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RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 4:23:50 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

If a submissive were unwilling to learn and grow, I'd question why she was with me too.

There is a huge difference between being unwilling to learn and grow and wanting to be molded.

I am not a lump of clay needs to be molded into a teacup at Valyraen's hand. I'm just not. I have changed and grown in my relationship with him and so has he. But he has not molded me into something for his pleasure. He took pleasure in the woman I was from the start. There was no need to change me for him to take pleasure in me.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 9/25/2007 4:25:15 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 101

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 4:44:51 PM

subinsouth

Posts: 55
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bobkgin

But I'm wondering how it is so many single female submissives are still single, given the sheer volume of men here.

How selective does one have to be to say there aren't enough men here to include the right one?

What are all these men missing?

I am a single female submissive.

I posted an 'ad' here long ago and have yet to meet a Dominant who who is sincere in their search for a submissive.

For me, I truly want to meet a Dominant Male to spend my life with, and with the men I seem to attract, I had just best stay single and searching.

I am clueless on why I attract men who are married, or just looking for kinky sex, or who say they want to meet and then chicken out. I don't know what is in my profile that says I am less deserving or desperate or 'something', but in answer to your question, I am just not going to settle for crap.

_____________________________

may it be for me as You will

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 102

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 4:56:10 PM

dreamysubmale

Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline

As a man, I cannot speak for women. But I would like to comment. With no intention to ridicule or offend any one, i have noticed through many postings in these forums that some people tend to disassociate D/s, BDSM or whatever label you choose, from the basic human instinct, which is the ability to love, to nurture, to care, to appreciate…to show devotion, adoration, empathy, compassion and desire. And which person doesn’t need that? To my opinion these qualities are as important to any relationship if not more so to the D/s. We often talk about TRUST in this lifestyle. But can we really trust and be trusted without the said instincts? Regardless of who and what you are or what you are offering…weather you are the Master of the universe or a doormat, if a male lacks these basic human instincts, he will continue believing that submissive women (Dominant women, vanilla women, any women) hate men.

But really, we all possess these qualities...but to many of us males, we just don’t know how to express them or maybe we think it’s unmanly to do so.

"A wicked man serves from fear. A good man serves from love." ...Aristotle

(in reply to Viridana)

Post #: 103

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 5:02:04 PM

corsetgirl

Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

I also want to have a dom that has a connection, is honest and loves me for who I am. What I find for the most part in my area are those just looking for kinky sex, which is alright if they are honest with people even though it is not what I have in mind.

I have met some doms who are very nice and have maintain friendships but perhaps, there is not the right type of chemistry to be established as a dom and sub, which I don't mind, especially when there is candor from myself and the dom.

I have also met those who have misrepresented themselves, have a very short-term memory when they constantly message me a friendly hello but disappear when I mention they stoold me up on a date, and last but not least, the doms who are so anxious to play, they fail to even attempt to try to build a relationship with the sub.

I am also very selective and sometimes, I think being a single sub is in my best interests for now. I am not bitter because I refuse to let these experiences sour me but a lot more skeptical in weeding out those who are not right for me.

(in reply to Viridana)

Post #: 104

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 5:12:36 PM

Kelika

Posts: 56
Joined: 4/25/2006
From: Cincinnati
Status: offline

Wow, ok, I did read everything and that took some time!

First off, I have been on and off on here for multiple of reasons including speaking with someone for four months only to find out in the –second- background check I did that he was married. It was one week before we were supposed to meet and it’s not like I didn’t do everything I was supposed to. He even spoke to my best friend, my father and even my freakin’ lifestyle therapist! So, just because someone is on here for awhile and still single doesn’t mean that they haven’t tried.

Second, yeah, they have to be a man…a real man….wait for the kicker…IN MY OPINION. The type of man I am attracted to is going to be someone who has the same ideas of what I have when it comes to what the lifestyle means. It is NOT about the kink for me, but instead the man. I want a man who wants –who- I am, not –what- I am.

This means he needs to get to know me…not what I like to do inside our outside the bedroom. When someone asks me straight off, if I am a “submissive” or a slave, that’s it, it’s done for in a lot of ways. I may still communicate with him, but in my opinion, a slave is something made and has to be owned. That is what it is by definition.

I FORBID to do the work of making myself a slave, HE has to enslave me! Pure and simple. If he can’t take the monumental time, effort and energy to do so, why should I take the time, effort and monumental effort to submit to him when I don’t want to. And yes, a slave has to do that! There will be things she has to do or say to be obedient that she has to bite down on her own tongue to be sure to do them!

Third, he has to approach me in a manner that is shows his intelligence and that he has read my profile and have something substantial to say in the letter to me or on his own profile. I took time to create my profile and with as many emails that I have gotten since I have been back, it needs to stand out.

Fourth, there has to be a sexual attraction there. It is so funny to me how many men contact me saying they like the way I look then get pissy at me because I want a picture of them or they say it’s all about the looks for me eh? Well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black. You like what you see, why shouldn’t I get that same benefit?

Fifth, do some damn reading, studying and learning on your own! It boggles my mind how –few- “dominants” or “Masters” out there have never been to a munch, a party, an event or a class or even know about more than a couple of books out there! I have four sitting on my television that I got from my own groups library on Sunday and they will all be read within 2 months (would be sooner, but our groups major event is in 5 weeks and I do a lot for that).

I spend countless hours making myself better even now for my future owner that it’s not funny! I’ve lost over a 100 pounds by changing the way I eat and going to the gym, I read ALL kinds of books, not just lifestyle books so that I can speak with eloquence and knowledge. I watch the news, I learn new recipes, I spend time to master my own emotions and understandings of my past…if he can’t take the time to do the things that will make –him- more appealing to me, then I am the one doing all the work and frankly, that screams “lazy” to me.

Sixth, being submissive is FAR from easy. When I had my collar of consideration for the man I mentioned above, I went without sleep, fun, time to watch my own shows, days that I wanted to just be lazy I couldn’t. I had a schedule to keep to, I had daily tasks, weekly tasks, things to read, things to write on (omg, did I have a lot to write), I had to journal and that is just what was told to me to do. When some women find that connection….(I know this will be hard to understand)…we actually try to –anticipate- his needs, wants and desires and figure out a way to carry them out…….GASPS…..

When someone posted something to my blog that pissed me off and hurt me, I wanted to respond. I was told no, don’t worry about it, let it go. OMG, that was so hard for me to do, but I obeyed in even fury and in tears. You have to know how to cook, how to clean, how to take care of yourself and take care of him. You have to, usually, carry on your own job, while caring for the house. You have to know what excites him sexually and learn how to do that, but not be so dang pushy that if he can’t please you, you aren’t telling him how to.

YEP, a lot of men have no idea what to do with a g spot. They don’t want to hear that they can get better about how to please a woman sexually, but damn if I am not supposed to learn how to please him well and often!
Ok, now I think I have touched on about 50% of it.

My standards are high because when the right one comes along, he will be happy they were and that I waited for him. More so, he will claim me, mind, body and soul. If he is the man I need him to be, he won’t let me go if he wants me. You get the mind, you get a lot, you get the heart and soul, you get everything.

_____________________________

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ~ Anais Nin

(in reply to Bobkgin)

Post #: 105

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 5:23:01 PM

dvart

Posts: 110
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

If you won't eat rancid meat, doesn't mean you hate food........

(in reply to Kelika)

Post #: 106

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 5:23:20 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

Hate men? Yes. Yes, I do. If by "hate" you mean "fucking adore," then yes, I hate men.

(in reply to Kelika)

Post #: 107

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 5:24:05 PM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Fast Reply:

Well lets do a bit of reconsideration here. There are ALL these Doms right? Well first of all I don't do LDR/Internet relationships. At all. I start 'dating' someone when we start regularly going on dates. And I'm also unable to relocate at the time, and would NOT move in with some internet dude who I had met like six times. Just would not happen sorry. So if I restricted all these Doms to the ones within a 4-5 hr drive from Chicago...that would leave me about 1/100 of the men here. Then narrow down my age range: 24-39. I'm not attracted to little boys and I'm not attracted to old men. It's not like I'm 'limiting my options' because FFS thats like saying I'm limiting my options by not being open to women either...I am only attracted to what I am attracted to. So now we're down to 1/200 of the men on this site. Add the fact that I'm only attracted to Caucasian men, my height or taller (5'8) who weigh more than I do (160-170) and I'm down to 1/250. At least.

So that means out of ALL these Doms, the basic pool I'm starting from is 0.004% of them. Doesn't seem like so much anymore eh? And then out of the 0.004% of Doms on this site who meet my basic qualifications (live near me and have the basic physical qualities that would attract me) there is still a question of compatibility. Not looking for Mr. Perfect...I'll settle for Mr. Not Poly who isn't into fisting. Oh shit I forgot all the poly Doms. Now we're seriously down to like 0.003% or something.

Seriously though...the main answer to this question is that yes, I am single.

However...I AM NOT DESPERATE.

I'm not going to settle down with just any old guy JUST to settle down. My single status isn't a defect I'm looking to correct by any means necessary. When I meet a man who I am willing to devote myself to, I will.

There is one man on CM who I have been dating for the past 8 or 9 months. Very casual, we see each other a couple times a month, make out, go out dancing, stay in watching movies...we aren't sleeping together or anything but we truly enjoy each other's company. We have very different goals and ideals though, so it won't turn into a settling down thing. I also met another guy on here who I had drinks with a few weeks ago, who I sort of kind of like and stuff. And now we're really getting shameful, my last committed relationship was...a guy I met on CM. Christ. I'm lame.

But yeah. He cheated on me. On the internet. And lied about it. That's what made me leave him - the lying.

If I'm not desperate enough to stay with a liar just because he was drop dead gorgeous, seductive, intelligent and brilliant in bed I'm certainly not going to be desperate enough to commit to an ugly non seductive stupid guy who can't locate the clitoris if he had a GPS navigation system

(in reply to Kelika)

Post #: 108

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 5:28:01 PM

pseudopsychotic

Posts: 145
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

Hmm, yep, its what I do when I hate people/races/genders..I offer control of me to them..

That'll teach them. >=|

_____________________________

Got a problem with me Solve it.
Think I'm trippin? Tie my shoe
Can't face me? Turn around

(in reply to xoxi)

Post #: 109

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 5:36:01 PM

Sexynmentalinkc

Posts: 132
Joined: 4/14/2006
Status: offline

The single sub females here are still single because they don't like any of the men they've (yet) encountered. What they offer is sublimely important and they want to 'measure twice, cut once.' They just don't see any wood (yet) that has been worth cutting.....for them.

Not every issue has to be complicated.

Side-note: The issue of why so many men get 'it' wrong is a different one albeit related.

*tips his hat*

- Mr. S

_____________________________

"I think all right-thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in this country with being sick and tired. ...I'm certainly not. And I'm sick and tired of being told that I am..."

(in reply to SultrySub4M)

Post #: 110

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 5:54:54 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

HIJACK! So sorry, Mr. Kin, but if I may, let's turn this around lil bit:

What do you love about men? I'll go first:
I love their muscley-ness
I love their intellect
I love how they go from A to B hurryupquick
I love how they smell
I love their sense of humor with each other
I love their lack of drama in friendships
I love their intensity
I love when they're passionate...takes a lot for many
I love their ugly cave man feet
I love how they shop, like they're hunting
I love how they love their mamas
I love how they handle aggression...their own and others'
I love how they conquer
I love how they take care of what they own
I love how they try to make us laugh...and do other things

(in reply to Sexynmentalinkc)

Post #: 111

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 6:13:38 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

A Basic subtraction problem:
Take All the men professing to be dominants in the world
       subtract: <all the dominants out of my local area>
       subtract<all the dominants who don't like me>
       subtract <all the dominants I don't really like>
       subtract <the dominants who are living in fantasy land>
       subtract<the dominants who enjoy things I don't and have no intention of trying>
       subtract<the dominants who, are not appealing to me (it's not always about looks)>
       subtract<the dominants who have a differing set of needs, wants and desires in their lives from me>
      subtract<the dominants who I dated but found uninteresting or dull or couldn't carry on a conversation>
       subtract<the dominants who are afraid of water>
        subtract<dominants who don't want someone with kids>
        subtract<dominants who think I should shuffle my kids off somewhere so that I can be attentive to them>
        subtract<the dominants who have no respect for my career or what it entails>
        subtract<dominants who employ corporal punishment or otherwise ideas that are not compatible with mine regarding D/s>
       subtract<dominants I'd never bring home to mom and dad>
       subtract<dominants who have different relationship ideas than I'm willing to incorporate in my life>
       subtract<dominants who talk with their mouths full and the food inside is falling out> (I knew someone like this once)
      subtract<and the list goes on and on and on, in varying degrees in all areas.>
________________________________________________________________
total: The one dominant that worked for me, even though people thought I was picky and aloof and unavailable (cause you KNOW dominants like submissives who are available to every Tom, Dick and Harry who want to call themselves "dominants."). The one dominant who enjoys similar things as I do, from fishing and boating and being out of doors.. the one dominant who doesn't believe his dominance is measured by how much leather he puts on his body... the one dominant who is his own man, no matter what others think of him.... the one dominant who more than respected my career, he actually understood it... the one dominant who challenges me, doesn't give in, respects me as a human being and a woman and at the same time, values my submission to him. The one dominant who is very quiet, doesn't bluster, doesn't allow his ego to run his life even while his libido is pretty darn healthy. The one dominant who lets me be fickle and even understands it along the way. The one dominant who has yet to say something unintelligent to me, no matter what we're talking about. The one dominant who likes me for being me, who understands, likes and appreciates what I do, who enjoys my family to the extent that I want him in their lives and who respects those limitations, the one dominant who "fits" me and who I fit so very well.

And the list on this side goes on and on and on as well...

Above all, the one dominant who understands that what I do isn't easy just as I understand that what he does isn't easy as well. We complement each other and do so with a quiet dignity.

And it took me a LONG LONG LONG time being alone before we finally met and became a couple that's stood the test of time for the last 5 years, with every intention and every effort made to make it another 54 more years before we decide to end this thing.
In the blink of an eye, all the time spent, all the frustration and wondering about this dominant or that dominant was gone in an instant. I knew before I'd finished eating my dinner on our first date that I would never walk away from him...and it was all ... ALL ... worth the wait.

Do I hate men? Oh hell no. But above all, I love this one dominant so much. He was more than worth the wait.

juliet

(in reply to Sexynmentalinkc)

Post #: 112

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 6:16:07 PM

niagarafallssub

Posts: 4
Status: offline

i love men in general

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 113

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 6:18:43 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

subtract <dominants who have varying degrees of dysfunction, including, but not limited to: substance abuse, immaturity, instability, inability to grow up, etc>

I'm waiting for one who is worth the wait...

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 114

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 6:36:45 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

here is me looking for one man to get to know and hopefully become very close with. i personally do not get plagued by tons of mail every day. i do get mail and sometimes i am surprised to see someone i have admired from the boards write me. usually they are already with someone and just saying "hi, i like your posts, profile or pictures."

i get mail from men i am not interested in in 'that' way most of all. they may be nice men and deserve a loving woman and relationship but it wont be with me. i get that retarded mail from those men who tell me to yahoo them immediately, and tell me to kneel and so on. i rarely respond to them. sometimes, rarely i get mail from someone i think is cool and they are also single but somehow so far it hasnt gone anywhere yet.

i have made first contact once in awhile, either to comment on something they said or to see if there is a connection. i did the latter once and i am not very comfortable to do this.

one person looking for one person in this whole wide world. i really dont see how that is easy at all. i want a good fit.

to just hook up to hook up is playing with fire in my books. anyone who has had to nurse a serious broken heart knows how difficult that is. i am waiting for the thing to flow and make sense. so far it has not, here on CM or out in my world.

edited to say, "oh wow, i got just got a handcuff, i am in awe."

< Message edited by heartcream -- 9/25/2007 6:38:16 PM >

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 115

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 6:39:48 PM

soultoshare

Posts: 519
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

OK, I'm not going to read thru this...so far, I'm agreeing with everything mentioned about the quality of doms that we subs seek. Why you would actually ask the stupid question you did is something I'd be more interested in hearing an answer to.

I refuse to settle. It's that simple. I don't hate men, love 'em, in fact, but until I find the ONE that fits with me, then I'll stay in my current situation.

_____________________________

This is where I should say something witty.....well, "SOMETHING WITTY!"

**********************************************

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...

It's about learning to dance in the rain.

(in reply to Viridana)

Post #: 116

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 6:44:22 PM

MRandme

Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline

i dont have alot of personal experience, being with my first Dom right now. During one of our discussions, i had to admit that i had been very, very lucky in finding Him. One of those abrupt 'down on your knees' types would have ended up scaring me away from the scene, possibly for good. i needed someone who was willing to be patient enough to step around the many landmines my past has left, in order to get to the natural submission i had inside. i don't believe He regrets the time or the effort it took (and is still taking).

Many subs, because of their nature, have been abused or simply treated badly in the past. Submitting to the wrong Dom, simply because He is a Dom, can lead to long-lasting problems that would affect both people, not just the sub.

It is a matter of respect, as well. Not just respect between the Dom and the sub, but self-respect. If you don't respect yourself, the gift you are offering is not worth much, is it? In order for the gift of submission to be meaningful, you have to value yourself. Valuing yourself means not kneeling for just anyone who demands it, but making sure the one you are submitting to is worthy of the Gift.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 117

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 6:46:03 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

Uh, that didn't really work out. NEWBIE! Do I post a new thingy? Or forget it?

(in reply to soultoshare)

Post #: 118

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 7:52:41 PM

lilypad1951

Posts: 8
Joined: 10/8/2006
Status: offline

Both males and females may have been on here for a long time, but that doesn't preclude the fact that they have or haven't been involved with others. I personally get a lot of satisfaction and interest out of reading various threads on here.

One must also consider the fact, that there are many, (male and female) who live on line only - reality is just a step away. So all in all I don't believe there is a simple answer.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 119

RE: So do single female submissives hate men? - 9/25/2007 9:14:42 PM

Bobkgin

Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

HIJACK! So sorry, Mr. Kin, but if I may, let's turn this around lil bit:

What do you love about men? I'll go first:
I love their muscley-ness
I love their intellect
I love how they go from A to B hurryupquick
I love how they smell
I love their sense of humor with each other
I love their lack of drama in friendships
I love their intensity
I love when they're passionate...takes a lot for many
I love their ugly cave man feet
I love how they shop, like they're hunting
I love how they love their mamas
I love how they handle aggression...their own and others'
I love how they conquer
I love how they take care of what they own
I love how they try to make us laugh...and do other things

Yes you may, Tee.

Where would men be without women who can love them for these reasons?

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 120

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