Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" your bottom?

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Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" your bo... - 9/25/2007 8:32:42 PM

gcarlos

Posts: 98
Joined: 8/29/2007
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For all Sadists:

Do you have a need (a true need) to love your botton? Or perhaps care, have empathy for etc. them? Or do you believe that there should be no emotion towards them? I anticipate there will be many opinions on both sides and I am really interested to understand both.

Best,
Master G's {girl}

Post #: 1

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 9/25/2007 8:40:09 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Nope- if I'm playing with someone, I don't need to feel any particular love for them.

Your language here talks about sadists (people who enjoy pain in others) and bottoms (people who enjoy being the receiver in a scene). Most people don't worry about love in those sorts of relationships- so I'm not sure if these are the actual intentions, or if you really are asking about a deep intimate long term personal relationship or just a sadist who beats on a bottom they met that night at a club?

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(in reply to gcarlos)

Post #: 2

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 9/26/2007 1:38:05 AM

iammachine

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Joined: 1/25/2006
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I dunno about bottons, but I don't particularly have to love a bottom in the way that most people understand it.

I do, however, usually develop some sort of affection (see: four words for love) and even "love" for those that I play with. In general though, just to have a rousing game of whack-a-bottom, I just have to at least not dislike the person, really. :)

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to gcarlos)

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RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 9/26/2007 6:53:44 AM

chellekitty

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Joined: 3/27/2005
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is it bad that i have mental images of a contortionist sadist "loving" their "bottom"?

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to iammachine)

Post #: 4

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 9/26/2007 7:23:37 AM

LordVelvet

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Joined: 4/25/2006
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The short answer for Me is, No, I don't. That is not the dynamic that I would have in that situation. Just My opinion.
LordVelvet

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 5

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 9/26/2007 7:32:03 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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I tend to agree with LA but must say this could be an interesting post.

Sadists and masochists are personality/traits of a person as in I like chocolate. My Master is a sadist and he says he can enjoy the experience more if there is love involved because things done can be done in a more intimate way and the level of trust frees him up to relax and indulge more. But I am graying up the question as love to flourish requires a two way street and not about the specific acts but the atmosphere and trust help him get to a place to enjoy and indulge in the acts more but not give joy to the acts themselves just because of it.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to gcarlos)

Post #: 6

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 9/26/2007 10:01:50 AM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
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I don't have to love someone to have fun with them. That said, it doesn't hurt anything if there's some level of caring. If given the choice between spending time with someone I don't care about at all and someone I do care about, obviously I'd prefer the latter.

But it can be fun either way.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

Proper capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse" and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse."

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 7

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 9/26/2007 1:22:21 PM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
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I don't personally think it's any more requirement than for me to love the person beating on me at a play party. Just gotta love what you do, not necessarily the person you're doing it with (in that case).

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It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to gcarlos)

Post #: 8

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 9/26/2007 1:43:47 PM

Lumus

Posts: 5968
Joined: 9/16/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gcarlos

For all Sadists:

Do you have a need (a true need) to love your botton? Or perhaps care, have empathy for etc. them? Or do you believe that there should be no emotion towards them? I anticipate there will be many opinions on both sides and I am really interested to understand both.

Best,
Master G's {girl}

I don't know that love is a critical component. I have had the one-night stand experience and it was/is not for me, but I'm hardly the rule of thumb no matter how you look at it.

Respect, on the other hand...for yourself, not being lulled into "performing" as a sadist [as opposed to being one for your own pleasures]; for the person you are inflicting pain on, if for no other reason than they earned the opportunity to enjoy the benefits of your skill. Since you refer to a bottom, I'm assuming this is directed towards a sub/slave/pet sex partner. We don't always make the right choices, but if we were inclined to make the choice a "right" one, I suspect most would prefer to play with someone they desire and, yes, possess some modicum of respect for.

Just a thought. *shrugs*

_____________________________

<Talk to educate; listen to learn.>

~ the other half of "L&L" ~

I have been dubbed the Rainmaker. Do not make me take your water for my tribe.

(in reply to gcarlos)

Post #: 9

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 9/26/2007 2:24:45 PM

EMD

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/17/2005
Status: offline

Nope

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RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 9/26/2007 2:41:32 PM

iammachine

Posts: 1549
Joined: 1/25/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: chellekitty

is it bad that i have mental images of a contortionist sadist "loving" their "bottom"?

Bendy like a chinese acrobat!

_____________________________

I still hear you scream... in every breath, every single motion

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 11

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 9/26/2007 3:46:21 PM

ErusDespicienta

Posts: 32
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline

alkin

quote:

ORIGINAL: gcarlos

For all Sadists:

Do you have a need (a true need) to love your botton? Or perhaps care, have empathy for etc. them? Or do you believe that there should be no emotion towards them?

I struggled with this issue many years ago. I wish the internet had been around then, I might have got the answer much more quickly which is why I'll throw in my ten cents worth now ...

I'm a Sado masochist, the Sado part means I like to inflict pain or as I see it , inflict pleasure. :) I derive sexual pleasure from this. ( the masochist part isn't relevant in this context)
Things went well in the early days, then I " fell in love" and was unable to continue inflicting pleasure on the partner I had been inflicting pleasure on for months. I cared about her and my actions now conflicted with my upbringing.
At this point I concluded that I MUST NOT have love in an S n M relationship.
So I avoided it and that created a whole new set of problems. ( the worst being that I moved on when loving became imminent)
I talked to some Tops at the club. .I got mixed views but I held their opinions in my mind and reviewed them from time to time.
Eventually I did achieve the light bulb moment but it was only thanks to having a great set of kinky friends who allowed me to draw on their experiences.

the question for me was , how do you hurt someone you love?" the answer.~ by not making them feel loved.

Many people in unhappy realtionships refer to feeling unloved because their partner doesn't hug them, kiss them, hold their hand, fuck them anymore. they feel unloved and often abused.

Some people need sadism as a part of a relationship that makes them feel loved. I discovered that if you love someone, you give them what they need and if that makes them feel loved so much the better.

My answer to your question is ~
I do not NEED to love my bottom ( though I'm told it's a cute one) but I do need to like and admire her, if I come to love my bottom she will most likely become my partner and I have a need (a true need) to have a partner.

Hope this helps

_____________________________

You can't always get what you want but if try, sometimes, you might get what you need.~~ Rolling Stones

(in reply to gcarlos)

Post #: 12

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 10/15/2007 2:19:18 AM

Chrisssss

Posts: 5
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: Oklahoma
Status: offline

(the question for me was , how do you hurt someone you love?" the answer.~ by not making them feel loved. )

That is by far the worst thing one can do. Feeling loved does not mean that the need to cause/receive pain has left. It is probably the opposite.

(I do not NEED to love my bottom ( though I'm told it's a cute one) but I do need to like and admire her, if I come to love my bottom she will most likely become my partner and I have a need (a true need) to have a partner.)

I am sure YOur bottom is more than just "cute".

My answer to the question is yes, i need to feel a connection of some sort, not love, but certainly trust and respect. In order for me to bottom for them in the first place, there had to have been something about them that made me want to do it in the first place.

If it leads to love, wonderful. If not, it is still possible to have not only a great scene, but that will generate a deeper respect for each other.

IMHO

_____________________________

Like earth find balance.
Like wind, fly free.
Like fire, be alive.
Like water, feel peaceful.
Celebrate your life and enjoy the journey.

(in reply to ErusDespicienta)

Post #: 13

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 10/15/2007 4:52:06 AM

MissMorrigan

Posts: 2309
Joined: 1/15/2005
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That would give a whole new meaning to 'tongue-in-cheek' comments.

quote:

is it bad that i have mental images of a contortionist sadist "loving" their "bottom"?

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 14

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 10/15/2007 7:17:24 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gcarlos

For all Sadists:

Do you have a need (a true need) to love your botton? Or perhaps care, have empathy for etc. them? Or do you believe that there should be no emotion towards them? I anticipate there will be many opinions on both sides and I am really interested to understand both.

Best,
Master G's {girl}

No need to love them.. But their is a need to love myself and be true to the principles, morals and ethics that I aspire to.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to gcarlos)

Post #: 15

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 10/15/2007 7:19:28 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Do you have to love your tennis partner to have an enjoyable game with them?

Some prefer to engage only in activities with loved ones including close friends. More extroverted types are happy engaging with anyone compatible for the moment.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 16

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 10/15/2007 10:04:53 AM

DarkDaddyZ

Posts: 805
Joined: 4/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: gcarlos

For all Sadists:

Do you have a need (a true need) to love your botton? Or perhaps care, have empathy for etc. them? Or do you believe that there should be no emotion towards them? I anticipate there will be many opinions on both sides and I am really interested to understand both.

Best,
Master G's {girl}

No, I don't need to love a bottom (which is a physical play partner). Sometimes, I don't even need anything but a fix from a bottom and I would think some bottoms would say that about me.

However, in committed relationships, I do expect the relationship to grow into love.

_____________________________

"Flirting is part of the job description." DJ Jesus (Lucy Daughter Of The Devil)

Vanilla Official Music Page http://www.myspace.com/djzulu

(in reply to gcarlos)

Post #: 17

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 11/4/2007 4:41:03 AM

LillithWithin

Posts: 48
Joined: 8/19/2005
Status: offline

I don't believe you need to love your masochist/bottom for both parties to have a fabulous experience, no. I do believe that it's important (usually) not to actively dislike or be angry them, but that's my own personal opinion.

Another personal opinion thrown in for good measure is mine regarding the level of empathy being related to their emotional state. Whether I'm playing with a masochist who's generally happy and grounded/in a good emotional place in general, or a bottom who's in an actively horrible place and needs the pain and catharsis an intense session can bring, their emotional state governs how nurturing/soothing/gleeful/ridiculing my interactions with them are. I may be doing the exact same physical action, but with one person I'll be giggling at their screams, and another I'll be cooing. I feel that having at least a bit of empathy with any play partner makes it more fulfilling, and in the case of cathartic sessions, significantly more effective.

There are of course exceptions -- I'll admit to a couple of completely non-empathetic/unsympathetic impromptu sessions which were mind-blowingly fabulous for everyone involved but generally I prefer to be at least a wee bit empathetic. Generally.

(in reply to DarkDaddyZ)

Post #: 18

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 11/4/2007 6:26:13 AM

Slaveless1

Posts: 105
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

Nope not at all, I do not have to love the bottom in order to enjoy my art. IHO, as long as both were consensual with the situation there is no need. Even though I do not have a need to love them I do have a responsibility to them to make sure they are taken care of and they are not in any type of danger from play. In that sense I do "care" for them.

I am not sure if your speaking about long term, I would suspect that most long term invovlements do form a bond of love. The conection is there, people mesh.

(in reply to gcarlos)

Post #: 19

RE: Sadists: Do you have a NEED to "love" you... - 11/4/2007 7:23:22 AM

BadJezebel

Posts: 138
Joined: 4/29/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillithWithin

I don't believe you need to love your masochist/bottom for both parties to have a fabulous experience, no. I do believe that it's important (usually) not to actively dislike or be angry them, but that's my own personal opinion.

Another personal opinion thrown in for good measure is mine regarding the level of empathy being related to their emotional state. Whether I'm playing with a masochist who's generally happy and grounded/in a good emotional place in general, or a bottom who's in an actively horrible place and needs the pain and catharsis an intense session can bring, their emotional state governs how nurturing/soothing/gleeful/ridiculing my interactions with them are. I may be doing the exact same physical action, but with one person I'll be giggling at their screams, and another I'll be cooing. I feel that having at least a bit of empathy with any play partner makes it more fulfilling, and in the case of cathartic sessions, significantly more effective.

There are of course exceptions -- I'll admit to a couple of completely non-empathetic/unsympathetic impromptu sessions which were mind-blowingly fabulous for everyone involved but generally I prefer to be at least a wee bit empathetic. Generally.

Ditto.

I'd like to add two points:

1) that it is sooooo much better when when they either love the sensations or the catharsis AND absolutely adore you.

2) While I don't believe that you need to love them, it certainly adds a lot if you genuinely like them and can connect with them. -- Personally I love making eye contact and watching their faces when I express my sadistic side. I enjoy being very aware of their humanity in those moments.

(in reply to LillithWithin)

Post #: 20

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