RE: speech help

RE: speech help (Full Version)

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thetammyjo -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 5:15:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stateira My question is this: I need a submissive way to let him know that accusing me of making up my medical problems and the pain they cause is not acceptable to me. I don't ridicule him or accuse him of making it up when his diabetes gets out of control. So how can I get him to see that what he's saying is not fair without stepping over the submissive line? Here's my question back to you: Why? Is he fulfilling his responsibilities as your dominant if he disregards your medical and physical needs?

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 5:27:01 AM)
echoing most of the replies here - you should get out of this relationship. a master is suppose to care about you and your health ...spanking you because he wants to while respectfully telling him you're in pain clearly shows how much he "cares" about you. he doesn't. why risk your health for more unnecessary injuries? the decision is ultimately yours - either you stay or leave him if it was me in your shoes (and i have been there before with my former doms), i would leave. my health is precious to me.

AquaticSub -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 5:47:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stateira I need a submissive way to let him know that accusing me of making up my medical problems and the pain they cause is not acceptable to me. I don't ridicule him or accuse him of making it up when his diabetes gets out of control. So how can I get him to see that what he's saying is not fair without stepping over the submissive line? Screw the submissive way. Invite him to talk to your doctor.

camille65 -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 5:55:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousLord Is it just me, or does asking about help in a relationship often yield condemnations from respondees? It's not just you seeing this. To the OP, I suggest that you print out your ailments including symptoms and that you have him go with you to your next doctors appointment. Sit down and talk to him not as a submissive per say but as a woman talking to a man. Ask him if you can have an open conversation about something that is really upsetting you and see how that goes. Sometimes if they have the literature to read it helps to lead to understanding. It sounds like he genuinely does not understand what is happening to your body. If he does understand yet doesn't care then you need to decide if him not caring about your physical health is something you are willing to battle.

Bobkgin -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 5:57:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stateira I need some help. Master is talking about releasing me and disliking me and calling me every name in the book along with telling me I'm not a submissive. I just need some help as far as how to talk to him. This is the most recent incident and it's really got him upset. A little background...I have PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome). During that time of the month and the week before my belly is very sensitive, especially since I had surgery for it. I also have PMDD which is a severe form of pms...makes my entire body stiff and achey and makes me sick to my stomach. So tonight Master wanted to spank me. I tell him that I'm really hurting and can't really take that tonight. He says too bad and rolls me over and starts spanking. Usually it's not something that would hurt me but with the rest of me hurting it just makes things worse. So I try to get away and kick and holler and everything else because it's hurting so much until he finally lets go. From there I am upset because along with everything else, my bottom hurts. I asked him why he did it and he said just because he wanted to. I told him he was being selfish...I know not the most submissive thing in the world. Believe me, he let me know just what he thought of me after that one. He also let me know that all Masters do things to their girls that might hurt her for his own reasons. From there he goes on to tell me that he thinks I'm making up excuses because I don't want to enjoy what he's doing. I'm not really hurting, he says, I'm just saying that to make him miserable. I'm not really sick, he says, I'm just making it up so I can't enjoy myself. My question is this: I need a submissive way to let him know that accusing me of making up my medical problems and the pain they cause is not acceptable to me. I don't ridicule him or accuse him of making it up when his diabetes gets out of control. So how can I get him to see that what he's saying is not fair without stepping over the submissive line? With respect, I would not suggest you approach him in a submissive way. I'd make it clear to him this is a hard limit, and if he refuses to respect you and trust you, then the relationship is over. From what you've described, I'd say you partner doesn't respect you or trust you, and has taken a step across the line into non-consensual behaviour (which you made obvious to him before he started spanking you). Your health issues are no different from his. You have every right and reason to expect consideration when your symptoms flare up, same as him. If he can't handle that, he's better off with someone who doesn't have these problems, and you are better off without him. Or so it seems to me.

sweetNsmartBBW -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 6:00:40 AM)
"Screw the submissive way. Invite him to talk to your doctor. " I completely agree with AquaticSub. You were kicking and screaming, due to pain from a medical condition, when He tried to spank you; I'd worry less right now about submissive communication- and more about communication in general. There are some underlying problems here that need to be addressed: ~why~ does He think you are making excuses (i.e., why does He not trust you on this?) and why can't you talk to Him about it in a mature, rational and informative way (i.e., you can't trust Him to take your health concerns seriously or to communicate with Him)? Since that seems to be an issue- have Him come with you to your doctor to discuss your condition. That should settle your immediate concern. From there, you and He really need to talk about what's going on in the relationship. If you still can't trust each other at that point, or He continues the behavior after talking to the doctor (at which time I'd say it's a clear cut case of abuse)- then it's time to find a way to move on.

mistoferin -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 7:00:00 AM)
stateira, What I have to say is not a response to this post specifically, but to an accumulation of many of your postings here. It would seem that when one looks at the big picture, your relationship with this man is one that is fraught with difficulty. I would suggest that you take a step back and examine if it is really fulfilling you.....either of you....and make your decisions from there as to how to proceed. There is only just so much that communication can fix....and in order for that to work there must be TWO willing partners who can come close to getting on the same page.

OsideGirl -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 7:19:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feastie Perhaps it's because the situations posted warrant it? PCOS and PMDD are both very real physical conditions. If someone is not willing to address another's physical limitations in a positive way, does he truly have her best interests at heart or is he being a selfish asshat? Looks like asshat, smells like asshat ... Asshat. I agree. It shows a lack concern, caring, responsibility. Personally, I wouldn't bother to be with someone that can't accept that I have health issues to deal with.

sundownhawk -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 7:31:48 AM)
You should not need any special way to approach this with him. If he needs to be informed about the condition then discuss it with him. Something I noted though was when you said that he implies that you are lying or making things up to make him miserable. That sounds to me like there is a lack of trust, that is something that can be worked through. If there are no reasons why he should not trust you or no history of trust issues between you both then it may be he is consumed with only his wants, needs and desires. I fail to see where someone with that attitude could be right for anyone. If I were in that situation I would spend time researching the condition to educate myself.

Phoenix2raven -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 8:57:37 AM)
Seeing as you are asking how to do a submissive response to his selfish demands I will say this. Just say it from your heart using what ever protocol is in place for you i.e. Sir may we talk about my PCOS. I want to try to resolve this problem because It's very painful. Depending on how he responds to you. It would be in your best interest to give it 1 try and if he continues to be a selfish ass dump him very quickly because he is being Domineering not Dominant. ~Phoenix~

SweetSarijane -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 9:22:48 AM)
As others have advised, take him with you to an appointment with your doctor about it. Let him hear it straight from the doctor and have the opportunity to ask questions of the doctor about your situation. Another idea is to ask your doctor to write a letter (to whom it may concern type thing) stating your problems and limitations and such addressing these health issues. Show it to your master. On issues like this with what you've said in your op......forget a "submissive way" to say something and focus more on respectfully and clearly communicating the problem......actually that IS one "submissive way" of doing it. You are informing him of the problems with your doctor's assistance so it is clearly communicated. If after that he's still the same................well.............that's up to you to decide on then. I wish you the best. edited for forgetfulness and improper quotation mark placement.

Mercnbeth -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 9:39:16 AM)
after telling him that his behavior is unacceptable to you, return the collar and say goodbye. next time, make sure that your Master is aware and accepting of your limitations before collaring you. good luck.[:)]

Maya2001 -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 2:01:38 PM)
You wrote this below quote: I found myself in the same situation a couple years ago when I was just starting and someone told me this...it may help you and it may not. They said you will be able to be and feel truly submissive when you are in the presence of a truly dominant man that you connect with, and from there you'll just know what to do because you will feel comfortable in it. Like I said, I don't know if that will work for you or not, but whatever you do be yourself and stick to your morals and beliefs, no matter who asks you to. Someone who tries to tell you that you are supposed to think the way they do because they call themselves a dom, is not a Dom. A real dominant will usually recognize that you are a person and have a mind and emotions and feelings and won't ask you to change that. When you told your master NO with an explanation , and he choose to ignore and went ahead and did anyway, that made it a non consentual act against you, which is in fact , abuse in the eyes of the law, and his actions also show his lack of respect for you. I was once in a physical abusive relationship, no matter how much hoping, praying , begging you do, your relationship will not improve, all it will do is get worse because of the bottom line he has NO respect for you nor does he have a conscience as he feels no remorse for having caused you pain.. In BDSM pain is suppose to be about bringing the sub pleasure, what he did was not about pleasuring you but meeting his own selfish needs without consideration for your well being. If you apologize, and beg for his foregiveness all you are doing is enabling him to continuing being abusive toward you and in time that abuse will intensify, How far are you willing to allow him to abuse you??? Many of the people here are victims of abusive relationships, and most likely the majority of those that are telling you to walk away are those that have been though it and are seeing the signs that you are not in a real loving M/s relationship but that of an abusive relationship blanketed in the guise of M/S.

FRSguy -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 2:19:48 PM)
Probably time for you to consider moving on.

kirby104 -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 2:41:05 PM)
That is ABUSE. Get away quickly. You derserve much better.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 2:46:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CuriousLord Is it just me, or does asking about help in a relationship often yield condemnations from respondees? That depends on the nature of the help one is asking for. If someone is in a relationship where their safety or health isnt being considered and they are looking for a way to be nice and ask for it to be taken into account, usualy we will. If its a matter of Master wants to pick out my clothes and I dont like his taste what do i do.. thats a little different. If this were whining about not being alowed to do favorite things, or being punished because she screwed up, I doubt most of us would say head for the hills. I would only hope that if I ever ran onto a quandry like this, the people I came to would be equaly as truthful. She wanted our opinions. We think she needs out. So we told her so. DV

kirby104 -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 2:48:37 PM)
It is obvious that the "dom" has no empathy for the sub and crosses the line into non-censual actions. How many times is enough?

AEslaveM -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 5:42:28 PM)
RUN, girl, RUN! M

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 7:05:07 PM)
To the OP..It sounds to me as if your Dominant feels "submissive" to your health conditions. And as many have pointed out there seems to be some real "trust " issues going on with the both of you.I think some men tend to feel uncomfortable with illness of any kind so they tend to "ignore" it's presence, and hope it goes away.Many options have been given so I will not reiterate them. I wish you well..Tempting

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: speech help (10/4/2007 7:39:49 PM)
I sympathize with the dominant SOMEWHAT in this situation. However, his behavior is nothing new from what has been described in numerous problems in this relationship before. The issue here isn't really even that he did something that the sub didn't want or feel good about. I'm ok with a dom being selfish. I'm ok with a dom using a sub even when they are sick and not into it. I really don't see how spanking a woman really hard is going to make health problems worse, and in theory, she got into this relationship KNOWING he was the type who would treat her exactly like that so the mental and emotional issues are taken care of (though many a slave lies to themelves and says they can/will accept something and later finds they were wrong). The issue is much more the petulance, defense barbs and overall breakdown of communication that occurred after the spanking. Nothing there speaks of dominance, or healthy relationship problem solving. But again, this is nothing new- you either need to accept this is how/who he is, or end it.

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