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exquisitefeline1 -> RE: high end submissive (9/30/2007 2:32:05 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: TNstepsout
In my earliest experiences back in the day when I identified as a sub, I responded as described as a High End Submissive. I don't know why that particular term is used, but it was helpful to me to begin to understand my experience and why my reaction was so confusing to others. And yes, I was a pain in the ass. I didn't mean to be.
Part of the defiinition of High End Sub was someone who entered sub space very quickly in response to a Dominant behaving in an strongly dominant manner. That was me. I didn't really understand what was happening and I thought that meant I was submissive. I couldn't understand why, if I responded so strongly to an active dominant why I was so abysmal at everything else submissive.
After a really awful experience, that is much like that described in the article, I took a long break. In the year since then I realized that what I was reacting to was an ingrained behavior in response to living with a man with a terrible explosive temper. Although not physically abusive he threw nasty temper tantrums. When he was in one of his rages I would shut down completely and become totally quiet, complacent and invisible as possible and not dare speak up until he had calmed down. What I was reacting to was a look and tone of voice that triggered this response in me. I'd been reacting this way for so long (22 years) that I didn't know it was dysfunctional.
So I relate this story because the High End Sub might not be a type of sub, but one that has an ingrained behavior pattern that mimics "submissiveness" in certain situations. If you have a history like mine, you might want to examine your response and see if it might be a conditioned response to abuse or threat of abuse.
Wow, i totally relate to this.
i enter sub space very quickly, like once as soon as the collar went on, i could not remember a thing after, until it came off. Another experience i could not remember a lot of what happened until i had hypnosis 2 weeks later. Yesterday my Dom kept tapping me on the ass to wake me up after a scene and i was kneeling with my forehead on the floor, and my arms out stretched in front of me.
Working through the conditioning is so important, and every BDSM experience allows me that opportunity. i had an experience recently where a Daddy type Dom was talking to me in a club, and woman approached and was trying to Dominate me to Dominate her. What she did was so confusing, she was harshly telling me to turn around, move a few meters away from her and work out how i am going to get her to do what i want her to do. i turned and then collapsed crying, and threw myself in the arms of the male Dom, who consoled me.
She, of course, was instantly upset that she had made me feel this way and felt bad, i tried to explain that it was not her. But what it did bring up for me, was the relationship i had with my parents. My father was highly disciplinary and my mother was confusing and abusive, this was spontaneously reenacted in those moments of being in the club. i was mostly brought up by my mother, and have always craved the discipline my father was able to give me, these are the things that i have learnt through BDSM.
Every layer that is shed in enlightening me to myself and my behavior makes me a better submissive, and gives me more strength, lucky my b/f is patient and is understanding my needs. i have tried various healing strategies but somehow BDSM has worked the best, for some reason we have to walk through the dark and scary to find the light in us.
So maybe this makes me also a high end submissive, as it is not purely fetish for me, although those aspects are greatly enjoyed when doing so. However, just because one has greater emotional needs, does not mean they are not worth the journey. And, a Dom who engages that journey has a fully devoted sub who appreciates and is ever thankful for them doing so.
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