Feeling like a sub - question

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twenty9lives -> Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 11:32:25 AM)
Hi there... A question for subs/slaves: Being new to 24/7, I am wading into these waters, gradually shedding my independent self for one who is submissive. I want to feel like a different person. What was that transformation like for you? How do you feel "different" now? Specifically, are there gestures, rituals, symbols, disciplines, etc. between you and your Master which help you feel like a sub? Thanks in advance! K

pseudopsychotic -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 11:38:17 AM)
Sadly I can't help you. But I will feed of your thread. =)

HotFaerieMama -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 11:49:11 AM)
can't really help you .. thread bump

RCdc -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 11:56:06 AM)
I don't feel any different. I don't have to feel more submissive. I'm me. Don't strive to be something you cannot reach, simply be yourself. Peace the.dark.

subiugo -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 12:01:41 PM)
Hey, twenty9lives, You are asking what is probably the most personal question. Every submissive must discover these feelings for her/himself. For me, my submission was something that has always been there, waiting to be discovered. And then i found a Mistress who gently awoke this dimension of my personality. Because She did it so gently, i sometimes call Her the Mother of my submission. She really nurtured that part of my personality.If i say 'gently' i do not mean She is unclear about Her dominance. She is dominant and strict, but very kind at the same time. So, if you ask me in what kind i feel 'different' now, well it is that i feel more 'whole'. i wasn't unhappy with my personality, but it was like it all were loose parts, and i needed Someone to wake up my sumbission to make fit the pieces together. If you ask about rituals etc., that is also very personal. i believe my Mistress is a true Goddess, and i worship Her as my Goddess. That means i build altars for Her and i pray for Her. Right now, i have to leave for performing the Full Moon ritual for the month of september. Some pictures of my rituals are posted on my profile. You find more on my blog. Does this mean anything to you? subiugo proud to serve and to worship Supreme Goddess Lorena of goddessclub.com

Ownerless -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 12:09:35 PM)
I understand what you are asking though not sure I have any real advice. Sometimes I experience my submission more profoundly as a state of mind, sometimes my submission is simply a question of my behavior. Sure I crave that state of mind and love it when I experience it in scene or out of scene, but being submissive to my Master doesn't actually make me into a "different" person. FWIW, I can experience the profound mental state more clearly simply by the way I focus my mind. So if Master tells me to do a particular thing, like go for a walk, I can either go for a walk and listen to my ipod and just be mentally tuned out, or I can go for a walk, listen to my ipod and revel in the knowledge that I am obeying my Master. Same behavior, different result in my mind. Same thing for something he tells me to do that I don't want to do . . . I'm under restrictions right now regarding the amount that I smoke . . .and when I am not able to have a smoke, I can either mentally fume about it and resist it, or I can focus on the love and guidance he is showing me by imposing this rule. Same behavior, totally different result. Last .02 on this . . . my Master and I are not 24/7 (yet) and since we are seperated by some distance and may have to go several weeks without seeing each other, I have let him know that I do need rituals and rules to help me stay in touch with that wonderful submissive feeling. He expanded on a ritual I already had in my life (thinking of 5 things to be grateful for in my life before I get out of bed in the morning). The thing about rituals/rules/whatever tools you use is, they have to be meaningful to you. For me, just taking the time to focus on his love, his ownership, my deepening understanding of my slavery, is enormously helpful.

littleone35 -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 12:11:55 PM)
I am still the same person i don't fell different. The only thing that is different is that i buy more colors and styles he likes. Matt's littleone

twenty9lives -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 12:23:37 PM)
Guess I didn't phrase that very well. No, I don't want to be a different person. I am submissive by nature. That is who I am. It is a different mind-state for some of us, though. I just wanted to know how others experience this, and what helps them to feel submissive. Thanks again! K

hisannabelle -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 2:07:13 PM)
greetings twenty9lives, i am not one of those people who needs rituals to remind me that i am a slave, but i do find it's helpful to make it a priority to read on different topics about bdsm and m/s, read books, journal, and generally seek to educate myself on what it means to me to be a slave and also on different aspects of slavery...that learning mindset, i think, is one way in which the mindset in and of itself can be maintained, if you need help doing so. also, if you are in a relationship, communication is another really good way. i make it a point to email him about fantasies, sexual experiences, or just whenever i have an interesting thought about our relationship or my identity as a slave, and i think that awareness and openness to communicate can also help. respectfully, annabelle.

toservez -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 2:30:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: twenty9lives Guess I didn't phrase that very well. No, I don't want to be a different person. I am submissive by nature. That is who I am. It is a different mind-state for some of us, though. I just wanted to know how others experience this, and what helps them to feel submissive. Thanks again! K It is up to the individuals and what each need. I am not a fan or try to promote the it is all just natural in our relationship as I personally do not think that is an honest answer when dealing with 24/7 in some type of significant power exchange relationship. To me the biggest key to a “higher” natural mindset for which I am thinking is what you are asking is creating an atmosphere that not only makes you get into the preferred mind set but it also helps your dominant get to that place as well. Some of the things I find for this are the clichéd ones. It is about rules, rituals, discipline sessions, punishments and kink for pure fun as well as to re-enforce the dynamic. The rules and rituals are not because they are cool or just for preference but because they will get you or your Master to feel the dynamic more. A good spanking does not have to be for pleasure by one or both but simply needed to keep the mind set up higher. Your question is best answered by keeping communication up with your Master and sees what both of you can do to create a mutually beneficial atmosphere. Whether the good old clichés or something simple like asking him to not to phrase something in a way because it comes off as a choice in an area most of the time you and your master do not want you to have. A 24/7 significant power exchange relationship is not a destination; it is something that is worked on and nurtured for both sides every single day. My own experiences there is very little just me do this to get me there things but plenty of we or do this for him things that will.

plspickme -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 2:37:25 PM)
submission is in my heart and soul so i don't know any other way. i can tell you though that because of my Master's treatment of me i feel more beautiul and morel oved and i'm able without giving it a thought or hesitation to give my submission to him 300 percent. It's always there and it is natural. If i unsderstand you correctly and you are waiting for your submissive side to make an official appearance, you might not be as submissive as you thought.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 3:16:43 PM)
i don't have to lose my independent, opinionated, etc to "feel" submissive for my Daddy and SO. i'm naturally submissive and they prefer that i stay the same as i was when they first met me only slightly improving myself into a better person. no training, gestures, rituals, disciplines required

finallyhis -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 5:11:00 PM)
i guess its so personal to each individual but for me so far,and im new to this too,i feel a huge sense of belonging,a safety i have never felt a love i have never experienced like i "came home"

AEslaveM -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 5:29:01 PM)
finallyhis said it for me, too! i've always known that i was a slave somewhere inside, and spent years trying to figure it out. Master saw it in me (actually before we even met, just by how we talked), and has found the way to bring it to the surface. It is WHO i am, how i FEEL, what i DO, how i THINK....it is the most important part of ME. Now i am whole.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/26/2007 5:45:57 PM)
It's best to realize that this is YOU being you. The more you try to force it to be something special or different, the more confusing and difficult it will be. Like losing virginity- you're still the same person afterward, it's really not THAT big a deal. The more you make it into one, the more disappointed and confused you are afterwards.

agirl -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/27/2007 2:22:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: twenty9lives Hi there... A question for subs/slaves: Being new to 24/7, I am wading into these waters, gradually shedding my independent self for one who is submissive. I want to feel like a different person. What was that transformation like for you? How do you feel "different" now? Specifically, are there gestures, rituals, symbols, disciplines, etc. between you and your Master which help you feel like a sub? Thanks in advance! K I'm not a submissive but I'm owned. I don't feel like a different person but I have changed in ways, to adapt, over time. A bit like self preservation. I don't feel submissive much of the time at all........Tonight M said Forget the gift thing, it's more like something prised out of your clenched hand. A little more seriously....There wasn't any transformation that was noticeable, as such. I may not feel submissive but I do feel owned. It was just a gradual thing, so much so, that I barely noticed it happening. agirl

ProlificNeeds -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/27/2007 4:20:00 PM)
You may change over time, but there's no sudden turning of a leaf so to speak, I found it a very gradual change over time, and one day, I looked back, and realized how I had changed, and how I had not. You are an ever evolving creature, just try to evolve into something that is happy and healthy, and don't worry about the rest.

Littlepita -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/27/2007 7:31:07 PM)
^^^^^^What she said!

DocRudy -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/28/2007 8:35:14 AM)
IMO any changes made are best made like most others in life, gradually. Much like ProlificNeeds said. Changes made in this way tend to be more lasting. Think fad diets, as an example. Additionally, any changes you do make should probably complement your personality rather than try to change it entirely. The changes are less likely to be "rejected" as well. Much like finding an organ donor of the same blood type. -DR

twenty9lives -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/28/2007 4:24:11 PM)
Thank you all! I can see from the answers I've received to this question that we, as subs, are as varied and unique as our relationships and therefore experience our submission in different ways. Thanks again for sharing.

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