Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: When is it being TOO picky?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: When is it being TOO picky? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 8:00:18 AM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

Give me some hope dear Ladies, and perhaps the subs that read this forum too. Tell me my picking through the hordes will bare me some good loyal fruit. Im so ready for a good puppy of a slave, willing to wait by the door for me till I finaly come home to give them what they need.


It is the internet. Anyone can 'pretend' (in mail) to be loyal all they want lol.  If I wanted I could tell 7 men they are my GOD and keep it up, how would they know otherwise?

Sure, be picky, very picky... but someone who takes valuable time to keep up a continued conversation of value is a better prospect than one who shows immediate submission.  Slow and steady wins the race. 




(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 8:14:38 AM   
flowspen


Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline 		Lady.. i feel there are so many male submissives out here.  i can't imagine the amount of emails that You and other Mistresses recieve on a daily bases.  it is like recieving hundreds of resumes for only one position.  i do feel You need a way to narrow down the horde to a few good candidates that You can invest Your time with.  As a sub if all i had to do to pass an introduction test of someone was to stay consistent, complete a writting assignment that only teaches Her about me and take a picture, well i dont think that is alot and it is alot better than writting introductions and getting no response back or getting a one liner back from a Mistress.  At least as a sub male i feel like She has taken some type of interest, has seen something in me, my profile or my introduction that enables her to communicate back.  i feel little tests like enable me as only one male sub in what feels like a billion male subs a chance to stick out in a crowed room with only one door. 

i would rather be picked through and endure that and have that chance to capture the mind of Mistress, open more doors for deeper communications than play a dance game for months and months and months or years.  When i met my partner on Yahoo 360 we spoke on line and the phone for two months and then i packed up my one bag or two bags got on a bus from Philadelphia and relocated to Memphis, TN.  That was over a year ago and though we had our ups and downs we endured and now have a wonderful beautiful relationship.  i feel if two are committed and determined they can make it work.  Anyone can sit behind these monitors and talk for 1 or 2 years slowly introducing this or that but that isn't any indication of how that person is in the flesh.  Those little tests of Yours tests one committment in finding a Mistress and if they can't do those simple things here in this box where they can be anything or anyone then how are they going to please You in real life.  i say be picky, i wish i had that kind of interest in me so i could be picky. 

just my thoughts.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 9:46:58 AM   
asubmissiveheart


Posts: 462
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline 		When I met my Mistress online, she requested a long letter of introduction.
I wrote the letter, and I jumped through a lot of hurdles to meet her.
My Mistress is and was very picky about who she would want to submit to her.
I am glad she is picky, and I am glad she picked me.
If a man can not find 5-10 minutes to write you a few paragraphs, no he is not worth your time.
No, you are not too picky.


< Message edited by asubmissiveheart -- 9/30/2007 9:53:44 AM >

(in reply to Action)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 12:44:53 PM   
Action


Posts: 260
Joined: 8/19/2005
From: Cali
Status: offline 		I will say Im hearing alot of two sides. I do see where my sense of letting them "dangle" maybe too much. I've just had a very short strawed annoyance with people I haven't even gotten the chance to write back to sending me notes not hours or a day later saying how I must not want them becuase I haven't jumped and written them immediatly. Probably a personal peeve of mine.

As far as the assignment I think many have not gotten the fact that its an assignment designed for me to get to know them better so in turn I might give a bit of myself for them to know in return, its the point of the assignemt all togeather. I am a seclusive person, I always have been in terms of my life, and the details there in. So yes to start a relationship with me as a Dom, I ask to know a bit about themselves, they've already made initial contact, it seems terrible little to me that they could then tell me more about themselves so next I talk to them I can begin conversations about things we may have in common.

I will say this has been very enlightening, I don't feel at all hurt by what's been said so no worries on being frank, when I ask for an opinion Im glad to receive it, even if its not ones I always agree with. Though I will take on alot thats been said, especially the reply suggesting I should be the one to go looking through and sending messages to slaves. I feel maybe I have been sitting on my luarels too long, and with my upcoming move Im ready to invest some time into looking for what I want.

-Lil Miss Action


_____________________________

The only ones for me are the mad ones....who burn burn burn like fabulous roman candles. -Jack Kerouac

(in reply to asubmissiveheart)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 1:31:58 PM   
Koala


Posts: 63
Joined: 5/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo


quote:

ORIGINAL: Koala

quote:

ORIGINAL: Philosopher
Secondly, I find the better quality subs want to get known as a person a bit before being given any sort of order. What you are asking for is reasonable, but if it is phrased as an order, the sub may find it offputting.


So they message her, and regardless of the content, she asserts herself by saying this is what I want... and you're saying that the better quality submissives will put their wants ahead of hers from the outset?

Somewhat counterintuitive to me.


I don't know about every dominant out there but frankly someone who will submit to anyone isn't worth my time and energy.

Give me someone who wants to get to know me a bit more before he/she kneels or takes an order. Honestly, how can someone put my needs and desires ahead of his/her own until he/she knows me anyway?


We'll probably just have to agree to disagree.

I just see it as a stipulation for interacting with her, the same as any other. Just like the dommes who say that they don't want to talk to any men older than 35, or local subs only, or that won't meet without having talked on the phone... whatever the stipulation might be, it's in the same spirit. If you want to talk to her, you have to play by her rules...

Such rules probably have scared away potentially good submissives, but they've probably also kept away so many mass-emailers and non-serious applicants so as to make it worth it.

To each their own, though. I'm just playing the "Lil Miss Action's" Advocate! ;)

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 1:48:25 PM   
Decimus


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline 		Lil Miss Action,
I would just like to answer your question.

"When is its being TOO picky?"

The simple answer is NEVER!

Being picky is never something you should be upset about yourself for. You will find someone that will eventually be all that you wanted and more in a submissive. For the longest time I have held myself to strict standards with dating and seeking out a domme. I will not bend in my resolve and I sure hope when we find each other she has never bent in her's either. As I believe another gentleman said in the post, never settle for less than you deserve.

People may find that ironic in that I have standards for a domme but quite frankly its not standards as so much compatability. If I am not going to be compatible with someone then why should I lower my standards for that person in any relationship dom(me) / sub or otherwise.

Sorry if I seemed long winded there my apologies.

_____________________________

Here is my story that some people have asked for, www.beginningofdreams.com

(in reply to Action)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 1:56:32 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Action

I will say Im hearing alot of two sides. I do see where my sense of letting them "dangle" maybe too much. I've just had a very short strawed annoyance with people I haven't even gotten the chance to write back to sending me notes not hours or a day later saying how I must not want them becuase I haven't jumped and written them immediatly. Probably a personal peeve of mine.

As far as the assignment I think many have not gotten the fact that its an assignment designed for me to get to know them better so in turn I might give a bit of myself for them to know in return, its the point of the assignemt all togeather. I am a seclusive person, I always have been in terms of my life, and the details there in. So yes to start a relationship with me as a Dom, I ask to know a bit about themselves, they've already made initial contact, it seems terrible little to me that they could then tell me more about themselves so next I talk to them I can begin conversations about things we may have in common.

I will say this has been very enlightening, I don't feel at all hurt by what's been said so no worries on being frank, when I ask for an opinion Im glad to receive it, even if its not ones I always agree with. Though I will take on alot thats been said, especially the reply suggesting I should be the one to go looking through and sending messages to slaves. I feel maybe I have been sitting on my luarels too long, and with my upcoming move Im ready to invest some time into looking for what I want.

-Lil Miss Action





Very mature response and a very impressive post. 

Kudos to you and good luck in your continued search.

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to Action)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 2:33:07 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Action

I will say Im hearing alot of two sides. I do see where my sense of letting them "dangle" maybe too much. I've just had a very short strawed annoyance with people I haven't even gotten the chance to write back to sending me notes not hours or a day later saying how I must not want them becuase I haven't jumped and written them immediatly. Probably a personal peeve of mine.


I have to agree with you completely here. This is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. This is real life after all. I don't sit in front of my computer 24/7 just waiting for an email so I can respond. I just had one of these the other day and let him know that his impatience ruined his chances with me. I think it's a bad sign of their overall maturity if they are insecure if 24 hours has passed with no response. I imagine this type to be extremely needy and clingy or a do-me type.

(in reply to Action)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 4:04:57 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Action, waiting a week to reply to a potential submissive, was
the only thing I disagreed with.
If you are interested in someone, and the correspondence is going well,
I like to communicate on a daily basis if possible.
Great post and good luck to you.

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Action)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 5:33:07 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Koala

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo


quote:

ORIGINAL: Koala

quote:

ORIGINAL: Philosopher
Secondly, I find the better quality subs want to get known as a person a bit before being given any sort of order. What you are asking for is reasonable, but if it is phrased as an order, the sub may find it offputting.


So they message her, and regardless of the content, she asserts herself by saying this is what I want... and you're saying that the better quality submissives will put their wants ahead of hers from the outset?

Somewhat counterintuitive to me.


I don't know about every dominant out there but frankly someone who will submit to anyone isn't worth my time and energy.

Give me someone who wants to get to know me a bit more before he/she kneels or takes an order. Honestly, how can someone put my needs and desires ahead of his/her own until he/she knows me anyway?


We'll probably just have to agree to disagree.

I just see it as a stipulation for interacting with her, the same as any other. Just like the dommes who say that they don't want to talk to any men older than 35, or local subs only, or that won't meet without having talked on the phone... whatever the stipulation might be, it's in the same spirit. If you want to talk to her, you have to play by her rules...

Such rules probably have scared away potentially good submissives, but they've probably also kept away so many mass-emailers and non-serious applicants so as to make it worth it.

To each their own, though. I'm just playing the "Lil Miss Action's" Advocate! ;)


Having standards and a way of getting to know people is great. I would recommend being really up front about that however.

Most folks run from me because I'm not "Mistress" I'm "TammyJo" and I want to learn about you in an organized fashion that focuses on reality and possibilities first. I'm much more difficult than a fantasy in that sense.

The only problem comes when they have to talk to my current slave -- I use Fox as a meter to gauge someone's potential. If he/she can't talk to Fox no way they are becoming part of this household. But that's like a month into our talking not the second message I send out.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Koala)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 7:50:36 PM   
secretagentgirl


Posts: 70
Joined: 9/16/2007
Status: offline 		In my opinion, part of the sub experience is being rewarded or given positive feedback for good behavior.  In addition, as a person who is putting themselves out there, opening up to you, I'm sure that those who DO complete your questionnaire are eager to find out how you liked what they've written.

There is a certain emotional spark that happens when you find someone you connect with online.  A sense of excitement starts to build.  And although appearing TOO eager isn't great, waiting too long to respond can risk losing that spark.
A person is sitting there waiting to see what happens next.... and waiting... and waiting.  Past a certain point you may have lost them.

If you're not happy with your results, I might try showing some more interest upfront and not making them wait so long, just to see if that makes a difference. 

People want to feel wanted.  It's a basic human quality.
Of course "wanted" and "stalked" are 2 different things.

< Message edited by secretagentgirl -- 9/30/2007 7:51:07 PM >

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: When is it being TOO picky? - 9/30/2007 9:01:57 PM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		A week to two weeks?  I'd shed that too (fumbles for the 'Hide' button). 

That's just me though.

Have fun.


  

< Message edited by joyinslavery -- 9/30/2007 9:22:51 PM >

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to Action)
Profile   Post #: 32
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: When is it being TOO picky? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078