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where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 7:31:51 AM

dominalush

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline

Im a 42 year old Domme,not a supermodel but not a total minger either,independant,fiesty,very tactile and loving,good sense of humour,reasonably intelligent,many and varied interests etc etc,life is sorted apart from one thing.Im bloody lonely!!I cannot for the life of Me find a good(or even a really bad)man to love and bewith.I know this isnt unusual among dominant women,even tho getting sub guys to play with isnt a problem.whats going on guys.....do tell.

Post #: 1

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 7:35:30 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I dunno where your soulmate is. If you happen to spot mine along the way please send him over...

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to dominalush)

Post #: 2

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 7:37:32 AM

TotalState

Posts: 278
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

I'm pretty sure I'm only responsible for finding my own soulmate. Which I have.

But not everyone is as lucky as I am. Best of luck in your search.

_____________________________

Spanking with a smile, living with feeling.

(in reply to dominalush)

Post #: 3

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 7:46:09 AM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

Maybe you're looking for something that doesn't exist. Your profile indicates that you are looking for a "totally limitless" sub. The human condition dictates that we ALL come with limits. Now, I can understand that you would like someone who will allow you to define their limits....but right from the get go? Sounds like you want an instant relationship without having to do the leg work. Just my take on it of course.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to dominalush)

Post #: 4

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 8:08:30 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Here is my take on this whole topic, as it applies to me and my life.

I just keep busy living, doing my thing. I have been amazingly lucky, fortunate, blessed.....whatever you want to call it......to have had some completely amazing people come into my life. The lovers, at the time, I loved passionately. I felt they were my soulmate at the time they were with me. I still can say I love each and every one of them.

As life goes on, times change, we change and grow, so do our needs and desires of a relationship. Some relationship weather those changes and others just change. Also, several of my loves left this life early. One was indeed a mate of my soul, jemma. So deeply did we bond. I will always love her and miss her. The reality though, is that I still have a life to live.

I think the key is to do just that, live life. Live it with joy and be open to all that it has to offer. I think that our soul mates come into our lives at the appropriate times. They enrich our lives and us theirs. Some stay forever and some drift away.

I cannot imagine ever having again what I had with Jemma, but I don't expect to. I refuse to hold her and what we had, up as an ideal or measuring point for anyone else. I have been getting to know a girl named Sarah. She is a delight in her own right, special, uniquely her. Nothing at all like either of my previous loves. I would never try to fit her into the same expectations I had of another. If we continue on any sort of relationship path it will be OUR creation. Something new and wonderful of our making. No more and no less important. There may even come a time when I would refer to her as a soulmate.......who knows.... It still would not degrade what was in the past.

I just do not believe that there is only ever one person in the world we can share that connection with. There may be many, who's souls ours can connect with. We just have to remain open to the possibility.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to dominalush)

Post #: 5

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 8:19:58 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

I think a lot of men don't want a Domme who does this for a living.
They want someone who can be vanilla.
They don't want it to cost them too much.
Lots of men couldn't afford you.
Your probably far too honest for most men's taste.
I agree with mistoferin as usual.
Lots of submissive men have an ideal Domme in their heads and no one can live up to the ideal.
Submissive means do and be what I want in most men's heads.
You don't come over as kind at all.
Men don't like women.
Do you like men?
I could go on and on but I will leave it at that.

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 6

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 8:37:09 AM

amelliagrace

Posts: 1792
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dominalush

Im a 42 year old Domme,not a supermodel but not a total minger either,independant,fiesty,very tactile and loving,good sense of humour,reasonably intelligent,many and varied interests etc etc,life is sorted apart from one thing.Im bloody lonely!!I cannot for the life of Me find a good(or even a really bad)man to love and bewith.I know this isnt unusual among dominant women,even tho getting sub guys to play with isnt a problem.whats going on guys.....do tell.

The suggestions I'm making here are based on my experiences both on and offline, as well as across various types of forums, from professional to lifestyle. I'm also speaking from the "soul mate' and "submissive" perspectives.

In reading your profile, a few things stand out. The overall tone is negative. It is almost as though you've already decided that no one can really satisfy you. There aren'nt many who'd feel the investment of time was worth it to even try, as you are so set on their failure, it seems.You may be a more positive person, but that doesn't come through your profile at all.

A few statements come across with an undertone of whine, which many submissives will pick up on, and preceive as a sign of weakness rather than strength. Submissives or slaves worth having do not readily submit to those they preceive as weak. The comment about the Adolfo Blahniks tells a sub or slave that you can be bought. Anyone who can be bought for so little will not be seen as strong. Your comments about cleaning are off putting, partly because you overlook that a male sub can be just as good at the task as a female, and because your comments on it are highly negative.

The "totally submissive" and "no limits" issues are another definite problem. Human beings, unless they are severely damaged or were born defective, have limits. It isn't the submissive's job to discard their humanity. It is the job of the dominant to impose themselves in such a manner that the submissive quite naturally begins to shed their limits and expand their boundaries of trust and submission. Even so, healthy human beings NEVER lose all limits and boundaries, especially in a situation they may feel threatens their personhood, life, or long term health. To expect no natural limits in a healthy human being is to be doomed to eternal disappointment. It takes trust to expand the boundaries of one's surrender to another.

In short, cut your profile to half its length, and phrase it with an overal positive tone. Get real about your expectations with regard to limits. Avoid subtle whining.

Old saying, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." The same can be said about many things in life. If you don't have the mate you seek, then work on becoming the kind of Mate that person would gravitate to. Yes, it can be difficult, and take a long time to find the right partner. Sometimes, when we stop looking so hard, we find ourselves turing the corner one day, to see them standing 3 ft away, smiling, as though they'd been waiting for us all along.

I wish you joy in your journey, and good fortune in your quest.

-grace

(in reply to dominalush)

Post #: 7

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 8:43:34 AM

amelliagrace

Posts: 1792
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline

LaTigresse -

You make many good points. What I wish to comment on is that the entire tone of your post, and how you present your life and relationships, is POSITIVE. We attract that which we project.

-grace

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 8

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 8:47:01 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I just keep busy living, doing my thing.

This is what I do as well. If I meet someone fine, if not, that is fine too, because I have a good life as is. And someone would have to fit into my life as much as I would have to fit into his. That's the way it is.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 9

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 8:52:24 AM

SuspendedInGaffa

Posts: 188
Joined: 8/17/2007
From: Wales, UK
Status: offline

Speaking as a sub who's previously browsed your profile, I think it was the 'no limits' thing that was the main stumbling block for me. I'm not sure how many there are out there who can genuinely do that. In my specific case, cuckoldry is a hard limit, so I thought there was no chance of compatibility.

You do have a good profile, and there's lots to like about you. But if you're being ultra-choosy (as you are perfectly entitled to be), you have to expect that your search will take that much longer.

< Message edited by SuspendedInGaffa -- 10/5/2007 8:57:48 AM >

_____________________________

I wormed my way into the heart of the crowd
I was shocked to find what was allowed

(in reply to lateralist1)

Post #: 10

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 8:54:43 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Hey stop looking everyone. Im a soulmate. Come and get me. On the serious side I agree with amelligrace. We attract what we project. As there are no perfect people out there. Find the one closest to you and subtly change them to fit your need.

(in reply to amelliagrace)

Post #: 11

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 9:32:02 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

With apologies to Virginia O’Hanlon, her father, Francis Pharcellus Church, and the New York Sun.

Dominalush, you and your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except what they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Dominalush, whether they be Dominant or submissive, are little. In this great universe of ours man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect, as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Dominalush, there is a Soul Mate out there for everyone. He/she exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there was no Soul Mate for each of us. It would be as dreary as if there were no dominalushs, KatyLied, LaTigresse, and yes even no Bobkgins. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Soul Mate! You might as well not believe in Mercnbeth! You might hire paparazzi to watch all the venues in SF and LA or Folsom Street on the last Sunday of September, but even if they did not see and take a picture of Mercnbeth, what would that prove? Nobody recognizes Soul Mates when seen, but that is no sign that there are no Soul Mates. The most real things in the world are those that neither Dominants or submissives can see. Did you ever see fairies, or the ‘Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence’ dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the Adult baby's rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest Dominant, nor even the united strength of all the strongest Dominants that ever lived, could tear apart. Only faith, fancy, poetry, love, romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, dominalush, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Soul Mate! Thank the gods! They live, and they live forever. A thousand years from now, dominalush, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, a Soul Mate will, when met, continue to make glad the hearts of Dominants, submissives, slaves, Masters, and bi-sexual switches.

(However I don’t know enough about the Gor culture to speak for them.)

(in reply to dominalush)

Post #: 12

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 9:38:18 AM

slaveelle

Posts: 116
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

Shivers...your profile scared the heck out of me. In my world its just totally insane to have no limits. All Masters/slave/submissives have preference to what they like and what they do not. Finding a partner that has the same likes and dislikes is hard enough, but finding one that has no limits will more than likey to be impossible, but thats just my opinion and take it as you will. In saying that, i do wish you well in your search....good luck!

_____________________________

"No bond is stronger than that of the Beast"

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 13

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 9:51:33 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

probably viewing my profile ...for some reason i get many male subbies/slaves perving my profile though i am a submissive myself.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to dominalush)

Post #: 14

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 10:07:12 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

It would be as dreary as if there were no dominalushs, KatyLied, LaTigresse, and yes even no Bobkgins.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 15

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 10:11:07 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

An sort of follow-up question.

Why do some folks believe that they have a soulmate or will find "THE ONE" or that there is only person person for them?

Does the belief in such a special person or ideal relationship blind us to the potential happiness all around us?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to dominalush)

Post #: 16

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 10:11:28 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I found my soulmate once....

Then another one...then another one...etc.

Point being, there really is not one soul mate, at least in my experience. I envy those who feel they have found one.

Finding the right person to be with is a combination of effort and luck, I truly believe that. I agree with what other ladies have said; just live your own life to the best of your ability, you are a work in progress and keep improving and it will or will not happen.

There really is no way to force it and you can look upon it as a job or just a desire, your choice.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 17

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 10:24:38 AM

HisCompletely

Posts: 53
Joined: 10/1/2007
Status: offline

agrees with TotalState :) There is no long answer for anything, which sometimes I wonder why people write so much................lol...........it simply is what it is, or will be what it will be.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 18

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 10:39:18 AM

xoxi

Posts: 1066
Status: offline

Well I'm not a man, but I am a sub, and I can give you a submissive's perspective on your profile. I'm not saying you should change it, just that it definitely comes across as a bit harsh.

I'm guessing a lot of people take "don't come near me if you have limits or rules" at face value. We sub types are human too, and we also need a sense of fulfillment from the relationship. Saying you have no interest in anyone who has any limits whatsoever makes you sound extremely selfish, and makes the other person wonder 'will she even care if I'm happy?'

Some people have limits like 'no poly/swinging' or 'no cuckolding' or 'no forced bisexuality' and I would think if you reeeeeally wanted to find your soul mate you would understand that he might come with a limit or two. Just saying.

Also the line about the Manolo Blahniks definitely stuck out in my head. I realize it was just a joke but still it's not quite dominant to offer to 'sell yourself' for a pair of shoes. Even reeeeeally cute expensive shoes

I guess the biggest 'problem' is that your profile seems very demanding and insensitive. Especially for a first impression...I can understand working up to 'no limits' when in a serious relationship, as trust develops, but I wouldn't ignore all my limits just because a man said "trust me nobody has ever safeworded" because that doesn't mean *I* won't want to. All in all it seems more like "these are my demands, accept it or fuck off" which isn't appealing...and nowhere in there did you mention what you can *give* to a relationship. Even though you're the Domme there's still a bit of give and take going on in any relationship...if I read that profile coming from my preferred gender I would basically think "wow you want a blowup doll who makes noises" and move on to the next. Ask yourself what you have to offer to a sub, and maybe add that to the profile...it definitely couldn't hurt!

(in reply to HisCompletely)

Post #: 19

RE: where is My soulmate? - 10/5/2007 10:39:41 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Why do some folks believe that they have a soul-mate or will find "THE ONE" or that there is only person person for them?

Does the belief in such a special person or ideal relationship blind us to the potential happiness all around us?

tammy jo,
Believing or not believing is irrelevant. I do believe having the concept of a "ideal" mate helps. What helps more is an honest sense of self and completing an brutally honest self assessment. After that have fun and live. Enjoy yourself and engage in as many experiences as possible. Seek out challenge to your "absolute" believes and, if necessary, amend them to reflect the evolving world around you, and your evolving self. The only thing you should never do is compromise for the sake of temporary "comfort"; of lie to someone along the way to satisfy an whim.

Up till and including February 28, 2003 I never believed in the concept of 'soul mate' and thought any who did - FOOLS! On March 1st at about 12:38PM I joined the "Legion of Fools". Now it would be as foolish to deny the existence as it was to support the existence before that day.

I appreciate that the logical and pragmatic position would be on the disbelieving side. I could give many more examples of the fallacy and disappointment that comes along with wanting and desiring a 'soul-mate' than I could to support the fact that they do indeed exist. However, I would never want to go back and have that cynical mindset on the subject.

Is a soul mate necessary? NO

Having a soul mate isn't even a situation that can be valued good or better than not having one. It is very scary living with the fear of losing such a 'mate'. Actually loosing one must be a feeling far exceeds any disappointment of never finding one. When tied so close the very thought of being untied for reasons out of your control weighs heavy in your heart and spirit.

Wanting a soul mate doesn't or shouldn't "blind us to the potential happiness all around us". It does however present a goal which may be as painful to obtain as it is to fail to achieve.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 20

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