RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married?

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RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/27/2005 12:57:42 AM

mossy

Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

Thank You so much mistoferin you have no idea what a few kind words can do, after an experience such as that, or perhaps you do

....No it was not consensual, that part of it never was. i had been speaking up already and saying i was being affected. i was told, that was my problem! i had already said i was afraid. i said i was having memories, flash back from my past, from all the yelling and the anger. i was told, that it was just too bad.
i would have to learn to deal with it, because it was not going to change. The promise was given, there would be no harm. You are so right mistoferin, the harm, yes, it lasted a long time. And finally, it did manifest to physical, only once (other than a slap), and i remember being very upset it happened with an SM tool (i love.) Like somehow that made it less of mistreatment. It wasn't,,,,,a beating out of anger is a beating out of anger,,,period. btw:::i was told it was my fault. i have never been in a relationship where something like this had ever happened before. And as a slave, i had given my word, my oath, that i was to stay, for the rest of the days of my Life. Leaving was the hardest thing i think i have ever done. The beating? No. The lies, the degredation, the manipulation, as Padrig had said....the deception...of not being A True Master to his word. The anger the yelling, then being punished through the witholding of sex for years, the witholding of play for punishment, then the beating, and the icing,,,to be blamed....that i was beat. When i left i had to pay so much per month (give him money), to save my "spot"....for if i changed my mind and wanted to return, i couldn't unless he was saving the room. At that point i was so mixed up all i wanted to do was to be able to speak to him, but he said if he wasn't saving the room, there would be no reason to speak. i am very sure, he could tell that i was falling apart. Yet in order to talk, i had to pay. i'm sorry guys, i didn't mean to go on and on. Nite.

_____________________________

~~inner peace & mental clarity~~

(in reply to ElektraUkM)

Post #: 41

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/27/2005 7:33:18 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Thank You so much mistoferin you have no idea what a few kind words can do, after an experience such as that, or perhaps you do

I understand mossy...quite well actually. I will share a bit here in the hopes that someone else may recognize the downward spiral before it reaches the point of harm. I apologize...this is long and graphic.

When I met my ex Master our love for each other was nearly instantaneous. He was everything that I had ever wished for in a man, in a friend, in a lover and in a Master. We complimented each other perfectly and brought out the best in one another. Quickly we moved from dating to living with one another. We were both on top of the world. I had never felt so loved and cherished in my entire life....it was like I was living in a fairy tale. In the beginning, I thought...this is too good to be true. Over time though, I settled in to this wonderful existence with this wonderful man, content at his side and the rest of the world faded away. We lived together exactly in this manner for the next 8 years. I was his everything and he was the reason I lived and breathed.

8 years into the relationship there was a series of events that led up to some very drastic changes. At first I didn't recognize them....actually for a lot longer than I am willing to admit. I was blinded by my bliss. Master had some major blows in his family life(there were several deaths back to back) and also in his career. He had injured himself and was living in fairly constant pain. His job was a physical one and every day he struggled to get through and bring home that paycheck. I am not sure the exact day that it happened but Master decided to pick up a drink. I didn't realize that the process had begun and in the beginning, as embarassed as I am to admit it now, I thought he was having some health issues...perhaps diabetes which would account for his fruity smell, his frequency of urination and his extreme fatigue. Never did I once imagine that after so long he would be again drinking. He was a recovering alcoholic and had been clean and sober since sometime before we had met. I was a substance abuse and domestic violence counselor and over the years we had many close personal moments as he related his old "drinking days" to me. Now just imagine how foolish I feel in retrospect that there I sat with vast knowledge on both of those topics but yet I was soooooo close to them that I could not see them for what they were.

Well things began to spiral downward but not so fast that it triggered any kind of awakening on my part. As things got worse I just tried harder and harder to please him. The only thing I wanted was my Master back....my happy loving Master. The worse things got the more I tried. It began with bad moods, progressed to yelling....over time it became breaking things, always my things. Punching walls, throwing furniture, breaking furniture. It was not long before he was breaking me. Slaps and pushes,choking, then punches, kicking...long nights of intermittent abuse....guns to my head. Police at the door, ambulances...hospital beds. Somewhere along the line I realized that the alcohol had come back into play. I tried talking...it fell on deaf ears. Oh there were times when he would listen, respond, even admit that he needed help. He was always so sorry...and you know what...still to this day I believe that. It wasn't me he was angry at it was himself. I was merely the one that was there to take it out on. He hated himself.

Now you say "but you were educated...gosh you were the one that people in your situation turned to for help". Yes I was...and I was damn good at it...but in my mind, my situation was different. My Master needed me more than ever before in his life...if there was anyone in the world who could help him...I was determined that it was going to be me. I would use my knowledge and skill to make things right. I did all of the things that are so classic in a domestic violence victim or in someone who lives with an alcoholic. The denial, the enabling, the covering up. I walked around with an ice bag and cleaned the house spotlessly. I prepared meals fit for a king. I made sure that when he came home there was nothing that would stress him out....nothing that could be a trigger. But no matter how perfect I made it there was always something wrong...and it was always my fault. "You made steak?...Jesus what does a man have to do to get a fucking meatloaf?" Smack! "Does the bathroom really have to be that clean...I feel like I am in a fucking hospital." Smack! "Why are you so quiet and pleasing tonight? Is there something you are not telling me?" Smack! No matter what I did or how many egg shells I walked on...it was never enough. I had him arrested once....thought they would force him to get help. That made things even worse.

Ok so I should leave right? Well yes I should have. But that concept was foreign to me. Hundreds if not thousands of times I had said the words, "Master I am yours". How could I walk out on him when he needed me so? How would I ever survive without him? How would I make it through my days without his guidance? I was devoted. He owned me. I had made promises to him...how could I welch on those promises? I was his...heart and soul. I took each breath of my day for him. The thoughts would come into my mind....all of those things that I told my own clients...but none of them made any sense to my life. I could not think...I could not see it through...my mind was like a mud puddle and everything got bogged down in it.

Well it took three years and finally there came the straw that broke the camels back. We argued that day, over the drinking. He took off in my truck about 1 in the afternoon. I prayed he would be safe...just cool off and come back home. I got the call shortly after 11. He was in jail. The charges...well there were 7 felony counts of assorted alcohol and violence related charges. The cops told me they were amazed at how strong he was....he managed to give 5 of them a pretty good go. The police officer said to me "Ma'am, you seem like a real nice lady. Please tell me that this night in this man's life is an event that does not indicate who he really is."
In the morning I went to the bank, I took out all of my money, I took out a loan and went to see the attorney. We got him out of jail and I took him home. I looked at him and he was no longer my Master. He was a broken man...but still defiant. He was furious that they were going to force him into treatment...even though I am sure he knew how desperately he needed it. I was done though, at that moment. I knew that I could not help him and that the way that I loved him only enabled him to continue down that path. It is very painful to see someone that you love so much standing at the edge of that dark abyss and knowing that you are entirely powerless to stop them from falling in. But in that moment I knew I could not.

Yes, leaving was the HARDEST thing that I have ever done. But it was something that had to be done....for my own preservation and for his. There had been 8 years of Heaven and 3 years of sheer Hell. But now it was over.

I encourage anyone who reads this and may see their own situation to relate to any point on the path that mine took to walk away, while you still can.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to mossy)

Post #: 42

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/27/2005 10:48:04 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

i only know of one situation in which a Sadistic Master and His slave separated...she believed, rightly or wrongly, that He was unfaithful to her, and i believe T/they are reuniting.

Contrast that with the words of an abuser: "you cannot survive without me"; "no one else will ever want you"; "you have no way of supporting yourself"; "i will always find you -- i will never let you go." Etc. Not said once in awhile, but a litany that hurts just as much as the closed fist hurts.

i know of NO edge play that ends with a women in the emergency room with broken ribs, a broken nose; brorken eye orbits, etc. This is NOT s/m; this is abuse. Ans something else. A slave to a Sadistic Master takes care to prevents her children from learning of the s/m nature of her relationship to her Master, and is more or less successful. But an abused woman cannot; the thuds and slaps and falls and screams are audible; and children growing up in a home where a woman is battered are being abused themselves. Women often think they are keeping the family together "for the sake of the chidlren"; but the reality is the children pay a dear price for being around an abuser.

i thank E/everyone who posted to this thread. i have just one more thing to say. In every county in the USA, a woman can call the county sherriff and be extricated by them to a safe house, where she will be provided assistance in rebuilding her life. Maybe not every service she needs, but many. Don't wait until your life is in immient danger; not every woman calculates that risk correctly.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 7/27/2005 10:51:01 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 43

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/28/2005 6:04:17 AM

mossy

Posts: 189
Joined: 2/21/2005
Status: offline

Dear mistoferin::: Your courage and strength is like that of no one i know.

Maybe that i have read of? But never spoken to like this. Personally, other than the few that have posted here & share our similar stories, or support them? Your story was so intensely personal and intimate, as mine, and the others? That from some of the feedback coming "in"? and in as much as they don't "wish to hear us".....i personally imho.....don't think these people deserved... to hear/see us... put that portion of our lives out on the table for all to see.

Another thought.....If any of our collarme. fellows, who have been "complaining" of abuse
stories? Were ever to be harmed in anyway D/s /bdsm related? Something tells me that those of US "abuse" people...would be the fastest, most sincere, true, D/s friends, by their sides. Just a thought...i could be wrong. Going through this kind of thing, tends to really heighten Your level of empathy. So mistoferin, i personally thank You for this, You showed this empathy to me.

You know what i found during the day yesterday? my written contract from "sir" giving him full permission to treat me anyway he wished.....
and i had no legal, or financial recourse. And Padriag:::Every-single item,,,,in the quote You list? where it says Sm is this/,,,Abuse is this/ our relationship fell under Abuse is this every!!! time!!! And i still...find myself for some reason...in shock.

i tire of this ignorance, lack of compassion. From those i considered,,of my "own" tribe.
and i am hurt and sad.

when i asked a question of Emerald2? and was answered with indignation by "lovingmaster" excuse me? let me repeat that...l-o-v-i-n-g-m-oh forget it...i am so done. my question was not answered, he was not even close and had no idea what i was even eluding to.

_____________________________

~~inner peace & mental clarity~~

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 44

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/28/2005 7:16:08 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

Well, i'm not certain why LovingMaster posted what He did, but i'm also not certain it was in response to anything mossy posted. i think we've done a good job of (1) establishing what is abuse v. what is s/m play; (2) what is a good Dominant v. what is an abuser; (3) when a slave or submissive should leave a Man. We've done less well on prevention; mistoferin and i have tried, but as has been pointed out, an abuser may cloak himself as a Dominant for a long time. And furthermore, i acknowledge the needs of Doms and Masters to protect Themselves from unbalanced women...once again, i urge people to require background checks, supplied by the subject, so that the social security number can be redacted (blacked out). For those planning to set up house, i urge the undertaking of a private investigation of $500 (desk investigation) or preferably a field investigation ($1,000) to assure Y/yourself that there is no record of restraining orders, contempt for back child support, etc.

i do realise most/many all people will not take my advice...and most situations will turn out well...but there will be the rare/somewhat rare..situation where the individual is stuck with a bad person in her/his home and needs legal process to extricate her/him. Much drama that could have been avoided with a background check.

So, perhaps we have no warning signs we can offer women (and men) apart from INSTINCT and common sense. Perhaps the cues i started the thread with are not at all helpful; i'm not sure now. i wish the site allowed us to report abusers on the boards. *sigh*

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 7/28/2005 7:18:06 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to mossy)

Post #: 45

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/28/2005 9:10:18 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures
i wish the site allowed us to report abusers on the boards. *sigh*

pinkpleasures

And what would then prevent me from blasting your name all over the boards as an abusive person? Being someone who's been active in the scene a lot longer, who KNOWS a lot more people offline than you do, I'd not only be a lot more effective at it, but taken a lot more seriously than you and whatever defenses you could bring up.

Think about it, it would be REALLY easy to make it VERY difficult for you...just because I decided to do it.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 46

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/28/2005 9:39:35 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

*sighs* yes, that is a problem, Em. Perhaps if the site requited some verification? A police report? A restraining order? i'm not sure; twas more of a wish than a proposal; to somehow "out" the abusers here.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

Post #: 47

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/28/2005 1:36:50 PM

DarkVoyeur

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/13/2004
From: Wet Coast Canuckland
Status: offline

Forgive me as I haven't read all the posts, so if what I say has been covered......

I am a sadist
I can be emotionally sadistic
I can be mentally sadistic
I can be physically sadistic
It depends entirely on the dynamic that exists between myself and my partner. I am also into D/s, and this can colour my play, but doesn't always. I can play in all these areas and get my kicks, but I don't always need all of them to enjoy a scene. I have had wonderful scenes that had none of the aspects of D/s, I was simply topping. I have enjoyed D/s scenes that had very little sadism involved. An example would be a pure service scene.

I have a good friend who is nothing but a sadistic top, he wants nothing to do with M/s or D/s. He simply gets his rocks off by causing pain. Luckily he has a few girls to play with who enjoy his brand of sadism. He is happily married, and his wife is completely vanilla. She allows him his outside expression, as she doesn't want it at home.

I agree with a few others, that some of the red flags you raise are important ones. I think though, that you have to be careful about trying to put people into little boxes. You might miss a good guy that squeezes out of the cracks.

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 48

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/29/2005 2:36:14 PM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

DarkVoyuer -- What would be the difference in Your mind between sadism and abuse? You spoke about Your friend who wants nothing to do with D/s or M/s but is simply into sadism and "luckily found a couple of girls to play with him." To me that sounds as if he found play partners who consented to what he wanted to do..and that he did not exert much control over their lives when they were not playing. Please correct me if i am wrong.

The object to this thread is not to eliminate good sadist masters or even sadists at large; it is to help women identify abusive men ahead of time and avoid them; or if not; recognise that the man is not a sadist but an abuser and extricate themselves. i wonder if You, DarkVoyuer, can contribute something to that distinction.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________

(in reply to DarkVoyeur)

Post #: 49

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/29/2005 3:03:25 PM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

This is not going to be a response to any one person. It is a response however on how i see abuse and what i have been reading here.

Someone abuses you...you seek help....you call the police, you find a shelter, you find family....you do whatever it takes to find that help....it may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life, but you find it.

"YOU" make the choice to be a victim................or a survivor.

I am not going into what i went through. I sought help within my community and authorities.......i did not get online and let people tear me apart OR even console me because of it...if that happens to be what gets "YOU" through, great!...but expect to have a mirage of unfavorable answers,suggestions,advice in the best and worst way. Deal with what was typed.......you made the choice to post it.....you deal with the consequences of what is being typed back.

I know this may sound harsh and uncaring.....that is not my intention, but honestly, what do you expect when you get on to the WORLD wide web?
You don't know me from any other person here, nor do i know any of you.
If i have not met you face to face...all that remains is a pixel that types. Including me.

just my .02

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 50

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/29/2005 3:19:56 PM

DarkVoyeur

Posts: 26
Joined: 12/13/2004
From: Wet Coast Canuckland
Status: offline

What is the difference between sadism and abuse?

Pretty simple really;
Sadism is enjoyed on some level by both parties.
Abuse isn't

Sounds simple on paper I know, sometimes the reality is more complex.

The point I was making is that sadistic play can be just that, with no emotional side to it. Sometimes sadism for it's own sake is pleasurable, at least for some.

_____________________________

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of a great many things which escape those who dream only at night" - Edgar Allen Poe

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 51

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/30/2005 3:43:33 AM

lovingmaster45

Posts: 261
Joined: 9/16/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Someone abuses you...you seek help....you call the police, you find a shelter, you find family....you do whatever it takes to find that help....it may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life, but you find it.

"YOU" make the choice to be a victim................or a survivor.

Thank you smilezz. I am tired of all the whining about what "he" or "she" did to me.

_____________________________

Master Jerry

(in reply to smilezz)

Post #: 52

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/30/2005 3:57:17 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I am tired of all the whining about what "he" or "she" did to me.

You knew full well what this thread was about, but you came back here anyway? For what purpose? So you could whine about how tired you are of others whining? No one is twisting your arm and if you don't like it...well a "reasoning" person would tell you that you are under no obligation to subject yourself to it. Quite frankly there are some of us out here who are tired of your condescending attitude. Must be wonderful to live in your perfect world.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to lovingmaster45)

Post #: 53

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/30/2005 5:51:19 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

Don't thank me lovingmaster45....I did not write my post about whiners. Everybody has a right to type whatever the hell they want...how it comes out is how you perceive it.

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to lovingmaster45)

Post #: 54

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/30/2005 7:04:56 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

quote:

Someone abuses you...you seek help....you call the police, you find a shelter, you find family....you do whatever it takes to find that help....it may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life, but you find it. smilezz

If every woman who was abused KNEW to leave the 1st time he beat her..had support..someplace safe to go..did not listen to the abuser's lies..i'd agree with you smilezz..but what you are doing is blaming the victim. When i practiced in this area of law, i had some women who had been with their abusers for 20 years. It does no one any good to blame them..they need/deserve respect and support at the point when they DO leave, whenever that happened..and as i have said earlier..it generally happened when she was in mortal fear for her life or when he began abusing the kids.

Now pardon me whilst i flame a bit. If you have never been in an abusive relationship, you have no f**king right to tell a woman who is/has been that she failed because she did not leave after the 1st beating/has not already left. You simply do not know wtf you are talking about. You only add shame to the woman's suffering..to puff yourself up (it could never happen to me). Well, i have news...under the right circumstances..it could happen to ANY woman. No one is "immune" by dint of their place in society or their education or any other "shield". i am frankly amazed at the lack of humanity and decency shown battered women on this post...and i say "Shame on you" to everyone who belittled battered women in any way.

pinkpleasures

< Message edited by pinkpleasures -- 7/30/2005 7:09:09 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to smilezz)

Post #: 55

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/30/2005 7:26:22 AM

smilezz

Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline

quote:

but what you are doing is blaming the victim

I am blaming no one here or anywhere...that is your perception.

quote:

they need/deserve respect and support at the point when they DO leave, whenever that happened..and as i have said earlier..if generally happened when she was in mortal fear for her life or when he began abusing the kids.

I agree with that...they do need the support and respect. I think it's to bad that they have to wait until they are in mortal fear of their lives. I also believe there are people out there that have used the online system in posting things just like this to get attention. Unfortunately, it happens more than you know. The main reason i think it needs to be kept out of forums. My opinion.

quote:

Now pardon me whilst i flame a bit. If you have never been in an abusive relationship, you have no f**king right to tell a woman who is/has been that she failed because she did not leave after the 1st beating/has not already left. You simply do not know wtf you are talking about.

Now excuse me while i tell you that you have no idea who i am and can say this...but.......i WAS that woman many years ago, and i also never once used the web to talk about it. I also work(ed) in a safe shelter as a volunteer for abused women/children/drugs for over 16 years...so don't tell me what i DON'T know. Enough said.

quote:

You only add shame to the woman's suffering

I do not have that kind of power

quote:

i am frankly amazed at the lack of humanity and decency shown battered women on this post...and i say "Shame on you" to everyone who belittled battered women in any way.

I am frankly amazed that people bring their plight to the web and tell other people they do not even know....but hey! that's how "I" feel about it...I am not saying that is how you or anyone else should feel.

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 56

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 7/30/2005 7:49:22 AM

QuietMaster4u

Posts: 49
Joined: 7/3/2005
Status: offline

Usually, I take the time to read through a posted topic. Get the overall feel, of what is going on and then participate (if I so chose). But this topic (in other post, been a battle for me) does hit close to home.

My ex wife was abused in her first marriage (I was her second husband). I'm not saying that his race had anything to do with how he was, because I have know some wonderful guys that were of the same race. But, a portion of it has to with a persons cultural values.

And his values were that women, were beneath men.

But getting back on track here.... Her family did everything they could to convince her. That he was abusive, and that she should leave. She defended him everytime, and he would beat her for her family getting involved in their business.

Finally, and it took a lot of strength on the part of the family. To back off, and quit attacking the husband. They did not invite them to family functions. They did not communicate with them at all. After six months, she was at her mothers door with the kids. Asking to for help because she finally realized what was going on.

She didn't see it as him being abusive. She saw it as him being angry at her family's involvement in their relationship. When that was finally absent, and he continued to beat her. She realized it was abuse...

All, I would say towards and about this. Is, if you have a friend who is in an abusive relationship. I would let them know that you are there for them. But also be careful not to attack their abuser. We naturally want to defend those people that are important to us.

Also, women aren't the only ones getting abused. Society, isn't yet willing to accept that men can also be abused. It's a double standard, and I think most would be surprised at the actual number of men. Who are abused each year

(in reply to pinkpleasures)

Post #: 57

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 8/2/2005 7:40:03 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

My praise and admiration to smilezz -- i know from experience that volunteering in this area is very hard, and dealing with the kids as well as the women is especially hard.

Nevertheless, if a woman chooses to share her story here (which is not why is started this thread) her pain should be respected, not belittled because she did not leave at once.

pinkpleasures

_____________________________

(in reply to QuietMaster4u)

Post #: 58

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 8/3/2005 6:27:47 AM

GentleLady

Posts: 356
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Also, women aren't the only ones getting abused. Society, isn't yet willing to accept that men can also be abused. It's a double standard, and I think most would be surprised at the actual number of men. Who are abused each year

I for one would not be. We were lucky in the small town where I used to live because we had a shelter for males as well as for females. It is hard enough to get the funding for a woman's shelter and almost impossible to fund a men's shelter (in Canada). My present husband was abused in every way except physically by his previous wife and so was My brother.

Gentle Lady

_____________________________

All things are possible to those who have patience, try, and are willing to learn.

(in reply to QuietMaster4u)

Post #: 59

RE: Is He a Sadist? An Abusive Man? Married? - 8/4/2005 6:29:09 AM

pinkpleasures

Posts: 1114
Status: offline

Seems i have made a serious error in judgment by beginning this thread. i had the best of intentions -- to help PREVENT abusers from latching onto submissives and slaves -- but it seems that's impossible, and the thread has done damage by somehow belittling the problem of abuse. i am ashamed and regretful and apologetic.

pinkpleasures

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(in reply to GentleLady)

Post #: 60

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