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Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 2:26:30 PM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		Okay, forgive me in advance for asking what i'm sure will appear to most to be a horrifically ignorant question...
 
Is it "normal" for a Dom to keep control of a sub's ad when he is no longer with her?  If they broke up several months ago would there be any reason (other than the fact that they must still be involved on some level) for him to keep control of her ad?  Mind You, he's stating that he has no current sub and is single and searching for a sub to be his.
 
And yes, before A/anyone says so, i know that *every* situation is different for every Dom/sub relationship, etc.  i'm just asking for the "majority" or "norm", if You will.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 2:36:00 PM   
mefisto69


Posts: 370
Joined: 1/19/2007
Status: offline 		Unless you requested he screen new prospects, he can mind his own business and stay off your profile.

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 2:37:32 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		To me, I think if a dom isn't in a relationship with a sub, he has no business and no right to control anything in the sub's life, including an ad. 

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 2:40:01 PM   
GrizzlyBear


Posts: 278
Joined: 3/26/2004
From: Missoula Montana
Status: offline 		Although I have run into this before, I don't think it is the usual situation.  If he is in control of the ad, he is not ready to relinquish control of the sub.  IMHO that is not the same as an uninvolved Dominant helping a submissive to screen applicants for a new Dom.

_____________________________

GrizzlyBear

"Come to the edge," he said.
They said, "We are afraid."
"Come to the edge," he said.
They came. He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 2:46:06 PM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mefisto69

Unless you requested he screen new prospects, he can mind his own business and stay off your profile.


Ooops.  Sorry.  i think i explained it wrong.
 
This is a Dom that had me "under consideration" while being expressly aware of the fact that i did not want to involve myself with any Dom who was currently in a relationship with someone else (be it vanilla, D/s, a marriage or LTR, etc).  So, if he knows that involving myself with a Dom who currently has a tie to another sub is a true hard limit for me, and he has stated to me that he has NO current sub and is not in a relationship of any kind, and then i find an ad (her ad) with his name on it, stating for any prospective subs to email HIM with regards to a threesome with the two of them...i realize he is a Dom and i am a sub...but this is NOT standard procedure...or is it???
 
Dang...sorry...i hope that wasn't too confusing the way i've written it.

(in reply to mefisto69)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 3:11:54 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		lol either you caught him and he's not too bright, or she's a nut or the information is outdated.  Ask him.
l

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 3:14:43 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		If by "ad", you mean profile, then it's not difficult to fix - change the password.
 
As for whether it's "normal", probably not but there are a lot of obsessive losers who can't take rejection.
 
Focus.

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 3:25:23 PM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

lol either you caught him and he's not too bright, or she's a nut or the information is outdated.  Ask him.
l


Yep...i asked him.  He denied it and told me to email her for confirmation, which i eventually did.  she said she was not currently involved with him, but hoped to wear his collar again someday.  (hmmm...so what am *i* here for, exactly?)
 
Later, an online newfound sub friend of mine advised me that the two of them had recently hit on her profile (meaning, propositioned her) and she forwarded me the emails to prove as much.
 
When i texted him a "You two are flat busted" message (and no, this was not an online only relationship...we met here on CM first and then moved to RT)...his text back was:  "LOL".  
 
Since then he has again denied they are together but admits to being in control of her ad.
 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Again...i gave everyone the warning ahead of time that it was a dumb question...he lied...period.  Bummer.  i liked him.
 
 
Thanks to E/everyone who offered their opinions and/or advice.  It's much appreciated.  :)
 
 

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 3:41:46 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah it sounds like he did.  I'm sorry.  The search is frustrating and finding someone you think you have alot in common with and having them betray your trust is difficult, I know.  The fact you had to play sherlock holmes and the guy was bold enough to keep his lies in someone's public ad adds to the disappointment. 
I've been there.  Eat chocolate, take a walk, consider it "his loss"....not sure what else you can do.
l

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 10/7/2007 4:04:57 PM >

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 3:46:35 PM   
purepleasure


Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline 		Be thankful that he's not in control of your ad, recognize them for who and what they are, and move on.  If his "new but not his" is allowing that kind of control over her ad, it's her problem.  Unfortunately she will learn the hard way.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 3:52:41 PM   
MDTopCouple


Posts: 44
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		Some subs feel comfortable (and even need) the direction/supervision/whathaveyou that a Dom can offer by screening the replies to a profile.
 
However, your situation sounds ridiculous and I am glad you have moved on (even if you did like him).  When I first met my Dom, he was VERY upfront about the fact that he was assisting his former live in slave a new "home".  The fact that your guy was sneaky about it and hiding- highly suspicious.

_____________________________

No, no, never a submissive anything! I'm a fully qualified, radical Desperado.
-Anne Stevenson
In the world there is nothing more submissive and weak than water. Yet for attacking that which is hard and strong nothing can surpass it.
-Lao Tzu

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 4:13:28 PM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

lol either you caught him and he's not too bright, or she's a nut or the information is outdated.  Ask him.
l


Yep...i asked him.  He denied it and told me to email her for confirmation, which i eventually did.  she said she was not currently involved with him, but hoped to wear his collar again someday.  (hmmm...so what am *i* here for, exactly?)
 
Later, an online newfound sub friend of mine advised me that the two of them had recently hit on her profile (meaning, propositioned her) and she forwarded me the emails to prove as much.
 
When i texted him a "You two are flat busted" message (and no, this was not an online only relationship...we met here on CM first and then moved to RT)...his text back was:  "LOL".  
 
Since then he has again denied they are together but admits to being in control of her ad.
 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Again...i gave everyone the warning ahead of time that it was a dumb question...he lied...period.  Bummer.  i liked him.
 
 
Thanks to E/everyone who offered their opinions and/or advice.  It's much appreciated.  :)
 
 


Let me ask you a straight up serious question:

If it was a strictly conventional dating relationship and the guy did the above, what would your response be? Would you seriously need to ask is this "right"? Does it feel OK and right to you? Normal or not does it feel OK and right to you? I'd guess no or you wouldn't be posting about it. I'd cut out the drama dom without a second thought. You can do better.

< Message edited by BeingChewsie -- 10/7/2007 4:14:14 PM >

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 8:09:13 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		To the OP..if you are questioning, then something inside you is telling you to question...maybe you should simply listen ...A lot of times when people question things, its not because they do not know..it is because they want a different answer...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 8:13:32 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

lol either you caught him and he's not too bright, or she's a nut or the information is outdated.  Ask him.
l


Yep...i asked him.  He denied it and told me to email her for confirmation, which i eventually did.  she said she was not currently involved with him, but hoped to wear his collar again someday.  (hmmm...so what am *i* here for, exactly?)
 
Later, an online newfound sub friend of mine advised me that the two of them had recently hit on her profile (meaning, propositioned her) and she forwarded me the emails to prove as much.
 
When i texted him a "You two are flat busted" message (and no, this was not an online only relationship...we met here on CM first and then moved to RT)...his text back was:  "LOL".  
 
Since then he has again denied they are together but admits to being in control of her ad.
 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Again...i gave everyone the warning ahead of time that it was a dumb question...he lied...period.  Bummer.  i liked him.
 
 
Thanks to E/everyone who offered their opinions and/or advice.  It's much appreciated.  :)
 
 


LOL sounds like both of you would do well to change your passwords.

_____________________________


Only in the United States is the health of the people secondary to making money. If this is what "capitalism" is about, I'll take socialism any day of the week.


Collared by MartinSpankalot May 13 2008

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 8:20:34 PM   
shellzbythesea


Posts: 120
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		[[/quote]

LOL sounds like both of you would do well to change your passwords.
[/quote]

Ummm...again...it's not *my* ad he is in control of...
 
But i've appreciated all of your responses.

(in reply to defiantbadgirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 8:56:07 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		I hate it when these doms misrepresent themselves as being single and when I ask them if they have a sub, they admit this to me.  This tells me that they are more honest with me than with their subs.  Sounds like he was trying to play the both of you and you got wise to this game.  Change your password and move on to someone who would be more forthcoming.  An honest dom who has a sub would be advertising as a couple seeking for a third sub.

When a relationship starts off with lies, that is a trainwreck waiting to happen.

I wish you well.


(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 9:15:27 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		If my sub and I were to break up, we both have the intelligence to change all our pass words to our ads, IMs, MySpace, Debit/Bank accounts, etc....

If she was to ever be gone, there wouldn't be anything online that I could controll. She's smart like that. I wouldn't be with her in the first place if she didn't have the common sense to change her pass words. Hell, there's a good chance of her deleting the old accounts and making new ones with different pass words.

Either way, I wouldn't see it as my place to controll anything of hers if she were to no longer be mine. It's best to move on rather waisting time trying to may an Ex's life Hell.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/7/2007 9:17:02 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		So maybe he is using a female sub profile and she doesn't even exist at all.  If it is a real girl/woman, then he is her problem and drop it. Likely it is a pair of nuts playing games or just him and he only has one nut. Avoid him, her, the drama. 

(in reply to corsetgirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/8/2007 2:04:55 AM   
Maya2001


Posts: 1656
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Woodstock ONT,CANADA
Status: offline 		Good riddance :)  and good luck in your search for a new dom

(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/8/2007 4:19:53 AM   
RRafe


Posts: 2060
Joined: 8/29/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

Okay, forgive me in advance for asking what i'm sure will appear to most to be a horrifically ignorant question...
 
Is it "normal" for a Dom to keep control of a sub's ad when he is no longer with her?  If they broke up several months ago would there be any reason (other than the fact that they must still be involved on some level) for him to keep control of her ad?  Mind You, he's stating that he has no current sub and is single and searching for a sub to be his.
 
And yes, before A/anyone says so, i know that *every* situation is different for every Dom/sub relationship, etc.  i'm just asking for the "majority" or "norm", if You will.


Kill the old ad and do up another.

_____________________________

I seem to be some wierd combination of Ren and Stimpy

(in reply to shellzbythesea)
Profile   Post #: 20
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