What to do when your Dom has ED?

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What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/7/2007 5:21:45 PM

kimmysue

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Hey E/everyone, just wondering what a girl should do when her Dom has ED & shows no interest in wanting to "scene."

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/7/2007 5:31:14 PM

marieToo

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Try talking to him about it, tell him you miss having sex with him. and see if he'd be willing to discuss possible solutions to the ED issue.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/7/2007 5:34:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well there's lots of forms of ED and there are different ways to work with each one.

Mostly you need to just address it directly- it's here and it's not just going to go away. Assuming he's a dom, one would hope he's open to the idea that sex and sexual fun is not just from a penis and vagina. Obviously, check for health issues- sleep, food, weight, depression and other health issues can all severely effect a mans ability to get and maintain an erection.

You'll go through all the normal steps of dealing- doctors, tests, possibly drugs. But mostly you just need to be honest with him and say that you WANT to keep enjoying sex and fun together and that you consider it a vital part of the relationship and if he needs a real swift kick sometimes remind him that the cock is not in charge of the relationship unless he chooses to allow it.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/7/2007 5:45:30 PM

kimmysue

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He's been through a battery of tests. Was prescribed testosterone gel to put on his arm twice a day. He doesn't like the way it changes him, makes him an "a**hole" according to him. Then there's the obstacle of the cost of the stuff, we don't have medical insurance & it costs $120 every other week. I've tried talking to him about herbal things that I found online, he says he's tried them & they don't work. I just feel like everything I try isn't good enough & he just isn't interested anymore.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/7/2007 6:00:01 PM

TotalState

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kimmysue

I just feel like everything I try isn't good enough & he just isn't interested anymore.

Then perhaps the problem is bigger than ED. It's not impossible that he's feeling depressed because of it, and that is ironically sapping his will to seek help.

It's a toughie. I wish you luck in finding a solution.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/7/2007 6:13:33 PM

sweetnurseBBW

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Scening for some doesn't include sex or is all about it. Has he been to doctor? Seen all treatment options? You will have to decide what you can live with and go from there. Being a Dom isn't just about intercourse. There is lots more to it and lots of different things to enjoy.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/7/2007 6:15:32 PM

chellekitty

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not being able to get an erection [naturally] and not being interested in sex are two totally different problems....

even without being able to get an erection naturally there are pills, and if pills aren't an option there are hands and tongues and toys and hundreds of things other to do than insert penis into oraffice...

he needs to look at himself first...you can't fix him....really...this one he has to do all on his own or with the help of a professional....you can support him, but if you try to fix him it will get nasty real fast, trust me, i've tried it, learn from my mistakes...

second...if thats all good...the top three relationship tools: communication, communication and communication...you've both got to talk and you've both got to listen...both things are integral parts of communication and if either of you does one without the other you're not communicating...

good luck
chelle

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/7/2007 6:44:35 PM

sextoygirlNY

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Kimmy,
if a girl may ask....no desire to "Scene" or no desires to have "sex"....
one can have a very hot and lucious scene without the dominant even taken off a single garment. In fact that is how most scene are done in a public setting.
If its scening in general maybe there are questions he needs to ask himself...
1)is he really dominant into this form of kinky lifestyle, is that what drives his internal clock and is that where he gets off
2)is the embarassment/failur, any negative emotion he might be feeling from the ED, effecting his every day life to the point where he has no desire to have any type of fun
3)has he discuss this with Dr, therapist, counselor, or even you. Spoke to you of his problems his issues, come up with a game plan or action plan on how to fix it and get through it?
the only reason i question is many times people equate sex with scening.
I hope you both find a solution to this, for a submissive who desires the attention of her dominant in such a way, yet not being fufilled, does more harm then good to both sides of the relationship.
Good luck with everything,
sincerely
melanie

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/7/2007 7:49:23 PM

Celeste43

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SSRIs are off patent and very affordable. Since he already has ED, there is no reason not to be treated for his depression.

We're in our 50's so sexual dysfunction on both our parts comes and gos. But we care about each other so if I'm feeling about as amorous as a pile of mashed potatoes but he's feeling horny he gets a bj. If on the other hand he's not responding but I'm crazed with lust, he's pleased to lend me a hand.

There's a lot more to sex than inserting Tab A into Slot B. And play can involve rope, pain causing implements, toys for sensation play etc. Sex can involve hands, mouth, toys, listerine breath strips, electric toothbrushes, etc.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/7/2007 7:59:35 PM

domiguy

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Maybe he's not that into you.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/7/2007 8:08:57 PM

defiantbadgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kimmysue

Hey E/everyone, just wondering what a girl should do when her Dom has ED & shows no interest in wanting to "scene."

I've never been in a long term relationship with someone who suffered from ED. I was married to a man that had no interest in sex and finally ended the relationship due to sexual frustratrion when it got to the point that I knew I couldn't remain faithful.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 2:05:22 AM

Alumbrado

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kimmysue

He's been through a battery of tests. Was prescribed testosterone gel to put on his arm twice a day. He doesn't like the way it changes him, makes him an "a**hole" according to him. Then there's the obstacle of the cost of the stuff, we don't have medical insurance & it costs $120 every other week. I've tried talking to him about herbal things that I found online, he says he's tried them & they don't work. I just feel like everything I try isn't good enough & he just isn't interested anymore.

There was a thread in the Health section a while back about non-prescription methods of boosting testosterone... one of the suggestions was Vitamin E, at around 600 IU a day.
The research supporting this is not just ad copy for some unproven herbal 'super-pill', and it isn't just a blood pressure spike like other products.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 5:22:26 AM

SixFootMaster

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fast reply:

Is he experiencing just ED, or a loss of libido - it sounds like you might be dealing with some form of chronic depression, which the ED could be a manifestation of. Try treating that first. Besides, there is a heck of a lot you can do outside of raw intercourse to keep his sexuality up - the best orgasms are 90% mental/emotional anyway! He still has both hands, a tongue, his physical strength and every toy ever invented to enjoy himself with.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 5:41:45 AM

adoracat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kimmysue

Hey E/everyone, just wondering what a girl should do when her Dom has ED & shows no interest in wanting to "scene."

my first dominant was totally impotent. past the point of ED, to the point of hadnt been able to achieve an erection for 2 years before i met him.

he still enjoyed scening, he still enjoyed controling my pleasure, and i loved him dearly.

the ED and the not wishing to scene are two separate issues.

kitten, who still misses him...

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 6:15:53 AM

MrDiscipline44

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If your "relationship" is all about scenes and sex then dump his ass and find a younger Dom whos junk works. If not then, quit trying to fix him because your horny and try to help him because he needs help. Get him to a therapist if all of the physical remedies aren't working.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 7:06:53 AM

chellekitty

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thats what i said....but...umm you did it more sustinctly...thanks

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 8:36:20 AM

sammiebabygirl

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I had this situation with a former Dom and one mistake I made was harping on it. By bringing up the subject of his lack of potency, it made him feel inadequate and less of a man. It actually made the situation worse to the point he did not even want to come near me in an affectionate or loving way.

It was one of the contributing factors that ended the relationship and I truly regret it.

jen

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 8:42:28 AM

divi

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Maybe he's not that into you.

was thinking the same thing.. how about bringing someone else into the mix? I mean how long can you go without dick ?

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 11:23:26 AM

hisannabelle

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greetings kimmysue,

we are dealing with this issue right now...he doesn't have ed, but he does have some hormonal issues due to thyroid problems; he's currently adjusting to living on medication but without a thyroid, and the medication fucks up his moods, energy levels, etc.

the biggest thing is to get him working with a doctor who is open to all kinds of therapy/medical routes, and who he feels comfortable working with. this is NOT an insurmountable problem...but it does take a lot of work on everyone's part, and a lot of openness on the part of him and his doctor.

the other biggest thing is to figure out whether it's because he's not INTERESTED, or it's a physical problem that's going on. because in our case, my master would very much like to have the energy, and occasionally can even get into a sexual mood when he's having problems in that area, but on the whole for him it's a physical thing - feeling lethargic, etc. that causes the lack of ability to go there, not an emotional disinterest in sex or scening (or me).

it may be that counseling (possibly for depression or other emotional complications) AND medical help for the ed are both warranted...this can definitely bring up emotional problems for your dom, and just as a precaution, it may not hurt to go for counseling. also, getting other things checked, such as vitamin deficiencies, and dealing with any issues in that area, can also help tremendously.

if you ever want someone to talk to about this, feel free to message me on the other side.

respectfully,
annabelle.

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RE: What to do when your Dom has ED? - 10/8/2007 11:45:03 AM

erebus

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

Maybe he's not that into you.

I also was thinking the same thing. Trouble performing and a lack of interest are two different things.

On the other hand, is he interested in you, just not interested in playing? Perhaps what you are into isn't what turns him on anymore. Frank converstaion is called for.

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