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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/8/2007 5:10:18 AM

SixFootMaster

Posts: 829
Joined: 9/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

Okay, forgive me in advance for asking what i'm sure will appear to most to be a horrifically ignorant question...

Is it "normal" for a Dom to keep control of a sub's ad when he is no longer with her? If they broke up several months ago would there be any reason (other than the fact that they must still be involved on some level) for him to keep control of her ad? Mind You, he's stating that he has no current sub and is single and searching for a sub to be his.

And yes, before A/anyone says so, i know that *every* situation is different for every Dom/sub relationship, etc. i'm just asking for the "majority" or "norm", if You will.

Relationship over? The girl is not beholden or subject to any further obligation to him. End is end. Tell whoever it is to smeg off and leave the girl alone. He had his chance.

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/9/2007 12:29:08 PM

arayofsunshine55

Posts: 545
Joined: 8/1/2004
From: San Francisco, CA
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I have no idea of the "norm". I do know that we have been together 3 years and he is not in "control" of my profile. Never has been. Wouldn't be. He wouldn't be interesting in being. I wouldn't be interested in him being.

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/10/2007 2:56:02 AM

TheChastiser

Posts: 95
Joined: 10/16/2005
From: Hemel Hempstead
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

Okay, forgive me in advance for asking what i'm sure will appear to most to be a horrifically ignorant question...

Is it "normal" for a Dom to keep control of a sub's ad when he is no longer with her? If they broke up several months ago would there be any reason (other than the fact that they must still be involved on some level) for him to keep control of her ad? Mind You, he's stating that he has no current sub and is single and searching for a sub to be his.

And yes, before A/anyone says so, i know that *every* situation is different for every Dom/sub relationship, etc. i'm just asking for the "majority" or "norm", if You will.

if he is no longer your dominant, he no longer has any control of you!

it seems as if this person has not really adjusted to being without you.

Mike

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 10/10/2007 4:12:49 AM

Areflectionofyou

Posts: 258
Joined: 4/4/2006
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Just change your password

quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

quote:

ORIGINAL: mefisto69

Unless you requested he screen new prospects, he can mind his own business and stay off your profile.

Ooops. Sorry. i think i explained it wrong.

This is a Dom that had me "under consideration" while being expressly aware of the fact that i did not want to involve myself with any Dom who was currently in a relationship with someone else (be it vanilla, D/s, a marriage or LTR, etc). So, if he knows that involving myself with a Dom who currently has a tie to another sub is a true hard limit for me, and he has stated to me that he has NO current sub and is not in a relationship of any kind, and then i find an ad (her ad) with his name on it, stating for any prospective subs to email HIM with regards to a threesome with the two of them...i realize he is a Dom and i am a sub...but this is NOT standard procedure...or is it???

Dang...sorry...i hope that wasn't too confusing the way i've written it.

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/3/2007 4:59:42 PM

kinkypuppy2

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
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NO.. it was not a M/s relationship anyway. no reason for the control they are no longer together

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/3/2007 7:40:53 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
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Shellz,

This is standard practice if you are dealing with weak willed and or ignorant submissives and especially if they have either of those two traits combined with gullibility.

I would assume this relationship began with him mentoring you?

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/3/2007 11:09:53 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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Obviously, there's a relationship going on behind the scenes that you've not been made fully aware of.

Having said that, he has no obligation to explain everything to you. On the other hand, you have no obligation to be with him, if you don't like his answers.

It's entirely possible that she was hoping he would remain in his life; but yet, it was also possible they were continuing a casual friends with benefits relationship. I don't think you have a right, per se, to know exactly who and to what extent he's involved with others (a "none of your business answer), though obviously if he's actively conceling the relationship from you ("I'm not involved with anyone at all" answer) then obviously I'd consider that a problem.

To be frank, if a girl started accusing me of being in a relationship I wasn't, and expected me to prove her wrong, I'd LOL her too, and kick her to the curb. I need to go on my instincts, same as she would.

Stephan

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/3/2007 11:25:13 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea
and then i find an ad (her ad) with his name on it, stating for any prospective subs to email HIM with regards to a threesome with the two of them...

Three things can be going on here. He's lying, she's lying or they're both lying. If it's the latter two, obviously, you know what to do. If you want to give the benefit of the doubt, then you could look at it as she's working under misinformation. There's two ways to handle this:

1. Create a new account. Contact her. See where it goes.

2. Tell him that he need to get his affairs in order and her straightened out before you'll even begin talking to him.

I'm usually not suspicious, but knowing the behavior of people on the net, I'd go for option 1.

Master Fire

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/5/2007 5:32:43 PM

CelticPrince

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shellz

Simple and straight , your not his, it is done, he has no power to require anything.

CP

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/6/2007 5:04:39 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Obviously, there's a relationship going on behind the scenes that you've not been made fully aware of.

Having said that, he has no obligation to explain everything to you. On the other hand, you have no obligation to be with him, if you don't like his answers.

It's entirely possible that she was hoping he would remain in his life; but yet, it was also possible they were continuing a casual friends with benefits relationship. I don't think you have a right, per se, to know exactly who and to what extent he's involved with others (a "none of your business answer), though obviously if he's actively conceling the relationship from you ("I'm not involved with anyone at all" answer) then obviously I'd consider that a problem.

To be frank, if a girl started accusing me of being in a relationship I wasn't, and expected me to prove her wrong, I'd LOL her too, and kick her to the curb. I need to go on my instincts, same as she would.

Stephan

I rather agree with this. He has offered you an explanation, he did not owe it to you, but at the same time you have a right to decide what is necessary for you to consider someone.

If he had no control over her profile, and she was just holding out hope that they would get back together, I would not hold him responsible for her nutty behavior. If he is in control over some aspects of her life, and that is a hard limit for you, it is up to you to keep him from crossing that boundary as a prospective dominant.

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/6/2007 8:04:17 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
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my advice - run as far and fast as you can.

these two are nothing but heartache and trouble with their mindfuck games. it's obviously not worth it unless you enjoy being played for a fool.

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/6/2007 8:20:06 AM

Assman4u

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Joined: 11/2/2007
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Alot of lying going on here. I am married and had an affair with a submissive, also married. My wife found out about out affair and I had to stop seeing my sub for an indefiniate period. She has agrred to continue to wear my collar, although it doesn't have 100% of the meaning it once had. I do not want to let her go, nor do I want her to go out and find another dom/boyfreind on her own. I proposed that we find a couple with a male dom, female sub that is bi. I will send her to them for pain and pleasure, which will be under my control (to a certain extent).

I do not know how it will work but I do not want to giveher up, without trying something alternative. I also do not want to subject her to all of the fakes, phonies and whatever out there. Not to demean the honest forthright people on collar or "other" sites.

We have an ad as a couple but both share the password.

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/6/2007 9:58:21 AM

MystressDream

Posts: 345
Joined: 7/11/2004
From: Colorado
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Assman4u

Alot of lying going on here. I am married and had an affair with a submissive, also married. My wife found out about out affair and I had to stop seeing my sub for an indefiniate period. She has agrred to continue to wear my collar, although it doesn't have 100% of the meaning it once had. I do not want to let her go, nor do I want her to go out and find another dom/boyfreind on her own. I proposed that we find a couple with a male dom, female sub that is bi. I will send her to them for pain and pleasure, which will be under my control (to a certain extent).

I do not know how it will work but I do not want to giveher up, without trying something alternative. I also do not want to subject her to all of the fakes, phonies and whatever out there. Not to demean the honest forthright people on collar or "other" sites.

We have an ad as a couple but both share the password.

Ok... I think this is just so WRONG on so many levels, that it's hard to even address.

You are married. She is married. You cheated on your wife by having an "affair" with another woman and she caught you, so you have had to stop seeing your sub for an indefinate period of time. Is her husband aware of the affair she had with you? Does that mean you have to be discreet until you earn your wife's trust again so you can come up with sneakier ways to cheat on her and hopefully not get caught? Does the idea of making up your mind what you need to do enter into the picture at all?

Your wife caught you. You chose to stay with your wife.

If your sub's husband is aware of her activities and approves of them, what makes you think she should sit there and have no Dom in her life just because you can't be one for her? Your saying you want to protect her from the other Doms out there is almost funny. You want her for yourself, but, you just can't have her at this point due to being married, and it is bugging the shit out of you.

I have rarely heard of anything more selfish. I feel sorry for both your wife and your sub. I hope they both have enough brains to kick you to the curb and find men that will put their interests first and afford them the loyalty and love they both deserve. You are obviously not the man. However, if your sub is sneaking around and cheating on her husband, then she isn't any better than you are.

D/s doesn't have to include sex. BDSM doesn't have to include sex. Spouses should be aware of their other half's activities, or it is cheating. Plain and simple. If you are both married to the wrong people, then get a divorce and go on with your lives.

In case you couldn't tell, this is a pet peeve of mine.

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/6/2007 10:54:54 AM

Mellissande

Posts: 435
Joined: 4/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MystressDream

quote:

ORIGINAL: Assman4u

Alot of lying going on here. I am married and had an affair with a submissive, also married. My wife found out about out affair and I had to stop seeing my sub for an indefiniate period. She has agrred to continue to wear my collar, although it doesn't have 100% of the meaning it once had. I do not want to let her go, nor do I want her to go out and find another dom/boyfreind on her own. I proposed that we find a couple with a male dom, female sub that is bi. I will send her to them for pain and pleasure, which will be under my control (to a certain extent).

I do not know how it will work but I do not want to giveher up, without trying something alternative. I also do not want to subject her to all of the fakes, phonies and whatever out there. Not to demean the honest forthright people on collar or "other" sites.

We have an ad as a couple but both share the password.

Ok... I think this is just so WRONG on so many levels, that it's hard to even address.

You are married. She is married. You cheated on your wife by having an "affair" with another woman and she caught you, so you have had to stop seeing your sub for an indefinate period of time. Is her husband aware of the affair she had with you? Does that mean you have to be discreet until you earn your wife's trust again so you can come up with sneakier ways to cheat on her and hopefully not get caught? Does the idea of making up your mind what you need to do enter into the picture at all?

Your wife caught you. You chose to stay with your wife.

If your sub's husband is aware of her activities and approves of them, what makes you think she should sit there and have no Dom in her life just because you can't be one for her? Your saying you want to protect her from the other Doms out there is almost funny. You want her for yourself, but, you just can't have her at this point due to being married, and it is bugging the shit out of you.

I have rarely heard of anything more selfish. I feel sorry for both your wife and your sub. I hope they both have enough brains to kick you to the curb and find men that will put their interests first and afford them the loyalty and love they both deserve. You are obviously not the man. However, if your sub is sneaking around and cheating on her husband, then she isn't any better than you are.

D/s doesn't have to include sex. BDSM doesn't have to include sex. Spouses should be aware of their other half's activities, or it is cheating. Plain and simple. If you are both married to the wrong people, then get a divorce and go on with your lives.

In case you couldn't tell, this is a pet peeve of mine.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Those were my thoughts exactly on reading his post. I can't stand people who will put their spouse's heart on the line for a few minutes of pleasure.

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/7/2007 7:58:46 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Assman4u

Alot of lying going on here. I am married and had an affair with a submissive, also married. My wife found out about out affair and I had to stop seeing my sub for an indefiniate period. She has agrred to continue to wear my collar, although it doesn't have 100% of the meaning it once had. I do not want to let her go, nor do I want her to go out and find another dom/boyfreind on her own. I proposed that we find a couple with a male dom, female sub that is bi. I will send her to them for pain and pleasure, which will be under my control (to a certain extent).

I do not know how it will work but I do not want to giveher up, without trying something alternative. I also do not want to subject her to all of the fakes, phonies and whatever out there. Not to demean the honest forthright people on collar or "other" sites.

We have an ad as a couple but both share the password.

So, basically you were caught with your hand in the cookie jar. Instead of letting the submissive go, like a big girl, and find her way, you've devised a master plan to continue the affair behind your wife's back that involves only cheating online? And this is supposed to be healthy for the submissive...how?

Try this; you're trying to keep her safe from the 'players' and the 'fakes'... yet if a male dominant in exactly your situation were to write her, wouldn't you tell her that he's a player? That he's cheating on his wife, and not going to do her right?

And you take it a step further, and start seeking other submissives???

"I also do not want to subject her to all of the fakes, phonies and whatever out there."

Take a good hard look in the mirror, and tell us that's not exactly what you see.

Stephan

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/7/2007 8:16:16 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

Okay, forgive me in advance for asking what i'm sure will appear to most to be a horrifically ignorant question...

Is it "normal" for a Dom to keep control of a sub's ad when he is no longer with her? If they broke up several months ago would there be any reason (other than the fact that they must still be involved on some level) for him to keep control of her ad? Mind You, he's stating that he has no current sub and is single and searching for a sub to be his.

And yes, before A/anyone says so, i know that *every* situation is different for every Dom/sub relationship, etc. i'm just asking for the "majority" or "norm", if You will.

NO offense, but I would be more inclined to ask "why would a submissive, who was no longer with a dominant, still ALLOW him to have access to her account?"

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 12/8/2007 12:58:57 AM

MissAnthropic

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Joined: 7/31/2007
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Personally if I were you, I'd be far far away, and I would move on. Already either hes lying, your doubting and you have no trust to base a possible relationship upon. I really don't think it even matters if hes cheating or not, that you doubt him is enough.

I know its sucks, but life sucks. Trust imho is the biggest most important thing to build in a D/s relationship. You place your life, your heart and often your families lives in the hands of your Dom should you move to r/t. You would have to have rocks in your head to do that with someone you already don't trust.

cheers

jess

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 1/26/2008 2:46:20 AM

Kennyisherenow

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/12/2007
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this Dom doesnt sound like much of a Dom to Me. I have no reason to lie to My slave and never will. I believe too many Doms on here are the fakes that claim the lifestyle just so they can play around like this. If He is poly and wants more than you, simply being honest goes a long ways. I have no desire to have sex with others as I have a very good slave, but she knows that if I ever wanted to I can. I am 100% honest with My tika and she respects that. Also, I have much respect for one that gives her everything to please Me and make Me happy. I wouldn't lie to anyone I respect and with that bein said, she realizes that I do admire her service and it just makes her desire stronger. Liars are not Doms, they are fakes. That being said, you should change your profile password and seek a real Dom. Just My thoughts I guess.
Master Kenny and My tika

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 1/26/2008 3:30:29 AM

sensiia

Posts: 103
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: shellzbythesea

[

LOL sounds like both of you would do well to change your passwords.

Ummm...again...it's not *my* ad he is in control of...

But i've appreciated all of your responses.

Not to be rude or flame anyone but if you aren't the sub in question then why are you wasting your time with their negative energy? You are 38 yrs old, old enough to see through high school games. If he is lying to you now do you think it will stop later? It is also evident he lacks respect for you by lying.

I never understood being "under consideration" if two people can't meld on a vanilla aspect D/s in my opinion isn't going to survive. Like I said that is my opinion.

Good luck

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RE: Dom in control of sub's ad - 1/26/2008 10:29:54 AM

Hizbadhabit

Posts: 10
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why would He be allowed to be in control of her ad if no longer in her life??? Master reads all my emails but that is because W/we are in a relationship if not no...passwords are so easily changed.....as is a profile.

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