punnishme
Posts: 23
Joined: 7/8/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: RiotGirl
hmmmmmmmmmmm something i've dealt with for Oh.. about a year.
Tried to put it in the perspective that i've friends i'm really close too. Try to land in his shoes ya know?
that worked for awhile.. well until.. and then..
well
and now i just try and ignore it. Cos you get frickin questions in your head.. and you fricking wonder.. and then you remember to have abit of faith.. you forget and its okay.. and then you get smacked in the face with it again.. and you try to talk about it.. but it doesnt go over well.. cos they think you're saying something else.. so you try and rephrase it.. and sometimes you talk.. and they assure you its just friends and thats okay for then, but then you think about it and its not okay. And then well.. it can get worse. Suuuuuuuuuure.. trust have faith.. and then that person disapears and there's another in place.. and its starts all over again.. but have faith and some trust... and no matteer what anyone says, cos i swear confronting with what other ppl say just aint bright. Been there done that. Heck, EVEN get their OWN words of what THEY say.. aint bright. Wont do no good.
Listen to yourself. Listen to your heart and your MIND. If it seems not straight up.. well why take the fricken chance. Ya know, it JUST MIGHT be straight up.. but really you wanna live like that? And if its not this girl shelly.. who says it might not be someone else? Over and fricken over until you have a list of names in your damn head. And even if it is JUST friends and all that crap.. why be with some one else who needs to get emotional fullfillment some where other then you?
Kind of like cheating.. do it once, always do it. If she's getting emotional fullfillment else where now.. who says she'll ever stop? Just be a different name. Different set of "issues" to deal with. Oh.. and if she or anyone comes at you that "its all in your head" take a flying leap elsewhere. Cos thats a pretty one they like to lay down, to get you to shut up and believe the shit they're spewing.
Of course, you could keep trying and dealing with all the emotional anguish, the insults from other ppl, the constant forced opionons of what you should do and letting others call you bipolar and all sorts of stupid stuff.. but then, you'll just end up cynical like me. Not giving a rats ass anymore. Drinkin a beer, wishing you had something else and sick and tired and fed up because YOU tried to work out ALL YOUR frickin issues (cos its all in your head remember), you tried your damnedest, you tried to be the "understanding" one. You tried to have faith.
But hon it dont work like that. you're better off heading for the hills now.
I totally understand where your coming from here Riot Girl. I've been dealing with this very same issue for a year now. I thought it would get easier but it's only gotten harder, and what really bites is when someone else comes into your area, or what you thought was your area and tries to take it over, tries to end the relationship with your Dom(me) and then the blame gets put on you. Everything is your fault, and the forgiveness and apologies never come. When you try to discuss it what is your Domme going to do, sit there and tell you it's all in your head, sit there and tell you that you have issues to work out on your own or else she's going to leave you, continue to make it seem like your fucked up and there is something wrong with you. Just because you dont agree doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you. Then when you try to sit down and talk about it again, what's she going to say then, quit topping from the bottom! I'm in control, and I want a variety, if you dont like it that's to bad there's the door! That just seems a little out of the ordinary dont you think, but from my first hand experience with an issue like this it's what we deal with sometimes as submissives and slaves. Every time we disagree we are trying to top from the bottom and what the Dom's dont realize is that's a load of crap, sometimes we are out for ourselves in this lifestyle, and sometimes we feel that it's necessary to protect ourselves whether the Dom(me) likes it or not.
Yeah this is when this lifestyle sucks...plain and simple, we're forced to choose, the way we feel about that person, the love that we have for them over all of the hurt that our S/O is causing us.
The worst mistake you could make is blaming "shelly" i've been there and done that, and I came to realize putting the blame on the other girl isn't what you want to do at all. This relays back to one person only and that's the Dom(me) why? Because as your Dom(me) she is suppose to be protecting you in every way shape and form, if your not feeling as though you have emotional protection, and you are feeling hurt and neglected in a sense. Than she isn't being a very good Domme in the sense of protection, she isn't making you feel wanted, loved, cared for, or even respected in a sense.
What most Dominants that I have met refuse to understand that with slavery and submission to our Dominants there comes great emotions, great love, and great respect over time, we all show these in different forms and when it isn't returned by our S/O's then the so called relationship goes right down the tube and as much as you try to work it out by yourself since your Dom(me) obviously doesn't want to realize there is a problem or just doesn't care, the time,effort, energy and money you spend doesn't work as a relationship takes both people involved to make the relationship grow stronger, one thing cant work with out the other.
My advice to you is to try and speak with your Domme on the issues that you have with what is going on, it's not all inside your head and you have every reason to feel what you feel. Speak with her and if you dont like her answers or responses then I'm going to give you the same advice that someone gave me a long time ago......It's either my way or the highway. If your Domme is not going to make you feel comfortable with who you are as her slave or submissive (not sure which you are) then she is not going to be capable of filling the rest of your needs, wants, and desires as a slave or submissive. This lifestyle relationship works with two people and both people involved need to be considered, it's not going to work any other way, you will end up a miserable person. IF you dont get the responses your looking for try a slight ultimatum and tell her how you feel. If you want to leave after that because she is not listening to you, your feelings, wants and desires leave. It's better to leave as a strong woman than leaving as a broken slave who will need to be fixed by someone else due to the mistreatment from the past.
I wish you the best of luck, I'm here if you need an ear.
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RE: I am Struggling.... - 
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when we are in our own homes and apart. Yes I am grateful for Her having Shelly to rely on and be there for her when I am not there. 
.[/color} 
RE: I am Struggling.... - 
Or find great strength and happiness in your next.
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