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RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 4:58:16 AM   
Switchsubcouple


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		RRafe... there is a Dom we know who we are assisting in a visit here because of his finance situation.  The difference is he communicated his situation and didnt tell her to pay for him, the other one communicates nothing, never asked her if it would put her into a financial bind but then demanded she pay.   From what i have seen out of all the Doms shes spoken to visited or they visited her none of them to date have paid for anything.  If they have to pay they say to her to visit them, they never have money and we are trying to break her out the cycle of being the one to pay for everything because she has her own bills and she isn't rich either.  So they can at least share the cost dont you think?  The Doms can pay something.. a meal, a night at the hotel something?

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 10:20:01 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Nope, but it's my opinion if you can't afford to go somewhere you have no business going untill you can afford it. That goes for myself too.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

I think too many people have old fashioned standards.

If the SUB wants the Dom to come, and he can't afford it-why not treat him? Does being a Top automatically make you rich?

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 10:46:32 AM   
LostParadise


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/25/2007
Status: offline 		After reading this thread, I believe to recognize that - dependent on what point of view one prefers - an answer can be found  to help you make up your mind.
Traditional behaviour and fathers good old times (man pays), ideologically (both parts pay half), morally (nobody has to pay for other ones expenses), economically (can you afford it?).
Are you sure you want that male-domme come and have a good time with your partner while you might maybe become jealous or anything else?


(in reply to YourhandMyAss)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 12:19:23 PM   
flowspen


Posts: 133
Joined: 5/5/2007
From: Memphis
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LostParadise

After reading this thread, I believe to recognize that - dependent on what point of view one prefers - an answer can be found  to help you make up your mind.
Traditional behaviour and fathers good old times (man pays), ideologically (both parts pay half), morally (nobody has to pay for other ones expenses), economically (can you afford it?).
Are you sure you want that male-domme come and have a good time with your partner while you might maybe become jealous or anything else?




Yes Yes i was raised that way by my father.  He said the guy pays it is tradition in my family but dutch was always an option.  So it is hard for me to accept one visiting her who has no money.  i was taught that we all men and women need to be self sufficient at least able to carry your own weight.  We all need help from time to time it just seems that in todays world the guys can get a free ride without spending a dime.  i know they all are not like that but it is more and more of them each day.

jealousy ...  At first that statement was true, but we have grown alot and i realize that i enjoy my partner being happy and that happiness enables her to communicate her needs with out fear to me.  Some things i can do some i can't.  it was hard to let go of the religous beliefs, the ideal that society has but in the end it feels natural and it feels normal to me.  Sometimes we have to live for us and not for the morale majority.  Sometimes i feel jealous that is normal but it no longer consumes me it has given us options and opened doors to enrich our life together.

(in reply to LostParadise)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 12:39:43 PM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

A male Dominant who wants a female sub to pay his travel and accommodation expenses?
 
Why does this just scream "tacky" to Me?

You and I are exactly the same page re: tacky.
 
The OP and I chatted about this the other night in IM.
My response when he asked? 'IMO it is Tacky for a male dom to ask this. Although it might show/prove devotion on her part as a sub, it rubs me the wrong way.'
 
And, this guy told her that it would take him 6 weeks to save $120? And he wants them to possibly move in down the line as a 'poly' family? He supposedly owns rental properties in lA? Then, he should be swimming in $$. If she really likes him because they had a great connection and played for one long session already; then finding out more about this guy before making any other commitments, especially of the monetary kind, well, that might be a good idea!

*sniffs around......thinking...is there a rat, or a pony here somewhere.....?
 
rat: nasty person
pony: that old story. Boy is blindfolded in a room piled high with horse-poo. Shovels for hours and thinks "There must be a pony in here somewhere." Indicates positive thinking.


 
Irish

< Message edited by YesMistressIrish -- 10/5/2007 1:12:46 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 12:40:52 PM   
hsspode


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

A male Dominant who wants a female sub to pay his travel and accommodation expenses?
 
Why does this just scream "tacky" to Me?


This happens ALL the time with Dommes, is that also tacky?

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 1:14:48 PM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hsspode

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

A male Dominant who wants a female sub to pay his travel and accommodation expenses?
 
Why does this just scream "tacky" to Me?


This happens ALL the time with Dommes, is that also tacky?

Nope, happily for me as a Domina, it's just a different standard.
 
big grin.....lol

(in reply to hsspode)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 1:26:25 PM   
hsspode


Posts: 58
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Of course...LOL

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 1:31:36 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hsspode

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

A male Dominant who wants a female sub to pay his travel and accommodation expenses?
 
Why does this just scream "tacky" to Me?


This happens ALL the time with Dommes, is that also tacky?


A sub can exercise his right to say "No" and move on.  No one is forcing anyone to pay.  If subs don't like it, stop doing it, and the problem is solved.  Subs whine about being mistreated, but most of the time they either ask for it, agree to it, or don't harrass the other sub men that are setting the standard for doing so.

Personally, I love to be the one paying for things. I think it puts me in a position of power.  I've always paid my own flights, hotel rooms, and for the toys.  If a man is courting me and trying to get my attention, then he pays - pure and simple, until I determine interest (note: I turned down offers for cash in exchange for meetings and don't accept plane tickets unless there might be chemistry - this is so extremely rare). But if I am being predatory for a guy I find hot, I pay for everything, including toys, meals, etc.  I like to make him feel like a "kept boy."  I'll be the first to admit I have some probably kind of screwed up fetishes related to money/men, so much so that I prefer my husband not have a full time job, so I make and control all the money.  I have always wanted to be financially independent.  If a man is paying my way, there's an unsaid/unstated sense of obligation that I might OWE him something in return. NO THANKS!!

Akasha



_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to hsspode)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 2:52:54 PM   
YesMistressIrish


Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline 		AAkasha,
 
I would love to have the financial power that you do. Maybe some day I will.  I love to be giving and also to be the one in financial control. It is fun to fork out all the cash when and if you are able. I like the fetish aspects of this as well. You are fortunate that you can do this and have a male-wife work only part-time.
 
 
Busy making lemonade today...
Irish
 
 

< Message edited by YesMistressIrish -- 10/5/2007 2:54:23 PM >

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 3:03:54 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Switchsubcouple

RRafe... there is a Dom we know who we are assisting in a visit here because of his finance situation.  The difference is he communicated his situation and didnt tell her to pay for him, the other one communicates nothing, never asked her if it would put her into a financial bind but then demanded she pay.   From what i have seen out of all the Doms shes spoken to visited or they visited her none of them to date have paid for anything.  If they have to pay they say to her to visit them, they never have money and we are trying to break her out the cycle of being the one to pay for everything because she has her own bills and she isn't rich either.  So they can at least share the cost dont you think?  The Doms can pay something.. a meal, a night at the hotel something?


I see what you mean. I'd pay at least half in that situation.

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(in reply to Switchsubcouple)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 5:39:35 PM   
HottLicks


Posts: 174
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		This isn't an established relationship, so I feel a lot of things that could be considered and worked out don't really apply.

It sounds to me like the guy enjoyed the play enough to consider it again, but didn't enjoy it enough to consider paying to play again.

(in reply to RRafe)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 6:03:11 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hsspode

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

A male Dominant who wants a female sub to pay his travel and accommodation expenses?
 
Why does this just scream "tacky" to Me?


This happens ALL the time with Dommes, is that also tacky?


Excuse Me, but which Dommes in particular?  I can assure you that it isn't all of Us.  Very specifically, I do happen to think it is the Dominant's responsibility in cases where they would make the trip.
 
To be very specific, as Aashaka mentioned, like it or not, money is power.  When a sub starts paying for everything, they control the power.  My own sub very specifically has to get permission to pay for anything for Me, unless it is a small gift of some kind that he would like to surprise Me with.  To date, he hasn't paid any of My travel or accommodation expenses. 

_____________________________

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(in reply to hsspode)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 6:21:13 PM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hsspode

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

A male Dominant who wants a female sub to pay his travel and accommodation expenses?
 
Why does this just scream "tacky" to Me?


This happens ALL the time with Dommes, is that also tacky?


I'm with Pact on this point - we have had people offer us cash/presents/etc, and haven't accepted any of them.  We are also planning to pay for part of the expense of the boy coming to visit us in Dec.  Even if he ends up not accepting the money we plan to give him for gas, we are planning to offer it (since we want him to come down here as much as he wants to come).

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Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to hsspode)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 7:08:13 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Men aren't domme's women are.
quote:

ORIGINAL: LostParadise

Are you sure you want that male-domme come


(in reply to LostParadise)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/5/2007 9:18:22 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CandyLover
Usually goes more like this:

Domme: I am coming to visit you. So pay up.
Sub: Forget it, pay your own way.
Domme: Forget the visit.
Sub: I changed my mind, here's the money.  Please hurt me!

or

Domme: I am coming to visit you. So pay up.
Sub: Forget it, pay your own way.
Domme: All right, but just this once!
Sub: Good thing I'm not a male submissive!


Your scenarios suggest that a male sub has no hope of a domme visiting him unless he pays for the visit. I disagree.

Here is another scenario via IMs:

Domme: I would like to visit you. But you have to pay for my trip.
Sub: <no response>
Domme: I will be nice to you and allow an economy seat instead of first class.
Sub: <no response>
Domme: Or maybe I can drive. Once you account for all the check-in times and luggage claim times and driving to the airport, it all comes out the same. Plus, the gas won't cost you as much.
Sub: <no response>
Domme: Or I suppose you have come to visit me a few times and you paid for your own travel expenses.
Sub: Back, Mistress!
Domme: Back?
Sub: Yes, Mistress. My doorbell rang and so I was away from the keyboard. It was some kid trying to sell me some encyclopedias.
Domme: Ah, I see. Ok, so here is a test for obedience. And it's very critical. I would like for you to start by immediately closing this window and opening a new one. Remember, I am looking for unquestioned obedience with instantaneous response!
Sub: Of course. Right away, Mistress.

Sub: <in a new IM window> reporting for duty, Mistress.
Domme: Good. Now. I would like to visit you but you have to pay for my trip. Oh, and I like to fly first class.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 10/5/2007 9:30:41 PM >

(in reply to CandyLover)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/6/2007 11:49:24 AM   
needDomme


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		I couldn't agree more with Aakasha. But what about a male wife who makes a good salary and the money is directly deposited into the Domme's account every pay day and the account is in her name only. It seems that as long as the money goes directly to her, it is hers to control and he has no say over it. Going to work is simply one of his assigned tasks to perform for her and he is still her slave.

Just my thoughts.

need

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/6/2007 2:10:20 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: needDomme

I couldn't agree more with Aakasha. But what about a male wife who makes a good salary and the money is directly deposited into the Domme's account every pay day and the account is in her name only. It seems that as long as the money goes directly to her, it is hers to control and he has no say over it. Going to work is simply one of his assigned tasks to perform for her and he is still her slave.

Just my thoughts.

need


People seem to only think of the "one breadwinner" scenario simply as a matter of who "gets" all the money.   That's only half the story, and not a relevant half anyway; my husband has hobbies are are probably more expensive than mine, and while we don't count pennies, I am guessing he spends more than half of our "entertainment money" on his hobbies.  Do I care?  No.  I get what I want first and foremost, he's willing to give up everything/anything, but I like a happy and content sub - and a healthy one. His hobbies - ice hockey, mountain biking, road biking - are expensive hobbies.  But they keep his ass looking fine and his body in perfect condition for me to use.

The scenario of a man working full time and his money going into my account holds zero appeal for me.  What is more important to me than doubling my income is having him 100% available to do my bidding. I don't have to share him with an employer. He has no other "boss" to answer to but me.  Men who have jobs also have responsibliities, stress, long nights, business trips, distractions, and "a shitty day at work" that might happen *right* on the day that I want him sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally available to me because *I* had a shitty day at work.  So much of this for me is knowing I have him 100% at my beck and call 24/7 - so he can drop everything to run errands for item that strikes my fancy, he can go out and buy the bondage gear I have decided I want for a session that night, he can spend an entire afternoon preparing for a romantic evening, he can spend 4 hours preparing a meal I am craving.  I never have to hear, "Sorry honey, I have to work late tonight," or "Sorry, I know we had plans this weekend, but I have to work overtime."   Or, worse yet, "I have had such a stressful day at work, I sat in traffic all afternoon, I have a huge meeting tomorrow, I can't focus right now -- I'm so sorry." 

I am willing to give up having a dual income for that.  Time together is so much more valuable than money.  Stress free time is even more valuable.  We had a period of time that we both worked, and our *quality time* was reduced dramatically. We ate out more, we went to bed earlier, he was stretched way too thin trying to accommodate my needs as well as the needs of his job.  I'll take a stay at home husband in a heartbeat.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to needDomme)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/6/2007 4:12:27 PM   
needDomme


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		Dear Ms. AAkasha,

I guesss it's all a matter of priorities. A full time working sub will encounter all of those issues. As far as the D/s lifestyle goes, you are right about enjoying it all the more when external factors are kept to a minimum. I am learning a lot from reading these posts. Thank you.

need

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Traveling Dominants - 10/6/2007 4:13:52 PM   
Switchsubcouple


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

A male Dominant who wants a female sub to pay his travel and accommodation expenses?
 
Why does this just scream "tacky" to Me?

You and I are exactly the same page re: tacky.
 
The OP and I chatted about this the other night in IM.
My response when he asked? 'IMO it is Tacky for a male dom to ask this. Although it might show/prove devotion on her part as a sub, it rubs me the wrong way.'
 
And, this guy told her that it would take him 6 weeks to save $120? And he wants them to possibly move in down the line as a 'poly' family? He supposedly owns rental properties in lA? Then, he should be swimming in $$. If she really likes him because they had a great connection and played for one long session already; then finding out more about this guy before making any other commitments, especially of the monetary kind, well, that might be a good idea!

*sniffs around......thinking...is there a rat, or a pony here somewhere.....?
 
rat: nasty person
pony: that old story. Boy is blindfolded in a room piled high with horse-poo. Shovels for hours and thinks "There must be a pony in here somewhere." Indicates positive thinking.


 
Irish


Yes it was our talk that prompted this thread.  i think time will tell of his true intent.  Thank You Ms. Irish for Your ear and advice.. :)

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)
Profile   Post #: 40
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