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Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/25/2005 1:41:24 AM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline 		Maybe this has already been discussed in another thread at some point but the topic doesn't seem to come up as often as others. In "absolute" Owner/property, total power exchange relationships, the slave or property is expected to give up all rights. This may and usually does involve giving up the rights to income earned, property owned, ability to make even the smallest decision, etc.

It occurred to me that in this kind of relationship it would be easier to trust the person one is legally married to versus simply living together with or merely seeing long distance. In other words, the slave who is legally married to her owner will find it far easier to be a slave because law inherent in a marriage contract itself would provide some security and protection for the slave and all children involved to a degree, making it easier to trust and essentially live this particular lifestyle.

Handing all rights, property, finances, and decision making power to an owner a slave isn't legally married to seems like it could involve great risk. How can property be assured they won't be taken advantage of? If a slave comes to an owner with nothing, financial or otherwise, there's little to lose at that moment; but if children and significant assets are involved wouldn't it be wise that this kind of relationship occur under circumstances that ensure the future protection and security of all involved?

I hear so very little from owners regarding how they will implement and provide protection and financial security in the event things don't work out for the slaves/submissives they are not married to. I wondered for about the hundredth time why that is. I'm not just talking about an owner saying he will provide security either. I wonder how many are actually willing to put it in writing and legalize it, and how quickly they are willing to do so? It seems that as soon as rights, property, an assets are handed over, plans to create security for the slave or submissive should then concurrently be put into action, but does this actually occur in these relationships in reality consistently?

In reality if a slave isn't married to her owner, she and her children are at his mercy if serious problems should arise and she wants out or if he decides to release her. He has her property, assets, paycheck, etc. and it is then completely up to him what he'll do with it. She has nothing in the bank and nothing in her name. This is leading me to the belief that the slave who is legally married to her owner will find the role of property to be far less challenging versus the slave who isn't. From my pov, slaves that are legally married have legal options and security that unmarried slaves don't have if things go bad and the trust factor simply isn't as much an issue for them. All thoughts an opinions anyone might have on this overall topic would be welcome :)

mischie
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/25/2005 7:41:40 AM   
beachdominant


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		To my point of view it is imperative that a BDSM contract is made before you acutally enter into a TPE. Handing over all the rights (
quote:

rights to income earned, property owned, ability to make even the smallest decision, etc.
) has to be a mentionned in a spefic chapter in the contract between the Master/Mistress and his or her slave. The same has to be put in the contract about the children born before or during the TPE relationship. In the "step out" clause has to be specified what will happen to all this when the TPE relationship is ended.
This point of view is persona but also locally inspired. Getting married in Belgium gives a lot of security to both partners. Getting divorced in Belgium is a very long, complicated and expensive process. I believe when a TPE ends, all bonds have to be put to an end at once. This is not posible when you are in a divorce, certainly not in my country.
I fully understand that this isn't the most perfect sollution but it is my sincere belief that after all a Master/Mistress has to protect his or her slave at all times and to treat him or her with respect, also when the relation comes to an end. Living by the true nature of our lifestyle is therefore very important.

(in reply to themischievous1)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/25/2005 7:57:29 AM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		Hi mischie...nice to see you here. Shocking, I know, but we actually have found something we agree on...lol. It certainly can make these types of issues less of an issue when marriage is involved, depending on what type of prenuptial/antenuptial agreements are made, if any.

However, if marriage isn't in the cards, there are still other types of agreements (legal) that can be drawn up prior to entering the relationship to protect the assets of the slave (an irrevocable trust comes to mind although depending on circumstances, that probably isn't the best option). I certainly believe that the time to deal with these issues are prior to offering yourself into an absolute relationship, while you still retain choices.

This is a great topic and I look forward to seeing other's thoughts on this matter.


best regards,
fate

*Edited for spelling error(s)

< Message edited by stormsfate -- 7/25/2005 8:00:51 AM >

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to themischievous1)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/25/2005 8:03:28 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The reason you don't hear it talked about that much is that most people do NOT take it to that extent in bdsm. Most people do simply marry and enjoy the protections marriage provides, and are only D/s bdsm in day to day activities, not when it comes to life issues.

However, if someone were to take it to that extent, then it is absolutely imperative that the people involve understand how things would work out in a "worst-case scenario."

(in reply to themischievous1)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/25/2005 9:06:59 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The reason you don't hear it talked about that much is that most people do NOT take it to that extent in bdsm. Most people do simply marry and enjoy the protections marriage provides, and are only D/s bdsm in day to day activities, not when it comes to life issues.


Don't tell me I'm an odd man out again here... I find that generalization to be a little wide EmeraldSlave, considering I know a lot of people (real time) in this lifestyle that DO see that partnering in a D/s or M/s relationship has everything to do with "life issues". From health and wellness to retirement as well as health and life insurance. In fact, in my experiences covering better then two decades I don't know that I have ever met anyone with such an insouciant attitude about their partners. I have talked to many submissives and from the start one of the biggest concerns is simpy... what happens if it doesn't work out? What happens to me (the submissive) should something happen to you?

There is such a vast difference between BDSM and a D/s or M/s relationship, great, you wanna be in it for the BDSM... more power to you, enjoy the kink to the fullest! But if you are going to become involved in a long term relationship, if you are going to turn over everything you own and earn (and that happens ALOT) then you better find out what's going to happen if it doesn't work out or if something happens to the person(s) that you hand that control over to.

As far as the OP is concerned, for me and mine we have discussed this thoroughly. If the submissive/slave wishes to continue to work then half of what they earn will be put toward paying off any bills they may have, the other half will be put in the bank in a joint savings account to be used only in case of emergency or release from the collar. If they choose not to work then we will depost a small amount into a joint savings account for the same use. We have also made it known to my daughter (she is the sole executor of our belongings) that should anything happen to us then she will be responsible for taking care of any submissive/slave that is under our collar at the time. Our house is paid for and my daughter is also aware that should our submissive/slave wish to continue living here in the event that something should happen to us, they will be allowed to stay and all of the furnishings will stay as long as they live here, as well as any vehicles that the submissive/slave may need.

Yes, it is an important issue and should be considered and discussed thoroughly. Putting it in writing and having that document notorized is also a good idea since seperation isn't always a pretty thing and anger does strange things to people.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/25/2005 9:20:16 AM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		I was thinking the same thing, ShiftedJewel. Among the people I know irl within this lifestyle, the majority of them incorporate all aspects of life into their bdsm relationship (presumably because those are the type of people we have most in common with).

Regardless, the scenario that mischie described in particular (an absolute relationship) would as a matter of course incorporate all areas of her life, and the questions she brings up are very valid, imo.


best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/25/2005 11:24:49 AM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline 		I do not agree with this statement.
quote:

The reason you don't hear it talked about that much is that most people do NOT take it to that extent in bdsm. Most people do simply marry and enjoy the protections marriage provides, and are only D/s bdsm in day to day activities, not when it comes to life issues.

Why? Because I know a many people within the lifestyle that do that it to that extent. Do some slaves / submissive work outside of the home. Yes, the reality is most of the world can not survive on a 1 person household. However, even when some submissives/ slaves work they turn their checks over to their dominate. They agree that if they part ways they leave with what they came in with nothing more nothing less. Others set up savings accounts for submisisves / slaves so if they end the slave / submissive has some money to move on with. Some operate as a married couple, where everything is considered joint.

My Master and I cosnider everything "ours". The moneys brought into the house are "ours", however he does have the end say in how it is spend. If I am not working outside the house, like now he provides for my health insurance and after a year a safings account is set up.

Marriage is not a fail all to finacial security. I was married for 7 years and when I was divorced I was left in finacial ruin. After 4 yrs of struggling to get back on my feet I am not, but I am still cleaning up the mess my exhusband left my credit in.

Yes ther are benifits to being married to your Dominate but no more than a nilla marrriage.

I think if you are going to commite to any kind of relationship weither a vanilla relationship or one within the lifestyle. This is something that SHOULD be discussed.

nika, Phoenix's deviant slave.



_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/25/2005 2:19:57 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Ok 2 cents here...

Welll............. i , not a general i, but a specific i take it to that extent. Am i married? No. is there a contract? Nope, no siree. (dont really believe in them) But yes, everything thats MINE, isnt um well mine. Its his. Every penny i earn, doesnt stay in my pocket, but transfers over ot his pocket. Right down to my 3 little kittens. (they dont fit quit so well in his pocket) There literally isnt a "mine" any more and he's had to teach me abit when it comes to saying mine. Biggest shocker and took me twice to get over was the grocery shopping. HEH. Not able to choose what is bought, seriously confounded me. Is this absolute? Well i dont know, i just know its His way.

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/25/2005 2:20:45 PM   
MstrHellsFury


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		I won't get into all the personal details but I will say this...I for one believe in being fair reguardless of this lifestyle...when my second came to me it was with the full knowledge my wife/slave was my full time housekeeper..she was glad as she didn't want to assume that responsibility and wanted to continue in her choosen profession...(why would I want to waste a college education)...terms were set so her earnings were set aside in a seprate account but withdrawl was determined by me...over the years she's built up quite a sum...I hope the day never comes where she'll want release but if it were to happen...she takes what she's earned...I carry her on my insurance..and I provided her transpartation...after all am I not to provide for her and protect her to the best of my ability...knowing she has the option to ask at anytime for release if she becomes unhappy with our arraingement is key to everyone always keeping the lines of communication open...we work things out...if this is not in the view of some how a dominant should be...sorry but it works for all of us in my family...

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/27/2005 3:23:27 PM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		I can't believe this thread didn't get more input than it did, so I'm bumping it back to the top in hopes that some of the deep thinkers on board will contribute.



f

(in reply to MstrHellsFury)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/27/2005 3:53:15 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		Not sure why I didn't see this since it is only 2 days old, and also not sure that I qualify as a "deep thinker" *W*, but I will give it a go.
I do seek TPE, and I do use contracts. For the exact reason that the OP states. I have a pretty long and pretty detailed contract with the ability to change percentages and other areas based upon a particular situation. I know I have seen others who say they don't believe in contracts, and perhaps that is because they don't enter into a TPE the same way as I would.
As Jewel said:
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

There is such a vast difference between BDSM and a D/s or M/s relationship, great, you wanna be in it for the BDSM... more power to you, enjoy the kink to the fullest! But if you are going to become involved in a long term relationship, if you are going to turn over everything you own and earn (and that happens ALOT) then you better find out what's going to happen if it doesn't work out or if something happens to the person(s) that you hand that control over to.
l


I think a contract is very important in a relationship of this type. I have one and I use it.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/30/2005 1:07:26 AM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate

I can't believe this thread didn't get more input than it did, so I'm bumping it back to the top in hopes that some of the deep thinkers on board will contribute.

f


Hi Fate,

Glad to see we're agreeing on a few more things these days :)

If I was just guessing, I think the reason this topic doesn't generate much discussion is because it isn't very popular to talk about legal stuff in terms of putting things down in writing so that a slave or submissive is protected. I bet there are a lot of self titled Masters/Owners out there that don't particularly want to have to consider the future care of a submissive or slave, legally speaking. Putting something in writing and having it on file with an attorney, or even notarized is serious stuff. Opening accounts for a slave so that she is provided for in the future is just not going to be a real hot turn on topic. It's a lot easier just to say "Submit, obey, and hand over your paychecks and assets. I'm in control. Don't worry about the rest. I'm your Master." hah hah ~snickers~

In reality, the kind of owner I want to serve would expect this as part of the deal. A responsible, ethical owner wouldn't have it any other way. I don't see how it couldn't be part of the package in a serious M/s relationship that is TPE oriented. I also think there would be a lot less people hopping into collar exchange if this standard were part and parcel of the relationship.

Property that isn't legally married to her owner should negotiate some kind of protection of her financial future before selling her home and relocating, or giving up of assets, material possessions, etc., in my opinion. There isn't much educational material about this out there and I bet some do not appreciate my putting ideas into some of our more naive slave/submissive member's heads ;)

Anyway, thanks to all who contributed!

mischie

(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/30/2005 2:04:20 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		Somehow I missed this thread until now, too distracted with others I suppose. I think perhaps another reason more haven't commented is that perhaps few have given this serious enough thought to come up with solutions.

As for myself, my next slave will have whatever cash assets and cash from liquidated property placed into an investment portfolio. I have a friend who is a stockbroker and also in the lifestyle who would manage the account. I would have no control over the account. This would be essentially a living trust with the stock broker as trustee, and the extra stipulation that the account can't be released back to the slave unless a) we are no longer living together or b) X amount of years has passed (say 20 for a round number). If she leaves, she gets the full account plus whatever value it has earned. If she stays for at least 20 years, she gets it and can do what she likes with the money, donate it to charity, give it to children or family, set up a trust fund for others, leave it in the investments, take us both on a nice vacation as an anniversary present, whatever she wants. Thus either way she's financially protected. I'm also considering the option of being able to add additional funds to the account myself at my own discretion... call it a reward for good service if you like. But she need not live in fear of "financial bondage." I have no desire to have a slave who remains with me for any other reason than her own desire and serves for any other reason than because it makes her happy to do so.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/30/2005 3:02:26 AM   
wolfsprincess


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline 		mischie ...

First off, i don't know that marriage would or wouldn't make trust any easier. i've seen people who have been married for YEARS and STILL don't trust one another. i've seen marriages end in divorce and one of the partners walks away "scot-free" while the other doesn't even have a roof over their head. i think it's the PEOPLE who W/we have to base of "trust-ability" on - not the type of relationship it is. The law will provide for the partners in SOME states - but not all, so i'm told.

Handing over rights, properties, finances, etc. IS a big risk ... one that many slaves are eager to take without giving it a second thought. others, however, will think these things thru and discuss it PRIOR to surrender. Many Owners, such as mine, does it in a way that A/all are protected. Property, monies, stocks owned BEFORE the commencement of the relationship, for instance, stay with the slave. Anything gained AFTER commencement of the relationship is used for the good, support and well-being of the family, except for a savings account set aside for each slave in the event something should happen to the Master. If one leaves the family, disbursement of such is left to the discretion of the Owner.

princess
"...slave isn't just a word - it's who and what i am ... walking forever in His light and seeking shelter in His shadow"
http://absoluteslavery.com
http://absoluteslavery.com/secure/forum/



quote:

ORIGINAL: themischievous1

Maybe this has already been discussed in another thread at some point but the topic doesn't seem to come up as often as others. In "absolute" Owner/property, total power exchange relationships, the slave or property is expected to give up all rights. This may and usually does involve giving up the rights to income earned, property owned, ability to make even the smallest decision, etc.

I wonder how many are actually willing to put it in writing and legalize it, and how quickly they are willing to do so? It seems that as soon as rights, property, an assets are handed over, plans to create security for the slave or submissive should then concurrently be put into action, but does this actually occur in these relationships in reality consistently?

mischie



(in reply to themischievous1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/30/2005 1:54:38 PM   
luvdragonx


Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		This reminds me of Dr Phil yesterday (I was laid up with a bad knee and couldn't reach the remote) The topic was pre nups and whether or not they harm the relationship. One couple was very much in love, the woman suffered financial hardship from her first marriage and wanted a prenup to secure her childrens future. Her fiance was hurt because he felt she didn't trust him with her childrens future. It came down to "Don't you love me enough to trust me" vs. "Don't you trust that I love you enough that you know it's not personal".

Apply that to a TPE relationship. I can see where it would be a sore spot and potentially damaging to bring that type of document into the equation. Some would argue that the Power in TPE includes your financial future, that keeping said funds set aside for the Just In Case, is not totally giving up power. Money = power for a lot of people. I could see how a potential sub/slave bringing the matter of their financial future without the Owner might undermine the trust that is supposed to be present, especially for a long term relationship.

In real life, however, there are too many variables to account for when making these kinds of decisions, and I'll agree with the other posters who said that an ethically conscious Owner would want that kind of security for the potential sub/slave. That way, the trust goes the other way, as the Owner trusts the sub/slave to not see the document as an out, or an excuse not to commit fully to the relationship.

My personal experience doesn't include this type of arrangement, but it just makes sense, IMO.

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to themischievous1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/30/2005 4:25:04 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		I'm glad to see this topic being discussed as I've thought about it myself many times. I know of two profiles here where the Domme is genuinely looking to own a slave. But as the OP asks, there's no mention at all of what provisions would be made or how future security will be established. In my view, if I'm going to involve myself to that level, I would be very concerned about what will come down the road. I've also spoken with a few Dommes over the past couple years where it was obvious once we started talking on the phone that this was not being thought about at all.

Its not just about the money either. Other issues would include health care, changes due to aging, changing careers, relocating (if necessary) and what will become of any material assets, etc. To become a slave to someone where both honestly want that as the goal, it would seem to me that factors such as these would be put out there right from the start. Otherwise, it gives the impression the person is focusing only on the lifestyle aspects and not the underlying foundations that make it all possible.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to luvdragonx)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/31/2005 1:15:51 AM   
themischievous1


Posts: 151
Joined: 4/3/2005
From: San Antonio, Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wolfsprincess

mischie ...

First off, i don't know that marriage would or wouldn't make trust any easier. i've seen people who have been married for YEARS and STILL don't trust one another. i've seen marriages end in divorce and one of the partners walks away "scot-free" while the other doesn't even have a roof over their head. i think it's the PEOPLE who W/we have to base of "trust-ability" on - not the type of relationship it is. The law will provide for the partners in SOME states - but not all, so i'm told.

princess
"...slave isn't just a word - it's who and what i am ... walking forever in His light and seeking shelter in His shadow"
http://absoluteslavery.com
http://absoluteslavery.com/secure/forum/


Hi princess :)

I agree that in some marriages and for some people, trust might still be an issue but having been married before, there is something about the whole legal process and the exchanging of vows, the ceremony itself, the signing of a legal document, the having to go to court to actually dissolve the union, that makes legal marriage a deeply committed scenario as opposed to just living together, whether in the lifestyle or not. There is the foregone knowledge in a couple's mind that there will be legalities involved when separating property, assets, possessions, as well as potential child or spousal support if things don't work out. All of these things offer a degree of security, which establishes trust for women and men who marry these days, even for those who can't afford a good attorney. Certainly, there are countless horror stories that can be supplied where the legal system didn't work to the benefit of one spouse or another, but for the majority I think there is the chance that things will be resolved at least somewhat fairly and reasonably. Without any kind of legal protection via just living together, one must completely trust that one's owner is going to be decent if she/he wants out or is released. I just see the necessary trust factor as being more difficult for unmarried property versus being the legal spouse in a TPE relationship that is absolute in nature.

Those who are currently legally married, or who have experienced marriage, may have felt what I've felt in the past before divorce. There was a strange bond automatically present. This marriage bond is accepted and still revered by mainstream society. There is something deeply special in the words "my wife/ my husband." Most of us, even in the varying facets of the lifestyle, still respect and hold these titles to be reverent.

Personally, to be property to a particular owner as well as his cherished wife is the best of both worlds from my point of view, but then this is just my own opinion as it relates to me and my life. For me, the security is greater, and making it "legal" means something beyond just living together. It speaks of a commitment made that says that an owner thinks enough of me as his property to title me as and make me his legal wife. I just think trust would come about much more easily in such a scenario versus living together.

I know my pov doesn't apply to all and some TPE couples or poly families are quite content just to live together, feeling that trust and commitment are more internal issues and that legality has nothing to do with them. In terms of the trust factor though, I continue to feel it would be much easier to completely surrender everything in absolute fashion to one's owner/legal spouse versus someone one just lives with. As absolute surrender is primary in an absolute relationship, absolute trust is a must. Maybe I'm still hanging onto vanilla thinking in this regard of seeing marriage as a more trustworthy, stable situation and commitment to completely surrender under... I'm not sure. I only know I currently view it as such, though I'm certainly open to other points of view and knowledge.

mischie


(in reply to wolfsprincess)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/31/2005 4:07:37 AM   
Gem


Posts: 100
Joined: 2/11/2004
Status: offline 		Brightest Blessings

I handed over all life issues to Man when we first met. If I trusted him enough to surrender then I trusted him enough to handle all the big life issues as well.

We just married this Febuary, ( last step in his ownership but that is another topicLOL) If things had gone south or if in the future they go south I leave with the clothes on my back, and the set amount, that was set up for this outcome. We do not have a contract, heck we didn't even negotiate things, he decided on a set number if things should go south, and I consented to it.

I do not think that marriage secures you anymore than just being in a LTR relationship, look at all the divorces going on, and how one party will sue and leave the other with nothing. Nasty divorces are a dime a dozen these days, I have seen both women and men clean out bank accounts, run up credit cards, ect leaving the other person holding the bag, and this was all done under the protection of marriage.

Could I be left with nothing, sure, it could happen...could my kids be left with nothing sure it could happen, but then again we have been there before and we have survived thru it, I started with nothing I am not afraid of it. Life is about taking chances, living to the fullest, understanding that you may lose on the next roll. I would not be a happy camper if I lived without the absolute control over all things in my life.

Although I have to say handing over my finances and other big life issues seemed to be much easier then handing over the control of what is bought at the grocery store LOL, there's a reality check for you, no more snack food, or mac and cheese.

Blessed Be
Gem

(in reply to themischievous1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 7/31/2005 8:00:47 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		The reality is that if my trik and I agreed, she would hand over her wages etc which I would place in a bank account in her name except for any funds she needed for personal item peculiar to ladies. If and when we split up she would have all her savings. The only other funds, which I would expect to take, would be sufficient to cover her living expenses like a share of food and phone etc. However if I am sufficiently wealthy and can cover said living expenses then it would be my duty to provide for her all she needed. BTW I personally believe that it would be wrong for me to keep any of her possessions too. But that's just me.


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Gem)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Security and trust in absolute/TPE relationships - 10/10/2005 6:43:36 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		good topic.

for me, being married and owned would be far more "challenging", as the law would give me rights that in reality as a slave i would not have. it'd be confusing to me. it is actually the major reason i am against marriage in these modern times. imo, if one finds comfort in the "security" that they feel marriage may bring legally, then that person is not really of a slave mindset to begin with.

i was still a teenager when i became my Master's slave, so i came to him with nothing basically...no significant money in the bank, no major assets, no kids. so in a material sense, obviously i did not have to give up very much. however, since becoming his property, there have been times when he has me working and earning income...it all went to him. there is a bank account with my name on it, but he controls what goes in and what comes out, and he is the actual owner of the account. what would happen if all of a sudden he were to boot me out on my rear? well, i would have nothing...no money, no possessions. no job, no ability to drive, no knowledge of how to function independently in the world. does that scare me? no, because i don't see that as a very likely possibility.

He has made certain legal arrangements, however, those arrangements only leave me further enslaved to him financially/physically (and also enable me to be covered under his insurance). in the event of his death, he has made arrangements to will me to another Dominant, because he knows i am not capable of being on my own, and he doesn't wish me to learn such skills...so, i will always be a slave. but to be honest, if he ever passed away it would take every ounce of will power in me not to follow him to the next life. see...some have a hard time imagining such, but this IS my life. my WHOLE life. i do not think about how i will live/survive if this relationship ends, because a life without this relationship is not one i'd wish to live anyway. penniless or with 50K in the bank...what's the difference? i'd be without the love of my life and owner of my soul.

(in reply to themischievous1)
Profile   Post #: 20
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