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OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 6:26:33 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		This is unbelievable. I can't seem to get more than short once sentence answers and in some cases one word answers out of most of the guys that contact me.  I know some people aren't as comfortable with emails so we go to chat. That's not much better. Then when it comes time to get on the phone I don't get much more. How can I get a sense of who someone is and what he's all about and if we're compatible if he won't talk?

How do you get these types to open up?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 6:30:41 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Ask them to count to ten. (Or to twenty if ten words are not sufficient.)

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 6:34:28 PM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

This is unbelievable. I can't seem to get more than short once sentence answers and in some cases one word answers out of most of the guys that contact me.  I know some people aren't as comfortable with emails so we go to chat. That's not much better. Then when it comes time to get on the phone I don't get much more. How can I get a sense of who someone is and what he's all about and if we're compatible if he won't talk?

How do you get these types to open up?


Move on to someone with communication skills.

_____________________________

m i s t r e s s d o l l y . c o m

m y s p a c e


(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 6:37:23 PM   
sissypet01


Posts: 12
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline
 most us guys? can only count to 21

(in reply to MistressDolly)
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RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 6:46:26 PM   
kineticsub


Posts: 12
Joined: 9/25/2007
Status: offline 		Seems like You're just talking to the wrong guys.

I know I would be honoured at the chance to talk to one such as You.

(in reply to sissypet01)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 6:47:32 PM   
flowspen


Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline 		i would say ask open ended questions if you already do then well maybe they just have nothing to say past Hello.

(in reply to sissypet01)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 7:07:41 PM   
HottLicks


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		When first contacted by someone and they give me the one line emails... I let them know that if they continue, the last will be the last.  I try to give people a chance and realize some might be shy or unsure of what to say.  I nip it in the bud pretty quick.  If I have to pull it out of them, they aren't going to be able to communicate the way I want communication to be in a relationship and I send them on. For those who are just slow starters, I ask direct questions and ask them to give me details in their answers.

If I have to teach them to talk, I'll hand them a teething cookie and a pat on the head as I say good bye.

(in reply to flowspen)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 7:16:01 PM   
pixelslave


Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

This is unbelievable. I can't seem to get more than short once sentence answers and in some cases one word answers out of most of the guys that contact me.  I know some people aren't as comfortable with emails so we go to chat. That's not much better. Then when it comes time to get on the phone I don't get much more. How can I get a sense of who someone is and what he's all about and if we're compatible if he won't talk?

How do you get these types to open up?


TN,
How much are you sharing about yourself before you start asking them a lot of questions?  Your sharing will often put a man at ease and make him feel comfortable with sharing more about himself rather than as if he's being interviewed or interrogated.  It will also give him some material to ask you additional questions about or to expound on something the two of you may have in common. 
 
Since you and I know each other from ALT (and are also the person who deserves the credit for pointing me here, which I've never thanked you for publicly until now ), I know you're capable of having witty and intelligent conversations where you have no problem holding up your end of things.  I'd suggest that common ground and shared interests are what you're seeking when you begin to talk with these men.  If you can't get their active participation or find these things fairly quickly, it may be best to move on. 
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik
 


_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 7:25:31 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

This is unbelievable. I can't seem to get more than short once sentence answers and in some cases one word answers out of most of the guys that contact me.  I know some people aren't as comfortable with emails so we go to chat. That's not much better. Then when it comes time to get on the phone I don't get much more. How can I get a sense of who someone is and what he's all about and if we're compatible if he won't talk?

How do you get these types to open up?


This has honestly been my experience with most male subs in  my area.  If we ever get to the point of talking about what they like and don't like, they say "I like what you like", ok yeah yeah right pat answer, but no, I really want to know, so tell me...."I like what you like"...well...I like people that answer questions.  I guess for me it comes down to this, I can't really be with someone that doesn't have a sense of self, and if they can't have a casual conversation, it doesn't seem a relationship is going to go far.
If you find a way to prod them into sharing, let me know.
l

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 8:15:25 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

TN,
How much are you sharing about yourself before you start asking them a lot of questions?  Your sharing will often put a man at ease and make him feel comfortable with sharing more about himself rather than as if he's being interviewed or interrogated.  It will also give him some material to ask you additional questions about or to expound on something the two of you may have in common. 
 
Since you and I know each other from ALT (and are also the person who deserves the credit for pointing me here, which I've never thanked you for publicly until now ), I know you're capable of having witty and intelligent conversations where you have no problem holding up your end of things.  I'd suggest that common ground and shared interests are what you're seeking when you begin to talk with these men.  If you can't get their active participation or find these things fairly quickly, it may be best to move on. 
 
 - pixel
 
   Collared to Majik
 



Pixelslave! I'm glad to see you here! I'd forgotten I met you on Alt not here. I'm pleased to see you found a wonderful Mistress.

I suppose I haven't been saying much about myself. Usually it's in response to an email. Their profile says little and I'm trying to find out more and I can't seem to get much to work with. It makes me feel at a bit of a disadvantage in the conversation. Not a place the dominant party wants to be.

TN




(in reply to pixelslave)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 8:27:27 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		TNstepsout: I'm with Mistress Dolly on this one. I know I try to be open and at first will attempt to draw people out, but I was with someone for years who had terrible communication skills, and it was a real strain on me emotionally. I am not really in the mood to "teach" these skills to anyone, if they don't already have them, or seem willing to quickly develop them. 

I am fair, and not a snob at all - but I know what I need - and I need someone relatively sociable, and able to prove it, via some give-and-take, in-depth, or at least half-way stimulating, conversation. I don't why anyone would think because they are a submissive they still can't be a stimulating conversational partner. I think it's quite an attractive attribute for a submissive to have.

I'd give someone a fair chance - say a few conversations of some length (30 minutes to an hour or two), but if they still have poor conversing skills at that point, I just don't see any reason to continue. I need to be with someone who wants to talk, and has some interesting things to say - because I make a sincere effort to do both of these things myself.

I want to know if they read, and what they read, or what movies they like - heck, there are thousands of topics of conversation available. I know some people can be shy, which is why I am willing to not make a snap judgment here - but I don't intend to ever again be with someone who rarely intends to ever talk to me, or for whatever reason can't do it - and expects me to always hold up both ends of a converation much of the time, either. 

There are people who genuinely appreciate the "Silent type" and that's fine - for them. I spent over 15 years with one of those types, and can truly say I almost lost my mind doing it. Enough is enough of that. 

Just my two cents.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 9/27/2007 8:46:03 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 9:03:06 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear TNstepsout, Ladies and Gentlemen,
 
My can opener for conversations with men are; automobiles, e.g. cars, trucks, mechanics and or NASCAR/BUSCH auto racing and or stock cars, funny cars or something like that.  The second is sports --mostly football, baseball seems safe also but--football is a big deal. 
 
I stay away from politics, religion and sex talk. 
 
If that doesn't work, threaten them by saying that you will put them in an oil drum and have non stop Barney's friend song, since the song never ends--either they talk or let Barney speak for him--get ear plugs for yourself and smile.  [Grins]
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted with a bit of wit,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 9:06:14 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		Wow, I never thought of using having to hear continual Barney songs as a threat, if some man is choosing to be incommunicado. That probably would work. HA!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to LadyHugs)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 9:24:41 PM   
AFlyInYourWeb


Posts: 284
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

How do you get these types to open up?


Interrogation scenes.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 9:28:32 PM   
Decimus


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		I count to 11!


Lets see how many geeky dommes there are!

(in reply to AFlyInYourWeb)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/27/2007 10:42:04 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

This is unbelievable. I can't seem to get more than short once sentence answers and in some cases one word answers out of most of the guys that contact me.  I know some people aren't as comfortable with emails so we go to chat. That's not much better. Then when it comes time to get on the phone I don't get much more. How can I get a sense of who someone is and what he's all about and if we're compatible if he won't talk?

How do you get these types to open up?


This is interesting. After awhile, most women want me to shut up.


_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me


http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 2:10:48 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline 		I agree with Lady Hugs about finding something non-bdsm related that the guy is comfortable talking about as a conversation opener, such as cars or sports.  Some also enjoy talking about their careers, homes, pets., etc.  I like the fact the Collarme gives people a chance to list both bdsm and other interests.  If they included some of their vanilla interests in their profile, I will often use them as conversation openers, especially when it is a common interest we share.  Once we have established a rapport and the sub feels comfortable, I find that the conversation usually flows freely. 

Once in a while I will meet up with one who will not open up despite my best efforts.  In that case, I will usually just move on. 
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 4:22:54 AM   
dreamysubmale


Posts: 204
Joined: 4/7/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings TNstepsout, hello everyone

I am quite the outgoing, sociable kind of guy. I can fit in any situation, I have great sense of humor I’m friendly, confident and yet humble. (Darn, that would make a good addition to my profile). Anyhow when it comes to online chatting or communication I find myself feeling quite shy and or tongue tied to begin with. May be it’s the third degree one gets subjected to or the fact that as newbies (assuming they are newbies, I am) are more conscious of saying the wrong thing and so loose a rare chance of getting to know a wonderful person. After all, one can’t read facial expressions or body language when communicating with these means. If you are not the assertive, outgoing type yourself that makes things that much harder. Perhaps talk about any thing but about him, don’t question him the slightest in the initial stages. Dry up questions like “what are your likes and dislikes” makes us newbies very nervous. Talk about you, what you like doing (non BDSM D/s talk of course) with an occasional “may be we should try this or that sometimes” fun things, silly things, no serious stuff and you may find that person more at ease and maybe the best communicator your side of the Atlantic…lol. Of course it wont work with all…you can’t get blood out of a stone.
Remember, we view you and uphold you Dominant Ladies in a different light.

This is my opinion of course.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 5:30:00 AM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks all for the helpful responses. Although to LadyHugs I have to say "cars and sports"?, now that's just a hard limit for me! *g*

(in reply to dreamysubmale)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: OMG! How do you get these boys to talk?! - 9/28/2007 6:27:16 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline 		How many books do people have to write about the difference between the way that men and women communicate before Y'all realize that we're not just doing this to cheese you off? 

(in reply to TNstepsout)
Profile   Post #: 20
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