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HottLicks -> RE: Punishment: What to punish for and how brutal? (9/28/2007 12:08:16 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SubmissiveLion
quote:
ORIGINAL: HottLicks
Respectful, afraid to displease me or to disobey, but not afraid of me.
This means he fears you. If someone is afraid of displeasing you then they are afraid of you.
On another note, let me ask, what if your Sub enjoys mind games? And its something they like. Then the fear aspect works. Like I said, its different for each sub. To paint a broad stroke and say well this is THE way it is, I think is a bit closed minded.
Now I am not saying be a total jerk, and punish someone at the drop of a hat. Yes talk first, and when that doesn't work punish.
And if that doesn't work, release the Sub, because its obvious they do not wish to serve you.
Dear SubmissiveLion,
First of all I’d like to say that I am not speaking in an inflammatory tone here. I’d like to keep this from where that can go. I might have been there a bit, out of concern and because I get a little defensive for those who are hurt as I am dealing with some people that have been very hurt and I get upset over what has been done to them.
Generally speaking fear can have different forms. One would be more of a respect or fear of hurting or upsetting someone because it would create a problem within a relationship. My submissive is not afraid of me or what I will do to him. He is afraid to disrespect me or our relationship and afraid of what that could mean in trust and other such emotions between us.
I find that love heals far more than physical punishment. Typically when a submissive feels they have disappointed their dominant, they are very upset and often times they will beat themselves up far more than the dominant would ever do.
Whenever there is emotional damage, we have to be very careful because things we do can complicate matters. And when someone cannot communicate and has deep issues that create that environment, momentarily a physical punishment might seem to get the effect we desire, but in the long run it only complicates things and embeds further into the psyche of the person.
One who is in this place of damage needs to be healed and personally I would not practice many of the dynamics of the lifestyle with such a person. I would insist on healing first. I believe that communication is the key to that.
I think that there are a lot of people here that have explained how things go in their relationships, that you could look at and consider, because they have a lot of merit. Maybe some would be able to go into more detail on how you might turn things around. But to stand firmly, insisting that your way is the way to go makes me fear that your relationship will go sour and will cause harm to you both. I would hope that doesn’t happen.
Now with that said, you can think me full of you know what and honestly what I think matters little in your situation. But as you can see, I am not the only one that is concerned over how you are dealing with your submissive and what motivates how you think on things. You can take what we say or toss it away, your choice. You can see what we say as an attack or as an opportunity to fine tune things. Your choice.
I wish you well.
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