go before they give themselves up. But after that, their life is in the hands of their master.

My experience with those who also want to be acknowledged as a person as well as a sub/slave is that they too wish to be more than they were. But it is not called "molding". With them it is called "growth", or "stretching the limits".

I do not agree with you that molding someone is a choice of laziness. If it is handled responsibly, it is very challenging.

I find each type alluring in its own way. The simplicity and trust of those who would be molded. The spirit of those who won't.

quote:



If a dominant wanted to change me into something else, I'd question why he was with me in the first place.



If a submissive were unwilling to learn and grow, I'd question why she was with me too.


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:33:29 PM   
BondageTopJere


Posts: 170
Joined: 8/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:


Only the top 25%?



Tough crowd.

 


Ain't it though?  For some reason, this makes me sad.  Oh wait I know why. I know how to write complete sentence too.(although my proofreading skills aren't the best in the world, admittly, but I manage )

quote:


That's already been done, but under a slightly different context.  The male dom couldn't understand why female subs didn't answer emails...said it was rude and there was no excuse.  I told him to put up a fake female submissive profile with a picture.  Needless to say...he now understands why female subs don't answer every email.  You should do it Bob.  It'll be a real eye opener for you.  Then you won't ask questions like this.


He doesn't need the pic.  Just a name, basic stats, and a few interests ticked off in the box is enough to get a least a dozen or so in the first day.  I did this about after really starting to post to the forums and reading some of the horror stories, and it did verify more than few. 

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:41:09 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

It'll be a real eye opener for you. 



Actually I doubt that.

quote:


Then you won't ask questions like this.


I doubt that too.

I could have written a nice long essay on the plight of the single submissive women dealing with the horde of men who assail her.

Or I can ask a number of questions with obvious answers and thus produce a thread where -many- single submissive women express their thoughts and feelings about being single, seeking and dealing with the various men who try to make contact.

Somehow it is far more convincing when it comes from them.



_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:49:28 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

We are all being changed into something we were not originally. That's called "Life".


Being molded by life and being molded by another person are two entirely different things. Just like there's a difference between being molded into something you were meant to be, and being molded into something someone else wants you to be.

When I hear/read/say someone molding me or another person, I immediately think of the latter. That doesn't mean when a person wants to 'mold' me, they want to turn me into something I'm not. There's a chance that they just want to speed up the 'growing process'. But it's natural to learn and grow while growing up, so why speed up the process?

If the person you're interested in is at a point in her life where she's not ready for a relationship for whatever reason, then so be it. It's just something you'll have to deal with. Trying to change that person to where they're available (mentally, emotionally, financially) could blow up in your face.

quote:

If a submissive were unwilling to learn and grow, I'd question why she was with me too.


I am not unwilling to learn and grow into something I was meant to be in the first place. I am unwilling to be molded into something someone else wants me to be.


_____________________________

He who laughs last didn't get the joke


We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 2:53:33 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		I'm just trying to figure out what you seem to think.  Do you think that because a woman is submissive that she shouldn't have a certain standard?  Should she just accept the first man that approaches her?  Why does the fact that she is submissive seem to mean that she would pick a mate any differently than if she wasn't or if she was vanilla?  If anything, I think this lifestyle would make one even pickier especially with all of the fetishes that tend to come into play.

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 3:08:09 PM   
havnfun4now


Posts: 8
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

It would seem to be the easiest thing in the world to be in a relationship if one were a submissive woman.


Bob, let me tell you about some of the last men on here who have contacted me in the past couple weeks and you pick which one i should get to know better. 

First there is the guy from the East Coast.  He has 10 profiles on CM that i found before i just laughed about it and stopped looking.  They all say just about the same thing in each one and he looks at them one right after the other.  He changes his age a couple years from profile to profile to diguise himself.  I just think he sounds strange. 

Then there is another guy from the East Coast who asked me out to lunch or dinner.  He didn't say when he was coming to AZ though so i expect he never bothered to look and see where i live. 

Next we have the bi switch who lives in my town and wants to cheat on his wife.  Oh, she knows he likes to look at TVs and CDs so she "must" know he's bi, but he hasn't told her yet.   Of course he didn't admit to being married until i told him i could smell "married" in his profile.  I guess there was some honesty there though. 

Last we have the submissive man who wants to serve me, hoping i will switch from submissive to Domme to please him.   He is willing to serve me weekdays, week nights, and some weekends.  All he has to do is hop on a plane and fly from the East Coast to AZ several times a week.....simple. 

Quantity does not add up to quality.  Am i being too picky? 




(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 3:16:20 PM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen68

I'm just trying to figure out what you seem to think. 


My position is clear in my OP.

I'm not here to condemn anyone's choice.

Neither those who are extremely selective nor those who are not, nor any in-between.

I challenged the ladies to speak out about why they are selective, and what they find missing amongst their choices here.

I need not lecture anyone on this topic. Each makes up her own mind, as it should be.


_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 3:18:08 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

But I'm wondering how it is so many single female submissives are still single, given the sheer volume of men here.


Quantity does not mean quality.

quote:

How selective does one have to be to say there aren't enough men here to include the right one?


Is there anything wrong in being selective?  I don't and never wished to just settle - if I simply 'settled' - how respectful is that to the person I would just settle with?

quote:

What are all these men missing?


The ability to dominate the individual.
 
Peace
the.dark.


_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 3:35:55 PM   
Carrianna


Posts: 273
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25
A lot of "doms" on here just want to get laid (as do many subs), many of them are married, vanilla doesn't mesh...kinks don't mesh.  I don't know how many I've met that tell me I can only have the limits they give me!

How about asking if single male dominants hate women?

Ummmmmmm, your wrong, I dont just want to get laid, thank you very much, sex is not on my agenda, well it is, but not high up, being celibate for over 3 years as a choice that is mine and mine alone...

I personaly love bondage, not sex, hard to believe, but its me being hoenst...

_____________________________

Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure. "Mansfield Park" J.Austen

(in reply to bandit25)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 3:46:49 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

  What are all these men missing? 


Me!!!!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Bobkgin)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 4:01:26 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline






I am?  You don't think that are some doms on this site that simply want to get laid?  I beg to differ.  A lot say that all they are looking for is casual sex right in their profiles. Besides...you're not a man, are you?

Don't believe I said all doms...nope I sure didn't.  Don't see how I can be wrong.








(in reply to Carrianna)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 4:16:53 PM   
SultrySub4M


Posts: 23
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		QUESTION IS: why are so many men here not willing to be patient, accepting and respectful when approaching a sub to create what they say they want, which is a real D/s relationship.  My inbox is full since day one and of all the men requesting my attention, two have gotten beyond niceties and a firm 'nope,i'm not your girl ya dig?.'  i clearly stated in my profile what i am doing here, have a journal that is reflective of the real me, say what age range and marital status i seek...but STILL... i am "invited" to become a slave in some walmart-bling-filled gawdy house in the suburbs of hotlanta from some Master in a rented tux that first acts as if he's his own slave, then forgets to change pronouns and becomes him, then speaks again for the slave.  Are you farken out of your mind????  The dudes here need to put their dicks back in their britches, stop with all the all the assuptions that YOU MUST BE THE RIGHT MASTER FOR THIS NAUGHTY GIRL BECAUSE YOUR EGO TELLS YOU THAT... and let us do our thing.  It is not easy finding the right person for you and thankfully, I AM NOT LOOKING HERE!!!  This is fun and supposed to be a thrill and make us horny.  What is see is a bunch who take themselves waayyyy too seriously, the "lifestyle" as something they alone defined and well, some real fucktards.  That fortunately is the minority and only a few, but when they keep hitting SEND when you've politely said no, then say mean things about you and your pictures, your ideas, you desires...it will make a girl run for cover and grab the first REAL man she sees heading her way.  LUCKY BASTARDS!!!!!  ask them if you want to know how to get in my pants.  there are a couple who figured it out and so far, no complaints;-)

< Message edited by SultrySub4M -- 9/25/2007 4:20:40 PM >

_____________________________

>>> Life must be lived as play. <<<
>The measure of a man is what he does with power.<
Plato

(in reply to Viridana)
Profile   Post #: 100
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