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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 8:11:33 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		For me the attachment makes the experience much more fulfilling and meaningful, even though when it has ended it was painful. Life involves pain sometimes and you just have to pull yourself together and move along.

~Lashra


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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to CreativeDominant)
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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 8:13:24 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		attachment limits freedom.

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I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 8:17:16 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

attachment is the root of all suffering.....


True and very obvious when a loved one dies.

quote:


suffering is a choice and a very limiting one at that....thats my take on it....what are you thoughts?


I agree with that too.

When someone refuses to accept that the attachment has been lost (or has moved to a purely non-physical level for those of a spiritual bend), one is choosing to suffer.

I believe the bereavement process is very much a matter of accepting the loss, letting go of the attachment.

But the suffering can also serve a beneficial purpose: humbling us and teaching us that despite all our will-power, we cannot control the universe.

Not every story has a 'happy-ever-after' ending.

Death of loved ones and similar life-altering events can help us focus on what is most important in life, rather than allowing us to continue focusing on minutiae.


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When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 8:21:17 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
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From: Maui
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quote:

But t
he suffering can also serve a beneficial purpose: humbling us and teaching us that despite all our will-power, we cannot control the universe.


love it! 

any excuse to be humble and to be real is a beautiful thing.

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 8:24:26 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

On the "Argh" thread, the statement was made that "Attachment IS Limitation".  I did not want to hijack that thread but I did think this could be an interesting idea to toss around.

Your thoughts?


I kind of agree. The only person I ever let myself become totally emotionally attached to is the one that was the hardest to move on from.

Thing is, do you ever really sever the attachment you make?

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 8:29:16 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

Thing is, do you ever really sever the attachment you make?



well its a lot harder if you are wearing his brand, ink or cuttings....but basically it involve a reclaiming cerimony or some sort of defined excersise or ritual, you can write me on the other side if you want to know more.


_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 8:31:23 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		very interesting topic CreativeDominant. i do agree that for many, perhaps most, emotional attachment is indeed a limitation, at least in some respects. you often hear about the beloved sub/slave whose Dominant allows her to get away with murder because he simply can no longer bear to hurt her or make her suffer, even if it's what she and the relationship itself needs.

this issue has even effected my Master and i to some degree. tho with a little twist...unlike some, his perverse and sadistic drives increase in direct relation to how much he loves and cares for a woman. the more he loves and adores you, the stronger his need to use, abuse, degrade, debase, pimp, beat, etc. however at the same time the presence of love and affection causes him to feel guilt, at times stifling guilt, about wanting and then acting on these urges. so, to avoid the guilt, at times he has gone relatively easy on me, spared me certain treatment, but then the frustration creeps in and his urges get steadily more intense until finally he lets it all go typically in one big hullabaloo, which usually leaves me emotionally recouping for quite some time and his guilt eating him up inside for a bit. but eh what can you do? without the attachment it really loses all meaning and purpose, at least for us.

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 8:31:36 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Any attachment can be broken by force of will.

The deisre has to be stronger than the connection..

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 8:36:24 AM   
UR2Badored


Posts: 506
Joined: 2/3/2007
Status: offline 		Pardon my wussy-on-the-fence answer, but:
Depends on the two involved.  I have definitely felt attachment hinder the hierarchy dynamic as well as S&m play.  However, it can also be the most fulfilling part of relationship that increases the trust factor. 

Great topic by the way..........I am very interested in where this thread might go.

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 8:37:16 AM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline
quote:

Any attachment can be broken by force of will.

The deisre has to be stronger than the connection..



The desire to be free of an attachment is ironically, fuel for another attachment. 
The only way out of attachment is to give yourself permission to let it go... you cannot force yourself to break it without creating other problems.

(in reply to RRafe)
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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 8:40:34 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

Without attachment, it really doesn't mean all that much to me. I have no desire to serve someone I don't love. What it basically boils down to is that if I'm not attached to you, I'm serving/bottoming/fucking/whatever for my needs and desires, not yours. Depending on just how unattached to you I am, I won't even care if yours get met no matter how domly you are.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 9/26/2007 8:41:00 AM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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(in reply to Alumbrado)
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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 9:04:56 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

quote:

Any attachment can be broken by force of will.

The deisre has to be stronger than the connection..



The desire to be free of an attachment is ironically, fuel for another attachment. 
The only way out of attachment is to give yourself permission to let it go... you cannot force yourself to break it without creating other problems.


Break it, let it go-semantics.

Indifference works for me.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to Alumbrado)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 9:07:11 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

Thing is, do you ever really sever the attachment you make?



well its a lot harder if you are wearing his brand, ink or cuttings....but basically it involve a reclaiming cerimony or some sort of defined excersise or ritual, you can write me on the other side if you want to know more.



Well i'm not really big on ceramonies and such to be honest. I honestly don't think a ceramony is going to tell someones heart to quit wanting someone.

I understand how it might work for some people though. I thank you for the idea *S*

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 9:09:04 AM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alumbrado

quote:

Any attachment can be broken by force of will.

The deisre has to be stronger than the connection..



The desire to be free of an attachment is ironically, fuel for another attachment. 
The only way out of attachment is to give yourself permission to let it go... you cannot force yourself to break it without creating other problems.


Break it, let it go-semantics.

Indifference works for me.


Meh...

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 9:43:49 AM   
Bobkgin


Posts: 1335
Joined: 7/28/2007
From: Kawarthas, Ontario, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UR2Badored

Pardon my wussy-on-the-fence answer, but:
Depends on the two involved.  I have definitely felt attachment hinder the hierarchy dynamic as well as S&m play. 


Prop described it well:

quote:

daddysprop247:
hear about the beloved sub/slave whose Dominant allows her to get away with murder because he simply can no longer bear to hurt her or make her suffer, even if it's what she and the relationship itself needs.


I keep in mind that to love a slave requires that I maintain the discipline and dynamic she requested of me to begin the relationship. To break faith in either area is an act of betrayal, not an act of love (bearing in mind that emergencies and other safety issues may require alterations in the discipline and dynamic).

quote:


However, it can also be the most fulfilling part of relationship that increases the trust factor. 


Indeed. I cannot master anyone unless there is an emotional attachment between us. It's one of the reasons I don't do online sex.

I wonder how many other d/ms suffer from emotional impotence where there is no attachment?

_____________________________

When all is said and done, what will you regret?

That you never really lived?

Or there was so much living left to do?

For those interested: pics and poetry have been added to my profile.

(in reply to UR2Badored)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 11:56:00 AM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Personally, i think the love i have for my Master will ultimately be the demise of our relationship.  So, i guess i do believe that attachment is limitation.  I wrestle with this on a regular basis and reserve the right to change my mind at any time :)

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 12:00:01 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		Thank you for all the replies so far...I hope to see others reply as well, including Diurnal and the originator of the statement.

I know for a fact that in my first D/s relationship, I limited myself due to the attachment I felt to the person.  Plus, there was all the headiness of my first D/s relationship and on and on and on...but as I have noted before, I was lucky in that since we were both exploring and learning together, we both did a lot of talking to others more experienced than ourselves and brought that to the relationship; hence, the limitations became less and the enjoyment of the less limiting structure more deeply felt.  In my next two experiences, I was able to get further along the road of not letting whatever I felt for the person emotionally detract from the dynamic or from the BDSM play.  The fine line comes into play though...you have to be careful not to be so intent on not letting attachment interfere with the D/s or the BDSM that you forget that this is a person you ARE attached to and you end up ignoring that attachment in favor of following only the D/s dynamic and BDSM dynamic you have established.  For me, it is the melding of the three with each in their proper perspective.  And, as noted before, just like any other relationship...that takes work. 

(in reply to Bobkgin)
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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 12:01:08 PM   
Celeste43


Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline 		Any choice precludes other choices. Order the chicken parmigiana for dinner and you've decided not to have the lasagna. Don't decide and you go hungry.

Of course attachments come with limitations. So what? The question here is if the attachment is worth the limitations. Becoming a mother meant I wasn't able to fly off to Rome at a moment's notice. I miss Rome a lot but I wouldn't trade all the Italian vacations of my dreams for my ums.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 12:06:59 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Attachment is Limitation is a false statement.
 
Attachemnt has limitations = true.
Everything is finite and therefore limited, unless you get involved in a theological debate.
 
the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Attachment IS Limitation...is it really? - 9/26/2007 12:14:19 PM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		I think over all the attachment in us forms because we care.
I indeed have heard many sadists say they can't release the sadist on their mate because they love them too much to hurt them.
I've also heard the opposite where a sadist will not do the really edgy harder stuff with play partners or casual dates, but rather only can do the most hard dangerous stuff with the one he loves because it has such a magnitude of emotions for them.
Hell it's very common in movies and such that someone will kidnap a loved one and torture them to make someone give up the money or info.
Everyone knows attachments and connections make people do things they'd not be willing to otherwise.

For me the attachments may leave me a little more exposed than I prefer, but I'd not want to skip having all the blessings and joy all the attachments in my life give me.
suzanne

(in reply to Celeste43)
Profile   Post #: 40
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