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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 10:43:59 PM

RRafe

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Who DO you think trains us and gives us the experience all of you girls want?

Elvis?

Yes, that is why so many get all shook up....and end up in heartbreak hotel.

And end up singing-you ain't nuthin but a howdawgggg......

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 10:44:41 PM

truesub4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRafe

Who DO you think trains us and gives us the experience all of you girls want?

Elvis?

Yes, that is why so many get all shook up....and end up in heartbreak hotel.

LMAO... thank you sexyred... I needed that tonight....

(cleaning the coke spray off screen)

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 10:56:47 PM

FullfigRIMaam

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Training one to be a dominant I'm not sure a sub/slave can do. Training him to play in the top role is something you can possibly do, and something I've been lucky about. I discovered what we do online, and after reading, I of course needed real life see and do. Being extremely shy, I have to say the blessing was in finding a submissive who did know more than I and was willing to share the info as well as sit/lie down/stand up patiently while I tried shit (not literally) on him. I'll be eternally grateful even if things didn't always work exactly right. M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMaam -- 10/6/2007 11:22:43 PM >

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 11:20:40 PM

truesub4u

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BTF.. nice seeing you again. I'm not sure if being shy is his problem.... far from it. I just think it's timing.. opportunity... availibilties as far as availible subjects. I believe it's time to open his hunting grounds further.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 11:24:22 PM

FullfigRIMaam

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I think that if he isn't shy, than public events and play parties are great places to see, listen, watch, do, learn... So I agree to opening up his hunting grounds.

....And thank you, M

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/6/2007 11:42:23 PM

Bobkgin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

He has asked if it was possible for me to train him to be a dom.

Now I got a problem with this... even after 25 years, I am still learning every day about my sub/slavery. I am still learning me.... So if i'm still learning... how can I teach someone else? Let alone.. how is it really possible for a sub/slave to train a dom?

IF and I do mean IF... wouldn't he be trained to my liking?... not someone elses? Or can a dom be trained by another sub/slave they meet after training with another?

I know that for those of us (refrase.. SOME of us) out here have had more than one trainer.. dom.. owner.. over the course of the years. And with each individual there was some added training or retraining. So how would this work for a dom?

I know everyones got to start somewhere... but where does the dom actually start..after all the reading... studies....etc.... are done with. To get the hands on experiance they too seek.

Jessica, it's thoughtful of you to ask these questions.

I started in a vanilla relationship. First bondage and then spanking and nipple torture, a little D/s role-playing.

To your friend I'd say find a sympathetic submissive, give her a safeword, and explore. Treat it as a genuine D/s relationship, where he's in charge, but she has a safeword to let him know she's ready to give him some feedback on his technique.

Yes, initially, he'll be trained according to her tastes. But this is a minor problem that can be addressed after he's got some real-life experience and found his confidence in this craft.

As for teaching while learning, anyone who says they've learned it all is deceiving himself and if we were to wait for that before anyone taught, we'd have no teachers at all.

I hope your friend finds that sympathetic submissive.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/7/2007 9:55:33 AM

truesub4u

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Bobkgin... thank you...and I hope he does too.

As far as learning... it matters not what it is.. the day I stop learning.. is the day I draw my last breath. We both agreed on this.

My friend has read all these responses... and he's liked the ideas tossed out there. And we've talked more on this. So he's gonna be researching more on places he might be able to travel to with in the state to go.

Thank you all again for your help on this.

Jessica

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/7/2007 11:27:25 AM

Celeste43

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Don't think of it as training a dominant, just think of it as helping someone refine their topping skills. Now he has presumably taken that heavy wooden hairbrush and smacked his own thigh, so now he wants to borrow your ass to refine his smacking skills. And that you can do, you can tell him if a hit was light, medium or heavy. You can rank them on a 1-10 scale. Admittedly to someone who likes less pain than you, your 3 will be a 5, but that's true to anyone with a new partner.

You can outline your ass on a pillow and watch how often he hits the cane directly across and how often he's just hitting the tip of the cane on the edge of the outline. Once he's hitting the pillow correctly, you can volunteer for him to hit you with a cane at a level of three. Critique and move up to a five, and so on.

See, you aren't training your perfect partner but helping a friend improve his technique.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/7/2007 2:35:32 PM

chellekitty

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ok so this is my opinion and my opinion only, for what its worth...

1) training anyone out of a relationship be they sub or Dom (or whatever role) is not very helpful...because that only leads to things the next person they DO get into a relationship with having to untrain....instead, i vote for educating instead...
2) Doms aren't born with experience anymore than subs are...and there is no Domly library where they get to download their experience like the Matrix....they have to start somewhere...
3) being a demo bottom or a crash test dummy takes a totally different mind set that playing or scening or any "normal" other-than-vanilla-sex-sexuall-interactions....lol

that being said... you have 25 years experience? wow, you have a hell of a lot to teach a inexperienced Dominant....don't think about it, just do it...stop doubting yourself...think of it as service...because it is...teaching is service...stop being selfish and share your experience and knowledge

< Message edited by chellekitty -- 10/7/2007 2:36:20 PM >

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/7/2007 4:34:45 PM

truesub4u

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LOL cellekitty... no can do... i'm involved with someone and I seriously don't think he would consider anyone touching me.

I had to laugh at your post though... it may of been the way I read it too.. but to me it was funny. I agree any type of training out of a relationship isn't the right thing. Plus like I said.. we've been friends for too many years..and we work together. No reason to rock that boat any further...

oh...and i'm not being selfish.. i've verbally explained some things to him...lol just haven't...shown him...LOL

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/7/2007 4:40:49 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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Diane best girl friend is now teaching/ training her new young Master...yep it can be done passing along experiences long learned..bounty

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/7/2007 4:44:50 PM

truesub4u

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yes Bounty...but isn't he gonna be her new Master?... or will he be moving on to someone else?

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/7/2007 4:46:53 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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Well they are engaged also,it seems as tho it will stick....

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/7/2007 4:49:15 PM

faerielights

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I have always hated the word training. When soemone asks me if I've been trained or who trained me or mentions training me themselves, my hackles go up and it becomes difficult for me to refrain from barking like a dog and rolling over for a tummy rub.

When I think of training, I think of animals.

When I think of interaction between two people, be it explorations or the beginning of a relationship, it is just that. Regardless of WHAT you're doing, you must learn how to interact with each new person you meet. Sometimes it is more subtle and sometimes it is more obvious that there is a learning process going on but its always happening.

Even the strictest, most hardassed dominant must learn how to communicate and interact with that new submissive they are "training" to serve.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/7/2007 5:15:19 PM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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I prefer the word teach,I always have preferred it over the word training..

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/7/2007 8:14:29 PM

truesub4u

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

Well they are engaged also,it seems as tho it will stick....

Ok so her situation is different then my friends.

He and I aren't in a relationship together...and never will be other than friends.

And I have to add I agree with you and faerielights... teach does sound better than train.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/12/2007 5:58:58 PM

Arach

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Since he has been to muches and the like I presume there is some level of support group around, clubs and such. When I was "in training" as it were, learning how to be a Dom, it was obviously impossible to find ANYONE who would play with me. Don't blame them. I would not want my slave to offer her flesh to someone I had not seen work. So, two pieces of advice. One, volunteer at your local club. This gives people the opportunity to get to know you as a person and begin the process of trust. Two, play with males and play in public. Males will often be more willing to gamble than females and if people can SEE how you play, they will be FAR more likely to trust you.

The next direction that happened in my path was that other Doms began to trust me to play with their property. This was a very strange period for me. I realized that I knew my tools, had imagination and creativity in my play, but when it was all over, the subs went to THEIR Doms for aftercare. This showed me very clearly that it was not just the SM play that I needed. I needed the Dominance aspect of ownership. But by that time, enough people had seen me play, trusted that I would not damage the merchandize, as it were, and I began to have access to un owned female submissives.

It takes time. But it is possible. Finally, in more direct responce to your original question, it is very appropriate for you to tell your friend everything you can about what kind of elements make for what would be a good Dominant for you. It is also very appropriate for you, if you so choose, to offer yourself for some SM play, to bottom to him. Here again you can advise and communicate. But I agree, it is VERY difficult for a submissive to teach someone to Dominate them.

Arach

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/12/2007 9:24:46 PM

Pinical

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Well see you get all the doms up set when you say a sub training a dom . well i sy go for it teach him every thing you know and over a bit of time he will pick it up and run with it learn and grow and the hell with what is standard there is no standard I am a dom in love with a domme dose that make me less dom or a sub or switch no go for it learn to gether
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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/13/2007 7:58:30 AM

Archer

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I went through the same period mentioned by some other here. A period of time where I was "gifted" by other dominants with a chance to play with their slave/submissive (supervised).
The tricky part was getting to the point where they felt I was someone they were willing to trust with such a thing. That I was told by the first one who offered was because I had hung around and watched them play from a respectful distance, and then afterwards (long enough that they had recovered from their scene and were ready to socialize again) asked the questions they thought were the important ones. Lots of reading lots of time spent asking questions about what I had read and how it applied to what I saw them doing.

Someone mentioned earlier about what a submissive offers a new dominant is the opportunity to experience something, rather than training them how to be a dominant.
This is a common concept and one that has been batted about not only from a s to d perspective but also from a d to s perspective.
Most of the time each side of the / knows only a little about what the other side needs to know. To learn from someone else what submission is and the nuts and bolts of how to handle the submissive stuff it is often contended that it is their fellow submissives who can offer the most insight. Same being true for dominants, handling the mental side of dominance is something submissives are not equiped to teach or help much with. Other dominants are the people who can help there though they are more framiliar with the mental aspects of being a dominant.
BTW the idea that you can learn more from and experienced person on the same side of the / can be found in Guy Baldwin's Slavecraft . As can the idea that pairing off a new or junior dominant with an experienced slave or submissive will allow the new dominant to learn more.

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RE: sub/slaves training Doms? - 10/13/2007 8:25:25 AM

RRafe

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But at the same time,both need to have a bit of humility and compassion in dealing with the other. It's one of those things where the roles are a bit more fluid-and the expectations not quite so strict. Performance pressure can be a pleasure killer.

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