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Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 2:51:13 AM

GregariousGreta

Posts: 42
Joined: 4/29/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I'm not too certain if this subject has been discussed before, but I've been thinking about my own personal body image and how it interferes at times with my ever-growing love of topping a submissive. My body image has never been all that great, and puberty sort of dug it into the ground the second my body started changing and gaining weight. Ever since no matter how much I enjoy humiliating a sub or forcing them to worship me I can't seem to shake that feeling... that feeling of how horribly ugly and disfigured I am. Quite a bit of it I caused myself, and the other bits of it could have been avoided sans emotional problems. I'm slowly, and I repeat slowly, becoming more comfortable with my body. Certainly not happy with it, but comfortable. (Don't get me started on all the nasty things I hate about my body)

So my question to the Dommes out there: What is your personal body image?
And how does it relate or interract with not only your kinky side, but also sex in general?

Post #: 1

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 3:19:49 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

OMG! Where do I begin with a question like that!? I think I'd better consider a response!

E

PS - and Nick - welcome, but just a heads up - its poor form to troll on the boards like this; there is an introduction forum to make your intros on.

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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Post #: 2

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 4:09:36 AM

NovelApproach

Posts: 150
Joined: 3/25/2007
Status: offline

I have some serious body issues, and while it used to make vanilla sex difficult, my insecurities usually don't interfere with scenes... in fact, I feel like I'm at my sexiest when I'm domming my pet. Its often rather jarring when I go to take a shower after a scene and catch a glance of myself in the bathroom mirror. I end up thinking "who's this? I guess I'm not that sexy, beautiful goddess after all. I'm plain and fat and ugly." But then I go back to the bed and I let him lie in my lap...he looks up adoringly at me and suddenly I feel beautiful and special again. In a lot of ways, my boy is helping me become more comfortable with myself even as I help him embrace aspects of himself that he has not yet learned to love.

_____________________________

Don't talk at me about the joystick and buttons... tell me about the game.

Sure, I'll Dungeon Master for you. Do you like Eberron? ...oh. That kind of dungeon.

Is it just me or do Theatre Majors make excellent play partners?

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 3

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 5:23:15 AM

Decimus

Posts: 174
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline

I realize I am a sub but I figured I could share as well.

If YOU dislike your body image than change it, either by eating different or exercising. But as long as you are happy with your image then the rest of the world be damned!

Just my two cents! Three if you wanna pay for it!

(in reply to NovelApproach)

Post #: 4

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 5:39:29 AM

LaMistressa

Posts: 460
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

Even with vanilla guys, I have found that women worry a lot more about their body image than men do. Women are so often our own worst enemies.

I've never been happy with my legs and thighs -- even with diet and exercise, they are heavier than my top half, and it makes me nuts. But I really try to focus on the things that are great about me: my skills, my personality, my evil and creative mind, etc. Focus on the good things you've got going on, and the submissives will follow.

(in reply to Decimus)

Post #: 5

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 5:48:59 AM

GoddessMine

Posts: 250
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline

My goodness, I fucking love My body. Can't get enough of My girls, My trunk, My fingers, or My neck. Mmmmm, vanity.
And listen, there is hope for all you women out here, none too sure of their bodies: I'm a former bulimic.

Love,
GM

< Message edited by GoddessMine -- 9/28/2007 5:51:09 AM >

_____________________________

Pleasure of the Text? Pleasure of the Goddess, more like it.

(in reply to LaMistressa)

Post #: 6

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 6:05:10 AM

GregariousGreta

Posts: 42
Joined: 4/29/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

The only thing is... I can't go on a diet or do any sort of intense exercising till I get better with regulating my mental health. I'm a recovering bulimic/anorexic, although you'd probably never know it by the way I look. There was a time when I lost... a bit within a matter of three months that was no where near healthy. I actually ended up hospitalized then sent to The Renfrew Center.

I have a tendency to diet radically if I do diet at all. Or exercise past what my body can handle if I exercise at all. And I do mean past what my body can handle. I sort of get into that mode of "exercise, go and never stop" and literally never stop till I hit the ground or can't breathe due to asthma. I'm working with a therapist to cut out that whole black and white thinking thing as of late. It's a fight not to just start running as much as I possibly can till I collapse even when I'm just walking with friends. Just the same it's hard for me to conciously participate in a diet because I'll take it to the extreme often times without noticing.

Body image isn't about fixing it with some exercise. A poor body image grates down to the very fortitude of a person's being. Seriously, if I weighed 99lbs, I'd still hate my body. So exercise and diet isn't what this discussion is about. It's about finding beauty with what you are. That being said, I can't. Seeing where I've been through the past 6-7 years... I just can't be happy with myself. My body has slowly become disfigured in my eyes, and yes, I have the ability to ignore that and make myself seem great and goddess-like in the eyes of a sub... But I want to be able to feel it deep down from day to day.

(in reply to GregariousGreta)

Post #: 7

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 6:08:02 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

OK, I've considered a response!

Rather unusually, I've been on both sides of the fence with this one - albeit that my opinions might not be shared by many, given how unusual I could be said to be! Still though, never one to pipe down when I can speak up.....

What I found as a male, was that in general guys dont care too much for their own body image or at least, whatever they look like in reality, they tend to imagine themselves as a close likeness to Adonis! At the same time though - and this is important ladies - they do not see the flaws we see in ourselves and which drive us daft with anxiety. The thing is it seems, for many males every female has something which makes her attractive and this is what is focussed on, ignoring all else.

But, when I transitioned and really entered the whole female world, I found out how women view themselves and each other. The flaws are what we concentrate on, ignoring all our good points and often ignoring that men find us attractive anyway. We tend to measure ourselves against some ideal of beauty which is as elusive as our own perfection and as variable with the times as the latest fashions, ignoring that the true beauty possessed by the female is in her mind and spirit and soul, and the words and the deeds and the love that flows from them.

Now as for myself, I guess its understandable that I'm going to have some pretty serious issues with body image -although I pass 100%, although I certainly attract enough male attention, there's always the anxiety that surrounds my actual chromosomal make up. I like my body - well, most of it - yet always in the background is that original issue for me. And its a big issue in that it makes me unsure about what I'm doing when involved in some action or other.

But one thing I do know. Regardless of what I think of myself, regardless of what women in general think of themselves, the validation which comes from a guy wanting you is priceless. For as long as it lasts, for that time you are a Goddess, regardless of the flaws you see and the anxieties you have. Not very feminist I know, but I find it to be true.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to GoddessMine)

Post #: 8

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 6:50:33 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I think that in American culture (the only one I can honestly say I understand in the modern world) it is damned difficult to have any positive body image especially if you are female but sadly and increasingly if you are male too.

My body image varies greatly with my general health and other things going on in my life.

Given how fucked up I was raised (hope my language didn't offend too badly) I'm surprised that I ever feel good about my body at all. I could literally wake up in the morning and have my parents say to me "you need to eat, you're too skinny" and then at dinner that same night they'd say "watch what you eat, you're too fat."

I honestly have no idea what I am supposed to look like physically. When I had a nutricianist and doctor who told me that I was my ideal weight I felt fat just as much as when I know objectively I'm overweight.

Objectively I know I should be just focused on feeling healthy and being able to do what I want and need to do without help. It's just hard when things are so messed up in terms of bodies shown around you and screwed up messages growing up.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to GregariousGreta)

Post #: 9

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 7:29:10 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I have no problem admitting that I have a lousy body image. At times in My past, I was borederline bullemic/anerexic, too. (Forgive My spelling.) For Me, it was a much healthier approach for Me to give up on strenuous diet and excercise. It was what was best for My mental/emotional well being. Whoever can't deal with it, can go f*ck themselves.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 10

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 7:36:21 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

Yeah...I am who I am...a continual work in progress. I know I clean up damn good; I also know that day to day I am not the sexiest thing ever to walk the earth. What matters to me is that I'm comfy, most of the time with who I am. What matters more to me is that I'm surrounded by those who love me regardless of my waist at a size 8 or a size 18 or a size 28. Just as I tell those I love, they tell the same of me....if you are unhealthy, that's what needs addressing. Size doesn't matter if you are strong, healthy and physically capable. I believe that. I live that. Doesn't mean I'm never self concious.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 7:45:29 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I think that in American culture (the only one I can honestly say I understand in the modern world) it is damned difficult to have any positive body image especially if you are female but sadly and increasingly if you are male too.

Real quickly, I do not want to hijack a fascinating thread, I am pretty sure nearly all women and some percentage of men around the world deal with body image. I have not been to a ton of places but been to enough to bet money on my statement. I think Americans just focus on it more because we as a population are battling weight issues and have more disposable income.

The last time I was in China one of the commercials that ran all the time was a breast enlargement cream.

< Message edited by toservez -- 9/28/2007 7:46:04 AM >

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 12

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 8:26:04 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Well you can all see that I am a big girl and always have been! There are parts of Me I don't overly adore when I look in the mirror ... My skin is a bit of a road map of various scars from injuries and operations and some bits are no longer self-supporting. At My age, size, and various physical and health conditions ranging from bad back, atrial fibrillation and heel spurs it ain't as simple as diet and exercise to fix! Lord how I wish it was because IF it was I would be a sexy buxom goddess (I've NEVER wanted to be thin, or even slim, size 16-18 Australian would be fine!). And My dietitian would be out of a job. Genes also come into it and My whole family has very thrifty genes ... we stash away for a rainy day! Living in Australia ... LOL ... just not enough rainy days!

That said, I have never willingly let My body image get in the way of what I want to do and who I want to be. I have stood up and addressed crowds of 2000+ people, I am a singer and guitarist and have performed for largish crowds, and as a sub i have often been totally naked in a Dungeon at a play party without embarrassment or fear. (OK Master interjects there and reminds me that it's actually a real rush to my exhibitionist subby side LOL!). Sometimes My physical body precludes certain activities ... rock scrambling is now out with bad ankles, bad back and a less sure sense of balance than I once had, and I've never exactly been into extreme physical activities, so I can't say I miss them! I realised a long time ago the effect of media and "society" and decided that if someone didn't like Me because of My body that was their problem not Mine! It's been a conscious and deliberate mindset of Mine to flout that and do it anyway. What's really interesting is the number of people who don't "see me at My true size" ... they've been astounded when someone else has pointed Me out as "that fat woman with purple hair" ... because I don't ACT fat. I don't act apologetic ... I don't try to hide Myself ... I don't wear too-tight clothes that bulge and wrinkle OR tent dresses ... I do try to dress as flatteringly as possible in well-fitting clothes and I walk tall. I know I am not God's gift to everyone ... but that really doesn't worry Me as long as I am God's gift to a few special people!

Master and I are currently working up a duo musical act. As "performance gear" ... I am just so tempted to wear the pictured outfit LOL! It'll probably cause a minor stir here in a country town but ... rather be noticed than anonymous! Just wish others would be able to find a similar confidence in the Woman within!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 13

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 8:37:39 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

MaamJay - I think that sums it up perfectly!

"I know I am not God's gift to everyone....but that really doesnt worry me, as long as I am God's gift to a few special people!"

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 14

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 9:05:17 AM

InnocentYoungSub

Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Women, dommes or not, have far too many body image problems IMO. You're all beautiful in your own ways :)

_____________________________

I live for.. I die for.. I breathe for..

(in reply to LadyEllen)

Post #: 15

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 9:20:03 AM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

Lady Ellen you hit it on the nail exactly. I agree 110% Having been with some one who transitioned for 7 years I know the body image issues that can arise, and my dear you are glorious. Inside and out.

I have a very healthy body image. If they dont like my big ass they can look the other way. I used to get all bent out of shape.. turn off the lights, hide under the covers.. wear baggy clothing you name it.. This was as a teenager, and young woman. I lost alot of weight when my mum passed and I was one hot tamale. I learned from that time how to get a good handle on myself.. and I kept a hold of it when I had my son, and gained weight. I lost the weight.. but then gained it back after an Equestrian accident that really messed up my back and hip. I am in a state now of losing weight after yet annother accident. Do I give a shit what people think of my weight? no. If they dont like how I look then can go bugger off. My subs and slave love and adore me just as I am. Even my lil skinny Englishman. *smiles*
I think the African American girls are onto something. They can walk into a room, be 350 lbs of pure sex.. and every man will turn thier head and wonder how much fun in the sack she would be. That is amazing. It is all about confidance, and the culture. Beautiful at any size, age, you name it. We all are. It's just silly American women and our culture that teachs us that we arent worth much unless..... ( pile so many things in here )

I went into a sports bar last night < very uncommon for me.. but my girls boss insisted since I am moving up state tomorrow> I forgot what it was like to be around so many red blooded horny men all at once. Wow! Vaildation city. Shit. Any time I need an ego boost I just need to sashay into a sports bar. I wasnt wearing anything special.. a black t-shirt with a design, and a pair of black jean capris. Some 4 inch heels. But it was simply the attitude. I know how my slave, and subs see me.. and I ooze it out my pores. Doesnt matter I am a size 18. All that matters is that I know I am sexy, and worthy of worship.

But then every female is sexy and worthy of worship. We just have to get past all the crap society has put on us to make us think otherwise.. and make us feel guilty for wanting anything for ourselves. Not to mention the constant internal diolouge some go through. Stiffle that voice.. and retrain it to afrim how worthy you are.

You are just as beautiful and worthy of love and admiration at 99 lbs or 399 lbs.
Being the small little peices of the divine that we are.

I hope this helps someone out there.

Gwyn.
Tall Amazon Goddess ~ who couldnt give a fig less what people think of her big ass.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 9:21:46 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I have issues ... years of being the fat nerd in the back of the classroom that everyone hated because she blew the curve on EVERY test will do that to a person - I can't even remember how many times I got called fat, cow, ugly, etc, and now, I get called a "fat-assed ugly stinky bitch" (that's the most coherent version I get from the little criminals LOL) all the time ... but I know that our boy thinks I'm hot, and Holly thinks I'm hot, and there are plenty of others who have chimed in over the years who think I'm hot. I am trying to lose weight - not because of my appearance, but because of my health. I work a lot of hours on my feet, and at the end of the night, my feet and knees hurt - I'm also at really high risk for diabetes and heart conditions (family history plus the weight).

It's really something that you are going to have to keep working with all the time, Greta - keep going to your therapist, go out with friends who make you feel good, get rid of the people who put you down. And as cheesy as it is ... look in a mirror every day and tell yourself that you are beautiful, and every time you look at your partner, think "there is someone who thinks I'm beautiful and wonderful" ... for a long time, you'll have to consciously think those things, but eventually, it will start to sink in (particularly in combination with seeing your therapist about the issues).

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to InnocentYoungSub)

Post #: 17

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 9:26:14 AM

InnocentYoungSub

Posts: 210
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

As a man its very frustrating when a woman can't just take your compliments. I've had image problems in the past too but I can accept compliments for what they are... It makes one think, "maybe I'm not good enough for her since she doesn't really seem to care that I think shes beautiful"...

_____________________________

I live for.. I die for.. I breathe for..

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 18

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 9:40:30 AM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InnocentYoungSub

As a man its very frustrating when a woman can't just take your compliments. I've had image problems in the past too but I can accept compliments for what they are... It makes one think, "maybe I'm not good enough for her since she doesn't really seem to care that I think shes beautiful"...

This is very true.. and this causes men to simply stop complimenting other girls.. for fear of rejection.

I like to be complimented. It is nice.. I dont need it constantly.. but when I make an effort to really go all out and really do myself up nice.. damn. *smiles*

Most females tend to second guess and second think every word comming out of everyones esp. thier mans mouth. " what exactly did he mean by that?" Women forget men say what they mean.... no hidden backhanded slight.. that is what some catty women do. We can be our own worst enemies.

So what I encourage my groups of girls I counsel to do is any time you think a comment some one made could be construed a different/bad way... ask them what they ment. Period. Do not let it fester. Do not second guess. Simply ask. Do not let it poison a friendship or realtionship because you are feeling insecure and projecting your feelings into the conversation.

Gods if every woman in the world would do this do you know what a happier place this would be?

To the men, simply dont lie, dont tell half truths, and tell your girl how you feel.

It is all so simple when it comes down to it.

Gwyn

(in reply to InnocentYoungSub)

Post #: 19

RE: Dommes And Body Image - 9/28/2007 9:42:02 AM

MistressSassy66

Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline

~FR~

I have to agree that American society has a way of making Women feel they have
to always be thin. I accept I'm not thin and never will be.There are a scars here and there I
would love to get rid of,but ultimatley they are part of who I am. Wearing clothes that fit right and
show off the best parts can help You feel good without any other changes.

I try to follow the rule that Beautiful/Sexy isnt a "look" but an Attitude.

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 20

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