Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 12:20:18 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		It's just shocking how many women are abused, and I can't believe that most of the stories are invented. So I wouldn't be so arrogant as to call this an "obsession over abuse." It would be an obsession if the abuse weren't real.

I personally don't believe that more people in the BDSM world are abused in the vanilla world, but I doubt that there are any empirical studies about this. So all I have is my own impressions. And I find that it's about equal across the board; if anything, more vanillas are abused than kinks.

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 12:37:44 PM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

I find the sheer number of threads and posts about abuse, about how so many Doms are abusive but "masking" that abuse, about the dangers newbies face over abuse, about how everyone here was abused and it took years to get over the abuse but I found trust thank God, kind of weird.


I don't know that anyone is saying that Dominants are more likely to be abusive than any other people. I think that people with a submissive nature are (imho) more likely to get themselves into an abusive situation than the average person, and I think that that alone is a valid reason for this topic to be discussed here.

The abusive relationship I had was 100% vanilla. I hadn't even heard of bdsm then.

The reason past abuse doesn't come up much in 'real life' conversation is probably for the reason I don't talk about it much online OR offline, and the reason I came late to the threads on abuse, and the reason that I emailed pinkpleasures offlist privately first (to send her the list of urls I subsequently posted on one of these threads), and the reason that I only posted on here about it at her request:

I.E. The fact that it's a total embarrassment to have to 'admit' that it happened at all. Every time someone denies that Abuse is a problem is a slap in the face to someone who's been personally affected by it. And I find it quite worrying that anyone would want to call a halt to such discussions because they find them 'weird'.

~ Elektra

< Message edited by ElektraUkM -- 7/27/2005 12:38:48 PM >

(in reply to Lordandmaster)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 12:46:42 PM   
MstrHellsFury


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline 		ahhh...it takes me back to my youth...I can remember it well...I abused myself almost every day...thank the heavens for nair and a good razor..I kept the hair from my palms and though I wore glasses I didn't go blind....


Fury

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 12:48:10 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		A damn fine job, Caitlyn.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 12:54:07 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ElektraUkM
Every time someone denies that Abuse is a problem is a slap in the face to someone who's been personally affected by it. And I find it quite worrying that anyone would want to call a halt to such discussions because they find them 'weird'.

~ Elektra


An unbridgeable divide.

What is to me a sincere question about actual incidence vs perception is to you to deny any incidence A sincere effort at dialogue to me is to you an attack, a slap in the face.

What to me must be good - discourse and dialogue, is to you worrisome.

You see the world - or at least this part of it - through a lense so alien that we could not begin to communicate.

I noticed that your last line is an accusation that dovetails perfectly with my OP.


< Message edited by Faramir -- 7/27/2005 12:55:44 PM >

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 1:06:23 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		OK have I misread this thread? I perceived it as an attempt at understanding or justification on the part of the OP. There are some who have responded rather bitterly, some who have attempted to explain and then there are some who have rallied round in a rather obnoxious manner to a perspective that I don't think the OP was trying to come from. I don't think that Faramir was attempting to discount the fact that abuse exists...more that he was trying to understand why it is spoken of so prevalently in this medium. Am I completely offbase?

< Message edited by mistoferin -- 7/27/2005 1:07:29 PM >

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 1:28:50 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

P.S. That was my very first (and probably last) flame ... how do you think I did?

:: Sticks a finger in it and tastess :: Mmmm... needs mere napalm
Couldn't resist that bit of humor.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

An obession over abuse if you will.

Or an indication of how much fear there is regarding abuse. I understand the fear, we live in an age of fear (terrorism, war, natural disasters, diseases like AIDS, statistically 1 out of every 3 women in the US will be a victim of rape at some point in her lifetime), and I wish I had some way to take that fear away. I don't live in fear of much of anything, its just not in my nature. But everyone isn't me and I try to make allowances for that too. I wish I had some simple answer for how to deal with all of this, but alas, I do not. There are a lot of very frightened people out there, and the only thing I know to do is to try and be one of those people who in some way makes the world a little less scary.

quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

I've often pondered whether people seek this sub-culture as a way to try and deal with their issues, or whether people are simply more open about their abuse because of the nature of this sub-culture.

So far my experience is that it's some of both.

I agree though, it contributes to the pervasive idea that dominants are wild frenzied monsters just barely kept in check with safe calls, safe words, limits and wily submissives, with a rare few "knights in shining armor" who help protect the poor fresh meat.

I've had similar experiences and come to similar conclusions. There are a lot of submissive women in this lifestyle who have been victims of abuse. It worries me sometimes becasue frequently there is nothing I can do about it. I've watched women who could have had healthy, happy, wonderful relationships either self destruct or actually seek out another abusive relationship as a result of the abuse done to them in the past. Part of me gets very angry at the individuals responsible for the abuse, but there is also a part of me that wants to somehow take hold of these women, shake them, and wake them up from their nightmare... it doesn't have to be that way and their past does not need to be their future. Sometimes, no matter how loudly you shout, they just can't hear you. Its left me leary of offering anything more than friendship to any woman who has been a victim of abuse.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

As for those who are here to resolve their own issues, it is in my opinion that they are in the wrong place to do so. I firmly believe that one needs to make themselves emotionally healthy before entering into a relationship...whether it be kink or vanilla.

I absolutely agree Erin, but the fact is they often don't and that leaves the question of how are dominants, who by and large are not trained counselors, not psychologist supposed to deal with it? Especially when often all dominants are painted in broad strokes as being "wild frenzied monsters" as Emerald put it, or in as another thread apparently we just want sex and don't care about relationships. I understand some Faramir's frustration since like every other dominant, I'm part of that group that gets bashed, treated with suspicion and told we have to give out our SCC#, drivers liscence, ten forms of ID, home address, background check, blood test, life history and references from at least 5 exs before a submissive will even meet us for coffee, and even then she wants to bring a bodyguard... it is frustrating. If any of us dominants treated submissives that way we'd be mocked and scorned. Explain to me what is even remotely fair about that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures

If You wish, You could post about the qualitities of a great Dom, to shine as a beacon to girls. i think that would really help, and provide the balance that You seem to think is missing.

Problem is Pink, it doesn't seem like many are very interested in that. In another thread which you began I suggested doing exactly that, that we shift our focus from the abusers to what the good doms "look like", to at least offering a more complete picture by comparing and contrasting the two. Not only did no one contribute to that idea, it didn't get a a single bit of notice. The majority of those posting to that thread went right back to focusing on the abusers, decrying abuse, and sharing their sympathy for each other.

As I said before, sometimes no matter how loudly we shout, "This is not what this lifestyle is about, this in not who we are, there are plenty of good people and good doms out there, your past does not need to be your future," it often seems like nobody is listening. I understand many of you are afraid, I sympathize with it as much as I can. But I hope my remarks at least shed some light on the flip side of all this... the frustration dominants sometimes feel at the suspicion, fear and sometimes outright bashing directed at us for the crimes of others. Its tough being one of the good guys when being "a knight in shining armor" has become a dirty word, when you are assumed to be a sex fiend just because you are a man.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 1:29:23 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		I admit mistoferin, that Faramir's post jabbed me like a hot poker. Another post in this thread just sent me directly into flame mode. (rare, but oh well)

I don't think Faramir meant anything hurtful by his post, but I do think that he should have a clear understanding that until such time as he goes out and gets his ass repeatedly kicked for no good reason and without any thought of mercy, by someone twice his size and five times his strength ... he will never understand and always find this topic "weird."

_____________________________

I wish I could buy back ...
the woman you stole.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 1:30:32 PM   
kyakitten


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		Faramir,

It's not weird, it would be a very logical recurrent topic here, even if not one CM participant had been abused, because:

1) D/s is about power dynamics; so, arguably, is abuse. You've got a bunch of participants here who are fascinated by and knowledgeable about power dynamics. It's kinda obvious it would hit these boards much more often than say, the Roomba fan club bulletin boards.

2) BDSM is frequently about physical force; so, frequently, is abuse. You've got a population base here that must constantly define and walk a fairly thin line between BDSM and abuse. Is there any more obvious place than here to discuss it?

3) BDSM is a divisive topic. Almost any act can be interpreted as BDSM by one party and abuse by another. Given CM's topic matter and its extremely diverse readership the debate's inevitably going to come up a lot.

If you're curious about how pervasive abuse actually is, you'd be better off asking: Are people on CM or in the BDSM community 1) more likely to have been abused than the general public; 2) likely to have a higher awareness or different definition of abuse than the general public; 3) more comfortable talking about abuse than the general public; and 4) more likely to see themselves as victims, at risk, or as abusers than the general public?

(And you might not find the unbridgeable divide you mentioned above if you were to ASK these questions rather than just state that it's weird. I understand exactly what you were saying, but survivors who are still fighting disbelief or trying to reclaim their self-esteem could easily jump to the conclusion that you're invalidating them.)

If Emerald was right in assuming that the motivation for your OP was annoyance at being thought of as a potential abuser - and understandably so, what non-abuser wouldn't be taken aback? - try not to take it so personally. You can always skip those threads - just as someone prejudiced against people who have survived abuse can skip dating those people.


< Message edited by kyakitten -- 10/5/2005 9:22:50 PM >

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 1:36:38 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Another post in this thread just sent me directly into flame mode. (rare, but oh well)


Actually, I was not referring to your "flame" caitlyn. That post infuriated me also and the way you responded to it was soooooo much nicer than the words that were trying desperately to fly off of my keyboard.

quote:

As I said before, sometimes no matter how loudly we shout, "This is not what this lifestyle is about, this in not who we are, there are plenty of good people and good doms out there, your past does not need to be your future," it often seems like nobody is listening.


This bears repeating...over and over until someone actually hears it.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 1:51:04 PM   
cellogrrlMK


Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

then why write another one about it?



LOLOL!!!!! Touche RiotGirl! ^5

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 2:02:27 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:


3) BDSM is a divisive topic. Almost any act can be interpreted as BDSM by one party and abuse by another. Given CM's topic matter and its extremely diverse readership the debate's inevitably going to come up a lot.


Abuse is a horrible act. Any type of abuse. That said, one persons abuse might be another's pleasure. In BDSM there is the likelihood of an abuser wanting to get someone to fill their abusive void. However, there are extremes in this lifestyle. Now, I don't care for cutting as an act of BDSM but some people like it, invite it and participate in it. Does cutting fit my definition of abuse? No. When participated in as something that both parties consent to... cutting would not be abuse. If it is non-consentual than it could be called abuse.

Topics on here about abuse are no surprise to me. An obsession? Weird? Not at all.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to kyakitten)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 2:43:43 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

I don't think Faramir meant anything hurtful by his post, but I do think that he should have a clear understanding that until such time as he goes out and gets his ass repeatedly kicked for no good reason and without any thought of mercy, by someone twice his size and five times his strength ... he will never understand and always find this topic "weird."

Just to offer a different perspective, how can you be certain he hasn't? Doms are just as human as submissives, none of us are supermen. Look around and you will find doms who had alcoholic fathers who beat the crap out of them as children simply because they could. You will find doms who were picked on and beat up by gangs of bullies as children for no other reason than they were smaller than the other kids. You will find doms who have been mugged by gangs of teenagers who did it more for the thrill of beating the shit out of another human being than anything else. You may even find one or two veterans of Vietnam who were POWs and endured things that would make your skin crawl. Or maybe, if you listen long enough, you'll find a dom who suffered the loss of a woman he loved... lost to the abuse another inflicted on her, and try to understand the special kind of hell for a dominant who is normally in control of himself, in control of his world and yet stands helpless unable to protect or save the one person he cares for more than anyone else as he watches her self destruct. I don't know Faramir, perhaps he's never known or experienced any of that... but then again, for all I know, he has.

Abuse hurts everyone, not just the victims. And there are more victims than just submissive women. Just because someone is a man and a dominant does not mean they have no understanding of abuse, of pain, of what it feels like to be utterly helpless and alone. Abuse hurts us all. It hurt you when you were the victim of it... it hurts those who will come later and must reach through the pain, fear and suspicion you carry with you because of that abuse. It hurts those of us who see that pain and can do nothing about it, but still wish we could. Abuse hurts us all. I don't write this out of anger and its not intended to attack you. But I did want to shake you enough to consider another point of view... and not just you, but everyone.

You're past need not be your future.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

This bears repeating...over and over until someone actually hears it.


Keep reminding me of that Erin, sometimes I get a little hoarse. And thank you.

And to the poster who claimed this lifestyle is arguably abuse or is at times abuse... you are wrong, dead wrong. I'll repeat something Jay Wiseman wrote...
quote:

SM play is always consensual. Abuse is not.
SM players plan their activites to minimize the risks to one anothers physical and emotional well-being. Abusers do not.
SM play is negotiated and agreed to ahead of time. Abuse is not.
SM play can enhance the relationship between the players. Abuse cannot.
SM play can be done in the presence of supportive others, even at parties given for this purpose. Abuse needs isolation and secrecy.
SM play has responsible, agreed upon rules. Abuse lacks such rules.
SM play may be requested, and even eagerly desired, by the submissive. Nobody overtly asks for abuse, although self destructive people may sometimes attempt to provoke it.
SM is done for the consensual erotic pleasure and/or personal growth of both or all participants. Abuse is not.
SM play can be stopped in an instant, at any time, and for any reason when the submissive uses a safeword. The victim cannot stop their abuser in that way.
In SM play, the dominant always keeps their emotions under control. An abuser's emotions are out of control.
After SM play, the submissive often feels grateful towards the dominant. A victim never feels grateful for abuse.
SM players do not feel they have the intrinsic right, by virtue of their gender, income or other external factors, to control the behavior of their partners. Abusers often do.

This lifestyle is NOT abuse, does NOT condone abuse, is NOT part of abuse and those who engage in it in the role of dominant are NOT abusers.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 2:57:03 PM   
kyakitten


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		Padraig,

Respectfully, if you're referring to my post, reread it more carefully. I never called "the lifestyle" or any facet thereof abuse. I pointed out some common characteristics between the two activities. So? Just because cars and cherries are both red doesn't make cars cherries.

I also said "Almost any act can be interpreted as BDSM by one party and abuse by another." If you don't believe me on this one, ask the police.

<edited to make slightly more sense.>

< Message edited by kyakitten -- 10/5/2005 9:32:26 PM >

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 3:46:08 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kyakitten

Respectfully, if you're referring to my post, reread it more carefully. I never called "the lifestyle" or any facet thereof abuse.


Actually, you did.

quote:

1) D/s is about power dynamics; so, arguably, is abuse.
2) BDSM is frequently about physical force; so, frequently, is abuse.


Perhaps in the future, you might wish to consider your choice of words more carefully before you hit send. Particularly in a thread already heated with passionate views about a lifestyle that has enough problems defending itself from attack and misrepresentation outside the lifestyle. Jerry Falwell being a chief example.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to kyakitten)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 3:47:10 PM   
Faramir


Posts: 1043
Joined: 2/12/2005
Status: offline 		As I said - I could never point at one person's story and object or invalidate - if a person says they were abused, I am not here to contradict them.

It's the totality - the hyper focus - that I find kinda weird. The responses here, some of them passionately angry and defensive, have been instructive certainly. For those of you who had furious, angry retorts - I understand that. I have hot button issues, areas that touch me in a much more emotional and much less rationcinative way, and I am more than capable in those circumstances of getting angry, putting words in another person's mouth, reading more into what was said than was meant, etc.

I think most of us have some areas or areas where we may be a little raw.

(in reply to kyakitten)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 3:50:27 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		To no one in particular, I contribute my two cents (ok, it's a buck fifty).

1. No one in their right mind condones abuse.

2. Everyone here agrees that the lifestyle isn't abuse or abusive (wimmen's rights groups and various religious fanatics will deny this, of course).

3. The internet is rife with liars, fantasizers, manipulators and exploiters (this is nothing unique to the lifestyle, it's inherent to the internet)... some of whom are emotional vampires seeking attention, sympathy, etc. and are willing to use any means to achieve that end. Including false claims of abuse.

4. False claims of abuse detract from the real harm it does to real people.

5. Some (surely not all) folks with online claims of abuse have (sadly) really been abused.

6. No one (save those that know the individual claimant real time) is in any position to determine the veracity of any individual's online claims of abuse.

7. Some submissives/slaves may, prior to their discovery and understanding of the lifestyle, be attracted to certain qualities that abusive men (or women) possess, and that to the casual observer might be confused with "Dominance".

8. Our "feelings" oriented politically correct society has (to everyone's detriment) created a sense of "victimhood" in people for any number of reasons, real or imagined. Look the wrong way at three people, and two are likely to cry "abuse".

9. There is a verifiable disconnect between the percentage of online lifestylers claiming a history of abuse, and the percentage of real timers claiming the same.

10. Real time lifestylers can discuss their experiences with scat, anal fisting, body modifications, humiliation and degredation, etc. It's inconceivable to me that any great number of them would be unable or unwilling to discuss a personal history of abuse because it is too embarrassing. I might believe that with vanillas, but not lifestylers.

11. People come to the lifestyle for all sorts of reasons, not all of which are healthy. If there are an inordinate number of lifestylers who have been abused (or who are abusers), it may be that certain elements of the lifestyle appeals to victims and/or abusers (I am not a psychologist, so I will not speculate on what elements those may be, but you can all use your imagination).

12. Certainly, some victims and abusers may perceive that they have a degree of "cover" and/or justification by portraying themselves as lifestylers.

13. Given the reporting laws inherent to medical and legal professionals (not to mention a sensation oriented media), it's highly unlikely that any statistically significant number of lifestylers are being abused.

14. Statistically speaking, abuse is generational (ie: familial). Boys grow up seeing daddy hit mommy, and think that's an appropriate way to treat women, exercise physical power and control, deal with anger, etc. And girls grow up seeing mommy accepting it, and thinking that is what they should expect, seek, and even (subconsciously) "create". Again, I'm not a psychologist (though I play one on tv), so any professional wishing to correct me or add to my layman's understanding is welcome to do so.

I could go on ad nauseum about this, but (thankfully) I won't. Suffice to say that in this respect, and many others, the internet is not consistent with real life (gee, now there's a surprise... someone alert the media).

Real people have children who get cancer. It's a shame that some fake it in order to collect donations.

Real people are injured in automobile accidents. It's a shame that some fake them in order to collect the insurance money.

And real people are abused. It's a shame that some make false claims in order to get some sympathy and attention.

Wherever good people have good intentions, there will always be some con men (and wimmen) ready to take advantage of the situation. People can be cruel.

John

P.S. - Don't misconstrue this as a rant, because I'm not angry in the least. There are limitations to this medium which can give a false impression. It is merely a rendering of facts (as I know them) which anyone is free to take issue with.

(in reply to kyakitten)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 4:25:37 PM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Faramir

quote:

ORIGINAL: ElektraUkM
Every time someone denies that Abuse is a problem is a slap in the face to someone who's been personally affected by it. And I find it quite worrying that anyone would want to call a halt to such discussions because they find them 'weird'.

~ Elektra


An unbridgeable divide.

What is to me a sincere question about actual incidence vs perception is to you to deny any incidence A sincere effort at dialogue to me is to you an attack, a slap in the face.

What to me must be good - discourse and dialogue, is to you worrisome.

You see the world - or at least this part of it - through a lense so alien that we could not begin to communicate.

I noticed that your last line is an accusation that dovetails perfectly with my OP.



My last line was not an 'accusation'. It was an assumption, for which I apologise. It led from reading your OP not as a question about "incidence vs. perception", but more a comment from a slightly worried (?insulted) Dominant wondering why Dominants were being 'accused', in thread after thread, of abusive acts.

The fact that the thread was titled: "Abuse, abuse, abuse", and comments in your OP, led me to believe you wanted an end to these threads, and this was what I found worrisome; not debate on the subject, but the absence of debate. I am sorry that you misunderstood my misunderstanding of your post.

I think it's a little early in the debate to call "unbridgeable divide". I don't understand how the input of someone who has actually experienced abuse is inadmissable, in a discussion about its incidence? Or perhaps you weren't meaning to discount my views with your "alien lens" comment? Again I'm in danger of viewing your post as a way of closing down dialogue, rather than opening it up. Please don't take that as an accusation ~ it's an attempt not to make another erroneous assumption.

~ Elektra



< Message edited by ElektraUkM -- 7/27/2005 4:35:11 PM >

(in reply to Faramir)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 5:19:04 PM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not interpreting Faramir's comments as being an attept to restrict discussion about the subject of abuse. The comments seem to me to be a simple observation about how these posts are becoming more and more frequent to the point where it appears to be an epidemic.

Personally, I've really tuned out a lot of these posts. The convienent little checklists that help identify abusive dominants and contain nothing more than vast assumptions and inaccurate blanket statements, the threads that rant about how horribly a submissive had been treated by her dominant, etc. I feel bad about it, because I am genuinely concerned about the welfare of other people....but the internet has turned crying "abuse!" into a crutch for the emotional cripple.

You've all seen people flock to a "wounded" (online) submissive to offer her all forms of virtual support. How many times has it turned out that it was all just a lie? The dominant who performed the horrible act in question has had their reputation completely destroyed and is probably in some authentication database somewhere with a big red label attached to his name that says "STAY AWAY!". She moves on, changes names, and pulls the same kinda crap when she feels that she is in need of attention...and yet, thet flock to her again....and again...and again.

How many times has someone cried abuse, to find out that it all happened online?

Am I bitter about it? Yeah! I would much rather be able to take someone at their word and help those that need it.

I've come into the mindset that if someone has been abused, they need to call the cops, right then...right there. How is posting it into an online forum solving the problem?

I know that abuse happens far too often. I know that abuse has many forms, (To include manipulative behaviors on the part of a submissive) and that we should do everything within our power to stop it as best we can. I will continue to assist those who I know for a fact have endured real-time, honest to god abuse. For the online crowd, unfortunately, I will continue to click through.


~Thorns


_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse - 7/27/2005 7:13:27 PM   
kyakitten


Posts: 145
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline 		Response deleted cuz, ya know, why even bother dissecting grammar here? If anyone wants a grammatical, logical and/or word substitution proof showing why Padraig's off the mark, message me on the other side.


< Message edited by kyakitten -- 10/5/2005 9:22:18 PM >

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Abuse Abuse Abuse Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.141