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Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 7:31:48 AM

biracalsub4wmDom

Posts: 109
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline

Hi all. I have a question for those of you who have met your Dom...sub...partner online, and have transitioned over to Real Time.
How did the timeline work for you? Meaning...ok. You meet online. You chated for so many weeks/months. Then talked on the phone for "this" amount of time. Then met. And so on.
Is it common to develop a relationship online for months before even talking on the phone? Or is that something that most of you find happens quite sooner? Or Longer? What about meeting?
I know this is going to vary based on the person, and the dynamic of the relationship. But I am interrested in knowing how it worked for YOU.
I'm leary of the ones that want to meet me 2 seconds after introducing themselves in an e-mail. But at the same time, it can be frustrating, and sometimes unfulfilling to chat with someone strictly online for months, and they still aren't "ready" to take things any further.

I'm interrested in hearing your experiences.

blessings...

_____________________________

blessings...

biracialsub

***Please respect that I am OWNED & not seeking a Master. Thank You***

Post #: 1

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 7:38:16 AM

apiercedkitty

Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline

i'm personally of the opinion that the sooner the first meeting takes place, the better. People can be anyone they want to be online - i'd much prefer to meet face to face so neither of us wastes a bunch of time if there's not chemistry. i know there are people out there who want to take time to get to "know" the other before meeting and i used to do that - except i kept spending a large amount of time online only to be disappointed when meeting IRL. Basically, there is no set timeline - do what works for you - what you're comfortable with.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

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Post #: 2

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 7:40:09 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

bi,

your correct; it is an individual thing but for myself, I follow a set time line that moves toward meeting in about 9 months. It works for me and has saved much effort in the long run.

CP

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

Post #: 3

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 7:50:38 AM

slaveelle

Posts: 116
Joined: 9/28/2007
From: Australia
Status: offline

We all like to think that who we get online is actually who they are in reallife. Unfotunately most of the most that isnt the case. Too many times we hear stories of men and women proclaiming to be experienced Doms/subs when in actual fact they know nothing about the lifestyle except what they have learnt online. The transistion from online to reallife in my own case went rather smoothly after many months of visting my Master (difficult in my case as He lives in Va and i in Australia, i travelled extensively).With a few hiccups here and there but he is what he claimed to be, very fortunate for me. I urge anyone wanting to make the transistion from online to reallife to be very careful, make sure you know what your getting first and its something you really want. Stay away from those wanting to meet you 5 seconds after meeting you online, Its a risky business forging a relationship online, but for some it really does work. Good luck!

_____________________________

"No bond is stronger than that of the Beast"

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

Post #: 4

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 7:52:03 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I agree it is a personal thing. My opinion is the next step is to be taken when you are ready and not from another pushing, especially if they giving you reasons based on other people have done to them. Do not consider yourself guilty because of others. They should be concerned about your comfort level and not getting to the finish line as fast as possible.

Personally for me it depends on the distance. If you are in the same city or short drive then I would suggest sooner then later like very little time and for longer distances going a little slower. Personally to me if a person is actually looking for a real time relationship I would measure the transition of messages to phone to live meeting in the time frame of weeks and not months.

My experience was I went to the phone after ten of days of messages and met my future Master about ten days after that. We drove half way to each other which was just a few hours drive each.

Edited for my experience.

< Message edited by toservez -- 10/8/2007 7:54:47 AM >

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

Post #: 5

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 8:08:28 AM

biracalsub4wmDom

Posts: 109
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

bi,

your correct; it is an individual thing but for myself, I follow a set time line that moves toward meeting in about 9 months. It works for me and has saved much effort in the long run.

CP

Hello Celtic Prince,
I am very interrested in your reply. Based on posts I've ready, I think some would say 9 months is a long time. I don't know if I exactly agree with that or not. I am interrested in knowing your thinking behind this timeframe. I've read posts that say "beware of the slow mover"...like they have something to hide or something. But reading your post makes me see that may not always be true. Would you mind elaborating please? :):)

_____________________________

blessings...

biracialsub

***Please respect that I am OWNED & not seeking a Master. Thank You***

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 6

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 8:30:55 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

a face to face "lets meet for coffee" should be as soon as possible in my opinion.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

Post #: 7

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 8:38:34 AM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

For me it’s person to person that I might meet. I try to stay local (within 45 mins of driving), I can go any where from months to less then a week. It all depends on the person I am meeting. Then comes the planning on where, and when and working out how to fit a date in with real life. I prefer to meet during the day in public places (coffee style dates) which means most often the weekend.

For me it’s maybe one for 2 phone calls and mostly just chatting online. Then planning a place to meet. I’m pretty much all over the place with this.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

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Post #: 8

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 9:57:11 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

It is for the your first statement that I disagree with the second. I think meeting people right away cuts down on developing a mental attachment to some one that may not work for you. Meeting is risky in the same way walking out your door is risky. I don't strip for strangers, allow them to tie me up, or engage in sexual play, whether it is nilla or bdsm. Meeting bdsm people to me, is like meeting anyone. They are people, just like me. Our roles are undefined until we as a unit define them.
I would not want to develop a relationship with someone until I met them in person. And you know what? When I let men know that, even those that are more or less close in miles.. they back down from meeting. Hmm.. I wonder if that is because they really want to have the fantasy of ds and never intend to make it real?
I think so.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveelle

We all like to think that who we get online is actually who they are in reallife. Unfotunately most of the most that isnt the case. Too many times we hear stories of men and women proclaiming to be experienced Doms/subs when in actual fact they know nothing about the lifestyle except what they have learnt online.
Stay away from those wanting to meet you 5 seconds after meeting you online, Its a risky business forging a relationship online, but for some it really does work. Good luck!

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to slaveelle)

Post #: 9

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 10:45:05 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

what are you looking for ...the standard BDSM textbook answer? there isn't one.

the next step is up to you and yours - whatever advice you receive here shouldn't influence your decision.

hope that helps

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

Post #: 10

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 11:17:51 AM

littlebitxxx

Posts: 732
Status: offline

To the OP,
It worked for me twice in two very different ways.
1) Met my local XMaster online on a vanilla site looking for occasional partners. We chatted about a week before meeting for coffee. I had no idea about D/s at the time but discovered he was a Dom. We met for a mostly vanilla playdate, did some light bondage and spanking, etc, twice in the next month. We chatted or talked on the phone just about every day. Two months later, after having discussed D/s and me researching the crap out of it, I collared to him part time. It lasted 8 months. We are still great friends.
2) Met my long distance man, Jarl, last December here on CM. We were friends keeping up on each other's doings and lending the proverbial ear, shoulder, hug or kick in the arse. He approached me in June about talking a little more seriously. We moved to the phone then and had our first meeting in person in August. We are now visiting back and forth between NS and Alberta monthly until I move out there at the end of November.

It works whatever way feels comfortable for the two. I was leery of anyone wanting to meet, especially any distance, within the first week or so. Local dudes yes, get the meeting out of the way and see what's what. Long distance involves so much more. You can't be hopping all over the country just because someone interesting wants to meet you. Mind you, going from online to phone or skype may be natural after even a couple weeks. But then if it takes more weeks or even a couple months before a meeting, that's okay too. Sometimes you can talk on the phone for weeks and have it peter out and no meeting at all. It needs to be whatever is in your comfort zone. If he's honourable, he won't pressure you but just let his interest be known.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

Post #: 11

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 12:05:44 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: biracalsub4wmDom

I have a question for those of you who have met your Dom...sub...partner online, and have transitioned over to Real Time. How did the timeline work for you? Meaning...ok. You meet online. You chated for so many weeks/months. Then talked on the phone for "this" amount of time. Then met. And so on.
Is it common to develop a relationship online for months before even talking on the phone? Or is that something that most of you find happens quite sooner? Or Longer? What about meeting?

In any interrelation I've shared online, the time frame between first contact and actual meeting has been measured out in a few months. There is a lot of ground one can gain by way of simple conversation over the phone; one should not be to hasty and frown upon this. Some make a point about meeting as soon as possible—and that's certainly good advice—but I found thoroughly appraising an individual's persona remotely first to determine if they were even worth investing time in meeting worked well for me.

Of course, there are miles and miles to go after the meeting, too. Time and patience has its way of revealing things. Seeing and believing—even when both parties have the best of intentions—isn't always a panacea; it is wise to watch and wait before any form of heavy commitment is undertaken.

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

Post #: 12

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/8/2007 1:48:24 PM

Hergirl0824

Posts: 119
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline

Ma'am and i met online and chatted by email and IM for a couple of weeks before we arranged a get together for lunch. Spent the afternoon together just alking about family and things we enjoyed, pure vanilla. We chatted online for about another month then i was injured in a car accident and She came to take me to dr appts and such to see that i would be ok. We have talked by phone, internet, in person several times now, over several months, and tomorrow we are moving to the next step in our relationship.

There is no certain timeline, its whatever you feel and makes you confortable. Ma'am never pushed me for more than i was ready for as this is my first experience in the lifestyle. Trust your gut and if it doesn't work out you will know better next time.

_____________________________

collared to Mistress Sizzlynn

When i let go of what i am, i become what i might be

(in reply to biracalsub4wmDom)

Post #: 13

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/10/2007 7:02:54 PM

AEslaveM

Posts: 126
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

Master and i met online (off of here) and talked online and on the phone for about a week, then met in person.........

HE knew before we met that i was a slave.....................i didn't know for about two weeks.........the rest is history.............very happy history!

M

_____________________________

M

(in reply to Hergirl0824)

Post #: 14

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/10/2007 7:24:54 PM

TNstepsout

Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline

For me personally, months would be fine because I just HATE first meets. I'm always so nervous about meeting someone for the first time. But, I do try to speed it up because the rational part of me knows that months is just way too long. A couple of weeks is best. I don't like to stretch it out too long because there are people who just don't show up. For whatever reason they decide the game has gone too far and they just don't make it. Two weeks is not a big waste of time or energy and there isn't enough time for any feelings to develop and make a "no-show" that much harder to deal with. I also like getting it behind me instead of dragging it out and dreading it.

(in reply to AEslaveM)

Post #: 15

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/10/2007 7:38:04 PM

MissSCD

Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

I met my slave online and in a couple of weeks we got together. We went to a Munch at a local club. That was my first real time experience, and it was awesome.
Just don't go into a heavy sceen on your first meeting. Make it as casual as possible and give it time to develop. Wish you all the best.

Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to TNstepsout)

Post #: 16

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/10/2007 8:04:05 PM

feralcat

Posts: 116
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

rook and I met here on collarme. He added me as a favorite,I nudged him after reading his profile,something along the lines of , "Nice profile, we share many common interests. Are you going to write me or just admire me from afar? :-)".

Later that day there was a nice long letter.I think it was a few days later we started speaking by phone.I like to cut to the phone after getting a few lengthy "get to know each other " emails.The net is not always a "true" representation of a person.Best to speak live in my opinion.

So we made first contact in early January,met for the first time about 3 weeks later. I took him to the Fetish Flea Market in Boston with a friend of mine. I not only got to see who he was with me,but how he reacted with others in a more social situation. The 4 hour ride home together really sealed the deal for me- we spoke for the entire trip...all random stuff. Great fella I found here.

And as my friend said,"Any man who can rally to not only meet a Mistress ,but her friend and go with the flow at a fetish event must be something special!".

I always trust my instincts...if your gut gives you any "weird" feeling,trust it...more often than not the gut is right!

Ms Feral

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Post #: 17

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/10/2007 9:00:23 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Reposted:
Once you have come to the point of deciding you WANT to meet offline, no more than two months.

Unless you're talking about someone off being deployed, there's no reason two financially stable, independent adults cannot plan and make a visit to eachother within two months. If you want to make it happen, you will.

Most people gloss over the fact that the first meeting is like a template for the relationship, at least the first stage of it. How hard it is to get together, how long it takes, what time you spent together, what you do DURING that time- that is a very good indicator of how the relationship will be overall. Specially if it's a long distance meeting. You should take that first meeting into serious account when deciding if this is what you want for your life in the long term.

Of course, I don't think anyone should make any serious commitments for the first six months of exploration anyway. But no one ever listens to that.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1177403/mpage_1/key_first%252Cmeet/tm.htm#1177418
Question How Long?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1128690/mpage_1/key_months/tm.htm#1128720
how long to know when its time to meet

http://www.collarchat.com/m_963494/mpage_1/key_months/tm.htm#963595
How long before meeting?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_200507/mpage_2/key_months/tm.htm#209054
How soon is "rushed"?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Post #: 18

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/11/2007 1:46:20 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

my Master and i met here, moved to the phone in roughly a week's time and made arrangements to meet in person just as quickly as time and finances would allow, roughly 6 weeks after meeting online. The chemistry was instaneous, which we kind of knew it would be after just a few phone calls. Since ours is a long-distance relationship, being together physically is our only obstacle but since we share the same relationship goals, we make it work. i have just arrived home this past monday from spending 96 glorious hours together and receiving His collar.

In my opinion, how quickly people meet in person depends on the relationship goals. If the goal is to have a 24/7 relationship, the sooner the better because for me, using all 5 senses is necessary for me to feel any real connection.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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Post #: 19

RE: Timeframe for "The next step" - 10/11/2007 4:14:20 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened

i have just arrived home this past monday from spending 96 glorious hours together and receiving His collar.

Congratulations!!

quote:

In my opinion, how quickly people meet in person depends on the relationship goals. If the goal is to have a 24/7 relationship, the sooner the better because for me, using all 5 senses is necessary for me to feel any real connection.

i agree with this 100%. My goals are not 24/7 at the moment but i still need to use all of my senses to know if someone is compatible. i try to meet as soon as possible which has varied from a week or two to several months ( in the case of looooong distance).

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

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Post #: 20

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