RE: What's a slave to do?

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caught4u -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/28/2007 7:43:02 AM)
oooooh there is nothing more attractive than a pretty boy who knows it...[sm=rolleyes.gif]...oh gag

pseudopsychotic -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/28/2007 7:43:57 AM)
Fast reply acoming: I find that I can deal, handle almost anything, so long as it's worth it. So in any relationship that I have been in, thats always the question I ask myself when the ship starts going down. Is it worth it? Does the good outshine the bad? To me, being lied to is not. End of.

onlyHisgirl -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 6:46:52 PM)
Okay...Big Surprise here... i'm the "friend"... i think i have found my answer to my "real" problem and that is my "relationship" was not a relationship. i just can't handle being lied to, being threatened, the idea of Him burning me with a lighter or candle flame (not the wax) and calling it fireplay, non-responsiveness on His part, 97% of effort came from me, and the fear of Him was not a (uh oh i better do what He says or get punished..it was OMG...He's going to hurt me). Also, being told that no one else would want me and His playing on my insecurities... So, yeah. i am surrounding myself with positive people as much as i can right now...and talking with other people on here who have truly been supportive and helped me realize that i can "give myself" but not "give up myself". i am hoping that other subs don't get too caught up in pleasing to the point that you think you really are nothing without Dom/Domme. i just feel so stupid for letting myself get to this point that i am afraid....think i'm completely ugly/unloveable...or that i won't be able to find someone again. Thank you for all of your help, comments, and advice [:)] time to go back to working on me....[&o] oHgirl

Kalista07 -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 7:21:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl Also, being told that no one else would want me and His playing on my insecurities... i just feel so stupid for letting myself get to this point that i am afraid....think i'm completely ugly/unloveable...or that i won't be able to find someone again. OHG, Please forgive me for taking what You wrote here out of context, however, these three (or four) sentences were what caught my attention so quickly... In my opinion, it was my belief in those exact words that allowed me (or facilitated me) putting myself in a situation that resulted in my being violently raped, abused, and violated by a so-called Dom from this site... The sickest part in this story is not that i truly thought i deserved it, but that i seriously considered going back into the situation because i really believed i couldn't get anyone better than this..And afterall, he cared about me, didn't he???? FUCK NO!!!! He was an insensitive, abusive, manipulating jack ass!!!! (am i allowed to say that word on here?) Fortunately for me, i've met the most wonderful man through this site. He's completly the opposite of most of the other men i've ever met. In fact, he continues to tell me things can not progress (into the BDSM realm) until i believe what a strong and valuable person i am. Do You want one better? He's not seeing anyone else, He's not fucking anyone else, He's not talking to anyone else, and in fact has only been back on this website once since we took things off of here. (And that was because i could not even remember what i emailed Him originally). Currently, i truly feel like the luckiest person alive. i mean how many men (Dom's or not) do You know that when they've spent all night with a woman who appears to be sad and stuff, rather than getting pissed off at her inability to tell them what's going on, just grows quiet and silently waits... How many men do You know that would've just held a girl while she cried about the fact that she is angry with herself for allowing the rape to continue to affect her? My words of advice? RUN LIKE HELL...And please know that You are smart, creative, insightful, and beautiful. And You deserve someone who realizes that and will nurture it in You. Kalista.

innerglow -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 7:22:35 PM)
quote: I think the post shows that monogamy or poly isn't the issue. The issue is that he is lying. So whether the man has multiple partners or not, matters not until that issue is confronted and passed. I agree with the Dark here. Lying is the issue. If they have an understanding of monogamy and he is not honoring it, that is not acceptable. I would like to mention here that i have a perfectly lovely relationship with my Dom and it is not exclusive. He is allowed to be with whomever he wants. I am allowed to be with any men that i want, but no other doms. This is mostly to protect me as i am a total newbie. The important thing is that we communicated, worked out an agreement we both liked and we honor it. This feels right and good to me, and i believe to him. YMMV innerglow

Cyntilating -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 7:26:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl Okay...Big Surprise here... i'm the "friend"... i think i have found my answer to my "real" problem and that is my "relationship" was not a relationship. i just can't handle being lied to, being threatened, the idea of Him burning me with a lighter or candle flame (not the wax) and calling it fireplay, non-responsiveness on His part, 97% of effort came from me, and the fear of Him was not a (uh oh i better do what He says or get punished..it was OMG...He's going to hurt me). Also, being told that no one else would want me and His playing on my insecurities... So, yeah. i am surrounding myself with positive people as much as i can right now...and talking with other people on here who have truly been supportive and helped me realize that i can "give myself" but not "give up myself". i am hoping that other subs don't get too caught up in pleasing to the point that you think you really are nothing without Dom/Domme. i just feel so stupid for letting myself get to this point that i am afraid....think i'm completely ugly/unloveable...or that i won't be able to find someone again. Thank you for all of your help, comments, and advice [:)] time to go back to working on me....[&o] oHgirl wait...I'm confused.. you started this by saying >> i normally don't do this but i am copying and pasting a note from a fellow subbie (all names have been changed to protect the deviants). she and i have several things in common, but i *do not* feel equipped (is that a word) to respond to her. i am the *last* person who should give relationship advice, lol. i have asked her permission to repost the message. Any advice would be helpful to me and she would be grateful for it. Thanks! --oHgirl ...so what you're saying is that it was you* that has the situation and not "an anonymous friend"?* and so you lied ? and....there is a post that ohgirl has going about pissing excellence... if this is a ldr> how is it you are involved in water sports? ( just curious) and you/she sign it " his only girl' yet this post above says he has others (which is your complaint).. ....I'm confused...

onlyHisgirl -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 7:26:28 PM)
Thanks, Kalista <big hug>!!!! And yes, i think jackass is a good word to use on this thread [:)] i used to make fun of women like me who let a guy totally alter her way of thinking...and now here i am [&o] i know it'll take time but i'm sure i'll be okay at least i got out now before total permanent damage took place

devotedsylph -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 8:34:19 PM)
It shouldn't take a person three years to decide whether or not they want to meet you and advance the relationship beyond online play.

devotedsylph -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 8:37:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SixFootMaster The best men are usually not monogamous because they have no need or desire to be. They are unrestrained in their passion for women, and as such see no reason why they should confine their pleasure to one. That said, if that man finds a uniquely pleasurable and delightful slave or submissive that satisfies their every desire, they may choose by their own will to be monogamous with that person - however such an arrangement would only last for as long as the he was satisfied. I have to completely disagree with you on this. A man isn't better or worse because he chooses monogamy. It sounds to me that if a man's passion is "unrestrained", then it's a lack of self control on HIS part. sylph

devotedsylph -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 8:40:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl Okay...Big Surprise here... i'm the "friend"... i think i have found my answer to my "real" problem and that is my "relationship" was not a relationship. i just can't handle being lied to, being threatened, the idea of Him burning me with a lighter or candle flame (not the wax) and calling it fireplay, non-responsiveness on His part, 97% of effort came from me, and the fear of Him was not a (uh oh i better do what He says or get punished..it was OMG...He's going to hurt me).oHgirl How's he going to do all this if you haven't even met...?

onlyHisgirl -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 9:23:52 PM)
devoted, there are some that are into online "playing"...and those of us into BDSM online and it's *not* a game because we hope to actually met offline. Online seems to be more mental and intense because He's not there...there is a lot more controlling since He's not here and i'm not there. He is very good at terrifying me to the point that i would do things to myself... Yes, i *can't* believe i did those things now that my eyes have been opened but i *truly* believed that if i *didn't* do those things 1)He would leave me 2) He wouldn't love me and 3) i was being a bad slave... i was told that i had no rights, no right to complain, no safewords, no limits with Him and that my limits were given to me. This was at first agreed upon because a lot of my limits i hadn't tried, but of course somethings W/we had agreed on like "no children/no needles". i know it sounds stupid...believe me i've been crying, "kicking" myself, and pondering how i let Him get so into my head. The words i feared to hear the most was "Go get the candle" and i'd do it because i thought it would make me a better submissive and make Him happy...cause that was my job in my mind "to make Master happy". As for everything else...He's already done it...and that doesn't have to be in person.

onlyHisgirl -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 9:48:17 PM)
Cyntilating, it won't let me quote you [&o] Yes, i lied about the anyomous friend because before i hadn't yet decided to end things with Daddy and He's on here. i feel incredibly guilty about lying but also didn't want Him to freak out on me. i really am helpful to other people!!! So He thought i was being sweet again...i'm sorry [:(] i have a guilty conscience but everyone who answered has helped someone...me The other post about water sports is that i'm curious. Most of the Doms i've talked to all were interested in it and said it was the "sign of your ultimate submission". i just wanted to know that when i go real time with whoever that it's safe. That's all. i've also had to do some videos for Him with me peeing into a cup and pouring it over me. He had wanted me to drink my own urine but i refused at the time. Just because it's a LDR doesn't mean it's not real.

domiguy -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 9:49:58 PM)
An online relationship is garbage....No different than playing some video game...It is a glorious time suck that usually has no bearing on reality......"God I love the way your pussy looks...Does it stink?"

onlyHisgirl -> RE: What's a slave to do? (9/30/2007 10:03:27 PM)
up until now...all of my online relationships have been pretty good relationships and two became RT friendships. No one has ever been as disrespectful as that... You shouldn't judge someone else just because they have to be online. i'm online because 1) i can't meet anyone locally due to a extremely vanilla career 2) i have to be discrete 3) i'm not here just for sex like some people...i actually want a real time relationship but see online first as a way to see if offline would work. i'm glad i went through all this online because if it had been real time...i either would be in the hospital, dead, or who knows what else... have a great day!

laurell3 -> RE: What's a slave to do? (10/1/2007 1:04:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl i want to believe that He loves me and that i'm His whore but i know He's been with others while He's told me that He hasn't. A year of His controlling me, of obeying Him, of adoring Him the best i can but i feel like it's all me doing the work. i guess it's okay for Him to treat me like shit (His words not mine) but i feel like 97% of the time...i'm the one putting out effort or reaching out...i don't feel cared for at all. i feel neglected and i don't know how much longer i should put up with this. i mean i am a submissive...i just have to take it don't i? What do you think i should do, oH? [image]http://www.collarme.com/htmlarea/smileys/0019.gif[/image] -------- These quotes say it all, of course she shouldn't have to put up with it, is his words are "treating her like shit" and he lies...well what's the benefit to this relationship? Despite the fact one is submissive they do have the right to be benefitted by a relationship at a very minimum. l

PsychoticWolf -> RE: What's a slave to do? (10/1/2007 1:11:07 AM)
Unless you signed into a relationship like this, to be into D/s for this reason, I'd say start looking elsewhere, or find your own place. Don't think about how much you'll end up missing him but instead how screwed up he is to have everything infront of him, and to end up losing it.

Cyntilating -> RE: What's a slave to do? (10/1/2007 3:49:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl Cyntilating, it won't let me quote you [&o] Yes, i lied about the anyomous friend because before i hadn't yet decided to end things with Daddy and He's on here. i feel incredibly guilty about lying but also didn't want Him to freak out on me. i really am helpful to other people!!! So He thought i was being sweet again...i'm sorry [:(] i have a guilty conscience but everyone who answered has helped someone...me The other post about water sports is that i'm curious. Most of the Doms i've talked to all were interested in it and said it was the "sign of your ultimate submission". i just wanted to know that when i go real time with whoever that it's safe. That's all. i've also had to do some videos for Him with me peeing into a cup and pouring it over me. He had wanted me to drink my own urine but i refused at the time. Just because it's a LDR doesn't mean it's not real. Onlyhisgirl Thank you for responding to my questions.. I feel a little less confused now. You won't find me in the crowd that criticizes LDRs...smiles But being in one, means you must be in touch with your own reality.

laurell3 -> RE: What's a slave to do? (10/1/2007 4:55:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl up until now...all of my online relationships have been pretty good relationships and two became RT friendships. No one has ever been as disrespectful as that... You shouldn't judge someone else just because they have to be online. i'm online because 1) i can't meet anyone locally due to a extremely vanilla career 2) i have to be discrete 3) i'm not here just for sex like some people...i actually want a real time relationship but see online first as a way to see if offline would work. i'm glad i went through all this online because if it had been real time...i either would be in the hospital, dead, or who knows what else... have a great day! Only I think before you try r/t you should look at why you stayed in a situation for so long that made you miserable. You seem like a kind, intelligent, caring person, I would hate to see you suffer through something like that again without feeling like you had the right to call it quits regardless of your role. As far as you believing you are ugly and don't deserve more, that's just silly, but are you the one that needs to know it's silly now aren't you? l

crouchingtigress -> RE: What's a slave to do? (10/1/2007 7:32:34 AM)
this has been a very telling experiance....go back through all the writing (one great aspect of online dynamics) and really start to see where you gave him control to dehumanise you, look at the places where you bought into his (a total stranger) assessment of your value and worth....and what you were feeling at the time. if you dont get really clear on why you abdicated authority over your self worth, it is bound to happen again. good luck on your expidition!

devotedsylph -> RE: What's a slave to do? (10/1/2007 7:54:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onlyHisgirl devoted, there are some that are into online "playing"...and those of us into BDSM online and it's *not* a game because we hope to actually met offline. Online seems to be more mental and intense because He's not there...there is a lot more controlling since He's not here and i'm not there. He is very good at terrifying me to the point that i would do things to myself... Yes, i *can't* believe i did those things now that my eyes have been opened but i *truly* believed that if i *didn't* do those things 1)He would leave me 2) He wouldn't love me and 3) i was being a bad slave... i was told that i had no rights, no right to complain, no safewords, no limits with Him and that my limits were given to me. This was at first agreed upon because a lot of my limits i hadn't tried, but of course somethings W/we had agreed on like "no children/no needles". i know it sounds stupid...believe me i've been crying, "kicking" myself, and pondering how i let Him get so into my head. The words i feared to hear the most was "Go get the candle" and i'd do it because i thought it would make me a better submissive and make Him happy...cause that was my job in my mind "to make Master happy". As for everything else...He's already done it...and that doesn't have to be in person. I understand that. My own Master and myself are primarily (though not exclusively) online. The point is, at what point do you say "okay it's time to move forward with the relationship BEYOND online"? It's been three years. IMO, it really should not take that long to determine if you want to meet or not. Where do you draw the line in what is playing and what is a relationship? Would you devote ten years of your life to someone strictly online, hoping you'll one day meet? I have trouble grasping how the opportunity/desire to meet hasn't manifested enough to follow through after all that time. Three years is a lot to give to someone.

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