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sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 6:52:13 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I wasn't sure where to ask this so gonna do it here.

I've known alot of doms in my life. Male and female. I've met one nilla that was interested and moved on to the gorean life that he fit in with so well and got further knowledge and i'm guessing training. It's been 2 years now and he's a proud owner of a gorean slave down in fla.

My question here is ...... i've met another nilla that has guessed i'm a submissive. And though he is no complete stranger to the life. He asked me how to go about with further "training". He's read alot of sites... books... etc.. till he's about crossed eyed. He's talked to others on line that have "bragged" or spoken of real time experiances. But it's not enough for him. He feels the only way to get any experiance... it to actually experiment with someone.

From this submissives point of view, I can tell him things I look for in a Dom. But that's only me. Not everyone. He understands this. So the bottom line is finally this.. (yes I took the scenic route here...lol)

He has asked if it was possible for me to train him to be a dom.

Now I got a problem with this... even after 25 years, I am still learning every day about my sub/slavery. I am still learning me.... So if i'm still learning... how can I teach someone  else? Let alone.. how is it really possible for a sub/slave to train a dom?

IF and I do mean IF... wouldn't he be trained to my liking?... not someone elses? Or can a dom be trained by another sub/slave they meet after training with another?

I know that for those of us (refrase.. SOME of us) out here have had more than one trainer.. dom.. owner.. over the course of the years. And with each individual there was some added training or retraining. So how would this work for a dom?

I know everyones got to start somewhere... but where does the dom actually start..after all the reading... studies....etc.... are done with. To get the hands on experiance they too seek.

I personally can't see myself telling a dom how to dominate me. So if you all can give me a helping hand here on starting him down the right path past the internet and books. That would help.

Oh 1 more thing. He's been to parties... munches... things of that nature. And like I said.. have seen others involved in scenes... and heard the braggers and actual doers. But of course being unexperianced... there's been no play time for him. And I just can't see me doing the training.

Thanks in advance....and if this was posted in wrong section of the forum.. i'm sorry about that too.. just didn't know where to go with this.

Jessica

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 6:58:46 PM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		it sounds to me like he's not at all vanilla...just an inexperienced dominant.  Personally I don't think that being trained is the way to go.  I think meeting someone, being open and honest about experiences and then growing together is key.  Growing can be in many forms and it sounds like you are not the right person with whom he should grow.  He needs to find his own play partner who may be more experienced (or not) and wants to take the time to help him learn his way.  He should make community contacts with some of those dominants he's seen and liked and ask them for tips and tricks too.  I also suggest any bdsm con he can manage to go to.....

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 7:01:14 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I'm not so sure about "training".  But how about turning it into "exploration"?  This way you can tell him, show him how it works for you, mindful that you are one sub and what you enjoy may not work for everyone.  In this situation there is not a lot to lose and possibly some things to be gained.  It will broaden your horizons and give you an opportunity to try something new.  Just some thoughts.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 7:06:15 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I'm not so sure about "training".  But how about turning it into "exploration"?  This way you can tell him, show him how it works for you, mindful that you are one sub and what you enjoy may not work for everyone.  In this situation there is not a lot to lose and possibly some things to be gained.  It will broaden your horizons and give you an opportunity to try something new.  Just some thoughts.

I agree.

When I first started thinking about switching I had lifestyle friends that let me "experiment" on them, allowing me to get a comfort level with the mechanics of the other role without actually assuming the roles.  I found it helpful as many things I assumed were true from my experience as a submissive absolutely were not for the opposite sex.  
I'm not sure what "training" he's seeking, obviously topping from the bottom can be a less than satisfying experience for both.  However, if what he's really lacking is play time and the mechanics to play safely, finding someone with experience willing to give him feedback might help him get over that hurdle. 
l

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 7:13:06 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I agree that "training" isn't the right model for this situation. However, if you were so inclined, you could allow Him to do some preliminary play on you so He can learn how ... presumably you can give lots of feedback on how the flogger strokes feel, tell Him about the dangers of "wrap" etc. And apply that to other physical forms of play. For more insight into the mental aspects of D/s He would be better advised to find a Mentor Dominant or 2, with whom He can chat freely, run ideas past them, pick up hints and tips. Doesn't have to be a very formal agreement, hopefully at an event He can connect with a Dom/me or 2 with whom He feels comfortable to chit-chat. In My experience, most are willing to help an inexperienced Dominant find their feet. If He attends a regular play party, He could approach the Owners of the facility about the possibility of a private session with a willing sub (you maybe?) in which they teach Him how to use the equipment. He could offer to pay for their time and inconvenience. And attend any workshops around too! Also are there any discussion groups that meet in His area?

Maam Jay aka violet[A]


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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 7:24:43 PM   
Riccar


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/21/2007
Status: offline 		Accepting the challenge of training him might suggest you have a bit of switch in you. And, yes, you would be training him to your way of thinking. But isn't that true of most professors and other scholarly types? If you were to undertake this task, part of your challenge would be to force him to learn from other subs and Dom/mes (think of it as homework). Keeping the professorial metaphor alive you might also have to call in outside specialists to help teach him in a laboratory enironment (polyamorous settings) or (an experienced sub to share him with, another Dom/me for him to observe). In this way you would also continue to learn and grow. You only stop learning when you close your mind. Good luck. Let me know if this was useful or just so much drivel. 

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 7:50:20 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

I agree that "training" isn't the right model for this situation. However, if you were so inclined, you could allow Him to do some preliminary play on you so He can learn how ... presumably you can give lots of feedback on how the flogger strokes feel, tell Him about the dangers of "wrap" etc. And apply that to other physical forms of play. For more insight into the mental aspects of D/s He would be better advised to find a Mentor Dominant or 2, with whom He can chat freely, run ideas past them, pick up hints and tips. Doesn't have to be a very formal agreement, hopefully at an event He can connect with a Dom/me or 2 with whom He feels comfortable to chit-chat. In My experience, most are willing to help an inexperienced Dominant find their feet. If He attends a regular play party, He could approach the Owners of the facility about the possibility of a private session with a willing sub (you maybe?) in which they teach Him how to use the equipment. He could offer to pay for their time and inconvenience. And attend any workshops around too! Also are there any discussion groups that meet in His area?

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



I was used once before for someones training that my first Master took under his wing. It was rough when he kept asking me.. did I do that right.. did I hurt you.. etc.. in the middle of everything. I still remember how uneasy it made me feel as a submissive and that was  over 20 years ago.

MaamJay... yes there are discussion group.. munches.. we've both been too. I've taken him to a few parties in the past as my guest with the Host's permission. He's well liked among everyone we've run acrossed. But he's not sure how to begin.

But as for me.... no.. I just can't see myself "training him" We've joked about it. And we've talked for hours at a time over the course of the past few months about things. He's been full of questions about me personally. As a sub/slave. How far does a sub/slave do this. or that.. etc.. not just me. I've explained everyones different. And it takes time. He's comfortable with that. And we both know it will not happen between us as far as a M/s relationship. He is just interested in getting hands on experiance. 


But getting him together with other Doms is a good idea... this should get interesting.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 8:27:37 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		Two things to add:
1. When you last acted as a trainee sub it was a long time ago when you were relatively new to the lifestyle. Might it be easier now? It doesn't have to be a relationship as such, just a couple of exploration sessions. you probably won't get a lot out of it in terms of sub pleasure, but He will!
2. At play parties I have attended/hosted, there are usually some "spare subs" who are willing to play under the supervision of the Host or Dungeon Monitors. This could be a chance for Him to learn under supervision.

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 8:33:06 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		You might be suprised at how many people would actually let him use them as a "crash test dummy" to learn simple mechanics and provide instruction. 
Obviously as you pointed out, everyone's different and the emotional stuff you can't get from a play/learning session, but if he has the basics that make him more aware of safe techniques he should be able to expound on that.  That's how I did it personally, but then again I'm female and the number of male friends Dom and sub alike that were willing was probably much higher.
l

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 9:39:32 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I appreciate the feed back on this..... i'll pass the information to him when I talk to him Monday at work.

MaamJay... I know it's been a long time ago..(damn I feel old now...lol)... but I guess it still haunts me

We have had to venture out of town more than any in town parties... muches.. groups.. because of our work...and being more known that I personally like due to the job. (And he's more known than I am). I may of only went back to work 6 months ago from being out for almost 6 years.. but I was sure surprised I was well remembered. Almost scary..lol. So when he approached me.. I was worried from the start. So we have ended up going out of town.

Laurell.... I guess the dungeons and parties I attend differ. The ones I attend are couples only. So no spares about. I'll talk with a couple dungeon owners about expanding out for him... thanks for that added imput.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 9:41:10 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline 		Who DO you think trains us and gives us the experience all of you girls want?

Elvis?

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 9:43:50 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I'm in Nebraska, we dont have dungeons here.   I was just referring to people.  I think just asking around and talking to people helps immensely.  Good luck to you and him.  Get him on the forums too maybe he'll get more info that way.
l

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 9:45:12 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		honestly your post made me think of playing with Elvis which is disgusting to me.....(adds Elvis to hard limits list next to Rrafe's rubber chicken).

l

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 9:47:56 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Who DO you think trains us and gives us the experience all of you girls want?

Elvis?


Well gee RRafe... I don't know.... that's why I asked....

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 9:51:21 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Who DO you think trains us and gives us the experience all of you girls want?

Elvis?


Well gee RRafe... I don't know.... that's why I asked....


Think of it this way. Did your past Doms come away with more experience-or just the same?

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I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 9:52:38 PM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

honestly your post made me think of playing with Elvis which is disgusting to me.....(adds Elvis to hard limits list next to Rrafe's rubber chicken).

l


Goleeeeeeee........I better not ask ya to kiss my blue suede shoes then. rats.

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I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 9:54:42 PM   
wetsub4u


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: Boston, MA
Status: offline 		i too have been asked by a few prospective Dom's to train them .. recently even by a Dom here who says he wants to try being a sub and wants me to train him for that .. or point him to someone who can.  i just don't have it in me to train anyone .. i can see telling a Dom what you desire but being asked to train them is just a bit too much for me.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 10:03:38 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

honestly your post made me think of playing with Elvis which is disgusting to me.....(adds Elvis to hard limits list next to Rrafe's rubber chicken).

l


I will if there's no feet in them
l

Goleeeeeeee........I better not ask ya to kiss my blue suede shoes then. rats.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 10:05:03 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Who DO you think trains us and gives us the experience all of you girls want?

Elvis?


Well gee RRafe... I don't know.... that's why I asked....


Think of it this way. Did your past Doms come away with more experience-or just the same?


Well when I met my first one...he was experianced.... and trained me to his liking. Just as the others I have served over the years. Either owned (that's only been twice).. or not. But just doms i've served. Either way... each trained me to their likings. I didn't train them from the get go.

But to answer your question... we both walked away with something new. But we also went in knowing something... not just from books...

Like EarthCouple stated... he's not at all nilla... not mentally.... and depending on how you are looking at it... he's experianced with his reading.. watching.. learning that way. ..... he just would like more experiance than what's he has had. Talking to him... the women he's met from on line... and in the past... just seem to be in to kinky sex.. a little spanking here and there... anal... whatever... he doesn't want his domination to revolve only in sex. He is a very dominant person in alot of ways about him... he is just ready to branch out.

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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 10:36:04 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Who DO you think trains us and gives us the experience all of you girls want?

Elvis?


Yes, that is why so many get all shook up....and end up in heartbreak hotel.

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