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RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 5:41:59 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		I am going to refrain from commenting on the relationship example presented and present how my emotional state and behaviors are dealt with and the expectations that he has for me.
 
I think there are two issues to be considered when dealing with an emotional state; one is the issue of the person’s emotional/mental state and the other is the issue of the person’s behavior within that emotional state.  In our relationship these issues are looked at and addressed separately.  No matter what my emotional state, I am required to maintain appropriate behaviors.  Asking to be excused from interacting because I don’t think I can maintain appropriate behavior if I interact is perfectly acceptable. 
 
Being in a bad mood is not an excuse for poor behavior.  If I behave poorly, there will be negative consequences (call it punishment if you will, but it is not corporal punishment).  Often the consequence is that interaction stops until I can behave appropriately.  The consequence is not a result of my bad mood; it is a result in of making poor decisions on how to behave.  The purpose of the consequence is to correct the behavior and deciding what type is still a work in progress in regards to me.  What has a positive impact one time may have a negative impact another time. 
 
In regards to our emotions, I firmly believe that most people are capable of exerting some form of control on their emotional state and even changing it.  For some people the amount of control they may have is very minimal at best, and with others that control may only come as a result of pharmaceuticals.  When I was first diagnosed with clinical depression, I relied on medication to help me control my mental state.  Through therapy I learned how to manage my mental state and how to get out of negative thought processes.  Currently, I do not need medication to stay mentally healthy.
 
When I am in a negative mindset he expects me to do the things that will get me out of that headspace.  What gets me out of it can be a variety of things and it all depends on the situation.  He also expects me to do the things that have a positive impact on my mindset.  Exercise is a big one and I am expected to exercise 3 – 4 times a week.  I can tell a difference in my mental state if something happens and I am not able to exercise regularly.
 
I see nothing wrong with a dominant expecting their submissive to maintain appropriate behavior despite their emotional state.  I see nothing wrong with the submissive facing consequences because they are not maintaining the appropriate behavior.  However, I would not be with a dominant who wanted to punish me because I had certain feelings.
 
Knight's Kyra



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(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 7:14:58 PM   
gentlestarZR


Posts: 49
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		hmm that seems like a bad idea.. you should want to genuinly help your submissive and comfort her .. i htink in doing that punishment i agree with others that it jsut represses and builds and builds until she snaps .. and everyones human we have emotional days!  i know with my love he can control my emotions but in a positive way .. if i am upset we sit down and talk and he just holds me and comforts me till i am ok .. then we kink out and have fun lol .. but we talk everything out and just feel safe in his arms and into a happier mood .. to force someone into a happy mood that seems a bit harsh .. its life sometimes ya just need to cry or be moody.

(in reply to GhitaAmati)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 7:22:11 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		I read the first two sentences of this and then stopped. I dont plan on reading anymore.

All I can say is the words idiot and moron come to mind....

But I probably shouldnt judge..

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RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 9:16:49 PM   
slaveofKaos


Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		The guy I was talking to the one I refer to in the OP did mean punishment, and yes he was saying it because he thinks he can force his slave in to a good mood when she's not. It brings him down when she isnt in a good mood and therefore he wants that changed right away. Also when I say punishment I mean it is something they consider in there relationship to be punishment in other words not something she likes, but rather something (pain in this situation) he uses when she does something wrong. It is not something she normally likes.

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Control of feelings - 10/8/2007 9:46:17 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		In that case yeah that's not something I would agree to or with and find it detrimental and selfish.  But you know I guess he avoids the whole unpleasant business of actually TALKING to his partner.
l

(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Control of feelings - 10/9/2007 2:41:40 PM   
slaveofKaos


Posts: 143
Joined: 2/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Yes I agree with you, and all to often i've heard "well shes a slave" almost as if because shes a slave she isnt allowed to be human. More like a robot. When I'm depressed I dont misbehave, I dont do things that my Master would consider wrong, but I do know he doesnt like it beaue m being depressed brings him down he would perfer to have a happy slave. I guees the question is at least if someone tried this with me is would you perfer to have a slave who is depressed until she can get over it or would you perfer to have a slave with a smile on her face who resents you?

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RE: Control of feelings - 10/9/2007 3:59:04 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I guess the question is- does the slave resent it?  If the slave doesn't resent it, then it's all good. 

If this is a method that really works in the long term, I think most of us would be signing up for lessons on how to do it, or insanely jealous that this one person has so easy of a switch to pull.

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RE: Control of feelings - 10/9/2007 4:58:00 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

I am curious, I was talking to a Dominant the other day and he told me that he controls his slaves feelings by punishment. If she isnt in a good mood maybe shes sad or depressed or angry for some reason he will use punishment, or pain to force her in to a good mood.

Pretty sure that would put me back a few spaces with my depression. Actually, a lot.
quote:


 I'm also curious to hear how Dominants out there handle it when there slave isnt emotionally feeling well, and from slaves how there Masters or Mistress' handle them.

When I'm in a bad mood or feeling depressed and Valyraen wants to cheer me up, he does something really strange. He actually does things that I like, not things I dislike. Weird huh?

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Control of feelings - 10/9/2007 5:05:27 PM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
When I'm in a bad mood or feeling depressed and Valyraen wants to cheer me up, he does something really strange. He actually does things that I like, not things I dislike. Weird huh?


so thats why the store was all out of monkey suits...dang it

edited to add: holy crap i was deranged and didn't even know it


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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Control of feelings - 10/9/2007 5:10:55 PM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

When I'm in a bad mood or feeling depressed and Valyraen wants to cheer me up, he does something really strange. He actually does things that I like, not things I dislike. Weird huh


How perverse!  What's next...treating submissives like human beings?

(the horror....the horror)


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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Control of feelings - 10/9/2007 5:17:37 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

I am curious, I was talking to a Dominant the other day and he told me that he controls his slaves feelings by punishment. If she isnt in a good mood maybe shes sad or depressed or angry for some reason he will use punishment, or pain to force her in to a good mood. It would seem to me that one may change how there mood comes across because they dont want to be punished or hurt, but that the depression, sadness, or anger are still in there just being repressed. I dont know how I feel about this. On one hand I can understand a Dominant wanting his or her slave to be in a good mood happy and cheerful, but slaves are people to and they have bad days. So i'm wondering what people think about this, do you agree with the method or think it's bad, have  you done it or known someone who has? I'm also curious to hear how Dominants out there handle it when there slave isnt emotionally feeling well, and from slaves how there Masters or Mistress' handle them. I personally like to sit my slave down and talk with him, find out whats going on and then figure out what I can do to help him in whatever is making him feel lously. I like my slave to be in a good mood and always ready to serve with a smile, but I also dont want him repressing or hiding things from me, i'd rather help him work through his problems.

quote:

So i'm wondering what people think about this, do you agree with the method or think it's bad,

I think its bad...
quote:

have  you done it or known someone who has?

No I've never had that done, nor do I know anyone who practices that.
quote:

 I'm also curious to hear how Dominants out there handle it when there slave isnt emotionally feeling well,

My Master will usually hold me, kiss me, and talk it over with me AND! buy me icecream! If he's not with me He will talk to me about whatever it is. I love how He tries the whole "I'm a guy so I have to fix this."  thing LOL. Its adorable!





< Message edited by breatheasone -- 10/9/2007 5:20:05 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Control of feelings - 10/9/2007 6:25:56 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

I like to put my slave in a good mood by making stupid faces and telling dumb jokes. I guess that could be considered a form of punishment.





rotflmao!!!

op: you are right....that is the dumbest thing i ever heard of...well one of them anyway



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Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Control of feelings - 10/9/2007 7:20:52 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		Okay I am Fast Replying to this.

I remember someone I truely respected once telling me that of all thing things he wished he coud do in this world was to control how his slave feels. It would make the world a much better place.

He then relented on the fact that he wished he could remove her doubts about herself, make her happy and love herself the way she was and stop hating herself, but then he said something that has changed my mind about this lifestyle ever since.

"a slave no matter how well trained can never fully give her mind because it won't let her. When something is funny her mind says so, and she even if she dosen't show it acknowledged that what her mind saw was funny. The mind is a funny thing that way. It is the one thing I wish with all my heart to command, and the one thing I know I never can"

Take from that what you want and rip it to shreds if you like but it means a lot to me, that day I realized my limitations and started working on being someone a slave wanted to belong to and not working on making a slave feel owned.

Hope that makes sense.

My two cents in a sea of pocket change.

As Always

Steel

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Control of feelings - 10/9/2007 7:22:34 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

When I'm in a bad mood or feeling depressed and Valyraen wants to cheer me up, he does something really strange. He actually does things that I like, not things I dislike. Weird huh


How perverse!  What's next...treating submissives like human beings?

(the horror....the horror)



I know! What is the world coming to?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to celticlord2112)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Control of feelings - 10/9/2007 8:58:42 PM   
exogenous


Posts: 57
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		For me, a good, hard scene is great for stress relief. It’s the equivalent to having a good cry, minus the pity-party, as I am so focused on the pain I let go of the “ah, poor me” feelings. After the scene I calm down and can think more logically or rationally as to what I can do (or talk with my Dom about what we can jointly do) to resolve whatever was causing the stress in the first place.
 
However, if I am truly depressed, no amount of “punishment” is going to pull me out of that and would cause me to feel resentful. That’s when I need my partner’s understanding to give me some time to re-group and work through the cause of my depression, with or without his (non-forceful) help.
 
One can try to influence someone’s emotions, but I don’t believe that anyone can actually control another’s emotions. No matter how dominant or submissive one is, each individual has personal control of how s/he responds to, or acts out, her/his emotions.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Control of feelings - 10/9/2007 9:08:43 PM   
slavegirljoy


Posts: 1207
Joined: 11/6/2006
From: North Carolina, USA
Status: offline 		Yes,  my Master has a 'control of [my] feelings' because He is able to cause an "Attitude Adjustment" in me, with either His actions or, His words or, even with a look.  He doesn't punish me for having negative feelings or for being in a bad mood.  He simply gives me what i need to get back into a positive frame of mind and attitude.
 
When this sexual masochist is needing to get a good dose of pain, i tend to become easily frustrated, irritable, and highly emotional.  When i get like this, i ask my Master for His help in straightening me out with some needed pain, which i don't consider to be punishment.  The pain that my Master gives me provides me with pleasure and positive feelings and my attitude is quickly and substantially readjusted to a healthy state so that i am no longer having negative feelings.  That's a good thing for me.
 
slave joy
Owned property of Master David


(in reply to slaveofKaos)
Profile   Post #: 56
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