RE: Fucking romance

RE: Fucking romance (Full Version)

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iammachine -> RE: Fucking romance (10/4/2007 1:57:52 PM)
quote: But inside of 6 months, if someone is saying they "are falling in love" with me, I call that infatuation. Until you have shared common experiences (that means person A and person B go through a trial, a joy, an argument, etc.) -- which is FAR different from "common interests" -- I don't think it's practical or realistic to think the warm, fuzzy feelings you are having are "love." Which, is your opinion, and you are entitled to it. You are neither right nor wrong, since opinions are good for that. They're subjective. What we have here, is a subjective opinion about a subjective experience. What a tangled web we weave, no? Which, returns me to my point. Love is a feeling, you can't quantify it, there is no way to determine if what someone experiences as love is valid, or not - because it's a personal experience. He says love, you say infatuation - po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe, my friend. Perhaps they are in love with love, perhaps they are in love with an idea of you, perhaps they have seen more of you than you were aware of showing, and they love you on some level (Eros? Agape? Philia? Storge?). Whatever the case, they have sqwishy fuzzy feelings, and they interpret it as love. Your opinions on whether or not they are valid, to be honest, whereas you are entitled to them, really don't bear much weight overall, because there is no right or wrong when it comes to subjective, personal, experiences. Yeah, feelings suck for that.

laurell3 -> RE: Fucking romance (10/4/2007 4:18:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl quote: I am a little shocked anyone would want to force someone else to basically devalue this kind of sentiment. Point of clarification: There's no force in our dynamic. He doesn't force me to do anything. gypsygrl I think your situation is different than what sadisticmaster stated. In fact he called his use of the term love a "mindfuck", I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that at all, although obviously I don't have to be with the guy, so who cares right? In your case, you are working on something you have a hard time doing, expressing yourself, by saying it. That's a much different scenario in my opinion. l

cloudboy -> RE: Fucking romance (10/4/2007 5:07:18 PM)
A guy in her position would be fileted alive. You make a good point. I like her plan of emotional caveat emptor, as it conveniently shifts all the blame onto the unwitting guy and sheilds her from all responsibility when he might start feeling otherwise. A lawyer couldn't draw up a better disclaimer. We shouldn't worry though, guys will do just about anything for good sex -- and no strings sex for many a man has a much higher appeal than actually becoming involved with someone. The trick for that secondary partner, whomever she might select, is too not make the Glen Close mistake in FATAL ATTRACTION. Namely, when he's alone and lonely, don't peek in her house windows during the holidays to see his beloved living in marital bliss. He's better going to the local pub or taking a long walk saving his curses for the passing clouds or the idiots on the bar room TV.

AAkasha -> RE: Fucking romance (10/4/2007 5:21:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy A guy in her position would be fileted alive. You make a good point. I like her plan of emotional caveat emptor, as it conveniently shifts all the blame onto the unwitting guy and sheilds her from all responsibility when he might start feeling otherwise. A lawyer couldn't draw up a better disclaimer. We shouldn't worry though, guys will do just about anything for good sex -- and no strings sex for many a man has a much higher appeal than actually becoming involved with someone. The trick for that secondary partner, whomever she might select, is too not make the Glen Close mistake in FATAL ATTRACTION. Namely, when he's alone and lonely, don't peek in her house windows during the holidays to see his beloved living in marital bliss. He's better going to the local pub or taking a long walk saving his curses for the passing clouds or the idiots on the bar room TV. Jealous much? Geez, when a woman is in any position a guy dreams of being in (yeah, no strings attached sex, at the drop of a hat - wow I am so lucky - sarcasm) he gets all bitter. Please. Akasha

AAkasha -> RE: Fucking romance (10/4/2007 8:01:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: iammachine quote: But inside of 6 months, if someone is saying they "are falling in love" with me, I call that infatuation. Until you have shared common experiences (that means person A and person B go through a trial, a joy, an argument, etc.) -- which is FAR different from "common interests" -- I don't think it's practical or realistic to think the warm, fuzzy feelings you are having are "love." Which, is your opinion, and you are entitled to it. You are neither right nor wrong, since opinions are good for that. They're subjective. What we have here, is a subjective opinion about a subjective experience. What a tangled web we weave, no? Which, returns me to my point. Love is a feeling, you can't quantify it, there is no way to determine if what someone experiences as love is valid, or not - because it's a personal experience. He says love, you say infatuation - po-tay-toe, po-tah-toe, my friend. Perhaps they are in love with love, perhaps they are in love with an idea of you, perhaps they have seen more of you than you were aware of showing, and they love you on some level (Eros? Agape? Philia? Storge?). Whatever the case, they have sqwishy fuzzy feelings, and they interpret it as love. Your opinions on whether or not they are valid, to be honest, whereas you are entitled to them, really don't bear much weight overall, because there is no right or wrong when it comes to subjective, personal, experiences. Yeah, feelings suck for that. Sure, people can have feelings an interpret them any way they want -- but when they start talking about them, and filling it in with lofty expectations of romance and things that are clearly not in the realm of possibility, and describing it in terms that people define "love" with - it's hard to not call it what it appears to be. It's pressure - I guess that's the best word for it. I don't deviate much from the way I 'court' with men. In the recent weeks, I have been consistent, and it's not happening across the board, so I can safely say I don't think I am sending inappropriate signals. If anything, I've been far more "fawning" over a young thing I met on here who has not gotten way into his head over what things are and accepts them as is - getting together, having fun, and what happens, happens. If anything I am the one smitten and trying to keep emotions in check - but just because I get butterflies doesn't mean I am falling in love. Some advice I have received on this thread is excellent. I just know which of the two scenarios I have described are more appropriate for me to continue. That is, unless I scared him off. Akasha

cloudboy -> RE: Fucking romance (10/4/2007 9:01:34 PM)
You're just a ripe target on this one, and I'm sorry if you don't see it. There is one immutable fact of relationships: when you cannot back up your involvment with someone b/c its inconvenient to you, you will leave the other person disappointed. You can't exempt yourself from that responsibility with upfront disclaimers, and you can't minimize or control another's feelings and needs by careful strategic planning. It just doesn't work that way. As far as this thread is concerned, I'm with the majority here. I basically find the whole term "fucking romance" demeaning and unrealistic. Men are called PIGS when they think this way. (Creativedominant) I've also been evan handed, pointing out that guys are game to try the "affair model." They are not completely averse to no strings, go our separate ways, sexual liasons. Many guys actually prefer it. Some guys can play it cool for a long period of time. The irony is you think I'm jealous of that, but in my posts I've made it pretty clear that's not what I like. -------- As for others: "I don't think I'd want to be in a relationship with a dominant woman who was uninterested in me actually loving her." --Littlesarbon "I just can not deal with fractal personas." Latexbaby "I would think just scenes would be easy to find and if they get to attached just move on to the next, but if you are wanting a man for long term form of a relationship, let alone more then scenes then you go into the needle in the haystack group. The same way people who want a servant but no love and sex. You would then want a human being who will intensely do what you want when you want but with little regards to their needs. That is just a very tough goal if true." Toservez "People naturally are drawn to totally fulfilling relationships including romance." Celeste43 "You can limit actions, you can set boundaries that define a relationship, but you can't control feelings. What can be controlled is what a person does about those feelings." iammachine "I think the problem is that there are far more people for whom romance is a part of BDSM than there are those for whom it's not. " feastie "I would definitely recommend that you stay away from single guys...and from people in unhappy relationships as well." xoxi "I guess I don't understand the difference between "romantic" and "close, intimate and passionate." gypsygrl

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: Fucking romance (10/4/2007 9:09:55 PM)
well thats all fine and dandy for swingers But for the rest of us the want it all. That is just the way it is. All or nothing. why compromise to just to get laid. thats more like on the level of a drug addiction. having control of your self . balance things out is what is important build a great relationship.. I guess it all goes back to the values you hold dear. if your with someone with mixed values offten cause chaotic thinking. Most of the time ends up putting you in the mud of crud drama inc

CuteIrishM4F -> RE: Fucking romance (10/5/2007 4:06:41 AM)
This is a difficult one for me. I am a young male submissive who has yet to be involved in a BDSM relationship and therefore I cannot answer from experience. But, as a romantic, I have to say that I would doubt that what you are looking for is really possible Aakasha. Unless you were to do down the path as suggested by Celeste43, I’d say that all young submissive males, and possibly all submissive males, would tend to find it easy to fall in love with a dominant who treats them well and fulfils them in the power exchange sense. I am not interested in poly, however, and so perhaps I am just coming at this from a one-sided mind-set. To my mind, most people desire progression in a relationship. You are either growing together or growing apart. As people, we encounter life experiences that change us every day. As partners in a relationship (of whatever kind), we are changing all the time. The relationship is changing too. We tend to desire to grow together; it just has to be that we desire to grow together in the same way! If what is desired by one partner is not desired by the other, then the only logical conclusion is the ending of that relationship. I wish you luck, but I would have my inner doubts about the feasibility of this. Regards, A.

Dnomyar -> RE: Fucking romance (10/5/2007 5:05:08 AM)
AAkasha. I have a solution to your problem. Have the guy pay you.

MsNudeLover -> RE: Fucking romance (10/5/2007 5:23:11 AM)
An attraction to another person is the reality of life. Loneliness is not a normal stable life choice. Interaction in similar likes and dislikes are the basis for nurture with any type of Romance. Countless Emotions....All Desires.......MsNudelover

Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Fucking romance (10/5/2007 5:25:33 AM)
Amazing is it not? Us human beings have the capacity to fall in love, and hell even be able to love more than one person at the same time. No matter what, when you become involved with somebody on a frequent basis, you will find they will start to care more and more if they honestly enjoy the time they spend with you. Even more so, considering the intimate nature of Sex and BDSM itself. If you ask me there is at times not enough true love going around in the world. So what if somebody falls in love with you. Why not accept it and embrace it for what it is. You may have to maintain a distance or keep a line drawn that it can not evol into a 24/7 relationship itself. It only becomes a problem, if the other person pushes for a 24/7 relationship when you can not give it. Basically when they reach of point of thinking about themselves more than you. It becomes an excercise in ones own self control. If they can not use self control and push, it's a problem. I would suggest staying with partners that you know have a high level of self control, so this is not an issue.

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