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Traveling Dominants - 10/3/2007 6:09:13 PM

Switchsubcouple

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

i have a female submissive friend who recently met a Dom Male during her vacation. They seemed to hit it off right away after playing. Since then there has been a little contact between them. She asked him to visit her and he told her she had to buy his air ticket and that he wanted to stay at her place.

Now my first thought was how i was raised by my Father and my knee jerk reaction was a Man regardless of lifestyle should be able to pay his own way especially when traveling to see a woman or at least be able to do dutch. Normally if a Mistress is visiting we will pay for the Hotel ourselves as a way of welcoming her to our city. My friend feels i have double standards because i am willing to do that for a Mistress and not a Dom. What do You think?

Post #: 1

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 8:49:56 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

But do you pay for her travel expenses as well, or just the hotel room? And do you offer or does she demand?

Personally, I'd be put off by his attitude, I'd flat out refuse to let him stay at my place (although I would offer to pay for a nice hotel room), and he would be paying at least part of the travel expenses.

We are having a boy come visit at the beginning of Dec (earlier if we can get our floors finished sooner) and I plan to offer to pay for part of his gas, or a room - not both. If he wants to see us, he'll put out some money for the trip.

Same with this Dom - if he really wants to see your friend, then he'll put out some money. Otherwise, it's probably a waste of your friend's time, effort, and cash.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to Switchsubcouple)

Post #: 2

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 9:00:04 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

Personally regardless of roles and genders in starting up a new relationship you should be responsible for your own expenses including if YOU want to travel to them. If the other wants or offers to help out and depending on the individuals economic situation and personal values then that is between the two.

To demand or expect to have the other pay, no way!

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Switchsubcouple)

Post #: 3

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 9:28:44 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

A male Dominant who wants a female sub to pay his travel and accommodation expenses?

Why does this just scream "tacky" to Me?

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 4

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 9:46:08 AM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

But do you pay for her travel expenses as well, or just the hotel room? And do you offer or does she demand?

Personally, I'd be put off by his attitude, I'd flat out refuse to let him stay at my place (although I would offer to pay for a nice hotel room), and he would be paying at least part of the travel expenses.

We are having a boy come visit at the beginning of Dec (earlier if we can get our floors finished sooner) and I plan to offer to pay for part of his gas, or a room - not both. If he wants to see us, he'll put out some money for the trip.

Same with this Dom - if he really wants to see your friend, then he'll put out some money. Otherwise, it's probably a waste of your friend's time, effort, and cash.

When one travels to see me, i will pay the hotel and not the air. i normally will send them the reservation information via email before there departure. This way they can verify things for themself. i never had a Mistress demand or ever even ask me for help. if my finances are correct i offer as soon as we start talking travel. i have traveled before and the air, hotel, rent a car all add up fast plus money for entertainment.

It is just weird to me because this isn't the first Dom that had the attitude that she should pay to see them. it seems it is one right after the other so it got me the thinking is this a normal thing with Male Doms? Some have asked her to pay for the air, the room and entertainment one even said he only had 5 bucks to his name. Maybe i have double standards but since most but not all of these Doms wanted sex it just made me feel like they wanted all this and offered nothing. When she flies out to see them they never offer one penny so why do they want money to see her?

One said it may be a test of her desire to serve. Maybe it is a test but what if She has the desire to serve but not the money to pay his way does that make her a bad sub?

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 5

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 9:53:44 AM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

We think alot alike when it comes to this, Do you think it is possible that He is only testing her? i dont want to advise her to get rid of him just based on that. so i wont do that. plus that is her decision not mine.

On the other hand i keep asking her is this one time only or does he work this way, she has not asked him that yet. Ok i am gathering that it may not be a normal thing to ask a sub to do on the first meeting or first travel unless offered. i will share that with her.

(in reply to toservez)

Post #: 6

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 10:06:43 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I think it's very unwise to have some person you barely know demanding to stay in your home should he come to visit.

I've stayed in people's homes I've traveled to but I was invited to stay I didn't say I demand you put me up.

As for who payes, a lot of people think the sub should if they want the dominant to visit, but I sayp ay your own damn way I aint your ATM.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Switchsubcouple

i have a female submissive friend who recently met a Dom Male during her vacation. They seemed to hit it off right away after playing. Since then there has been a little contact between them. She asked him to visit her and he told her she had to buy his air ticket and that he wanted to stay at her place.

(in reply to Switchsubcouple)

Post #: 7

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 10:15:33 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

If someonet old me but I only have 5 bucks, then I'd say tough cookies, you have no buisness traveling when you're broke. AndI would see this as an indication of an on going pattern, oh could you buy me this , this, and this, I'm out of money, oh can you get the tab, I'm out of money.

Personally if you're broke you have no business trying to go out of town. And if you're broke all the time dispite having a good paying job, I'd suspect someone of not managing their finaces properly, or not living with in their means. Which is kind of ironic cause I am broke at the end of every month, but I'm not trying to go out of town either.

quote:

ORIGINAL: flowspen

one even said he only had 5 bucks to his name.

(in reply to flowspen)

Post #: 8

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 10:23:48 AM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

A male Dominant who wants a female sub to pay his travel and accommodation expenses?

Why does this just scream "tacky" to Me?

Thank You for Your thoughts and i agree whole heartedly...

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 10:31:35 AM

flowspen

Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline

Some feel the sub should foot the whole bill because they are sub... see i must be screwed up in my head, because.. When i look at a Dominant one of the things i look at is that they can at least take care of themself, you know the way a vanilla woman would look at a perspective Man. i may be a submissive but i dont want a lazy Dom or one who is broke

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 10

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 10:38:04 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

If I request the visit, I am willing to pay for it. If I am traveling, I am going to pay for that.
If THEY request the visit, they can pay their own way. If they are travelig because they offered to come, it is on their own dime.
My boys are used to that attitude. If I want to go do something, I dont expect someone else to pay for my whim. But I expect the same from them. Aside from requests for birthdays, if it is their idea to run off and do something (from dinner, to movies to road trips) they have to be capable of covering the cost. I may offer to HELP if I can, but I dont want to be exepected to or the trips a no go.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to flowspen)

Post #: 11

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 12:27:21 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

My questions (and your answers) are why it's not a true double standard. I have a feeling that, should a Domme demand the same things of you that this Dom demanded of your friend, you would be reacting the same way. Personally, I think more information needs to be gathered WAY before she agrees to foot the bill for any of it - and there should be some serious negotiation about how much of the bill she is footing. I kind of get the 'money-Dom' feel from this ... which brings me to my next point:

Where are all the people who say "Doms don't ever demand money/tribute/whatever" when threads like this pop up?? Well, to them, I say 'ppppbbbbbttttttt' lol, there are plenty of Doms who are just like the Money-Dommes, but manage to fly under the radar because they aren't honest about it and hide it (not hidden so well, if people are paying attention, but whatever).

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 12

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 2:13:45 PM

Switchsubcouple

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire

If I request the visit, I am willing to pay for it. If I am traveling, I am going to pay for that.
If THEY request the visit, they can pay their own way. If they are travelig because they offered to come, it is on their own dime.
My boys are used to that attitude. If I want to go do something, I dont expect someone else to pay for my whim. But I expect the same from them. Aside from requests for birthdays, if it is their idea to run off and do something (from dinner, to movies to road trips) they have to be capable of covering the cost. I may offer to HELP if I can, but I dont want to be exepected to or the trips a no go.

DV

Thank You DV ... :) it would be nice if all the Doms she met felt the same as You. i have never expected anyone to pay my way unless they offer and even then usually i decline.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 13

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 2:24:00 PM

Switchsubcouple

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

My questions (and your answers) are why it's not a true double standard. I have a feeling that, should a Domme demand the same things of you that this Dom demanded of your friend, you would be reacting the same way. Personally, I think more information needs to be gathered WAY before she agrees to foot the bill for any of it - and there should be some serious negotiation about how much of the bill she is footing. I kind of get the 'money-Dom' feel from this ... which brings me to my next point:

Where are all the people who say "Doms don't ever demand money/tribute/whatever" when threads like this pop up?? Well, to them, I say 'ppppbbbbbttttttt' lol, there are plenty of Doms who are just like the Money-Dommes, but manage to fly under the radar because they aren't honest about it and hide it (not hidden so well, if people are paying attention, but whatever).

Hmmm Good Question... Personally when i first begin talking to a Mistress if there are any demands for Money the door is open quickly for her exit. i feel this way because i have no issues with offering it to make a meeting happen and we have even as a couple sent money to a Mistress who said she had no food ect. So we dont mind sharing or giving. My concern would be that She is looking to be completely taken care of and though i am submissive i am not here to support grown adults, maybe that makes me a bad sub but i do not want to be with a broke or lazy Mistress sorry i can't respect that.

Money Mistresses.. and Money Doms it seems the Doms have a way of getting money without it being all over the net as front page news. A Money Mistress is asking for money in the second sentence if not the first where these Doms are more patient and more creative in there way of asking for the same thing.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 14

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 2:46:10 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Switchsubcouple

Hmmm Good Question... Personally when i first begin talking to a Mistress if there are any demands for Money the door is open quickly for her exit. i feel this way because i have no issues with offering it to make a meeting happen and we have even as a couple sent money to a Mistress who said she had no food ect. So we dont mind sharing or giving. My concern would be that She is looking to be completely taken care of and though i am submissive i am not here to support grown adults, maybe that makes me a bad sub but i do not want to be with a broke or lazy Mistress sorry i can't respect that.

My point proven *raises hands in victory* lol ... perhaps you can explain this view to your friend now that you've expressed it here?

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to Switchsubcouple)

Post #: 15

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 2:48:38 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

The person who wants it more pays!

How's the for simple?

Akasha

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to Switchsubcouple)

Post #: 16

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 3:00:53 PM

Switchsubcouple

Posts: 27
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

The person who wants it more pays!

How's the for simple?

Akasha

ROFL... hmmm i dont know i will be broke all the time then...

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 17

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/4/2007 11:57:46 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
The person who wants it more pays!

How's the for simple?

How is that determined?

Domme: I am coming to visit you. So pay up.
Sub: Yes, but you want to visit me more so you pay
Domme: Na uhn, you want me to visit more than I want to visit so you pay
Sub: Ha ha, Very funny. We both know you want to visit more
Domme: No you
Sub: No you
Domme: No you, quitsies
Sub: Anti-quitsies, no you, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies
Domme: Ok, on a scale of 1-10 how much do you want me to visit
Sub:...ummm.....6
Domme: Aha! For me it's 5. So you pay!

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 18

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 1:54:21 AM

CandyLover

Posts: 68
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
The person who wants it more pays!

How's the for simple?

How is that determined?

Domme: I am coming to visit you. So pay up.
Sub: Yes, but you want to visit me more so you pay
Domme: Na uhn, you want me to visit more than I want to visit so you pay
Sub: Ha ha, Very funny. We both know you want to visit more
Domme: No you
Sub: No you
Domme: No you, quitsies
Sub: Anti-quitsies, no you, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies
Domme: Ok, on a scale of 1-10 how much do you want me to visit
Sub:...ummm.....6
Domme: Aha! For me it's 5. So you pay!

Cheers,

Sea

Usually goes more like this:

Domme: I am coming to visit you. So pay up.
Sub: Forget it, pay your own way.
Domme: Forget the visit.
Sub: I changed my mind, here's the money. Please hurt me!

or

Domme: I am coming to visit you. So pay up.
Sub: Forget it, pay your own way.
Domme: All right, but just this once!
Sub: Good thing I'm not a male submissive!

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 19

RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 2:01:48 AM

RRafe

Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline

I think too many people have old fashioned standards.

If the SUB wants the Dom to come, and he can't afford it-why not treat him? Does being a Top automatically make you rich?

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(in reply to Switchsubcouple)

Post #: 20

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