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HollyBlue -> RE: Feeling like a sub - question (9/29/2007 1:12:28 AM)
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In contrast to some of the previous posters, I can have problems being in a submissive head space if things aren't going a certain way in my relationship.
In my previous (vanilla) marriage, I ran the show because I had to, not because I wanted to. And in business and other personal situations, I'm often the leader. I've spent so much of my life taking control that even though I want to give it up, I tend to revert to thinking I have to be responsible for everything.
For the first couple of months my Master and I lived together, this was creating problems for us. Unlike some couples, we couldn't behave as Dom and sub just some of the time, and then get in the right frame of mind when it was time to play.
For us to be emotionally and sexually fulfilled, we realized our relationship needed to be more than role play -- we needed to remain in our respective head spaces (submissive mind-set for me, Dominant for him) at all times. About a month ago (or maybe a bit more?) we decided to transition from being a low protocol couple to medium-to-high protocol. We sat down and discussed a few changes to make right off the bat, the biggest one being that I began addressing him as Master or Sir at all times, not just when we were scening, and stopped using his given name. We have added other protocols, and the more we add, the more it seems to help the health of our relationship.
High-protocol has opened up a whole new world to us, and was just what we needed to "de-vanilla" our mind sets and relationship, and be together the way we've always wanted to be.
I think every couple who practices medium to high protocols have their own rituals, etc. and it's best to start from your hearts and pick a few that resonate with the two of you. You'll know when you've hit upon something that helps you retain your submissive mental state, and feel safer and less confused about who is in control.
I agree with the person who said to implement things gradually, and it also helps if your Master holds you accountable for following protocol. When learning, there should be zero tolerance for slipping back into vanilla, IMO. You've already realized the absence of the protocol was not good for you or for your relationship, so for happiness' sake, rely on your Dom/Master's power to enforce any protocols you've agreed upon.
I'm not going to post my Master's and my specific protocols here, but if you like, message me and I'll send them to you in private. They're nothing fancy, but what we've put in place so far is really helping us.
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